Suicide Squad #19

Why is he defeating them if he's their new leader? This story is going to be stupid, isn't it?

Last issue, Deadshot shot Yo Yo in his Neck Bomb to kill Red Orchid. It was really stupid because there were so many other options to choose from. Deadshot could have shot Red Orchid. Maybe that wouldn't have worked because it would have been like shooting a tree. Well, Yo Yo could have choked her with his elastic neck. Maybe that wouldn't have worked because it would have been like choking a tree. Hmm. Yo Yo could have bitten her head off with his elastic jaw muscles! I bet that would have worked because trees shouldn't have heads.

Shooting the bomb apparently killed Red Orchid and Yo Yo although nobody actually dies in the pages of the Suicide Squad, so Yo Yo will be okay. Besides, he spent weeks in King Shark's belly and was no worse for the digestion. But the entire penthouse came crashing down on the other Squad member's heads. But remember how nobody on the Squad ever dies? Yeah, they'll be okay.

Mere seconds ago, Waller was in Louisiana. Now she's suddenly in Gotham. I hate short cut story telling bullshit like this. Adam Glass, are you proposing I institute my Patented Drop-a-Rank Review System this issue? Because MINUS ONE RANKING!

Waller somehow arrived before the emergency response vehicles emergencily responded to the explosion and before Batman could respond to the Bat Signal. And remember, she was in Louisiana! And Gotham is in North Dakota. Or New Jersey. New York? Michigan? Anyway, it's a long way from Belle Reve! So she must have some super duper travel technology, right? Well if she does, it's one way because the only way for the Squad to escape the building without being seen is by diving into a garbage chute. Which King Shark probably shouldn't have fit into. MINUS ONE RANKING!

Deadshot gets into an argument with Waller because WHERE THE HELL DID SHE COME FROM?! And why would she bother heading into the field? That's what I said last issue! It makes no sense! I hate that Waller now has an action history with Team 7 and that she's capable of going on dangerous missions. It just fucks up the character completely. She's a female version of Deathstroke instead of a bad ass bitch that can make even Batman backdown with a raised eyebrow and a subtle threat. Well, maybe not Batman. But she should never go into the field and risk her life!

Except she's totally in love with Kurt Lance so she had to try to rescue him when the Squad failed and Regulus took him. So she shuts off everybody's nanobombs and joins the team to save Kurt.

Except is that really a good idea to shut off their neck bombs? I mean, seriously? Bite her head off, King Shark! Now's your chance! While she's melancholy and nostalgic!

Harley asks why Amanda turns off the "shock collars" (Idiot. They're nanocite bombs!) and Amanda says, "I need you. And if you come with me, I won't forget it." Then King Shark asks what will happen if they don't, Amanda says, "I will get what I came for. Then I will hunt down every one of you and kill you myself." That dialogue is worse than anything Scott Lobdell could have come up with in a majillion years. If Amanda is going to get what she wants even if they don't help her, why does she need them? If she can just force them to help her with the nanocite bomb threat (except Deadshot. He's willing to die), why turn them off and then owe them a favor? Why turn off the bomb and give them a choice when she just threatens to kill them if they don't help her now anyway? Fuck you, Adam Glass, for making Amanda Waller so fucking stupid. MINUS ONE RANKING!

Anyway, they decide to join her for stupid reasons. And even though Amanda took off from Louisiana and arrived almost immediately, just seconds after Regulus escaped with Kurt, Amanda has intel that Regulus is now in the sewers. Oh! That actually maybe makes sense because Black Spider once hunted Regulus in the sewers of Gotham, I think. So it might be old intel. But they need to get away from the Gotham Police anyway, so they might as well head into the sewers.

While trudging through the sewers, Amanda and Harley have a nice heart to heart conversation.

Of course she lost a lot of blood! She walked from Gotham City to Belle Reve! Hey wait a second! Does Adam Glass think Belle Reve is in Gotham City?!

As the group runs through the sewers to investigate gunshots, a mysterious shadow appears on the wall! I knew Yo Yo survived! I mean, I'm pretty sure Yo Yo survived and I'm pretty sure that's his shadow. It's not like Yo Yo would have died anyway. Adam Glass sucks at killing characters.

Meanwhile in New Zealand, some mysterious soldiers are digging OMAC out of the snow. Is that what happened to him after he got out of the hospital since he no longer was reactivated by The Engineer in Stormwatch since that never actually happened due to Adam One being killed immediately after being born?

