Justice League International Annual #1

Is it a bad sign for Blue Beetle that he's hanging out with Justice League International? Get away from them, Blue Beetle! You'll catch their curse!

This issue had better be good! It's only missing Jim Lee to have the top three jerks in control of DC working on this issue. I wonder if Dan Didio had to work on this book with Geoff Johns so he could keep reminding Johns that the series had been canceled?

Geoff Johns: "You know what we should do? I'll hint at a traitor in the midst of the group. And for four or five issues, I'll keep mentioning it and leaving clues as to who it might be. But then six issues in, we'll just make the traitor the person the internet has speculated on the least and then everything will unravel in a gigantic crossover involving everyone in the DC Universe!"
Dan Didio: "No. Stop it. Knock it off! Not every story arc has to involve every hero in the universe!"
Geoff Johns: "When was the last time we used Brother Power? What if Brother Power ended up being the guy behind the mask of the big universal ultimate evil? Yeah?"
Dan Didio: "What did I just tell you? This is one issue! A single issue! Don't seed future plots. Don't involve anybody except the Justice League International. Just a beginning, a middle, and an ending! Got it?"
Geoff Johns: "Okay, okay."
Dan Didio: "Fine. Great."
Geoff Johns: "..."
Geoff Johns: "But how'd you like the Brother Power idea for another comic book?"
Dan Didio: "Oh, fucking terrific man. Brilliant, yeah? Keep it up!"

The issue begins with a note saying that the events of this issue take place after Justice League #12. Maybe that's because they'll all be gossiping about Wonder Woman and Superman fucking. I bet Kryptonian penises are barbed! And Amazonian vaginas are like Venus Fly Traps. These two are probably the only ones in the DCnU that can actually fuck each other.

Justice League International are in Africa (again?) trying to rescue some U.N. Weapons Inspectors that have been taken hostage. It's too bad because Batwing thought he'd finally escaped this group of losers last issue. But here they are on his turf again, dragging him into their inability to save the world. But for once I actually have high hopes for the JLI! Dan Jurgens isn't writing the book so that's a good sign. Unless Geoff Johns and Dan Didio feel they need to respect Dan Jurgens vision of these guys. You know? Don't fuck with established continuity!

Booster Gold is chatting with Guy Gardner from some command location. He's trying to convince him that the real Justice League were going to meet them and work together. Perhaps it's because Hal Jordan left the team and the Justice League is recruiting. Or, as Guy thinks, Booster is simply lying and trying to get them to give it their best.

No, Wonder Woman is going to be grossed out.

The mission is successful with just one small quirk: the maniac they were after blew himself up. But all of the hostages were recovered and not one member of the team ended up unconscious! Seriously, though, rescuing the hostages was a major feat. Justice League International's first mission for the United Nations was to rescue some surveyors and they forgot all about them once they started fighting little rock men. I suppose those guys starved in the rainforest months ago.

Why does the United Nations have to approve new members? Aren't they being funded by Bruce Wayne now? Or did I just make that assumption since I knew the United Nations were embarrassed by these guys when Batman told them they were fully funded. I just figured Batman was doing it to keep them out of trouble.

I should probably scan in the reveal of the two new heroes in case someone didn't actually look at the cover.

I hope all the fanboys aren't upset when it's revealed that The Olympian is gay.

Seeing Blue Beetle (or The Olympian's hot abs?) completely freaks Guy Gardner out. Perhaps he's having a moment of mourning as he remembers Ted Kord from the Pre-52 Universe and can't handle going through all the hijinks and shenanigans between Booster and Beetle again. Or maybe he realizes he has a gigantic Third Army crossover that he's going to be late for if he doesn't hit the road already.

Or he's just unsure of Booster Gold's motives. I'm also unsure why keeping this crappy team together is so important. But then Booster knows the future! Maybe this team somehow keeps the timeline from ripping apart?

