Earth Too: Society #15

Everything on this cover pales in comparison to the name "von Grawbadger".

The Review!
This comic book has done so many about faces that I'm throwing up. First the world is going to be terraformed. Then it's not. Now it is again. First Green Lantern doesn't want to help the world. Then he does. Then he gives up his ring. Then he gets it back. First Dick loses his kid. Then he finds his kid. Then he loses his kid. Then he finds his kid. Then he loses his kid. Then he finds his kid. Then he loses his kid! I haven't checked but I don't think I'm exaggerating on the amount of times he found and lost his kid. Anyway, the book should be over soon and Earth-Too should once again be Earth-2! I hope. I've definitely had enough of this broken planet full of paranoid assholes who won't even try to use solar power. I'm also sick of the people on the planet in the comic book!

The Commentary!
Last issue, two major plot developments took place. First, Dick Grayson finally found his son. Second, everybody decided to start calling the Pandora Vessel "The Pandora Casket". Both revelations rocked the foundations of what comic books could be! Who knew you could just start referring to something as something completely different! But Dan Abnett thinks outside of the box, or the vessel, or the casket...whatever! He decided to look continuity straight in the eye and say, "Not today!" Or maybe he just forgot what he had been calling it and his editors were just phoning it in at this point because who cares about a non-Rebirth book at this point? Also, and this is a controversial position, maybe switching "vessel" to "casket" isn't as big a deal to Continuity Nerds as I would have expected. But this is a serious change of characterization of Pandora's Whatever! Vessels and Caskets aren't generally used to hold the same types of things! Which, now that I think about it, is probably why Abnett changed it to a casket. Vessel seems to describe it's purpose, to house and transport the souls of another world (which I totally imagine as a soupy liquid, another thing a vessel would hold!). But a casket seems to describe its superficial look. It's a small, ornamental box. Although a casket is also used to hold precious things, so I guess...what the fuck am I talking about?! Obviously the most important thing to happen was Dick Grayson finally reuniting with his kid!

Ultra-Humanite has convinced Dick's kid that he's his ape-father. But Dick's kid, John, remembers what his dad looks like and that he's not a monkey of any kind (unless you believe in that gobbledygook evolution crap!). Now John has two dads and not in the way most Americans have two dads. You know, because your mom and dad divorced and your mom remarried. The other way, where your two dads love each other and make strange grunting noises in their bedroom, is less common. It's even less common to have two dads where one is a monkey with the most disgusting head I've ever seen. Wear a fucking hat, Ultry!

Should I criticize the art for the first eight pages? No, I don't think I should. Normally I wouldn't mind criticizing the art. But this art is so bad and amateurish that I would feel like a professional kickboxer strutting out onto an elementary school playground and reaping the whirlwind. My words versus their art? It just wouldn't be a fair fight.

I hope the big surprise ending is that Ultra-Humanite manages to steal the casket and use it thus transforming Earth-Too into the Earth-2 everybody knows and sort of likes in small doses because that's the Earth where he had the most fun. He'll make an Earth-2 with conflicts and villains and superheroes and wars and, hopefully, super pets! And yes, by super pets, I mean Infinity Inc. Burn!

It's also possible this art style is genius and just beyond me. I mean, I never fucking gave a shit about Nirvana, so what do I know about genius?! I think my main problem is how different this is for a replacement artist in a superhero comic book. I'd be absolutely fine, and maybe even intrigued, if this were the style in stand alone story in an issue of Heavy Metal.

My comment about Heavy Metal might be apt because on the next page, Fury has the biggest camel-toe I've ever seen! Amazonian vaginas must be huge! I bet the only person who could give oral sex to an Amazon without drowning would be Aquaman! Oh, and Batman, I guess. But it would be weird having Duke Thomas standing off to the side keeping track of how long Batman was holding his breath.

John, or Firepattern, escapes out the window without the casket but Batman manages to put a Bat-tracker on him. Batman then tells Huntress to hunt him down. Hopefully she doesn't find him and start making out with him. He might look like a nearly grown man but he's just six years old! He's not ready for penetration yet!

Huntress goes after John by jumping out of the window of the skyscraper. She can't fly, right? I guess I'll find out if Huntress becomes a splotch on the sidewalk in the eagerly awaited Earth Too: Society Annual #1! I wasn't being sarcastic about the eagerly awaited part because I'm sure Dan Abnett's mom can't wait to show the issue around to all of her friends. Unless she's like my mom and then she's hoping they don't see anything he writes and often tells people her son is in prison for unspeakable crimes.

Oh, and Huntress's search for Firepattern won't lead back to Ultra-Humanite because he bailed on John. He doesn't like kids who disobey because how do they ignore his mind control?! Fucking selfish bastards.

With the Ultra-Humanite's first attack thwarted, the Wonders regroup.

What does Flash think they're trying to do? Kill some time so he dies and they can go home? You know, like most employees!

Commander Sato determines that the group who attacked had to be working for someone. I'm glad somebody in this group has the nerve to say the obvious! Now that they're all on the same page, they can start rubbing their chins and saying things like, "But who could it be?!"

Alan Scott comes in to answer the question before it's even asked! He also confuses me about how to type the brainy monkey's name! He says Ultrahumanite but he cover says Ultra-Humanite. Dash or no dash?! I'm going to check my Who's Who and rely on it! Answers from 1985 have to be correct because they're so old, right? Let's see...it's with a dash! Alan Scott just said it wrong! Probably due to his head injury.

Pacifist Superman begins an argument with Fury because I think he really likes to fight. He claimed to be a pacifist back when he was locked in a vault for years. It's easy to not fight anybody when there's nobody around to fight! But just spend a few hours around other people and you'll never want to be a pacifist again. You may even begin to understand preemptive strikes better! Although if you're on some kind of oxy or vicodin, you probably won't realize how utterly horrible and annoying your fellow human beings are. I completely understand why people get addicted to that shit. Why would you want to argue with an idiot in the office when you can just float gently on a cloud while they make calm, buzzing noises?

Before a fight can break out, Jay Garrick and Hawkcop come in crying. "Steel is dying!" he cries. "He's dying and you're all in here fuck-fighting with boners and slick vaginas! Have you no respect?!" He probably should come in and say, "Does anybody know in here know how to weld?!"

Alan Scott's plan is to try to work with the Ultra-Humanite. I wonder if Alan is really just into bears? I know he's a monkey but...oh, never mind!

What does the Ultra-Humanite think the Green Lantern is? The One Ring? Nerd!

