Suicide Squad #18

Instead of the letters in the title representing a gun and a target, they should represent dead people coming back to life.

I just finished rereading Giffen's 12 issue run from around 2001-2002. I remember really enjoying it back when it came back and on rereading it, I liked it even better. Just about every character probably says "What's that supposed to mean?" or "Meaning what?" a fair number of times past too often, but the dialogue was still fun. I liked the set-up in that there were really four stories being explored throughout the series. There was the Suicide Squad field team, the Suicide Squad Operations team, Amanda Waller and her daughter, Havana, and lastly Frank Rock and Bulldozer and the mystery of why they were still alive and, ultimately, who they really were. My guess is Rock was actually The Unknown Soldier but no idea about Bulldozer. Perhaps it actually was him getting younger and Amanda's statement at the end of the series that Rock and Bulldozer died in 1945 was simply because every member of the Squad Ops Team constantly gets a new identity while the old identity is killed. Anyway, it worked and it was a nice take on the Squad and people died a lot and stayed dead. Well, they stayed dead in the pages of the Suicide Squad, anyway. I also really liked the art but then I've always been a big fan of exaggerated features and animation style. As long as exaggerated features are consistent and you can tell the artist can draw! I'm not talking about accidentally exaggerated features that don't match up from panel to panel ala Rob Liefeld.

Next dip into the Suicide Squad's past will be to read my favorite comic book series of all time after Shade the Changing Man, Ostrander's run on the book. That should set me up to read Gail Simone's Secret Six since I only just recently realized that Ostrander writes some of those issues and also comes through with Suicide Squad #67 many years later! Can't wait for that! But until then, I've got Adam Glass's superficial Resurrection Squad which I am enjoying for what it is. Unless I'm only really enjoying blogging about it. At this point, I can't see nor do I care about the difference!

Back to the current Squad, Regulus had just returned from the grave surprising nobody. For some reason he's hanging out with Red Orchid. I suppose that's the reason the Squad has been assigned to kill Red Orchid. Or it could be that the package really is Mitch Shelley which is why Regulus and Amanda are after him. They're both apparently in the resurrection business (Regulus could be in the cloning business!), so they'd want the guy that could really kick up their profit margin. Even though Amanda already has one of his hands. I bet having his brain would be much better.

Okay, I admit it. Lawton missing his mustache is pretty annoying. Not enough of a reason to tear your hair out about about The New 52! And not as stupid as making Amanda skinny and extremely competent in combat. And not as big a deal as changing Harley's costume although I did prefer the "cute" version over the "hawt" version. But it's definitely annoying. None of these are reasons to point to Suicide Squad as a bad title though. Look to the writing for that!

If Suicide Squad were the best written book of The New 52 and people were calling it shit because Harley had a new costume or a new attitude, or because Amanda was skinny and physically dangerous, or because Lawton was missing his mustache, you'd think they were being superficial jerks and probably wave their opinion away while taking another sip of tea and ringing for your butler to escort them off the veranda. But since this book has been, at best, half-assed on the writing front, these excuses just seem to add to people's hatred for the book. Anyway, I don't deal in hating books for shallow and superficial reasons.

If I lost anybody, that last sentence was a joke. My hatred knows no bounds! Once I sniff out a bad writer, I'm on that carcass beak deep! I'll find every last giblet to tear down and deride! If I truly hated this book like some of the others in The New 52, you can bet I'd be bitching about Lawton's lack of facial hair every third sentence! Every third sentence because the other two sentences would be dealing with Harley's looks and Amanda's skinny jeans.

Shut up, King Shark. You know the plan! Eat shit!

Yo Yo's premise that Basilisk won't survive without its leader is flawed since Basilisk has already survived once without its leader. In fact, it brought its leader back from the dead. Or maybe Basilisk has a whole bunch of clones of Regulus since they know they can't survive without him! I guess if King Shark eats him, Basilisk had better hope for the clone thing because I don't think anybody but Yo Yo is surviving being eaten by King Shark.

Yo Yo's declaration actually sounds like something someone would say to set up an excuse to drop all of the Basilisk crap. If Regulus is dead, we can ignore Basilisk since Yo Yo declared it was no longer a threat! And since Basilisk hasn't really turned out to be very interesting, I can see Adam Glass backgrounding it for awhile. When The New 52 first started, it seemed like Basilisk was going to be a huge threat much like the Daemonites. But both just kind of petered out and never quite lived up to their potential. Although Regulus and Amanda seem to have some kind of personal grudge against each other, so Basilisk may live on for quite some time in Suicide Squad. Perhaps similar to Ostrander's Squad's Jihad? I said similar to! Not equal to!