Apparently The Olympian and Godiva have some kind of past where he chose becoming a God over coming on Godiva. But he's given back his Godhood for another chance with her. In other words, he lost his Godhood somehow and now he's got to spin it in a way that sounds romantic. But Godiva can't seem to stand him.

And Blue Beetle just came by to speak with Cyborg because Beetle is under the mistaken impression that this is the effective Justice League.

I get the feeling Johns isn't reading Tony Bedard's Blue Beetle. Because this is the moment where the scarab would freak out because Jaime is telling everyone his secret. And then Beetle would begin blasting everyone.

Booster explains to Beetle that they have a guy like Cyborg on their team as well and he goes by the name of OMAC. He thinks OMAC can help since OMAC broke free from Brother Eye. I don't really think this such a good idea. OMAC doesn't need to be controlled by Brother Eye to be dangerous (even though OMAC is currently being controlled by Brother Eye! Yes, Brother Eye is back online and took over OMAC back in Africa). Asking OMAC for self-control tips is like asking the Hulk to give you a handy.

I don't actually know how those two things are similar. I just wanted to provide everyone with the image of The Hulk giving someone a hand job.

Booster Gold calls the team together because they're about to go on their first mission for the United Nations. Booster says he knows the future and says that Justice League International will eventually be greater than the Justice League. He might be misremembering some of his history lessons from the future. Perhaps if Skeets were here to help clear things up. OMAC isn't around for the meeting so August General in Iron goes off to find him. He finds him downloading information in the security room and gets blasted by a Brother Eye style bolt from OMAC's fin.

August General must play a lot of Modern Warfare 3!

I wonder if a rift in reality can be formed by making statements like the caption above if enough know-it-all nerds read it at the same time, snorted in unison, and proclaimed, "Actually, blah blah warfare blah blah Art of War blah blah blah."

I should probably be careful about saying things like that. I once killed a girl when I kept pronouncing Linux with a long "i" at a New Year's Eve Party. She kept correcting me and when I kept pronouncing it wrong, she just became more and more frustrated with me. And then later that year, she died from an embolism in her brain. I should probably be more careful with the things I say since I'm so powerful. Um, and remorseful! Very remorseful. Not bragging about the tragedy my super villain powers caused at all.

OMAC is also very powerful and he proves it to the rest of the League in a very disturbing way.

Somebody get me a welder's torch, stat!

Okay, so OMAC didn't actually decapitate August General in Iron like I was hoping thinking. He just removed his helmet. But that's killing August General anyway because he's become one with the armor.

It doesn't take OMAC long to begin beating the shit out of the rest of the Justice League International. But it isn't just Brother Eye controlling OMAC. Someone else has reprogrammed Brother Eye and OMAC to do his bidding. My guess is it's Maxwell Lord. Got to get him back in the pages of Justice League somehow, right?

Blue Beetle puts up the best fight against OMAC until OMAC accesses Beetle's Scarab's controls and forces it to open a Reach Boom Tube that sucks Jaime back to the home planet of The Reach. That probably won't last for long because it would interfere with Blue Beetle's comic book series. Unless it's simply the beginning of a gigantic Geoff Johns Crossover with The Reach. Blue Beetle does manage to stall OMAC long enough for Booster and Godiva to get away. But instead of coming up with a plan, Booster confesses his sins.

Well of course that's all you memorized! You came back as a Time Thief! But where the hell has Skeets gone? He knows shit. He was with Booster in an issue of Stormwatch so I know he exists!

With the rest of the members unconscious, Booster Gold employs his final trick.

Is the Skeets protocol the only thing left of Skeets in the New 52? Did the artist in Stormwatch just completely fuck shit up by including Skeets?

At this point, everything should wrap up nicely. It's just an Annual after all, right? Yeah, but it's an Annual written by Geoff Johns and Dan Didio. It looks like my little fantasy conversation at the beginning of this comic didn't account for Dan Didio not having any say in Geoff Johns and his need for crazy, over-the-top, continuity fucking stories. Because what happens next is all build up for another universe ending, time destroying, gigantic crossover disaster.