Ultra-Humanite uses his mind control powers to possess Alan Scott and force Alan to reclaim his ring. Which is weird, I suppose, because the whole point of the last story was to incapacitate Green Lantern. And it was Ultra-Humanite's plan because Green Lantern was the only one he thought could defeat him. And now he forces him to get his ring back because he believes he can control him? This plan doesn't make any sense. Why not stick with your seventy Humanites army who all used to be toddlers and who you feel can take over the world without Green Lantern in their way? Why suddenly do this? Because the stupid kids failed on their first attack? Now they'll fail for sure if Ultra-Humanite loses control of Green Lantern.

Ultra-Humanite sends Green Lantern to steal the Pandora Casket so he can take it back to Ultra-Humanite and he can recreate Earth-2. I hope! Maybe he'll just make a planet of sexy naked ape women with four breasts each. Unless he's into male gorillas. Then he can make a bunch of sexy naked ape men with double the amount of normal ape dongs. I'm guessing that would be two but I've never personally examined a naked ape and don't know for sure.

Earth Too: Society #14

Oh fuck. The Wonders all just came together in peace! Why are they at each others' throats this time?!

The Review!
More than any other book published by DC Comics, this one is exhibiting all the flaws of editorial process. At first it seemed like Earth-Too, the revamped Convergence world (I think? It doesn't really matter. Don't think about it too hard), was going to become an exact replica of Earth-2 so that we could get back to Justice Society of America stories. But then something happened behind the scenes which changed that idea and so nobody on Earth-2 was able to use the Genesis Machine and Bruce's cube of coded information. Earth-Too was going to proceed with a new story about how the Wonders were going to help remake the world in the face of shortages and border skirmishes and culture conflicts. But with Rebirth, it looks like the editors want Earth-2 back! So guess what story is taking place? That's right! It's the Genesis Machine story yet again! Except instead of Godlike Jimmy Olsen trying to steal the Terraforming MacGuffin, we have Ultra-Humanite trying to steal it. But I'm sure, according to this cover, we're still going to have the heroes fighting among themselves for the future of this planet. Will it continue to be Earth-Too or will it once again become the Earth-2 everybody's grandfather misses? I'm guessing, since this story is getting a second chance, it will end differently this time and we'll be left with Earth-2.

The Commentary!
Earth-2 Dick Grayson has been a horrible father. He wasn't able to find his kid for about thirty issues of Earth-2 and then after Convergence, he all but gave up on finding him. That's too bad because he was around to be found! It's just a sentient white-haired ape got to him first! Now Dick Grayson's kid is an instant teenager with super powers and severe Daddy Issues! He's going to fit in great in the DC Universe.

Since Tornado Lane failed to write a constitution of the world, the Wonders now need to come up with a means of governing that everybody will accept. Except that's not possible because the only way Wonders know how to decide things is with their fists. But usually while they're beating each other up, they're attacked by a real threat which leads them to all agree on punching that person together. So Ultra-Humanite will probably be the one to unite the Wonders and bring about world peace. And then I guess somebody will accidentally knock the Pandora Vessel off of a table and recreate Earth-2?

Oh, excuse me. It's the Pandora Casket this issue.

If I remember correctly (and I'm not claiming I am because my memory sucks and I hate remembering anything about any New 52 Earth-2 comic book anyway!), The Huntress was all for terraforming the world with the Genesis Machine and Power Girl was against it. Well now Power Girl is all for terraforming the world with the Pandora Vessel--excuse me!--Casket because why not? They tried things the non-destroying-the-world-to-replace-it-with-an-old-one way and it didn't work. Let's try destroying the world and see if that's any better!

Dick Grayson wants to return the old world so that he can be reunited with Babs and the son he lost eight times and finally decided to just stop looking for. But will that be any better than not having him? He'll spend every minute thinking, "But is this really Babs? Is this really my son? Or just pale imitations of people I couldn't really get intimate with anyway?" That way lies madness! Especially if the new Babs decides she doesn't like not-new Dick! Then he'll have lost her twice!

Meanwhile, Ultra-Humanite's Humanites begin their attack on Neotropolis. How can it fail? The Humanites are mostly composed of five and six year olds instantly aged to teenagers and given super powers. The Wonders are experienced fighters who have had years to hone their battle techniques! Although being older also means the Wonders have lost most of their passion, so maybe the Humanites will win the day on pure youthful exuberance and idealism! Oh to be young and credulous again!

Of course the youngsters get the upper hand! I was just listing the reasons why they really shouldn't win. But we all knew they would beat the Wonders in the first half of the story because that's how comic book stories work. After the defeat, the heroes rally together and rise up against overwhelming odds to save the day! I mean all of the heroes that are left.

Yeah! Nothing can cut steel! It's a known science fact!

All the battle stuff is your typical battle stuff so I should get to the big surprise twist ending that nobody saw coming. Firepattern is the last Humanite left after battling Fury and is about to get the Pandora Vessel--Fuck. Sorry again!--Casket when he sees a battered, broken old man leaning on it telling jokes about over his dead body or something. Firepattern is all, "Daddy?!" And Dick Grayson is all, "What? Of course I'm not your dad! You're like sixteen years old! I would have had to have fathered you at ten! Get out of here!" No wait! He doesn't do that at all. He's just all, "John?! I finally found you! I'm the hero dad!" And then the series doesn't respectfully die but continues next month.

Earth Too: Society #13



The abyss was in a hope chest?

The Review or Whatever!
Once Convergence ended, the people of Earth-2 found themselves on a useless, manufactured planet. So Green Lantern turned it into a somewhat livable planet with which nobody was really happy. A bunch of people wanted to terraform the planet to their particular expectations using a magic cube full of blueprints to recreate Earth-2-That-Was but a bunch of other people thought that was a bad idea for some reason. So there was a big battle and, in the end, everybody was left with Green Lantern's not-so-spectacular version of Earth-2-That-Was.

Being that Earth-Too didn't have any money-making opportunities, everybody began to quibble over the fossil fuel resources that Green Lantern couldn't fake up along with all the other shit he somehow faked up for the world. This led to more global strife which kept Tornado Lane from finishing her draft of a world constitution. I think she only got as far as writing "In God We Trust" and then crossing that out because it's a shitty way to start a constitution. Anyway, shit happened and things were resolved and Green Lantern gave up his ring for the good of everybody.

Now this thing called the Pandora Vessel has cropped up which has the capacity to terraform Earth-Too back into Earth-2! And so we're going back to that story! The only difference is that this time Ultra-Humanite is trying to stop them so that he can use the Pandora Vessel as he sees fit instead of Godlike Jimmy Olsen trying to steal the Terraforming MacGuffin to use as he saw fit. It's a totally different story and not boring me to tears at all! Except that it isn't and it is! So why I said it the other way first, I don't know! Except that I do know but it's not something I want to admit! I'm a bad writer!