So Yo Yo takes the hood off the package.

Yawn.

I forgot Kurt Lance was running around for Amanda keeping a tab on the Teen Titans because Amanda won't rest until she's running every super group in the DCnU. And that Kurt was captured by suddenly alive again Grey Lora and a mysterious person that I assumed was Regulus (and indeed must have been) in Teen Titans #17. Unless it was Red Hood #17. So this mission has simply been to get Amanda's secret agent back. Yawn. Wait, did I say that already?

Meanwhile Voltaic gets his head bitten off by a man-eating plant that grows out from between Red Orchid's breasts while she says, "You can't fool Mother Nature!" Except the comic book makes it come across less classy than I made it sound. And Voltaic already came back from the dead once and was stabbed through the heart and survived, so he might be okay with a partially digested face.

King Shark tries to bite off a face as well, this one belonging to Regulus. But since King Shark has been such a mystery in the pages of Suicide Squad, Adam Glass decides to clear some of his history up while making him more mysterious by way of Regulus knowing all about him. Terrific short cut to building a character and his history! Make the bad guy know all about him!

I like King Shark just being King Shark. Don't give him any history! Oh, and look at that! Voltaic's head is still on. Boooo!

Red Orchid captures the entire squad up in vines while Kurt Lance moans in pain and doesn't turn off anybody's powers. Except for Yo Yo's. I don't think I like Kurt Lance being in the mix. It's easy enough simply accepting people have super powers for whatever reasons their origins give. But it's simply too difficult to believe that, somehow, somebody can turn those powers off. As if the power isn't inherently a part of their biological makeup. Can he turn off Superman's powers? Or can he only turn off powers related to a person having the Meta-Gene? Is that still a reason for most super powers in the DCnU? Solstice's power is simply who she is! A big sulfurous stinky smoking woman. But he can turn that off and simply make her human again? Really? You're asking a lot out of my cynical suspension of disbelief!

Regulus doesn't only know all about King Shark. He also knows why Amanda has such anger issues toward Basilisk and himself. But he doesn't seem ready to tell anyone.

I think I've seen enough commercials for CSI-type shows to know that Deadshot's DNA sample is already contaminated having been in Regulus's eye goo! Oh, and Deadshot's DNA sample is spit, you sicko perv.

Harley escapes with the help of Yo Yo's tongue (non-stretchy) and a sickle tucked in her boot. Yo Yo's plan is to have her escape with Kurt Lance while the rest of the Squad get their powers back and/or die. I guess King Shark's sharkiness isn't a power since he didn't suddenly turn human. And I guess Voltaic's power can't be turned off since he shocked King Shark into silence about his secret partner. Or else Yo Yo was the only one targeted by Kurt. I wonder if Kurt can turn off skills as well as powers! Can he make Deadshot a dud shot? None of this matters at the moment anyway since Harley is prevented from running off with Kurt Lance when Regulus bashes her in the head with the flail.

First off, it isn't Harley's weapon so its being impractical has nothing to do with her practicality. Also, weapons aren't chosen for how efficiently they fit on the belt! You can get a fuckload more power out of a flail than a mace. So, you know, practical! What would be impractical is a mace with the length needed to gain the same power as a flail!

Oh! And see that fish tank behind Kurt? Anybody want to place a bet on that being smashed so that it interacts with Voltaic and shocks the shit out of the people that need their shit shocked?

You know what else Regulus knows that I'm pretty sure he should have no idea of knowing? The fact that Harley has been hearing voices. Can we call a moratorium on villains that know shit that they shouldn't know because Regulus has filled this month's quota in just a few pages of Suicide Squad alone.

Harley tosses her sickle, knocking out Kurt Lance. With Yo Yo's stupid power back, the Squad is now sure to win! Yo Yo gooses Red Orchid who drops the rest of the Squad. Deadshot shoots the glass on the Aquarium which knocks Regulus back so King Shark can rescue Harley. And surprise! Nobody gets their shit shocked at all. Instead, the water causes Red Orchid to go into overdrive and she recaptures everyone, leaving Regulus to steal Harley's communicator and taunt Amanda personally. He's about to expose Amanda's secret relationship to Kurt Lance when she disconnects the communications. This causes Regulus to shut up.