Once Kevin changes back, time stops. Booster Gold is confronted by Booster Gold. The future Booster Gold has the ability to stop time (unless that's Rip Hunter's doing) and he's wearing an A.R.G.U.S. badge.

Fucking Christ! Somebody put a leash on Geoff Johns already! Does everything have to be an all out end of everything disaster? Ceasing to exist now? Is DC planning another Reboot already? Or are they setting the stage for returning to their old Universe?

Booster Gold is talking about stopping Superman and Wonder Woman hooking up. Apparently that's going to be the end of everything. And it instantly begins when Future Booster Gold goes all Marty McFly on present Booster Gold. He ceases to exist right in front of him. And not too long after that, present Booster Gold disappears. And Blue Beetle never comes back!

Later, Batman has a conversation with Brother Eye. Brother Eye tells Batman that Brother Eye's new programmer will kill Batman if Batman doesn't join with him. But the programmer is never revealed. The issue ends saying the story will be continued in Justice League 2013. That must be the story arc that was hinted at in the Coming Soon section of Justice League #12 where Batman and Superman are fighting. The League splits in two. A huge war begins. And Justice League America is created with a new version of Vibe. Things must be pretty awful if Vibe is back. Ugh!

Justice League International Annual #1 Rating: No change. I believe I've made it policy to not change the ranking of a comic book on how good or bad (usually bad) an Annual is. But that was the last Justice League International story. I must say Geoff Johns kept them the loveable in-fighting losers they've always been. August General in Iron is on his deathbed. Godiva and The Olympian are hospitalized. OMAC is gone and Kevin Kho is in a khoma. Guy Gardner walked out just in time. Blue Beetle was teleported to another galaxy. And Booster Gold has ceased to exist. That might be their best ass kicking ever! I'm glad they saved it for the Annual!

Batwing #12

This cover screams, "I AM A COVER ARTIST AND I GIVE NO FUCKS!"

I didn't think things were going so poorly last issue that Batwing has to resort to help from Justice League International this issue! But you know what, before I begin commenting on the comic, I'm not done with this cover.

Look at it! LOOK! I'm pretty sure it's half finished. Eight people on the cover and I count three half foots. Every character is making fists except for Batwing's left hand which is stretched out flat (the other easy way to draw a hand). A few of the characters have the majority of their bodies off-cover while the rest have a good amount of their bodies covered by other characters. No background. And where are they coming from? Batwing and Booster look like they're flying. Nightwing is doing his typical crouch jump. Godiva, Guy, General, and Batman are running down a non-existent hill. And OMAC is just belly flopping into the mix. I would like to say this is the shittiest, laziest, most horrible cover of the New 52 but there have been so many bad ones that I'm just not willing to commit to that statement. Okay. That's enough.

So, this issue looks like Batwing and the JLI (who kind of, sort of possibly still represent the United Nations? Or at least people probably think they do) are about to invade a sovereign nation. Bully for them!

The issue begins with Batwing, Nightwing, and the JLI already engaged in battle with Tundi's protectors, Blood Storm. Eww. Gross. Here's the problem with naming your Super Powered National Bodyguards "Blood Storm." Isn't exactly a picture of nicety-nice, is it?

Tundi Tourism Board: "We have beautiful sandy deserts! We have gorgeous wild animals! The people are the friendliest you can meet! But please, do not come to Tundi! DO NOT STEP FOOT IN TUNDI! Blood Storm, the name of our metagene enhanced protectorates, is a literal name! They will explode you like the fabled blood sausages of Bloodsausagonia! A whirlwind will be created of your vital life's elixir! The gore that used to be infected with your personality will rain down upon our people! Tundi thanks you!"

Anybody want the real names of the members of Blood Storm? The Hooded Reliquary is actually Sniper. Dora the Horror is Striker. So close! The Concierge is Neith (named for the Goddess of War). And Schwa is actually Fallen. Because he fell from the sky! Duh! So those are the real names of the people who are about to defeat Justice League International!