Earth Too: Society #12

Time to give the populace of Earth Too a reason for fearing super heroes!

The Review or Whatever!
If I had a checklist of all the most common tropes in modern super hero comic book writing, this book would probably tick just about every box. I don't have that checklist though because it would mean actually having to think up a bunch of them and then maybe finding out that this comic book doesn't actually tick as many of the boxes as I thought it did. I'd rather believe that I have an efficient system and well-thought out reasons for disliking this comic book so much.

Currently a couple of cities are about to go to war with each other to steal each others stuff and they're blaming this act on the Wonders. Just mentioning that that is the plot is already making me angry! How ignorant, foolish, and fearful are the people of Earth 2? These asshole politicians were already able to convince the idiots of each city (random people thrown together on each ship through the process of utter chaos) to fear for their lives enough to go out and murder the people of every other city? Is nobody else exhausted by DC's take on the average person as a fucking irrational dolt full of hatred and ignorance? I guess that's why they make every single fucking hero a genius. Because who wouldn't be a genius compared to the rabble making up the DC Universe's general population?

See? The Wonders are smart enough to say no. Meanwhile the residents of the two cities going to war are just shrugging their shoulders and saying, "Enh. It's something to do, I guess."

Steel just about convinces them their ethical and moral objections to what's happening are wrong by pointing out if he were a violent dick and began murdering one of them, Power Girl would have to use force to stop him. Yeah. So? That's called an analogy and, as usual with the case of analogies, they don't actually fucking prove any argument. All this analogy proves is that the possible war situation is a really complicated situation that Steel isn't smart enough to discuss and so he makes up another situation that's much easier to understand and pretends that the two situations are equal. The first way I see that his analogy isn't even close to what's happening is that he never actually beats on anybody. See? He also knows that violence isn't the answer or else he would have shut up and began busting skulls. All he did was prove Power Girl's point that they should be discussing another option instead of killing people.

My option would be to just let the two cities fucking destroy themselves. If the politicians could find that many people to arm themselves and march on another city full of more desperate people, let them kill themselves. Anybody who is against this conflict had better head out to a city that isn't about to become a warzone.

I'm not. Except that I guess it gives writers and editors sex time pants feelings.

Alan Scott goes to ask Val what he should do. He was powerful enough to terraform this planet but now he thinks the only way to stop a war is to kill the aggressors? I take back what I said about the Wonders being geniuses. Val, at least, tells him what he needs to hear. Don't stop the war with more fighting. Stop the reason for the supposed need for the war. Become the planet's power generator, dum-dum.

Which is what he does! It's what he should have done a whole bunch of issues ago. It was what he should have done without all the hand-wringing. It was what he should have done without needing the pacifist's advice. But I guess the comic book needs to extend the drama since this book gets to live a bit longer than most of the rest of The New 52.

Behind it all is Ultra-Humanite so I guess I can't even blame the general populace for being cowardly morons anymore? Now I have to believe that he pulled some psychic shenanigans to get them to go to war so that Green Lantern would give up his ring to power the world? I'd rather believe Ultra-Humanite got lucky that this is how the conflict was ended rather than believe he knew this would happen all along. Although I suppose he is a pretty smart ape. I still can't forgive Power Girl, The Flash, and Huntress for throwing their ethics in the dustbin to join the military's fight to stop the war. And I still think the answer to everybody's power problems is solar power since there are two suns.

I suppose I need to go easier on this story because it is a comic book! What I'm asking for is a twenty page story with a bunch of people working toward a diplomatic solution to the world's problems. Of course there has to be threats of violence! I should just be happy that Green Lantern finally came to his senses and figured out a way to use his godlike power in a compassionate and rational way. Although even as my anger softens, I'd like to point out that one of the boxes I'd be ticking on my checklist is the one where a super villain has a really elaborate plan that disregards hundreds of random things that could go wrong to still wind up achieving the desired outcome of said plan.

World's End #26

I forgot to buy my cake topped with Oreos to eat in celebration when I finish this issue.

Last issue, Queen Lantern was the last superhero on Earth-2 still standing. He came flying in with the background music rising and going, "Scott! He saved every one of us!" Then Brian Blessed with wings flew by and was, "Who wants to live forever?!" And a bunch of people raised their hands before meekly putting them back down when they realized it was a rhetorical question being used as a battle cry to rally the troops. Then some more laser sounds went "Pyew pyew pyew!" And then, according to this cover, I guess Darkseid defeated Alan Scott and everybody went, "Awww." And then they died.

I should stop making up my own ending and read the one I paid for.

Alan Scott comes flying in and sucker punches Darkseid. He now has the power of all The Green from all existing universes so he expects his punch to smash clean through Darkseid. Instead it just bounces off and Darkseid is all, "OMEGA BEAMS BITCH!" But then Darkseid turns his back on Alan Scott because he's overconfident. So he misses it when Alan Scott heals the rest of the heroes and then dies. Or doesn't die. He does have Solomon Grumpy inside him now. So maybe it's time for Solomon Grumpy to be the hero! Although it will probably be Sam whispering that he loves and believes in Alan that will get Alan moving again.

I guess the Mister Misters are up in space just cooling their heels waiting for the survivors' ships to arrive. They're going to be waiting for a long time because apparently all of the ships crashed. Now Val-el has to go save as many survivors as he can while Power Girl and Tornado Lane distract Darkseid by headbutting his fists a whole bunch of times.

I hope we get a few pages of Dick looking for his son soon!

At this point, I just feel embarrassed for the Earth-2 heroes whenever they claim that they'll defeat Darkseid or stop Apokolips.

I guess headbutting his fists wasn't the best plan. Weird how I knew they'd try it though. Poor, predictable fools of Earth-2.

Kalibak and the Reapers and the Protofuries and the Parademons and the Hunger Dogs and the Female Furies and the War Hounds and whatever other monsters of Apokolips I've forgotten begin killing any survivors of the crashed fleets they can find. The escape plan has become a total clustefuck which is why the worst character in The New 52 has come to watch. That character's name is Oracle and fuck him. Why do writers keep acknowledging his existence?! Having a character that flies around watching worlds die while it neither acts nor speaks is exactly the same as having no character at all.

Sam does appear to Alan but for the exact opposite reason I thought he would. He tells Alan to just die already because he's lost and it's all over. What a jerk!

I bet Alan also forgets that he's gay!