Why do writers hold on so desperately to minor pieces of information? They horde them like gold thinking it's this little bit of knowledge yet to be revealed that keeps people reading. You know what keeps people reading? Revealing secrets like whatever Regulus was going to say which would reveal new motivations and character insights, leading to new stories where more secrets can be revealed in a steady and timely manner. I think we've had enough with dropping small hints at things over and over and over again. We get it. King Shark is a Shark God with an ulterior motive for being in the Squad. Kurt Lance is the only man Amanda has ever loved and may or may not have had a child named Havana with him. Let these stories play out naturally instead of teasing the reader with the same bits of information over and over again. I don't mind the slow revelation of story bits. But Adam Glass's technique here is to have a character ALMOST say the thing and then suddenly get cut off so as not to reveal it. It's ridiculous.

Regulus wanders off with Kurt Lance while back in Belle Reve, Amanda loads a shotgun and storms out of the communications room. Where the hell does she think she's going? Does she have a teleporter to get to Regulus? It's possible since Red Hood and Starfire just took down bolt in DC Universe Presents #17! Except I think Bolt has just recently kidnapped Ronnie's Mom in Firestorm, so maybe not that either. Maybe Ambush Bug is a member of Suicide Squad?

Everybody is being choked to death by Red Orchid, so instead of choking Red Orchid back with his super elastic neck, Yo Yo sacrifices his life for the Squad.

Shooting her in the head wouldn't have done the trick?

Suicide Squad #18 Rating: -1 Ranking. I'm pretty sure if Yo Yo can survive a month inside the stomach of King Shark, he's pretty much invulnerable. The way he can stretch and absorb energy, he'll be all right. Or he should be all right! If this somehow manages to kill him, it'll be the worst death in the pages of this comic book! Or will it be the first death in the pages of this comic book? Maybe the second although I'm not sure if Lime Light having her head blown off counts. She was pretty much a nameless thug created by J.T. Krul in the worst three issue run of Green Arrow in the history of Green Arrow's worst three issue runs. The story beats and characterization in this issue were just awful. And I still really hate to see an Amanda Waller that's ready to throw her ass into life threatening situations to get the job done herself. Ridiculous! And where was Floyd Lawton's mustache?! Are we sure he didn't lose it to a Harley Quinn prank?

Suicide Squad #17

Yo Yo is seriously trying to be my favorite male DC character. He survived months inside King Shark's intestines! Now if he could just meet up with Batgirl's roommate, Alysia Yeoh, that would be the superesterestly cutest couple ever!

The Suicide Squad was on their way to kill Yo Yo's sister Red Orchid. And by kill, I mean turn her into a corpse until one of the various means of resurrection within the DC Universe is used to bring her back to life. Now that Voltaic came back last issue, I believe the only people to die after 17 issues of Suicide Squad are Lime Light, Mad Dog, Grey Lora, and Regulus. But seeing as how Grey Lora was alive and well in the pages of Teen Titans, I'm pretty certain Regulus is as well. And Mad Dog could easily have been slightly wounded when he was supposedly killed since he wasn't a member of the team and his body was just left for hyenas or rednecks. That leaves Light who had her head completely blown off so I don't want to see her snobby ass anywhere near this comic book ever again! Although she has been seen multiple times as a hallucination by her sister. So I'm not sure that death even counts!

Here's to hoping somebody fucking dies this issue.

Random no-named gang members don't count!

Once upon a time in Metropolis, Yo Yo and Red Orchid had normal names. Red Orchid was a famous scientist that probably wasn't that famous because who knows anything about current scientists except nerds and other nerds? So perhaps she was simply a reputable scientist with a flare for geothermic reactors. Her brother Yo Yo was a two-bit hood with a pile of gambling debts and a future in Amanda Waller's Suicide Squad. But other than Red Orchid's disapproval for Yo Yo's way of life, they seemed to get along. Until Yo Yo wanted to borrow more money. And then his sister was all, "I hate you!" And Yo Yo was all, "No you don't! You're just a cheap prick!" And then Superman got into a fight with Brainiac and the geothermal reactor exploded and Yo Yo and Red Orchid got super powers! The end!

After killing a bunch of random gang members, the Suicide Squad take an elevator to the penthouse to meet Red Orchid. But somebody cuts the cables on the elevator and they begin a rapid descent to future participants of the Samsara Project. Except that Yo Yo's super power is basically imitating elevator cables, so he does that and saves their lives.