But at least Justice League International were still on their feet and fighting when this comic book begin as opposed to being unconscious like in their own title! At least Judd Winick has a modicum of respect for their abilities. But that fight is getting ahead of the story anyway because Judd likes to tell his stories out of time. He once saw this little movie called Pulp Fiction and he got ideas. Big, lofty ideas that he could never reach so he went with this stupid thing where he starts a comic book in the middle of a fight and then a few pages later he puts up a "10 hours ago" caption.

So, ten hours ago everybody was getting briefed in Haven. Batwing revealed that Tundi had a nuclear missile (care of The Penguin!) and were prepared to use it on a rival nation. Tundi needed to be stopped.

I'm glad to see Booster has the same reservations that I had.

And I'm glad to see Guy doesn't.

Then the team sneaks in and then the team is discovered almost instantly. It's as if the story didn't even need the flashback! Maybe I was wrong about Judd Winick ever seeing Pulp Fiction! Where are the subtleties in the exploded narrative that explain other parts of the narrative? Where is John Travolta constantly missing everything because he's going to the restroom, a habit that eventually gets him killed when he refuses to acknowledge the sign of the bullets that missed them? What am I talking about? Why the fuck do I think any mainstream comic book writer is ever going to impress me at this rate?! Perhaps it's time to call this writing exercise complete and dive back into Grunion Guy's novel, This Story Will Make Me Famous?

You know what used to keep me reading comic books back in the eighties? I was excited to see how the lives of these characters would turn out. Now, 95 percent of all of DC's characters have no personality outside of their super heroing persona. Maybe Batwoman. Nightwing. Batman and Robin. Fuck, Jason Todd if he was being written by an actual writer could be a fucking fascinating read! But instead, Lobdell treats him as a teenager with an attitude. Lobell has had less than five really interesting pages in eleven issues of three different comic books. That's about two percent of his writing on target. Yet if he had a good editor, the editor would read his shit and point to those five pages and say, "This! This is where your story needs to go!" And how the fuck did I end up ranting about Scott Lobdell? Judd Winick dodged a bullet here!

Continuing on with the comic, I find the next few pages quite enjoyable. But I find them enjoyable because of me and my project! I did that little fanfic Tundi Tourism Board thing earlier. So when Batwing and the JLI encounter Lord Battle, he says, "Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the Nation of Tundi! I'm afraid your visit will be a short one!" So even when I'm fucking around, I'm beating these writers to the punch and outguessing most of their moves.

Listen to me! Going on and on, yet again, about how shitty these professional writers are while I've never published anything professionally. But that's okay. I'd like to point to Dwarf Lover to show that I can put a better comic together than this tripe. Oh, and this issue of Batwing isn't even that bad! I've just gotten into complainer mode so it sounds like I'm hating Batwing #12 when I'm really just despising DC in general! It's probably time for a picture!

Like a good mudslinger, I cut out the context for that last narration box because I want everyone to see Batwing saying that the JLI are useless!

Before I continue with the battle and get to the part where they realize how to defeet (misspelling intended!) Lord Battle, let me say that the match-ups shown at the beginning of the comic never happen. When Blood Storm is introduced on the first page of this issue, Nightwing and Godiva are fighting Striker and Sniper. But later when the team is attacked, Sniper fights with OMAC and Booster while Striker battles August General in Iron and Batwing. Fallen does encounter Guy, so that's okay. And Neith attacks Booster and OMAC instead of Booster and August General in Iron as shown on page one. Just wanted to point out that whole discontinuity crap.

With the help of Matu (Batwing's Alfred! The guy that owns the shirt with the incorrect dice on it!), Batwing realizes that Lord Battle seems to gain his power from his connection to the land of Tundi. So OMAC lifts him off of the ground (he DEFEETS him! Bwa ha ha!) and tosses him to Batwing who flies him out of his country's boundaries. Lord Battle loses his power once he's removed but his entire country begins to lose its vitality. Sick people begin dying. Trees wither. Blood Storm become gaunt and weak. Without Lord Battle, the country will die. Lord Battle pleads to let him go back for the sake of his people and his country.

