Thursday, April 7, 2016

Batman Beyond #11


Batman Beyond Thunderdome.

Rating: I don't know why I read superhero comic books anymore because they rarely ever tell stories that touch me in any meaningful way. And it's not like I get excited about the adventure of it all. I suppose most of the entertainment I consume is like that though. There's a lot of shallow shit out there. Don't get me wrong. A lot of it is entertaining. But I like to read stuff that means something every now and then. Batman Beyond isn't that. But it's also not bad. It does what it's supposed to do which is present a comic book adventure in the future DC Universe. It's not a great future but it's, at least, a lot more interesting than Futures End was making it.

It's been eleven issues of this and forty-eight issues of Futures End and I still don't know why Batman Beyond had to become Tim Drake. Poor Terry McGinnis. Let's pour one out for Terry! Oh shit. I just spilled my tea on my carpet. I got too into the moment! I don't know why since I never cared about Terry McGinnis. Come to think of it, I never cared about Tim Drake either! So it doesn't really matter to me as long as everybody just keeps calling him Batman.

Neo-Gotham has survived the machinations of Brother Eye. But now they have to weather their next crisis: a flood of refugees! The refugees were angry that they weren't getting immediate relief from the meager stocks of food and medicine within Neo-Gotham's walls so they've stormed the city and declared everything theirs. That seems like a solution that's only going to cause more problems. Now that the outside refugees have stormed their way in and taken over, how are they themselves going to split up the food and medicine? If the informal leader doesn't give as much to the next asshole as that asshole believes he deserves, who's to say he's wrong for rising up and taking as much as he needs from the new refugee leader? People really should think through the logic of their decisions instead of letting fear, greed, and desire rule their choices. Because now they have no moral ground to stand upon when somebody with more weapons comes along and demands they're given all that they want. How has civilization even survived this long when it seems there are two main rules: fight for what you want and fight to keep what you have. What a fucking hassle. I'd rather be dead.

I mean, I don't want to be dead! But the push and pull of need and desire isn't quite strong enough to be upsetting in my current life. Although last night I had some really weird anxiety dreams about not feeling safe enough within my own home. Eventually that dream led to a huge party with a dessert buffet and me trying to convince some friend I didn't recognize that I wasn't stealing pages from his prescription pad. Then Jason Priestley almost hit me as he drove through the room in a blue convertible. I wasn't wondering what had become of Jason Priestley but apparently his agent has now booked him for brief appearances in people's dreams.

Meanwhile in Metropolis (not Neo-Metropolis because I don't know why), Batman Beyond has seemingly been killed by a mind-controlled Justice League: Z-Listers. That's probably not true though. It's just a plot device to ratchet up the tension to an unbearable level. I'm so fucking worried I can't even pucker my ass.


Oh thank God*! I have full control of my ass again! *Use of the term "God" does not constitute belief in said being.

Terry's brother Matt shows Tim the secret weapon he's found in a stasis tube: Superman! Boy, I sure hope releasing him doesn't turn into a whole Batman Beyond v Superman Beyond: Future Dawn of Justice thing!

Batman Beyond (whom I really should learn to simply refer to as Batman) goes right back out to continue battling the Justice League: Z-Listers because they've decided to keep destroying Metropolis. That seems like a good idea since Tim just got his ass handed back to him by them. I suppose now that he had a brief respite, he's ready to get back into the action! Plus that whole cliffhanger with his death was resolved so no reason to not get back to the action now.

The Animal-man hybrids rebel against Doctor Evilguy and smash his Techno-manipulation device. But who cares about how the Justice League: Z-Listers plus Superman have now gotten their own minds back! There's a big double-page advert for a Hanna-Barbera comic called FutureQuest by Jeff Parker and Evan Shaner! It stars the Herculoids as well as some others you may have heard of but I don't care about as much as The Herculoids. Blue Falcon and Dynomutt aren't in this advertisement but I'm hoping they eventually join the crew. Maybe I should send Jeff Parker a Tweet to remind him about their existence and how I'll keep reminding him every day until they show up.

Batman introduces himself to Superman as Tim Drake and Superman introduces himself as Jon. I hope I like him better as an adult than as that little rascal from Lois and Clark.

I wonder if I should read the new Scooby Doo book as well. It's by Giffen and DeMatteis so I might just purchase it to turn into a drinking game.

Superman heads over to Neo-Gotham to lecture everybody about how to live their lives. What a fucking Douch├ęstork. He disappears for the entire Brother Eye war and now he thinks he can return to tell everybody how to live their lives? I hope everybody still hates him!

Nope, they all must love him because the riots stop even though not everybody has the food they need. I guess they trust Superman to get around to feeding them after he's done celebrating with the Justice League. Meanwhile, that Rewire guy is all, "Fucking fuck. Fucking League fuckers. Fuck them fuckers." But he's got a boss who is all, "Don't sweat it, bro! We got this!"

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