No, the proper term would be who. Unless Deadshot was going to ask, "By whom were we just saved?" But more likely, his question would be "Who just saved us?"

Everyone is amazed at Yo Yo's ability to hold the elevator with his stretchy body. I don't know why they're so amazed. What good is a stretchy body if it didn't have some sort of invulnerability or super tensile strength attached to it? He'd just extend his arm and it would get thinner and weaker until it was paper thin and fluttery and easily torn. I'd be more surprised if his power were that dumb! Haven't these guys seen The Elongated Man or Plastic Man or Reed Richards in action? Or do those guys not exist in this universe? I bet Plastic Man doesn't exist in this universe because DC is taking itself a little bit too seriously and Plastic Man is a fucking goofball.

Once in the penthouse, they meet their next opposition.

Now that's a death squad I'd happily be killed by!

The Kill Bill squad don't last long. Harley beats one to a pulp. King Shark eats one. And the other one stabs Voltaic through the heart with her katana and is electrocuted. But Voltaic is still alive and not saying anything. Great! Not only does the Samsara Project bring people back to life; it makes them immortal! I guess it's about time to take the Suicide out of the title. Just rebrand it back to Task Force X.

One thing I hope sticks though. Harley traded in her sledgehammer for the lead girl's flail. I hope she keeps that weapon for a bit! In fact, it would be nice to see her upgrade and change weapons on a whim. I think her aesthetic sense and her hyperactivity would really lend to her switching up her weapons whenever she grew bored of her old one. Or would that piss people off? "Where is Harley's big hammer?! Fucking DC! That isn't the Harley you promised to give us forever!"

Harley also scooches over from wacky insane to completely schizophrenic when she begins to hear voices inside her head. The current voice is Dr. Harleen Quinzel so she might be suffering from multiple personality syndrome if that wasn't a big bunch of complete bullshit. So schizophrenia it is (which, anyway, can easily manifest like what is commonly thought of as multiple personality disorder, depending on how the afflicted categorizes or differentiates the voices in her head, I guess).

And then they meet Red Orchid and the package they came for.

The package has a hood on so I don't know who it is. But I bet it's somebody from a recently cancelled title! Maybe it's even Mitch Shelley!

Red Orchid takes out Harley with some poison thorns. Then she takes out Deadshot with some poison pollen. And then everybody but the readers is surprised by the next part!

What's the word that you yell that's the opposite of "Surprise!"? Oh yeah! "Suckers!"

Suicide Squad #17 Rating: -1 Ranking. I'm sorry. I have to punish this comic book because it isn't called the Resurrection Squad. Yo Yo's return from supposed death was well done because it was surprising and hilarious. Everybody else (besides Grey Lora) has simply been shot to death and then suddenly appeared alive again. I know death in comic books is never taken very seriously but Adam Glass is just making a complete mockery of it at this point. It's possible more people have returned from death in the pages of Suicide Squad than have actually died. Hey Glass! You owe me at least eight deaths! Get to it!

Suicide Squad #16

For a comic book that I once relied on to actually kill characters, this Suicide Squad is having real trouble keeping its members in the grave.

After commenting on last issue, I realized that I hadn't quite grasped the scope to which people hate The New 52 relaunch. But when I began to read that people were bitching about Floyd Lawton not having a mustache, it hit me. I finally realized that haters gonna hate. And nit. And pick. And moan. And whine. And bitch. You know, there are legitimate reasons to be upset about DC's New 52 for fans of the Preboot Universe. But Floyd Lawton's mustache? Let's not make the argument against The New 52 weaker by whinging on about superficial bullshit. I mean, by all means, whinge on about everything you want! I'm not The New 52 police and I'm definitely not the counsel for the defense of it. Pile on everything that's different as a "con." I just don't see how Floyd missing his mustache ruins the fucking experience. There are plenty of other things doing that already!

I guess every time a fan has to look at the face without a mustache standing next to skinny Amanda Waller and whore-costume Harley Quinn, it's like an ice pick to the heart and a reminder that this isn't the world they're used to. But I have a super secret super secret: I'm enjoying Suicide Squad. Here's a superer secret super secret: I enjoyed Keith Giffen's run on Suicide Squad and was severely disappointed when it came to an end! And here's the supererest secret super secret of all: I never read Gail Simone's The Secret Six! Now, now. Don't choke on your cheetos. I'll get around to it. It's just that before The New 52, I hadn't read many comic books for about eight years. Which is why I'm the target audience for DC's relaunch. A mega-fan that had wandered away from the flock during some history heavy years and now is back to enjoy a brand new start! So ha ha! I'm reveling in their welcome, embracing, Grifter-writing arms while they ignore your hurt feelings and shattered psyches!