Alan Scott turns into the Earth-2 version of the White Lantern. Although is he really even Alan Scott anymore? I guess he died and went to heaven with Sam. Or wherever homosexuals go where they die. Wherever it is, you know it's better than the Christian heaven. I hope they allow dead heterosexuals in.

All of the normal humans are now getting slaughtered and it's hilarious. The heroes of Earth-2 are the worst! I can't take any of them seriously when I see them falling at the hands of Kalibak who was defeated on Earth-Main-Earth by a cow turd. The people and heroes of Earth-2 are worse than a cow pie!

But wait! The new and improved and probably like 95% less gay Green Lantern has arrived with some words of wisdom!

I have no idea what this means.

Green Lantern says some other stuff that I don't really understand and then punches Darkseid with infinite earths. That's a pretty good killing blow! Although it's still no Batcow manure.

Speaking of cowshit, let's see how well this batch fares against Kalibak.

I just wish they'd get to their final destination already! I don't mean death. I mean their new Earth home in a new universe.

Dick Grayson makes an appearance but he isn't searching for his son. Instead he's using a comically huge wrench to fix a gun so that Replacement Batman can shoot one last useless round at something. Probably Kalibak.

Green Lantern begins transporting the survivors to...somewhere. I guess he's floating them up to the Mister Misters ship. Maybe Replacement Batman's last round will be used to blast Darkseid in the head to give Green Lantern enough time to save the last of the Twofers. Then maybe Replacement Batman will get hit by Darkseid's Omega Beams and travel back in time where he won't be able to find any Venom and die from the shock of withdrawal.

And then it all starts ramping up to the finale with quick single panel scenes of all the various characters we've come to know and despise!

Don't worry! He's not punching him! This is just a really aggressive hug!

Find Tommy? I mean Johnny?

Christ! Enough about your mom, Garrick. An outside observer might come to the conclusion that you've been fucking her.

Oh yeah!

Fuck you!

In the final moments, a mysterious red head shows up during the battle! Has she been looking for her son all of this time too? She, along with everybody else that didn't make it to the Mister Misters' ship in Green Lantern Bubbles, is blasted by one last Omega Beam from Darkseid. And that's it. The Earth is covered by Apokolips and the Mister Misters and the surviving Twofers escape on their Multiversal ship. It's a bit confusing since Earth-2 isn't technically dead. It's just been captured within an Apokoliptian shell. Green Lantern and Replacement Batman and The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick and Notwing and Barbara Gordon and Val-el have been left behind. Apparently this story continues in Convergence #1. Which is almost the next comic I'm going to read! You know, right after Convergence #0. And maybe the Blue Devil Summer Fun Annual!

Oh, and Jay Garrick's mom survived because The Flash chose to abandon her. Or something.

World's End #26 Rating: No change. This issue was extra long so it could tie everything up but it still didn't have enough pages to tell the story in a way that wasn't constantly confusing. Plus it didn't even tie up all the loose plots! I have to continue to read this story in Convergence #1! On the positive side, that issue has different writers so the story will probably go in a totally new direction. On the negative side, one of those writers is Scott Lobdell!

And with the end of this issue, DC leaves The New 52 behind. Sure, there's still issue #40 of Superman and Batman left to appear on the new comic book racks whenever DC gets its act together. But for the most part, The New 52 label is gone. The universe is still hanging around though. It'll be interesting to see how Convergence changes up that universe though. Hopefully getting out of New York and into sunny yet smoggy Los Angeles will lighten the mood at DC Comics! They'll get more Vitamin D from the sun and more Vitamin C from the oranges and more Vitamin Mickey Mouse from Disneyland. That will cause the editors to become more upbeat, whimsical, and carefree! They'll stop trying to squeeze the happiness out of every hero. It's possible some of DC's heroes will even begin to enjoy bringing justice to evil jerks!

I just realized! Was World's End and Futures End all just a metaphor for DC Comics' move to the West Coast?!

World's End #25

I guess poor Jay Gimmick lost the seat next to his mom on the escape ship. Enh, the gigantic moray eel probably deserved it more.

I just looked at the list of comics coming out tomorrow and all the weekly comic books still have an issue arriving. Hopefully it's the last issue for all of them! Makes sense, right? Fifty-two issues of Batman Eternal because that's the magic DC number. Twenty-six issues of World's End because that's one-half of DC's magic number. And forty-eight issues of Futures End because fuck you.

At least Futures End #47 has renewed my interest in the finale of World's End since Harvest Tim Drake changed time and saved...well, he saved something. I think maybe he only saved himself. He actually killed everybody in the world he came from because that world no longer exists. What a selfish asshole. But he did make it so that Brother Eye no longer exists. That's a good thing! And he forced all the Twofers to go find their own planet on Earth-14 or Earth-24 or Earth-25 or Earth-27 or Earth-28 or Earth-46 or Earth-49! I bet whatever Earth they land on, Child Services is going to immediately make a call to Dick Grayson.

This issue is called "Grounded" even though I thought it was going to be called "Hope." Am I remembering that wrong? Oh, I am! Last issue was called "Hope" and ended with "Next: Power!" But this issue isn't called "Power." But that makes sense because the issue previous to the issue called "Hope" said "Next: Light!" So what have we learned here? Fuck you!

Kalibak using semaphore to command the Protofuries.

Hawkcop remains outside the escape ships to guard their retreat. She's also managed to convince The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick to remain behind. Even Aquawoman and her monstrous moray eel (not a dick innuendo because that would make a penis sound more terrifying than it actually is. I think) refused to take a seat on one of the ships. Jonni Loves Chachi Thunder is also helping with the defense for reasons that probably would have taken too many pages to explain. Another thing that would have taken too long to explain?

How did Dick wind up in a fighter ship with Replacement Batman?

Once again, Dick Grayson ditches his kid so that he can go on thrilling adventures. I totally get it. Fucking kids ruin everything. This is my life and I only get so many years to live it! Why the fuck do I want to spend a good third or more of it concentrating on somebody else's life? Fuck that bullshit! If humans were reptiles, I would have had kids. Lay some eggs in a neighbor's yard and forget about them.

It's possible Notwing and Replacement Batman blow up on the next page. At least that would end the fucking plot where Dick keeps giving away his kid and then going out of his mind trying to find him again.

Meanwhile on Apokolips, Power Girl takes an Omega Beam straight to the face and remains extant. No wonder last issue ended with "Next: Power!" because that's powerful! She punches Darkseid's Omega Beams back at him and she and Darkseid tumble off of Apokolips and fall to Earth.