New prison nickname: Lord Butthole!

The issue ends with a foreshadowing page of some asshole named King Shadow who has apparently organized every conflict that Batwing has faced so far in this comic to create an Africa devoid of super powered people (Massacre, Lord Battle, members of The Kingdom) so that he can take over. Good luck, King Shadow, organizing Africa under one rule, even a tyrannical one. It'll never happen. You're defeated before you even started by overstepping what is possible! Jerk!

Batwing #12 Rating: +1 Ranking. Ha ha! Look at how much I can bitch and still enjoy reading a comic book! What the fuck is wrong with me?

Justice League International #11

This might be the last incremental issue of JLI! Will they finally be triumphant? Can their dignity be saved resurrected found?

Last issue ended how every issue of Justice League International ends: the entire team was unconscious. But I have a feeling this time was different! I think Batman had a plan! It went something like this:

Batman: "Okay team! The Burners are totally bitchin' about rich people and trying to pull us, I mean, them down! They want to change the system so it's equal to everyone across the economic spectrum. And we can't have that! I mean, I want that too! That's what I'm totally fighting for every day of my life! But we can't let them do it their way because their way is bad. So here's what I was thinking."
Guy Gardner: "Beat the shit out of them, right?"
Booster Gold: "Get some more endorsements?"
OMAC: "Take a gigantic dump on their faces?"
Godiva: "Sit on Booster Gold's face?"
August General in Iron: "Turn me into a real boy?"
Batwing: "Can I just fucking go back to my own comic book now? I mean, really, this is ridiculous."
Batman: "No! The plan is to defeat every member of their team except Intersek (hee hee)! We could defeat her too but then nobody would know that the people who want equality are really, really, really bad people. So we'll pretend to let her get the upper hand by pretending she has control over Guy and Booster. Then when they think they've beaten us, they'll want to kill us in front of their supporters! They always want to do that. It's a compulsion. But since we're faking, as soon as they're ready to kill us, we rise up and punch them in their stupid poor faces! Right in front of their followers. Then we turn to their followers and say, 'See that? That's where you belong! In the mud and a pool of your own sweat and blood! Know your place!' That'll show them!"
Godiva: "Umm. Wait. What?"
Batman: "No, no. I mean, you know. Something about nonviolence and peaceful resistance and getting on with your daily lives or the terrorists win and remember to keep investing and have plenty of children to lock you into that shitty job we, I mean, they created for you!"
Guy Gardner: "Okay! Sounds like a plan! Especially the putting them in their places part! Let's go!"

Did I just write fan fiction? I could continue by following Booster Gold back to his apartment where he's got a real doll of Ted Kord waiting for him in bed dressed in sexy lingerie.

Or I could just start reading the comic! Good idea!

Batman's blood must be boiling listening to this!

Wait. Where's Batman?

Batman's plan I made up apparently wasn't the plan. I was trying to be optimistic but it looks like Justice League International really and truly had their asses handed to them last issue. I don't know where Batman is. Perhaps Breakdown decided that killing Batman in front of a crowd was probably a bad idea. Everybody loves Batman! And Breakdown looks too much like a scary super villain to convince everyone that killing Batman, the hero of the little guy, is somehow going to change the system. Although, if Breakdown had only unmasked Batman when he was unconscious and saw that he was Bruce Wayne, he could have killed the JLI immediately and strung Bruce Wayne up in front of the crowd. He might have won over a ton supporters that way.

So none of the JLI can break out of Lightweaver's restraints because Intersek is fucking with their electronic doodads. But the military is here to help out!

Oh, Crosscut! You're such a comedian!