Everyone loves a gloater, right? Do I have that right? I'm sure I have that right!

But how what? How did somebody put an orange shirt on you?

Last issue, this guy woke up from a bed in the hospital. It's weird that they highlighted this guy since we were also discovering that Deadshot was alive via a Narration Box. I don't even know who this guy is! I mean, if he had a mustache, I'd guess he's Floyd Lawton. Maybe this is Guy Gardner. Was Guy Gardner in the hospital for some reason? I think Guy Gardner was being arrested or something last time we saw him.

Harley Quinn is also in the hospital undergoing radical wrist cuteness reconstruction. She hurt her dainty little albino wrists while escaping from The Joker. I think she might also need foot surgery after walking from New Jersey to Louisiana after escaping. Unless she hitched a ride from one of the other escaped lunatics of Gotham.

"Oh my god. It's full of stars!"

What Deadshot was really curious about when he woke up was how he woke up. Since he shot himself through the heart to kill Regulus, Deadshot should be dead. But Amanda Waller has a secret project called Samsara that helps dead people come back to life. Just ask Harley Quinn after Deadshot shot her! A fact that I remember but Harley has conveniently forgotten due to the love hormones radiating out from her heart vagina.

Maybe she doesn't remember Deadshot's willingness to shoot her because Harleen Quinzel was still repressed at the time. Or maybe she's simply referring to this one moment because he was supposed to kill her this time due to hypnosis but couldn't as opposed to last time when he simply needed to maim her. Or perhaps his lack of mustache has caused her to not recognize him as Floyd Lawton. Or perhaps there's some other excuse that doesn't finish with "bad writing."

That scene above this sentence takes place in a flashback to Regulus's headquarters where Harley made sure that the other jerks in the Suicide Squad who only care about themselves took dead Deadshot with them when they evacuated the temple. She also wanted them to grab frozen El Diablo. And seriously maimed Iceberg. What kind of Suicide Squad is this? "Let's make sure everyone makes it back safely!" "Let's not leave anybody behind!" "Did everyone make it back on the bus? Head count!" "Did we remember to grab our umbrellas?"

Dr. Harleen Quinzel is going to be the death of the reputation of this team! They're committing suicide by teamwork! One for all and all for dead!

See? See what happens when you waste time gathering up the wounded?

The person that electrocuted Boomer and King Shark is Grey Lora last seen in Issue #4 (according to the editorial box. Thanks, R. G.!). She has an unhinged jaw and sharp teeth and a long tail with an electric stinger on the tip. She's the one that they traded Captain Boomerang to so that he could become a double agent. Or a double double agent. Or a triple agent? A quadruple agent? I don't know how that spy fuckery works.

Grey Lora knocks out Iceberg next which leaves Harley Quinn the only member still standing. But then Harley Quinn says, "It's on like Donkey Kong." And I no longer care if she lives or dies. Why do comic book writers not know when to not use stupid, shitty, retarded slang that never sounded good even when the first person who said it said it? I suppose she'll start using phrases like "mad on" and "like a champ" and whatever other phrases Scott Lobdell uses because he's hip to the teen lingo.

The rest of the fight is really annoying. A lot of poorly written quips from one to the other while Harley avoids pulling the guns from her holsters and just shooting the snake woman. Perhaps they're just clown props. But I know she doesn't ignore them because she's averse to killing Grey Lora.

Since that's what she, you know, ends up doing. Just like Jumpman defeated Donkey Kong! Maybe. I could never get past third elevators.

Harley then picks up one of the automatic rifles sitting on the ground (an AK-47 if my Call of Duty Edumickashun serves me good) and blows away the last of Regulus's army. And thus Harley Quinn saves the Suicide Squad! Booo! Let one of them die already!

Returning to the present, Floyd decides to pay Harley a visit. They kiss and then beat the shit out of each other because Harley knows Amanda is watching via their surveillance contact lenses that I'm assuming can't be removed. So it's all an act so that they can keep fucking each other in secret. But then Harley blows it by needing to tell Floyd why she's acting like a lunatic. As opposed to the way she normally acts.

