Detective Comics #51

And here we have John Romita Jr's rendition of the ever popular "Batman With Gun."

The Review
DC Comics isn't done with Jim Gordon yet! Tomasi still has a pulpy tale to tell starring Jim and his old Marine buddies! It feels like exactly what it was probably written for: to fill the space between Batman coming back and Rebirth hitting the shelves. I don't mind when Detective Comics is actually about the detectives in the Gotham Police Department but I do mind when the detective focused on is Jim Gordon, especially when Gordon has been the focus of this book and Batman for the last year. I'd much rather get a story about Bullock going on a blind date, or Montoya going on a blind date, or Sawyer going on a blind date. In fact, can DC change the title of this comic book to Blind Date Comics?

The Commentary
This issue is called "Our Gordon At War" because Tomasi doesn't have the proper perspective to realize that everybody is sick of Jim Gordon stories. The previous sentence originally read "because nobody can get enough of Jim Gordon stories" but I felt that sarcasm isn't the right way to go. I realize that being sarcastic might confuse the Internet since 95% of the Pie Chart of people reading about comic books on the Internet consists of Self-Diagnosed With Aspergers, Compelled To Play Devil's Advocate, Unintelligent and Belligerent, Offended By Everything, and Simple Troll. The other 5% consists of Super Intelligent People Who Understand Subtlety, Parody, and Sarcasm Who Appreciate The Greatest Comic Book Blog On The Internet. I should clarify for 95% of the internet that by "greatest comic book blog on the internet," I'm referring to this blog, Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, and not that Weird Science one where the reviewers feel bad if they have to say a comic book is shit (they also seem to use about 50% of the periods available daily thanks to that Shannara guy).

I have a feeling that after mentioning my blog name, 95% of the people reading this are snorting and saying, "Chai means tea, asshole." By the way, my blog's name is directed at those people. Whether or not they understand it is hardly the point!

I have a feeling that after mentioning the Weird Science blog, I should make it my nemesis since I've forgotten who my previous internet nemesis was. Some other shitty review site that used Vlogs for reviews because their members, apparently, can't read.

This issue begins with a guy running through a crowd in a Gotham street pushing people aside. It serves to remind me that I find something creepy about the way Pasarin draws people. Their bodies aren't quite in proportion and they always have teeny tiny beady eyes. The guy on the run is looking to put Jim Gordon's life in danger. Or warn him of the danger, maybe. I don't really know which is the cart and which is the horse. The guy's name is Berenger and he's one of Jim's old Marine buddies. They apparently buried some Necronomiconesque MacGuffin out in the desert years ago but now everybody involved is dying. To prove he's telling Jim the truth, Berenger dies.

Why are so many henchmen willing to give up their lives for their job? I can't even bother to look busy while I'm waiting for the clock to strike five.

I think that whole bit about not even bothering to look busy is why I don't have a regular job and had to start my own business. Managers hate it when you roll your eyes and make a jerking off motion with your hand every time they speak. I once had a manager cry in a review meeting because I wasn't her friend. Needless to say, I didn't get a raise. I also didn't go to Human Resources about her unprofessional behavior because her sister was head of HR. Instead I just quit not long after. People often talk about the benefits of not having any debt but they seldom mention the greatest benefit of all: telling your current job to shove it at the drop of a hat and releasing yourself from the hell of it all.

The guy dying for his beliefs invoked the name of some person named Amun-Set. I'm an atheist and I have an equal displeasure for all religions save one: The Shakers. Now that's a religion I admire. Or admired? I suppose, according to Princess Wikipedia's supreme knowledge of omnithing, the Shakers are still accepting members even though they technically closed the doors in 1957. That's disappointing! One of the things I admired about them (aside from their belief in the equality of the sexes, their refusal to have children and indoctrinate them into their beliefs, and their cool dance moves) was the fact that they didn't do a whole lot to keep from dying out. I appreciate a religion that doesn't feel the need to recruit new members. I suppose they still aren't recruiting but just accepting novitiates who come of their own free will. So they're still cool with me.

Gordon begins investigating his friend's death but I figure whatever he finds out or doesn't find out, Gordon is going to be grabbing a shovel and heading out to a foreign desert soon.

Eventually Jim makes it to Afghanistan to continue investigating the investigation. I'm still just waiting for him to dig up the skeleton from his past. I mean I'm waiting for the literal digging up and not the whole metaphorical digging up which is just him running around stealing files and asking questions he probably shouldn't be asking.

The secret Jim and his fellow Marines stumbled upon years ago was a temple hidden in the desert where a cult of wackos righteous believers cut strips of skin off of captives to barbecue for Amun-Set or his worldly monsters. That part hasn't been revealed yet! But since everybody is really scared, I can't imagine the enemy is simply human cult members. There's got to be a Mummy or a Jackalwere appearing somewhere in the next half of this story!