Now that that nonsense interruption is out of the way, Deadshot and Harley find their teammates unconscious from the Swamp Angels. Were they a gang killed by Regulus or something? Well, now they're made of watery feces and glowing red eyes. They're led by a puddle of poo named Trench and they're probably going to help the Squad find Regulus. Except instead they kidnap Amanda Waller to take to Regulus so he'll stop treating them like shit. Hee hee! How else would he treat them?

Trench tries to drown Voltaic and discovers he can't drown a guy that doesn't need to breathe anymore because he's dead. He then gets shocked by him and dies. Maybe. Then King Shark knocks down the sewers and collapses the streets of Gotham on the Swamp People. And that's when Deadshot begins talking sense. Finally.

When did King Shark care about anything except biting people in the face? I liked him better when he barely spoke.

While they're arguing about how stupid it is to keep their word to Amanda Waller who has done nothing but use them and manipulate them and lie to them constantly, The Unknown Soldier shows up to lecture them about the importance of keeping one's word. It's absolutely like the end of a 1980s G.I. Joe Cartoon. "Now you know! And knowing is how you stop being a despicable scumbag!" The Unknown Soldier knows all about Lawton and, as was seen in that shitty piece of shit G.I. Combat, he's a super duper super soldier and the embodiment of the Biblical Cain. So when Deadshot attacks him, The Unknown Soldier has no problem committing self-defense.

Great. Since nobody actually dies in this comic, is Deadshot going to end up "dead" every few issues? MINUS ONE RANKING!

Suicide Squad #19 Rating: -4 Rankings. Usually this comic has something that I find fun or enjoyable to say about it. But last issue was pretty crappy and this was the worst issue yet. And ending on the "death of Floyd Lawton" a second time? Real powerful, that.

Suicide Squad #18

Instead of the letters in the title representing a gun and a target, they should represent dead people coming back to life.

I just finished rereading Giffen's 12 issue run from around 2001-2002. I remember really enjoying it back when it came back and on rereading it, I liked it even better. Just about every character probably says "What's that supposed to mean?" or "Meaning what?" a fair number of times past too often, but the dialogue was still fun. I liked the set-up in that there were really four stories being explored throughout the series. There was the Suicide Squad field team, the Suicide Squad Operations team, Amanda Waller and her daughter, Havana, and lastly Frank Rock and Bulldozer and the mystery of why they were still alive and, ultimately, who they really were. My guess is Rock was actually The Unknown Soldier but no idea about Bulldozer. Perhaps it actually was him getting younger and Amanda's statement at the end of the series that Rock and Bulldozer died in 1945 was simply because every member of the Squad Ops Team constantly gets a new identity while the old identity is killed. Anyway, it worked and it was a nice take on the Squad and people died a lot and stayed dead. Well, they stayed dead in the pages of the Suicide Squad, anyway. I also really liked the art but then I've always been a big fan of exaggerated features and animation style. As long as exaggerated features are consistent and you can tell the artist can draw! I'm not talking about accidentally exaggerated features that don't match up from panel to panel ala Rob Liefeld.

Next dip into the Suicide Squad's past will be to read my favorite comic book series of all time after Shade the Changing Man, Ostrander's run on the book. That should set me up to read Gail Simone's Secret Six since I only just recently realized that Ostrander writes some of those issues and also comes through with Suicide Squad #67 many years later! Can't wait for that! But until then, I've got Adam Glass's superficial Resurrection Squad which I am enjoying for what it is. Unless I'm only really enjoying blogging about it. At this point, I can't see nor do I care about the difference!

Back to the current Squad, Regulus had just returned from the grave surprising nobody. For some reason he's hanging out with Red Orchid. I suppose that's the reason the Squad has been assigned to kill Red Orchid. Or it could be that the package really is Mitch Shelley which is why Regulus and Amanda are after him. They're both apparently in the resurrection business (Regulus could be in the cloning business!), so they'd want the guy that could really kick up their profit margin. Even though Amanda already has one of his hands. I bet having his brain would be much better.

Okay, I admit it. Lawton missing his mustache is pretty annoying. Not enough of a reason to tear your hair out about about The New 52! And not as stupid as making Amanda skinny and extremely competent in combat. And not as big a deal as changing Harley's costume although I did prefer the "cute" version over the "hawt" version. But it's definitely annoying. None of these are reasons to point to Suicide Squad as a bad title though. Look to the writing for that!