So now Amanda has a record of Harley telling Floyd about the contact lenses! Dumb dumb! And whatever device helps Amanda hear what's being said as well. Audio Nostril Plugs?

I guess if they whisper, Amanda can't hear what they're saying because the microphones are right on their bodies. Does that make sense? I'm sure that makes sense somehow otherwise Amanda can hear everything they're saying to each other! Harley also tells Floyd that she's positive he was dead. And that she just got 36 stitches in her wrist (that's a lot of stitches for such a dainty wrist!) and now they're gone. And now she wants him to break her nose and they'll see how quickly that heals.

Meanwhile Iceberg has entered a state of metamorphosis and is living it up in a gigantic ice cocoon. Hopefully when he hatches he'll think up a better name than Iceberg. Maybe he'll name himself On the Rocks! And then he can team up with Lime! But not El Diablo because El Diablo has decided to be a Satanist or an Atheist or something even worse now that he's turned against God. Amanda is super happy about the change because, fuck, religious people are so annoying! Now Amanda won't have to listen to El Diablo moan about doing ungodly things with his burninating powers. Lastly, Amanda learns that Black Spider betrayed the Squad of his own illusionary free will.

Buddhists don't want anybody or anything! That's kind of the whole point!

So Amanda is going to send everyone on another mission to retrieve some mysterious package that's probably more trouble than he's worth. I mean, it's worth! I'm sure it's an it this time! The team is composed of Deadshot, Harley, King Shark, Yo Yo and one more jerk.

Goddammit! Didn't I just get done saying how stupid it is that nobody stays dead even in this comic book?! I think the only person actually killed so far in this thing was Lime Light! And she'll probably come back after this mission is over!

The mission is to steal something from the Chang Gang and kill their leader, Red Orchid. Otherwise known as Yo Yo's sister! Is that how Yo Yo is going to earn his comrades' respect? By killing his own sister? Enh, works for me!

Suicide Squad #16 Rating: No change. I seriously considered dropping it a few ranks due to that fight scene between Grey Lora and Harley Quinn. Ugh. Painful. Be glad I glossed over the horrible dialogue. And I also thought it should drop a rank for bringing back Voltaic. But he has been brought back brain dead (or close to it), so that's okay. Maybe. But I like that Yo Yo is back and a member of the team. Oh! I also didn't like Harley and Deadshot whispering to avoid Amanda hearing them when the bugs are right on their own bodies. That was pretty stupid.

You know what? On second thought, let me do that rating thing over!

Suicide Squad #16 Rating: -2 Ranking. This comic book is about killing characters not about creating a Resurrection Potion to keep them alive so they can be rekilled over and over again! It's like this comic book was castrated. The whole fun of this comic is feeding B-list characters a bullet! Also, I'm still upset that Adam Glass killed Lime instead of Light. What a fucking missed opportunity to have a super villain running around named Lime. Makes no Goddamn sense! Which is why it would be beautiful!

Suicide Squad #15

Oh my. Patching things up already?

This issue isn't specifically a Death of the Family crossover but it does continue where last issue (and Batman #13) left off. Harley has just gotten Batman trapped in a vat of chemicals and has been strung up by The Joker. So far, it's one of their better dates. Harley eventually blacks out (still a good date!) and awakens in a state of confusion about recent events.

How many times is he going to threaten to cut off her face as too?

When does Deadshot come galloping in on a white Segway to save the day?

Meanwhile back at Belle Reve, Amanda Waller and Yo Yo are watching this little drama unfold via the nano-cameras Amanda shoved into Harley's eyes when she was comatose a number of issues ago. Yo Yo is a bit curious as to why he's got ringside seats to The Crazy Show.

Why is it characters that can manipulate their body shapes through forms of elasticity never get any respect? Did Plastic Man ruin it for any serious, grim shapeshifting bouncy house people?

Speaking of things that have nothing to do with what I'm about to say, where has Light Lime been?

The Joker and Harley have a bit of a discussion as The Joker sets their hyenas, Bud and Lou, on her, both now infected with rabies. The discussion just isn't crazy enough for my tastes. The Joker is all rational and explicates the reasons why he is doing the things he's doing. Perhaps it's because he simply wants Harley to understand what's become of him so that she'll join him. Perhaps it's because he's being written poorly. Perhaps it's simply because the whole point of this encounter is for Amanda Waller to learn something from the craziest mother fucker in the DCnU and how could she learn anything if he just joked and non sequitured the entire time.