Oh stop it, Val-el. You broke that pledge yesterday and the day before and last week and this morning and a few minutes ago.

Now that Darkseid is on the surface of Earth, the rest of Earth-2's wonders come up to attack him. I guess the threat in Atom Shaven was taken care of? The only ship that mattered made it out although it nearly crashed back down on Earth. Val-el set it down gently with Huntress and Red Arrow inside of it with the Codex that will terraform whatever Earth the survivors wind up on into another version of Earth-2. But I guess the Codex isn't as important as kicking Darkseid's ass because Huntress and Soon-to-be-dead Arrow have left it behind to join in the battle against Darkseid. Also joining the battle? Replacement Batman! I guess his ship blew up in much the same way Cobra's ships used to blow up in the GI Joe cartoon.

Back in space nearby the Earth-Apokolips Amalgamation, Queen Lantern figures out the secret to saving everybody (thanks to Mister Terrific stealing Mister Miracle's feet disc technology which he'll probably illegally patent as his own as soon as they get to whatever Earth they manage to escape to).

The Multiverse awaits!

But first Alan Scott has to defeat Darkseid all by himself. He arrives on Earth to find Darkseid teabagging all of the other wonders whom he's just defeated. I was going to leave it at that but I can't not post a picture of Darkseid's teabag style, right?

Classic teabag. Note the bent legs as he drops his balls down on Val-el's face? And the enthusiastic taunting? Right before Alan Scott arrived, he probably called them all garbage.

The worst part about this final page is my new favorite character, Humongous Moray Eel, lying dead in the background. Hopefully she's just as unconscious as the rest of the wonders.

World's End #25 Rating: No change. I'm tempted to give it a positive rating simply because of the announcement that next issue is the end! This issue, just like last issue, was much better in many ways. It benefits from having the plot concentrating on just getting to the end of the story. It's more cohesive and characters aren't just running about on tangential plots that you know are never going to resolve or matter. Although it also suffers because it's near the end and some short cuts needed to be made to get everybody on the same page. I'm going to buy myself a full sized cake topped with a whole pack of Oreos for next week and then eat the entire thing in celebration after reading next issue! I deserve it!

World's End #24

This could be a beautiful cover except my eyes keep getting drawn back to Power Girl's impending wedgie.

I kept asking myself, "What does World's End need to make it successful?"

I'm still asking myself, "What does World's End need to make it successful?"

Maybe if Daniel H. Wilson revealed that the culprit behind the destruction of Earth-2 wasn't Darkseid at all but Cluemaster! What a twist!

This issue begins with Darkseid and some of those inconsequential Lords of Apokolips assessing the situation.

Darkseid isn't allowed to finish because even the writers aren't really sure what his ultimate motivation was.

The rumble is Val-el, Power Girl, and Tornado Lane breaking into Darkseid's thinking out loud chamber. "Earth still has some fight left in it, monster!" screams Val-el, which is untrue and also not very threatening coming from a pacifist who refuses to resort to violence. Except occasionally when the writer and/or artist have forgotten that he's a pacifist. I have a feeling the next page is going to be a pair of Omega Beams bouncing around the room and three whiffs of non-existence.

Back on Earth where the evacuees are finally being shoved into the ships that will transport them to safety, Hawkcop decides to turn on The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick.

Jay: "Okay! Everybody on board! Mothers and their super hero sons first!"
Kendra: "You don't run! You flee!"
Jay: "What?"
Kendra: "You have to stay on Earth and sacrifice yourself while the ships fly up into space because they need protecting!"
Jay: "But what can I do once they lift off?"
Kendra: "You're being such a selfish prick! You should remain helpless inside Atom Shaven instead of escaping certain doom!"
Jay: "I don't get why you're being so...oh, I see. I get it. Manufactured drama to fill pages! Good job, Kendra, but really, I'll see you later on Earth-Main-Earth. We can continue this feud in Futures End."

Aquawoman busts through the floor riding a massive Moray Eel and declares some new boarding rules: Atlanteans then mothers and then their superhero sons!

The eel is waiting to hear when Giant Moray Eels get to board.

Barda isn't recognized by any of the humans even though she's over seven feet tall. But she is noticed by War who managed to find an identical disguise. I don't remember Evil Starfire in any of the Futures End comic books, so my guess is she tries something evil and Barda stops her which is when Barda's heart grows three sizes or something.

Meanwhile Dick Grayson apparently, once again, found Tommy or Johnny or whatever the little shitbag's name is between comic books. But guess what he does once more? He gives him away to somebody else for no reason! I mean, he kind of has a better reason this time, at least, than last time. Apparently there aren't enough seats on the escape ships for everybody since dozens of them have been given up to Atlanteans and a gigantic eel. All the men and children without mothers will now have to be left behind! It's not my rule! The guards said, "Women with children only!" That's why Dick gave Tohnny to a couple of women to take care of them. I don't know who they are because they're in such fabulous disguises but the really tall one says her name is "Barda." Johmmy never says a word because that would bump up his Actor's Union paycheck.

Alan Scott busts in on the Mister Misters as they whine about how they don't know how to save two million of Earth-2's last surviving humans, Atlanteans, and giant eels. I guess his new Chromatic Powers will provide life support systems for the millions of evacuees. Sam will provide oxygen and Solomon Grumpy will provide waste disposal and Cthulhu will create water and Yolanda Montez will die on the surface of the Earth but Alan will use the Red power for blood and other medical necessities to help the wounded. Alan Scott's green power will be used to spruce up the place with a few well-placed ferns.

Back in Darkseid's thinking out loud chamber, Val-el decides to end the battle with a really aggressive hug.

Yay! Now Power Girl gets the symbol and Val-el gets the Boob Window! Equality!

The issue ends with Power Girl punching Darkseid in the face and Darkseid going, "What was that? A mosquito? A piece of paper? Somebody threw a piece of paper on me!"

Hmm, does that quote have the taint of rape all over it now?

World's End #24 Rating: No change. This was a fantastic issue of World's End! I mean, at least the plot points all kind of made sense and are leading to the expected conclusion! Which I hope is in next issue although it still feels like it's going to need more than one more week to wrap up. Maybe all the weeklies are going to end on April 1st? Is that a possibility? Maybe I should just stop buying them after April 1st! If I don't acknowledge them, they don't actually exist! Why didn't I think of this earlier?!

World's End #23

Tornado Lane's breast has enough nipple in the shape of it for my fourteen year old self's masturbatory needs.