If Suicide Squad were the best written book of The New 52 and people were calling it shit because Harley had a new costume or a new attitude, or because Amanda was skinny and physically dangerous, or because Lawton was missing his mustache, you'd think they were being superficial jerks and probably wave their opinion away while taking another sip of tea and ringing for your butler to escort them off the veranda. But since this book has been, at best, half-assed on the writing front, these excuses just seem to add to people's hatred for the book. Anyway, I don't deal in hating books for shallow and superficial reasons.

If I lost anybody, that last sentence was a joke. My hatred knows no bounds! Once I sniff out a bad writer, I'm on that carcass beak deep! I'll find every last giblet to tear down and deride! If I truly hated this book like some of the others in The New 52, you can bet I'd be bitching about Lawton's lack of facial hair every third sentence! Every third sentence because the other two sentences would be dealing with Harley's looks and Amanda's skinny jeans.

Shut up, King Shark. You know the plan! Eat shit!

Yo Yo's premise that Basilisk won't survive without its leader is flawed since Basilisk has already survived once without its leader. In fact, it brought its leader back from the dead. Or maybe Basilisk has a whole bunch of clones of Regulus since they know they can't survive without him! I guess if King Shark eats him, Basilisk had better hope for the clone thing because I don't think anybody but Yo Yo is surviving being eaten by King Shark.

Yo Yo's declaration actually sounds like something someone would say to set up an excuse to drop all of the Basilisk crap. If Regulus is dead, we can ignore Basilisk since Yo Yo declared it was no longer a threat! And since Basilisk hasn't really turned out to be very interesting, I can see Adam Glass backgrounding it for awhile. When The New 52 first started, it seemed like Basilisk was going to be a huge threat much like the Daemonites. But both just kind of petered out and never quite lived up to their potential. Although Regulus and Amanda seem to have some kind of personal grudge against each other, so Basilisk may live on for quite some time in Suicide Squad. Perhaps similar to Ostrander's Squad's Jihad? I said similar to! Not equal to!

So Yo Yo takes the hood off the package.

Yawn.

I forgot Kurt Lance was running around for Amanda keeping a tab on the Teen Titans because Amanda won't rest until she's running every super group in the DCnU. And that Kurt was captured by suddenly alive again Grey Lora and a mysterious person that I assumed was Regulus (and indeed must have been) in Teen Titans #17. Unless it was Red Hood #17. So this mission has simply been to get Amanda's secret agent back. Yawn. Wait, did I say that already?

Meanwhile Voltaic gets his head bitten off by a man-eating plant that grows out from between Red Orchid's breasts while she says, "You can't fool Mother Nature!" Except the comic book makes it come across less classy than I made it sound. And Voltaic already came back from the dead once and was stabbed through the heart and survived, so he might be okay with a partially digested face.

King Shark tries to bite off a face as well, this one belonging to Regulus. But since King Shark has been such a mystery in the pages of Suicide Squad, Adam Glass decides to clear some of his history up while making him more mysterious by way of Regulus knowing all about him. Terrific short cut to building a character and his history! Make the bad guy know all about him!

I like King Shark just being King Shark. Don't give him any history! Oh, and look at that! Voltaic's head is still on. Boooo!

Red Orchid captures the entire squad up in vines while Kurt Lance moans in pain and doesn't turn off anybody's powers. Except for Yo Yo's. I don't think I like Kurt Lance being in the mix. It's easy enough simply accepting people have super powers for whatever reasons their origins give. But it's simply too difficult to believe that, somehow, somebody can turn those powers off. As if the power isn't inherently a part of their biological makeup. Can he turn off Superman's powers? Or can he only turn off powers related to a person having the Meta-Gene? Is that still a reason for most super powers in the DCnU? Solstice's power is simply who she is! A big sulfurous stinky smoking woman. But he can turn that off and simply make her human again? Really? You're asking a lot out of my cynical suspension of disbelief!

Regulus doesn't only know all about King Shark. He also knows why Amanda has such anger issues toward Basilisk and himself. But he doesn't seem ready to tell anyone.

I think I've seen enough commercials for CSI-type shows to know that Deadshot's DNA sample is already contaminated having been in Regulus's eye goo! Oh, and Deadshot's DNA sample is spit, you sicko perv.

Harley escapes with the help of Yo Yo's tongue (non-stretchy) and a sickle tucked in her boot. Yo Yo's plan is to have her escape with Kurt Lance while the rest of the Squad get their powers back and/or die. I guess King Shark's sharkiness isn't a power since he didn't suddenly turn human. And I guess Voltaic's power can't be turned off since he shocked King Shark into silence about his secret partner. Or else Yo Yo was the only one targeted by Kurt. I wonder if Kurt can turn off skills as well as powers! Can he make Deadshot a dud shot? None of this matters at the moment anyway since Harley is prevented from running off with Kurt Lance when Regulus bashes her in the head with the flail.