The Joker explains that he cut his face off to remove the last traces of his humanity. He's now running on pure instinct like the hyenas. But the hyenas aren't running on pure instinct anymore because they've gone insane from their degenerative nerve disease. In this way, The Joker is being more truthful than maybe even he realizes. He is not running on pure instinct at all. He also has gone extra crazy from the face removal surgery. Also he's gone extra crazy from jealousy since Batman has so many other intimates in his life these days. And The Joker explains why he's doing all of this to Harley: he wants her to go extra crazy with him. But she's simply too attached to her cute smirk and attached skin, so she kills her babies and declines the offer.

This is pretty much the same scene as in Batgirl. The Joker really is burning all of his bridges.

The date goes a little south what with Harley threatening to kill The Joker and then punching him in the place where his face used to be and then The Joker biting her ear off and then Harley smashing him into an iron tank and then Joker losing his face and then Joker poisoning Harley and then Harley biting off the Joker's tongue and then The Joker kicking Harley in the vagina.

There's also this part in there somewhere where she makes the mistake of telling The Joker that she enjoyed stuffing Deadshot into her clown car.

Even though The Joker just had a bit of his tongue bitten off, it doesn't seem to hamper his ability to monologue incessantly. And Harley had her ear bitten off. Oh hey! Is this some kind of commentary on relationships? The man needs to shut up and listen more and the woman should stop listening and talk more? No wait, that doesn't seem right. One thing I'm pretty sure about though is that the next scene where The Joker locks up Harley in a sub-basement in ACE Chemicals will cause an avalanche of impotent fandom rage.

And if you do manage to get out, Harley, be sure to take care of that raging case of rabies you've contracted!

Maybe fans will like this scene. If there were more Harleys, maybe the current Harley in the whore's outfit isn't the cartoon Harley that everybody loves! Maybe this allows for a different way of looking at things! Perhaps this moment will save the day! But probably not. More than likely it's just going to take away that "special connection" everyone felt The Joker and Harley had between them. Now it means nothing because Joker had a whole slew of past loves. People are going to judge him over his past relationships as if they had anything to do with his current relationship.

I wonder if this Harlequin is down there too! Not because she was The Joker's love interest but because she suddenly got really depressed since Alan Scott couldn't love her, so she dragged her ass down in this pit to die of a broken heterosexual heart.

Harley escapes by becoming a pure, crazed animal relying only on instinct. When The Joker finds she is gone, he's impressed and falls a little more deeply for her. Harley somehow makes it back to Belle Reve from Gotham dressed up in little more than her stripper clown suit. Perhaps she got a lift from Large Marge. Whatever happened, she returns to the Squad a little crazier than when she left. Perhaps Harleen has finally been truly repressed. But she still has rabies.

And then the final panel makes my guess of Deadshot returning in two issues nearly spot on since he's just Floyd in this panel and it is just the final panel to set up the next issue anyway.

Oh my god! Deadshot's not dead! Or circumcised!

Suicide Squad #15 Rating: -1 Rating. It's not that I didn't enjoy this issue as much as I've enjoyed the other issues (which frankly is due mostly to being such a fan of Waller and Deadshot that even in a slack-asseriffically written comic book like this one, I can still have fun reading it) but it just wasn't about the Suicide Squad! This was a Joker comic. Or a Harley Quinn romance. But it wasn't a Suicide Squad comic book at all! Although I did enjoy the two pages starring Yo Yo. I think I hated him when I first met him but now that he lived inside King Shark for months and is a demented, scarred-for-life self-loather, I think he's beginning to grow on me.

Suicide Squad #9

How come the go to image of Resurrection Man is his hands thrusting up out of the Earth when he's never actually buried?

The last issue of Suicide Squad doesn't really matter. It was a good issue though because the Squad finally had a moment's peace. What really matters is that the Deadshot has just shot Mitch Shelley, Resurrection Man, in the head in the middle of the Metropolis Library's Newspaper Archives. Hopefully Amanda Waller gave them the proper Intel on him and they know he'll rise up from the dead with a new superpower in a few panels. Maybe King Shark could eat him! Then Mitch could resurrect inside King Shark's tummy with Yo Yo. Then Yo Yo could recognize him and sing a song describing how Mitch ruined his Yo Yo's mother's life so Yo Yo promised to hunt Mitch down and smash his fingers and throw him naked in a hole.