Breakdown takes out August General in Iron to destroy first. Maybe he'll turn him back into a real boy! That part of the plan might come true! While Breakdown fiddles with the General's chemical make-up, Guy Gardner works on their escape plan. Here's basically how that goes:

Guy Gardner: "Hey OMAC! You're the big tough one! Break us out of here!"
OMAC: "Boo hoo. I can't. I'm trying. Boo hoo. I don't want to be a monster."
Guy Gardner: "You're girlfriend told me you had a small dick while she was fingering my asshole, buddy!"
OMAC: "I...AM...OMAC!"

"OMAC's dick is proportionate to his size!"

Meanwhile, in a bar in Washington...

He's being generous giving them "B Squad" status.

Once they're free, Batwing takes down Intersek (hee hee hee) so that Guy Gardner can use his ring and Booster Gold can use his suit. At that point, the momentum begins to shift.

But, you know, where the fuck is Batman?

Meanwhile, back at the bar...

They're all fucking drunk.

After Justice League International is cancelled, I wouldn't mind reading a comic book series about this Washington bar! "BALDY'S #1 SURPRISING FIRST ISSUE SPECTACULAR!" Maybe I should write a script and send it to DC?

Batwing apparently doesn't hit as hard as Batman because Intersek is back up and ready to shut off people's powers. But an unexpected champion emerges!

Oh gross! Gross gross gross!

Booster Gold and August General in Iron knock Breakdown down the steps only to see they have another problem on their hands: OMAC running wild! Too bad the Justice League International doesn't have a way to control their muscle. Maybe Batman should give Tony Stark a ring and find out how they deal with the Hulk.

Oh look! There's Batman! No, no. Just kidding! That's supposed to be Breakdown. I think the Colorist realized Batman was suddenly AWOL and decided to pay tribute to their missing member here.

Lightweaver is killed when Guy Gardner knocks out his shield just as a tank blasts him. So technically Guy didn't kill him. But since Lightweaver's brother was there trying to get Lightweaver to stop this nonsense, he'll probably see Lightweaver's death as the JLI's fault. Lightweaver's brother may have the same powers at his disposal, so he'll be looking for revenge later. You know, in some other title since JLI has been canceled.

Breakdown is killed when August General in Iron punches him into a billion separate pieces. But Breakdown being what Breakdown is, I imagine he'll blow away on the wind and reform. My guess is that Justice League International will lie low for awhile after the cancellation, the editors and writers at DC will retool the book, and it'll be back in some form in a year or two. And Breakdown and Lightweaver's brother will be waiting for them.

Booster calms down OMAC by assuring him that Guy Gardner never fucked his girlfriend and Godiva convincing him his penis is a good length. And then it's over. Justice League International has won!

But, you know, WHERE THE FUCK IS BATMAN?!

I could have ended the commentary there because that's a pretty good ending for the Justice League International. But I guess I'll include the last panel of the epilogue even though I've already covered this in my speculation:

Great. Another villain that only exists to defeat the heroes.

Justice League International #11: No change. This issue would have received a rise in the rankings except for one major problem: No Batman. You don't end the last issue like this:

And then never include Batman in the next part of the story! This right here is a good example of what DC and its editors think of its fans. "Oh, fuck it. Batman isn't needed in the story and that just makes too many characters to handle. Just leave him out! Those stupid fucking readers won't notice. It's been a month and they all have ADHD! No way they're going to notice. And even if they do, they'll concoct a reason why he's missing to defend us. Stupid fanboys!" You know what, DC? Fuck you! Fuck you in every fucking orifice with a syphilitic elephant penis. That's all I have to say about that.

Justice League International #1

Just like Justice League, Justice League International begins by laying the groundwork for the team to come. It doesn't last long and it's important to show that the International version of the Justice League will be at the mercy of the United Nations. But we can see shades of Maxwell Lord already in this Andre Briggs person.

Whatever he's playing at, we can bet that he'll pretty much be lying to the UN and to the JLI while manipulating everyone and everything toward his own ends. Or maybe I'm just expecting another Maxwell Lord!

No, no. He's pretty much Maxwell Lord. Especially since I'm pretty sure the readership is supposed to hate him when he openly calls them all closed-minded, basement dwelling, internet trolls. Or is that just Jurgen pissing on his fanbase?