First off, it isn't Harley's weapon so its being impractical has nothing to do with her practicality. Also, weapons aren't chosen for how efficiently they fit on the belt! You can get a fuckload more power out of a flail than a mace. So, you know, practical! What would be impractical is a mace with the length needed to gain the same power as a flail!

Oh! And see that fish tank behind Kurt? Anybody want to place a bet on that being smashed so that it interacts with Voltaic and shocks the shit out of the people that need their shit shocked?

You know what else Regulus knows that I'm pretty sure he should have no idea of knowing? The fact that Harley has been hearing voices. Can we call a moratorium on villains that know shit that they shouldn't know because Regulus has filled this month's quota in just a few pages of Suicide Squad alone.

Harley tosses her sickle, knocking out Kurt Lance. With Yo Yo's stupid power back, the Squad is now sure to win! Yo Yo gooses Red Orchid who drops the rest of the Squad. Deadshot shoots the glass on the Aquarium which knocks Regulus back so King Shark can rescue Harley. And surprise! Nobody gets their shit shocked at all. Instead, the water causes Red Orchid to go into overdrive and she recaptures everyone, leaving Regulus to steal Harley's communicator and taunt Amanda personally. He's about to expose Amanda's secret relationship to Kurt Lance when she disconnects the communications. This causes Regulus to shut up.

Why do writers hold on so desperately to minor pieces of information? They horde them like gold thinking it's this little bit of knowledge yet to be revealed that keeps people reading. You know what keeps people reading? Revealing secrets like whatever Regulus was going to say which would reveal new motivations and character insights, leading to new stories where more secrets can be revealed in a steady and timely manner. I think we've had enough with dropping small hints at things over and over and over again. We get it. King Shark is a Shark God with an ulterior motive for being in the Squad. Kurt Lance is the only man Amanda has ever loved and may or may not have had a child named Havana with him. Let these stories play out naturally instead of teasing the reader with the same bits of information over and over again. I don't mind the slow revelation of story bits. But Adam Glass's technique here is to have a character ALMOST say the thing and then suddenly get cut off so as not to reveal it. It's ridiculous.

Regulus wanders off with Kurt Lance while back in Belle Reve, Amanda loads a shotgun and storms out of the communications room. Where the hell does she think she's going? Does she have a teleporter to get to Regulus? It's possible since Red Hood and Starfire just took down bolt in DC Universe Presents #17! Except I think Bolt has just recently kidnapped Ronnie's Mom in Firestorm, so maybe not that either. Maybe Ambush Bug is a member of Suicide Squad?

Everybody is being choked to death by Red Orchid, so instead of choking Red Orchid back with his super elastic neck, Yo Yo sacrifices his life for the Squad.

Shooting her in the head wouldn't have done the trick?

Suicide Squad #18 Rating: -1 Ranking. I'm pretty sure if Yo Yo can survive a month inside the stomach of King Shark, he's pretty much invulnerable. The way he can stretch and absorb energy, he'll be all right. Or he should be all right! If this somehow manages to kill him, it'll be the worst death in the pages of this comic book! Or will it be the first death in the pages of this comic book? Maybe the second although I'm not sure if Lime Light having her head blown off counts. She was pretty much a nameless thug created by J.T. Krul in the worst three issue run of Green Arrow in the history of Green Arrow's worst three issue runs. The story beats and characterization in this issue were just awful. And I still really hate to see an Amanda Waller that's ready to throw her ass into life threatening situations to get the job done herself. Ridiculous! And where was Floyd Lawton's mustache?! Are we sure he didn't lose it to a Harley Quinn prank?

Suicide Squad #17

Yo Yo is seriously trying to be my favorite male DC character. He survived months inside King Shark's intestines! Now if he could just meet up with Batgirl's roommate, Alysia Yeoh, that would be the superesterestly cutest couple ever!

