The lion is an Islamic metaphor! Probably.
Finally, The Sheriff of Babylon chooses a critical blurb for the cover that doesn't piss me off. I mean, "a must-read" doesn't actually do anything for me. It's actually a bit aggressive! Oh, really? I must read this fucking comic book because Uproxx says so?! Who the fuck does Uproxx think they are?! When is Tom King going to go to his editors and say, "Look, Mr. and Mrs. Vertigo. You have to use this terrific blurb from Grunion Guy for the cover! He fucking hits it out of the park every time!" Let me write a few every month so King and his crew can take their pick.
"This book doesn't piss on Islam at all!" -- Grunion Guy!
"Are you the kind of person who glorifies war and calls every military person a hero? Well go fuck yourself! You won't like this book at all!" -- Grunion Guy!
"Have you heard anybody ever use the word 'realpolitik'?! Yeah, me neither. But I guess this book is all realpolitikal or something." -- Grunion Guy!
"I thought this book was about a guy who watched over a baby named Lon. It's not!" -- Grunion Guy!
"Sometimes I read a comic book and think, 'What just happened?' This is one of those books!" -- Grunion Guy!
"Bang! Boom! This is a war comic like no other war comic! Pow!" -- Grunion Gun! Bang!
This comic book also made me cry a bunch of times last issue but I don't want that quoted on the cover! So don't you dare use a quote like "This comic book touches me in a place I haven't been touched since my grandfather died! Phrasing?" -- Grunion Guy!
"Whoa! This comic book says some revolutionary stuff!" -- Grunion Guy!
The next page has Fatima sitting in front of an American flag. I'm not going to rant about how the stars are wrong on the flag because she's in Iraq and maybe that's an old flag when the US of A only had 48 states. Those were good times for people with obsessive compulsive disorder because the stars could all line up neatly. And I mean people who really have OCD and not all of your friends on Facebook who constantly pretend they're overly disturbed by pictures of one tile out of place or one pencil not sharpened. God, those friends really need personalities badly, don't they?!
Fatima is trying to get the US military to take her near assassination seriously but the representative she talks to is an asshole who doesn't want to deal with her and resorts to calling her "darling" when she insists he take this shit seriously. When I'm having a conversation with somebody, there are multiple things that will cause me to instantly disengage and not give a fuck about them or their opinions anymore. One of them is when they question my honesty and simply disbelieve something I say because they don't want to believe it. Being called "darling" is one thing I've never had to deal with. But if I were a woman, it would so be one of the triggers that cause me to shut down and assume the person I was talking to was an inbred moron who has just exited my life forever. I sort of wish I were a woman for this reason alone now! Getting people out of my life would be so easy!
While Fatima deals with her shitstain, Chris and Nassir meet a big messy brown spot named Bob. He's with the "Don't ask, don't tell" division which is a weird thing to say because I would think, this being the military, it would open him up to a bunch of no homo jokes! Although I suppose it just means he's kind of a Man in Black. A real one, not that fictional Tommy Lee Jones garbage. And by "real one," I mean "urban legend" one! Duh! You think I'm fucking crazy?! I would never admit in a public forum that I really believe in the Men in Black! Ha ha.
I'm really reading this slowly because the tension King and Gerads are building in this scene with Bob, Chris, and Nassir is fucking incredible. Oh wait! "Read this comic slowly because the tension it creates is pulpable!" -- Grunion Guy! You might have to use a [sic] tag with that because I'm not going to fix the typo!
Seriously. I can't finish this scene. This is too Goddamned tense!
Nassir's wife is killed because Bob the Prickfuckcunthole yells "Gun!" while all of his cowardly henchmen have their assault rifles targeting her. Oh well! What's one more dead innocent in a war torn country occupied by a bunch of fear-filled young Americans armed to the teeth? As long as they all survive every encounter where they probably weren't in danger anyway but, hey, you never know?! Better safe than sorry! I mean, for the military personnel with the high caliber weapons. Not for the innocent natives of the invaded country. Fuck them, amirite?!
Nassir is taken by Bob and Christopher asks Fatima if she can find out where they took him.
Does this story mean anything? It should mean something. Remember how they said that last issue?! That was really good, right? "This should mean something." -- Grunion Guy! I remember this story was about Christopher investigating one of his trainees who was murdered. Or one of his assistants. The details are vague! But since then, it's all become a real clusterfuck! A major realpolitik horror story! Don't use that quote for the cover because I only said it ironically! I think.
"I bet this comic book would be even better than it seems to be if only I were smarter!" -- Grunion Guy!
"A must read!" -- Grunion Guy. I didn't steal Uproxx's quote! Mine doesn't have a dash because I think the dash is pretentious!
"If somebody uses one of my quotes for the cover, I'll owe somebody a pretty good handjob!" -- Grunion Guy!
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