I hate to equate comic books with pornography since it seems a certain faction of men actually believe that the two things should most definitely be the same thing. But I also like to provide insight into who I am and who I was and who I will be (if I ever get any messages from my time travelling self. So far? No luck). Don't think of the caption above as some pervy male thing. Just think of it as a pervy human thing. Perhaps some fourteen year old lesbian would completely agree with me. Perhaps Val-el's slight bulge on this cover was enough for some randy young women or gay men to rub one out. Leaning against the wall behind me, I have the book with the picture that I probably, if I had to add up all of the times I've masturbated across my lifetime, jerked off to the most. So for your viewing pleasure (and I guarantee some of you will recognize it instantly and agree that it was pretty good wank material in the times before the internet and pornography was everywhere), my #1 All Time Masturbation Aid:

Dungeons and Dragons shouldn't have had parents worried about devil worship. They should have been concerned about semen stains on everything.

The issue begins with Yolanda Montez lying in a bunch of rubble above Atom Shaven. If she survived the loss of the Avatar of the Red, did the other Avatars return to their natural forms? Is Sam lying around somewhere? What about Cthulhu? Did Solomon Grumpy's corpse return to Slaughter Swamp? I guess Yolanda never lost her body since she was the avatar of flesh and blood. Different rules for different schools. That might not make sense but it rhymed so some of you were probably impressed.

Even with all of the other Avatar powers, Alan Scott has failed. That took me by surprise because I really thought he was going to turn things around and save Earth-2. It must be the spectacularly well-crafted story by Daniel H. Wilson that had me believing that the Avatars could spend twenty issues doing absolutely nothing and then in one single issue, once their powers were combined in a guy that used to produce television shows, the might of the Avatars would save the day! This is where I'd say "Not!" if it were the nineties but since it isn't the nineties anymore, I just have to let that sentence stand on its own and only the less credulous people will understand that I meant the exact opposite of what I actually typed.

Meanwhile, the Misters must all be suffering from concussions because their observations don't agree with the artist's rendering of the situation.

They are not on the other side of Apokolips and Earth is not encapsulated by it. It is always possible that my reading comprehension is to blame.

Sato responds that two and a half million Americans have survived and they need transport. She points out that everybody else is probably dead and don't bother trying to radio any other countries or anything. Mister Terrific points out that even though he can see Earth from where he's standing, he's certain that Apokolips is surrounding it and they can't pick up any survivors from any country anyway. Commander Sato says, "No problem! We'll be there in no time if we can convince Val-el to punch through Apokolips's hull!"

Over in Futures End, readers learned that Big Barda arrived on Earth-Main-Earth with the other evacuees. So the story of how that happened is told in this issue. Basically, Kalibak turned on her, then she followed Jimmy Olsen through a BOOM Tube to Atom Shaven where she stole a monk's hooded robe to disguise herself. Sure, she was the only seven foot six monk on the ship but nobody was willing to ask her who she was after she smashed a guard into a wall and screamed, "Walk away, human!" Curiosity has its limits, you know.

This is an odd numbered issue which means Val-el doesn't mind violence.

Queen Lantern uses his Chromatic Superpower to pierce a hole in Apokolips. Now the evacuees have a hole to fly through so they can reach the Multiversal Ship and escape! I don't want to be too optimistic and believe that this series will end next issue because I know that's just setting myself up for disappointment on a grand scale. But maybe there are only two issues left! Ending on Issue #25 seems like a reasonable thing to do, right? Yes! Only two more issues left of this series! Hooray!

I'm going to jump off of the roof if I have to read World's End #26 now.

World's End #23 Rating: No change. This series simply has no passion behind it. I'm not being unnecessarily cruel to any of the writers because this obviously doesn't showcase their best work. They're just adding meat to the skeleton which must not be a fun job since they're not making it exciting at all. Daniel H. Wilson and his writing cohorts simply have to pad a story with stupid fucking plot points until they get from Point A to Point Z. I'm sure if somebody had the extra hours to spend (and I assure you nobody should be giving up any hours of their life for this snoozefest), they could read through this entire series and draw up a flow chart with dozens of places where plot points just dead end or dissipate into nothingness. The only part of the story that I don't already know the ending to due to having read all (well, most, so far) of the September Future End issues is whether or not Dick Grayson's boy's name is Johnny or Tommy.

Earth 2 #32

Why has nobody taken Fury aside to tell her that her outfit makes no fucking sense?

Let's change our language regarding sexual identity! From now on, our sexual identity should be expressed by the sexual organs with which we want to interact. So if you love vagina, you'd be a Vagetarian. And if you like dick, you'd be a Cockivore. If you liked them both, you'd be at the Omnibuffet. If you're not into any sexual organs, you'd just carry a napkin around and when somebody asks, you'd hold it up to your lips as if you were covering a burp and shake your head no. If you're just into ass play, you're a Regular at the Salad Bar. I think this fixes the entire conversation on sexual identity! Where's my Nobel Cock Ring?

One of the issues with sex is that I think the younger a person is (yet still being old enough to be all into doing it big time and a lot!), the more pressure that person feels to seem kinky and outrageous in the bedroom. A lot of unnecessary bragging goes on during the first decade or two of sexuality. There's a need to impress a partner with wild flailing or pushing boundaries or even involving yourself in sexual situations where you find yourself ultimately uncomfortable but press on for the sake of how your partner sees you. Eventually though, you hit a certain age where you just want you and your partner to have a good time that ends in orgasm for both parties. You don't need to impress anybody or be afraid that your vanilla sexy style is going to bore your partner. You just do to your partner things they like that bring them to orgasm and hope your partner reciprocates by doing things you like that will bring you to orgasm. You don't need wild flailing or breathy moans or Lovecraftian sex talk (unless you're fucking me and then you'd better do some research) in the bedroom. You just need to be the nakedest, most trusting and open version of yourself. And maybe a bull whip and some Ben Wa balls.

Passionate, experimental, youthful, trying hard to impress sex can be a lot of fun. But it can also be exhausting. After a certain age, it's just nice to find a trusting partner with whom you can have relaxing, comfortable orgasms! Did I mention the exhilarating pleasures of dangerous sex involving strangers with loaded guns? Should I not have mentioned that? Should I delete the link to the website where you can meet up for that? Yeah, I probably should.

Um, Earth-2 has people on it and they have sex as well! Whew! What a smooth segue!

See? The comic opens up with some Kryptonian sexy talk.

I wonder if Oracle's kink (the New 52 Galactus created by Scott Lobdell and not the Preboot Babs in a wheelchair version) is that he can only get off while watching worlds die? So Oracle sends out that guy with the horn to find dying planets so that he can rush over and jerk it while he watches the planet die.