The Suicide Squad was on their way to kill Yo Yo's sister Red Orchid. And by kill, I mean turn her into a corpse until one of the various means of resurrection within the DC Universe is used to bring her back to life. Now that Voltaic came back last issue, I believe the only people to die after 17 issues of Suicide Squad are Lime Light, Mad Dog, Grey Lora, and Regulus. But seeing as how Grey Lora was alive and well in the pages of Teen Titans, I'm pretty certain Regulus is as well. And Mad Dog could easily have been slightly wounded when he was supposedly killed since he wasn't a member of the team and his body was just left for hyenas or rednecks. That leaves Light who had her head completely blown off so I don't want to see her snobby ass anywhere near this comic book ever again! Although she has been seen multiple times as a hallucination by her sister. So I'm not sure that death even counts!

Here's to hoping somebody fucking dies this issue.

Random no-named gang members don't count!

Once upon a time in Metropolis, Yo Yo and Red Orchid had normal names. Red Orchid was a famous scientist that probably wasn't that famous because who knows anything about current scientists except nerds and other nerds? So perhaps she was simply a reputable scientist with a flare for geothermic reactors. Her brother Yo Yo was a two-bit hood with a pile of gambling debts and a future in Amanda Waller's Suicide Squad. But other than Red Orchid's disapproval for Yo Yo's way of life, they seemed to get along. Until Yo Yo wanted to borrow more money. And then his sister was all, "I hate you!" And Yo Yo was all, "No you don't! You're just a cheap prick!" And then Superman got into a fight with Brainiac and the geothermal reactor exploded and Yo Yo and Red Orchid got super powers! The end!

After killing a bunch of random gang members, the Suicide Squad take an elevator to the penthouse to meet Red Orchid. But somebody cuts the cables on the elevator and they begin a rapid descent to future participants of the Samsara Project. Except that Yo Yo's super power is basically imitating elevator cables, so he does that and saves their lives.

No, the proper term would be who. Unless Deadshot was going to ask, "By whom were we just saved?" But more likely, his question would be "Who just saved us?"

Everyone is amazed at Yo Yo's ability to hold the elevator with his stretchy body. I don't know why they're so amazed. What good is a stretchy body if it didn't have some sort of invulnerability or super tensile strength attached to it? He'd just extend his arm and it would get thinner and weaker until it was paper thin and fluttery and easily torn. I'd be more surprised if his power were that dumb! Haven't these guys seen The Elongated Man or Plastic Man or Reed Richards in action? Or do those guys not exist in this universe? I bet Plastic Man doesn't exist in this universe because DC is taking itself a little bit too seriously and Plastic Man is a fucking goofball.

Once in the penthouse, they meet their next opposition.

Now that's a death squad I'd happily be killed by!

The Kill Bill squad don't last long. Harley beats one to a pulp. King Shark eats one. And the other one stabs Voltaic through the heart with her katana and is electrocuted. But Voltaic is still alive and not saying anything. Great! Not only does the Samsara Project bring people back to life; it makes them immortal! I guess it's about time to take the Suicide out of the title. Just rebrand it back to Task Force X.

One thing I hope sticks though. Harley traded in her sledgehammer for the lead girl's flail. I hope she keeps that weapon for a bit! In fact, it would be nice to see her upgrade and change weapons on a whim. I think her aesthetic sense and her hyperactivity would really lend to her switching up her weapons whenever she grew bored of her old one. Or would that piss people off? "Where is Harley's big hammer?! Fucking DC! That isn't the Harley you promised to give us forever!"

Harley also scooches over from wacky insane to completely schizophrenic when she begins to hear voices inside her head. The current voice is Dr. Harleen Quinzel so she might be suffering from multiple personality syndrome if that wasn't a big bunch of complete bullshit. So schizophrenia it is (which, anyway, can easily manifest like what is commonly thought of as multiple personality disorder, depending on how the afflicted categorizes or differentiates the voices in her head, I guess).

And then they meet Red Orchid and the package they came for.

The package has a hood on so I don't know who it is. But I bet it's somebody from a recently cancelled title! Maybe it's even Mitch Shelley!

Red Orchid takes out Harley with some poison thorns. Then she takes out Deadshot with some poison pollen. And then everybody but the readers is surprised by the next part!

What's the word that you yell that's the opposite of "Surprise!"? Oh yeah! "Suckers!"

Suicide Squad #17 Rating: -1 Ranking. I'm sorry. I have to punish this comic book because it isn't called the Resurrection Squad. Yo Yo's return from supposed death was well done because it was surprising and hilarious. Everybody else (besides Grey Lora) has simply been shot to death and then suddenly appeared alive again. I know death in comic books is never taken very seriously but Adam Glass is just making a complete mockery of it at this point. It's possible more people have returned from death in the pages of Suicide Squad than have actually died. Hey Glass! You owe me at least eight deaths! Get to it!