Bullshit. A camera in his mask does not equal a camera that shows what Deadshot sees. Therefore, she could not have been able to tell what Deadshot was aiming at exactly.

And it looks like Amanda Waller did not warn her team that Mitch Shelley won't stay down for long. What a bitch!

Hey! The Squad has a new member named Iceberg! Are we only seeing 10% of him?

Oh, here we go! The next panel explains his super power (like it was tough to figure out! I thought maybe he threw shitty lettuce at people).

I bet his penis is an icicle!

I like the body language in the above panel. And the body language in the panel below although it seems a bit dramatic. I'm sure Black Spider disappearing after throwing down a smoke bomb is not the most surprising thing this team has ever witnessed.

These little people and their surprise look much better than R.B. Silva's posing of the Teen Titans and Legion Lost in Superboy #9.

Meanwhile, Harley Quinn is being interviewed by a psychotherapist. But she apparently isn't Harley Quinn anymore. Her near death experience has traumatized her so badly that she's referring to herself as Dr. Harleen Quinzel. Boring! She better be faking!

Back in Metropolis, this is the vehicle Iceberg stole:

Lettuce pray!

The ride doesn't last very long before Mitch Shelley returns from the dead causing a massive explosion and forcing Deadshot to yell, "Damn you, Waller!" Ah. Just like old times! Mitch has returned with "Electromagnetic Powers" which means, um, what exactly? Does he have magnetic field powers based on electricity? Or does he simply have both electric and magnetic powers? Whatever the case, Deadshot believes Light Lime can take him out!

Adam Glass missed a golden opportunity by killing Lime instead of Light. From now on, I will refer to Light as Lime!

I'm pretty sure Adam Glass gave Mitch "electromagnetic powers" because he knows Magneto is the baddest ass bad-ass in all of comics. His powers have basically been used to do anything a writer can think of. Magneto might as well have been a guy with Magic powers. Oh! MAGneto! Magic Neat-o! Um, anyway, Mitch throws El Diablo against a tree, Iceberg was knocked out from the bus exploding and King Shark was put down by being electrocuted (so I guess he does have Magnet and Electric powers!). Lime tells Deadshot to close his eyes and blasts everyone with a flash of Green Lime, blinding Mitch Shelley because the citrus burns his eyes. Deadshot and Lime run away while Mitch gives chase when his vision clears.

While King Shark is unconscious, Yo Yo makes a break for it! He crawls out of King Shark's mouth and disappears down a sewer drain. El Diablo witnesses the entire thing and says nothing more than, "¿Qúe? Yo Yo?" I don't know why the Yo Yo question doesn't have an upside down question mark as well. I guess he's saying Yo Yo's name in English. I'm pretty sure my reaction would have been, "HOLY FUCKING GOD YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN HIS STOMACH FOR WEEKS?! OH HELLS NO!"

As Deadshot and Lime run from Mitch Shelley, Lime is arguing with her imaginary dead sister. Probably since the reader sees it from Deadshot's perspective and it's just a one sided conversation. She's bitching and moaning about how Amanda Waller needs to die. And since she isn't listening to Deadshot and she's talking about taking the one joy left in Deadshot's life (the possibility of killing Waller himself), Deadshot throws Lime in front of one of Mitch Shelley's lightning bolts and gets her killed. Dammit! I was just beginning to like her now that I'd started calling her Lime!

Deadshot leads Mitch on a merry chase to a large cliff where Deadshot survives the dive into the lake and Mitch Shelley breaks his back flopping into the water. This, Deadshot says, was Plan B. To lead Mitch into this trap at the rendezvous point. Seems like a pretty stupid Plan B if they couldn't bag Shelley in Metropolis! Make him chase you miles outside the city and through a cave and over a cliff! Yeah. I doubt that was really Plan B! Don't make me lose my suspension of disbelief after having such a fun story to this point, Adam Glass!

I guess Plan B included a chainsaw at the rendezvous point. You know. For some reason.

Suicide Squad #9 Rating: +1 Ranking. The comic had a lot of images and lines that kept it light and fun. And the image I didn't scan of Yo Yo crawling into the sewers moaning, "gaaaaawwwwddd," was excellent. I mean, the picture wasn't so awesome it needed to be seen. But that moment in the comic book: wonderful.