This is the last issue of Earth-2, so Earth-2 is probably going to get fucked by Apokolips. Literally!

Ha ha! Right. "Drill."

After The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick points out the drill, Hawkcop quotes the Earth-2 version of Star Wars: "That's not a drill--it's a modified satellite." That didn't even end in an exclamation point which can only mean Earth-2 Star Wars was boring.

While The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick and Hawkcop joke about the "drill," Doctor Cocoa Puffs whines and pouts about how he failed his friends and abandoned them during the battle. And since the battle is still raging, Doctor Cocoa Puffs throws down the helmet and continues to abandon his friends while completely hating himself.

Commander Sato brings up to speed the only hero that can possibly save everybody: Replacement Batman! At least I think he's the only person that can save them by some kind of Bruce Willieian sacrifice. He can't make it back to Earth-Main-Earth because that would make Bruce Wayne cry constantly. So he's going to have to become a martyr to give everybody else a chance to escape. Commander Sato's quote's Earth-2's version of Red Dwarf to get her message across to Replacement Batman. "Dead, Batman. They're all dead. Jimmy Olsen? Dead, Batman. The Avatars of Earth? All dead. Everyone is dead, Batman."

And then the super hot sex scene that's making me super uncomfortable in the pants.

Just so we're clear: I'm totally against planetary rape and planetary rape culture.

Steel finally gets to have some time with the talking stick and he describes that time way back in Issue #13 where he went into the firepit and met the Red Avatar. He starts talking about choices and hope and living and dying but since he's military, he can't help but ruin anything he previously said by ending his speech with "do your damn duty." Fuck you, Steel! Sometimes walking away from your damn duty is the more ethical decision! I hate you!

Commander Sato gives an impassioned halftime coach to the players speech which ends with "Ten against the gods!" I'm disappointed that nobody says, "Gods? Never tell me the gods!"

Oh Val-el. What happened to your incessant mantra of "There's got to be another way"?

I had such high hopes for a pacifist Superman who always stuck to his principles, refusing to throw a single punch while always finding another way to use his powers to subdue or defeat his enemies. But he's just going to become the same old guy that constantly resorts to throwing punches, isn't he?

Hawkcop and Doctor Cocoa Puffs penetrate the "drill" to find and destroy its power source. They discover a glowing ball of fire which is probably a decent representation of an alien power source, so Hawkcop begins shooting bullets into it. She seems surprised when her "guys" (how cute! She calls her guns her guys!) are powerless against it. But Doctor Cocoa Puffs saves the day, proving that he can wield the Helm of Nabu without going completely bonkers. I think it's time to upgrade his name to Doctor Froot Loops. Froot Loops are less crazy than Cocoa Puffs, right?

So the satellite is destroyed but that doesn't mean Apokolips has been defeated! There's still more story left for the Earth-2 wonders over in that piece of extreme garbage, World's End! I mean, that excellent weekly periodical!

Earth 2 #32 Rating: +1 Ranking. For once some of the important action got to take place in Earth-2 instead of World's End! That made this issue reminiscent of a postcard from Devil's Tower that liberally interprets the Lakota myth of its creation.

World's End #22

Daddy's got a squeeze box and other daddy never sleeps at night!

Glancing at my current top ten DC Comics, I notice seven out of ten of them are "bat" titles in some form. I've never been a Bat-fanatic so I don't think I'm biased when it comes to Batman. That must mean the current crop of bat titles are pretty fucking good. Two of the other ten are written by Charles Soule who will be missed because he's died and gone to Marvel. The other one is Secret Six which has only had two issues so the fact that I've ranked it at number ten probably just means I'm really excited about it and also it stars Ferdie as the leader of the Secret Six. I mean the eventual leader. Probably.

I just thought I'd mention some DC Comics that are worth reading right now because World's End is terrible. Also, I should mention Batgirl is super worth reading right now. Don't tell Gail I said this but it's way better than her run! Some people really like Narration Boxing because they love knowing what's in a character's head during the action in every single panel. I'm not one of those people so Batgirl's never ending string of Narration Boxes were just distracting. Who thinks calm, rational thoughts while being drowned in a sewer?! And who thinks about how hot Batwoman is while Batwoman is kicking them in the face? Okay, so Gail nailed that one. I can admit when I'm wrong. Probably.

This issue begins with Alan Scott learning that the other Avatars have been incorporated into his being.

Does that mean when Alan masturbates now, he's actually having sex with Sam? And Solomon Grumpy?

Cullen Bunn has been added to the list of writers that I don't even bother acknowledging anymore in the tags and labels for the commentary. I'm not acting petulantly in not recognizing them! I'm just being lazy. You have seen the long list of names on the cover, right? So many creators! And so many characters too! I don't tag them either.

Anyway, now that Cullen Bunn is on this thing, I'm sure the story will go from bad to boring in no time.

So...many...dick...jokes....

Alan Scott's big line as he attacks Apokolips is this: "A god planet? You're going to learn even a god can go hungry!" That's almost as good as "Always bet on black!" Next time I punch some drunk asshole in the chops, I'm going to say that god planet thing! Except minus the "god planet" bit since that might just confuse the drunk.

While Apokolips begins eating Earth, Kalibak, Barda, and a host of parademons attack Amazonia for some reason. You might think that one planet eating the other would be enough and that this is just overkill and sating blood lust. You might think that if you were not the writers of this comic book. I suppose Barda and Kalibak are just being cautious, because isn't that the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Darkseid and the armies of Apokolips?

Seeing Barda murdering Twofers for Darkseid is just upsetting. I still don't understand the decision to make her a traitor while Fury gets to be the hero. I suppose making Fury a hero rights one Golden Age wrong anyway. And Barda's root were always as a soldier of Apokolips. So maybe never mind how I began this paragraph and pretend that I completely agreed with Barda and Fury's characterizations from the beginning.

Jimmy Olsen arrives to put an end to Barda and Kalibak's murder spree. Is this how Jimmy Olsen interacted with the New Gods when Kirby was writing that Fourth World crap?

Yay! Worshiping Jimmy Olsen has now been legitimized! I can move my shrine from the closet to the living room!

Meanwhile in space, The Mister Misters and Ms. Fury miraculously survived their collision with Apokolips due to multiversal shenanigans. Now that Apokolips thinks they're dead, the Misters can scoop up the last of the remaining Twofers and travel to Earth-Main-Earth. And this comic book series can end! And everybody can rejoice! And local comic book stores can dump all of their remaining World's End stock into the 25 cent bins where they'll languish until they're eventually bought up, one by one, by soon-to-be disappointed elementary school kids.