The JLI headquarters is going to be the Superfriend's Hall of Justice! Hooray! But this revelation comes with possibly the lamest bit of comic scripting I've ever been asked to swallow! A bunch of everymen (and women!) are protesting the UN's takeover of the Hall of Justice because it is a Public Building. What the public was doing with the building and why a bunch of average joes would care that the UN was taking it over, we aren't told. Perhaps they can't bear for the UN to use it because, as one protestor says, it's a symbol! But you know they're average guys because they drop a lot of consanants and say things like "doin'" and "cuz" and "followin'". And when they realize the UN is going to be installing a bunch of heroes in their unused symbolic public building, they get all threatening and terroristy! I'm hoping this glowing red guy in the crowd is the cause of all of this nonsense!



Nine pages in, we get our first glimpse at the collected group. And it warms my heart to see Guy Gardner flip out and throw his first tantrum just eight pages in! I'd scan the picture of him yelling "Are you out of your freaking minds?!" except I'm reading JLI #1 out of the 1000 page book of collected #1s and it'll probably break my scanner and/or the binding on the book trying to get this pic from an inside border.

Guy Gardner ends up bailing on the team but I see him on the cover of Issue #2 and Issue #3, so he'll be back! Batman sneaks onto the jet as the team heads for Peru on their first mission to save some UN people doing UN work of some sort or another. The members of the team:

Red Rocket. He seems very similar to the original Red Rocket which is to say he's a cliche of an ESL Russian immigrant. He's earnest and speaks funny. In this issue he does some scanning with his suit and blasts some little rock guys with some kind of wrist cannon. He can also fly.

Fire. An easy enough name to guess what she does. She shoots flames! She's also probably hot-headed because she's made of fire and because she's Brazilian. She snaps at Godiva during the mission which proves what I just said!

Ice. She freezes things and rides on ice blocks that can float in the sky. So either she makes lighter than air ice blocks or she also has some telekinetic ablility as well. She probably can't get emotionally close to others!

Vixen. She doesn't actually do much in this episode except state that it doesn't matter who is on the team as long as they have a Green Lantern (which they don't!). If I remember correctly, she uses the inherent abilities of animals. I don't know if animals need to be nearby or if she can just do whatever any animal can do. Unless that's Animal Man. Maybe it's just both. Vixen may only be able to use one power at a time. So if she's flying she can't have the strength of a gorilla. Maybe. Like I said, she didn't do much this issue.

August General in Iron. I vaguely remember this guy from somewhere. He was a hero of China who came into conflict with another group. It may have been The Authority or Stormwatch or Planetary or maybe the original JLI. I don't know what this guy can do besides argue with Rocket Red and love his country. He carries some stick like thing that looks like it has a current coming out of it.

Godiva. She can control her hair the same way one might control their legs or arms or hands or fingers. Batman accuses her of not pulling her weight at some point and she kind of responds with a less accurate, differently worded, "Duh! What use is my hair against Rock Creatures?!" She also wants to fuck Booster Gold.

Booster Gold. Booster Gold is the group leader because Andre Briggs probably figures he control and manipulate Booster fairly easily. He can fly and make jokes. He wears a skin tight suit that clings to everything except his penis and balls.

The comic ends with their mission apparently being harder than they thought it was going to be!

I really liked the rhythm and flow of the characters in Justice League International. I also like that before destroying the rock creatures they encounter, Fire asks if they're alive. Rocket Red's sensors confirm they are just animated rock. It's at that point the heroes completely open up and beginning destorying the creatures. That other Justice League is looking really bad now after the way they just began pulling heads and limbs off of the Parademons before finding out what they were killing! Especially since what they were killing were innocent creatures which Darkseid had enslaved and mutated to become Parademons. I'm sure that will be explained later as the innocents died in the process and what was left was some sort of mindless automaton that can only scream, "FOR DARKSEID!"