Above Atom Shaven, Replacement Batman, The Huntress, and Red Arrow (seriously though. Didn't he die already in Earth-2? Or was that just the Connor Hawke version?) arrive in hopes to escape with Earth-2's Codex filled with all Earth-2 knowledge. Red Arrow's reaction seems to ignore how he's been hiding in an underwater Transformer for years.

I think hiding and escaping and preserving the Codex was exactly what Batman imagined! It was his entire End of the World contingency plan!

That whole plot with Dick Grayson trying to find his son that he never should have been separated from in the first place gets a few useless pages at this point. Perhaps it was all leading to this point where Dick can defeat Brainwave and keep him from stealing all of the evacuation ships. Although that would mean that one useless plot point was written simply to solve the problem created by another useless plot point, that of Constantine having removed Obsidian, Brainwave, and Jonni Thunder from stasis. For no reason at all. Probably.

I sometimes make claims about the plot that could be completely inaccurate because there's no way I actually remember even half of what's been happening in this series. I think I may have zoned out thinking about raccoons and kittens through at least half of the time reading it.

Dick Grayson is saved by Replacement Batman and The Huntress so I guess Grayson's plot was even more useless than I guessed.

Goddammit, Dick! Stop losing your kid!

So because Dick Grayson can't keep his hands on his kid, who he's been desperately searching for for a dozen issues, because he has to check out the cool Batarang, I have to continue reading more boring pages of Dick wandering around Atom Shaven yelling, "Tommy! Tommy! Ted, we have to find Tommy!" Also, who's Tommy?

The issue ends with Val-el, Power Girl, and Tornado Lane bumping into Queen Lantern in the stratosphere as he holds back Apokolips. Val-el comes in his tights and says, "See?! We don't have to punch stuff, Power Girl! We can just help Green Lantern form a shield!" And Queen Lantern collapses and says, "No, no. You're going to have to punch stuff. My power's gone." And Power Girl is all, "Ha ha! Told you! Now get in the kitchen and start fixing some knuckle sandwiches, bitch!"

World's End #22 Rating: No change. This issue was an "Are you kidding me?" look from Death as she sits adorably with her parasol on a cute Vertigo postcard.

Don't worry! I'll get tired of doing these rating metaphors eventually and we can all go back to my usual blathering conclusions.

World's End #21

Oliver Queen is a dick.

I hate to compare comic books to real life (no I don't! But it was the only way I could think to begin this!), but lets see how long it takes for a cop to shoot your ass when one sees you running around the city impaling people with arrows. Then when they're hauling your ass to jail for assaulting people with a sorta-deadly-I-guess weapon, you can explain to them that you're just trying to save the city. Then they'll ask you, "From what, you psycho?" You won't have an answer for that one! At least, not a very specific answer. Or one that doesn't piss them off completely because I'd agree with you if your answer was "From the police department's systemic racism and wild incompetence!"

Here's how every episode of Arrow goes:

Character #1: "How dare you keep a secret from me!"
Character #2: "It was for your own good!"
Character #1: "I hate you forever!" storms off to pout
Character #2: "Well shit. I'm certainly not telling her/him about all of the other secrets now!"

This issue begins...hell, it doesn't fucking matter where it begins. Pick any one of the fifteen different plots going on and then imagine that nothing really happens with it for two pages before switching to one of the other plots.

See? Hawkcop and The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick get one page where they're fighting confetti and reminding the reader that they're trying to save the world. Next!

That scene was taking place inside the Earth in Atom Shaven. Don't ask me why the people of Earth decided to hide underground while an alien planet is busy above ground destroying the Earth. It must be the same mentality that causes victims in horror movies to hide in closets.

Above the Earth, Val-el, Power Girl, and Tornado Lane are battling satellites from Apokolips that are busy chopping up and preparing the Earth to become a meal for Apokolips. Val-el is concerned that all of this violence isn't really helping. Well, asshole, maybe you can sit down with the planet over coffee and share some poetry. Besides, I've caught you punching sentient creatures in previous issues and now you're hesitating over destroying a satellite? Buck up, honey pie! Get your hands bloody or Earth-2 is doomed!

Actually, Earth-2 is doomed anyway. But at least if you punch a few satellites, Power Girl will be able to look you in the eye when it's over. And with the "S" symbol covering her boob window, you'll be able to look her in the eye!

Val-el really wants to try the coffee and poetry strategy.

Meanwhile, Replacement Batman and The Huntress are welcomed into Red Arrow's Transformer. He serves them coffee but nobody recites any poetry. But I think he's going to tell The Huntress a secret! I hope she doesn't get pissed off that he didn't tell her earlier because this comic book doesn't have enough issues left to deal with Thea's Laurel's Detective Lance's Oliver's Tommy's Felicity's Diggle's Slade's Helena's pouting subplot.

I'm actually surprised when Red Arrow reveals what the Trinity gave him to protect. I'm not surprised by what it was but that it didn't take eight issues to get around to it.

That's arrogant. Why is it so important to save all the knowledge from Earth-2? I suppose it can be used to write a bunch of semi-entertaining comic books.

In case you've forgotten, Dick Grayson is still looking for his son. And Babs is still dead. And the super villains Constantine rescued from Arkham Stasis Asylum are helping evacuate Earth. I think. Maybe. But only for their own benefit somehow, I'm sure.

The Mister Misters (Mister Eight, Mister Terrific, Mister Miracle, and company) get the multiversal bleed ship up and running. But Terry Sloan doesn't take it to Earth to save everyone. Instead, he crashes it into Apokolips. Don't worry! He has one of those Harvest plans! It might look like they all just died and all hope of saving any Twofers is lost but that's part of the plan! Probably.

Sloan also explains how Universe-2 is a feeder Universe. This was mentioned in World's End #11, the one I wrote a sonnet for, so I might not have explained the whole feeder universe thing very well. You see, Highfather made a deal with Darkseid. If Darkseid would calm down and stop trying to kill every universe in the multiverse, Highfather would give him a few universes where Apokolips could run around eating up planets willy nilly. Terry Sloan's original universe was one of these. He claims he saved it but I think he just made the same kind of deal with Darkseid there that he made here. The deal is kind of shitty for everybody but Sloan though since basically he traded everybody's lives for his own. Don't think of Terry Sloan as an asshole! Look at him as somebody with initiative and foresight!

World's End #21 Rating: -1 Ranking. Convergence can't get here soon enough! Mostly just because this series has to be over by the end of this month, right? Just four issues left? Maybe? Please? OH GOD PLEASE!