Saturday, March 30, 2013

Justice League of America #2

I believe Catwoman has Katana's sword up her ass.

Now that we've gotten to know all about the members of the Justice League of America, it's time to see them in action! And by "see them in action", I mean punching each other in the face and bickering. I also wonder if Martian Manhunter has a Jones for Oreos in the Reboot.

Issue Two begins by making sure the reader remembers that the Justice League of America's main reason for existence is to defeat the Justice League. And it begins with the Scarecrow locked in a chair. Are they going to get information from a bunch of villains that will help them defeat the Justice League? Because David Graves the cancer-ridden author already did that.

Oh yeah! I forgot it was the bad guys that were hunting down the Scarecrow, not the "good" guys! The mystery man with the cane is interviewing the Scarecrow. I wonder if Super Villains have a website like Linked In where they can tout their skills and attempt to get a sweet Legion of Doom gig.

Mr. Mystery is going to summon Cthulhu?

Green Arrow tried to infiltrate the Secret Society of Super Villains as Dark Hunter but they sussed him out and nearly killed him with Professor Ivo's Justice League robots. Now Green Arrow is in surgery and being saved instead of being put out of his (and the reader's) misery. Trevor wants to know more of what Green Arrow knows before they attempt to stop the Secret Society of Super Villains but Amanda Waller wants him to prep the team and send them out without any information. Hey! That's how she runs the Suicide Squad! And people die all of the time (although they do tend to come back). You'd think she'd want to try something different with a bunch of heroes! But she's more interested in pushing Steve Trevor around than keeping the team safe, so Trevor goes to brief the team on their first mission. I don't know why they don't just bring Martian Manhunter in to read Green Arrow's mind and get the information they need. The leadership on this team sucks. Utilize your members!

Now I sound like a Porn Director!

Who said he was trying to look at your eyes? Sheesh!

At the first meeting of the Justice League of America, they all have chairs with symbols on the back indicating who gets to sit where. I have no fucking idea what Catwoman's symbol is or why Vibe thinks it might be for Captain Atom. It looks like a cotton ball with two lines through it. Maybe it represents a cat playing with a toy. Or a cat having sex with a bat.

Everybody is being prepped for their press conference to be introduced to the public. Except for Catwoman who must remain behind because she didn't dress appropriately. I'm also surprised that Martian Manhunter isn't being kept secret. It's not like anybody will know who he is anyway since he erased everybody's minds. They'll probably all just be afraid of the giant green man with the Oreo crumbs all over his face. Before they leave Catwoman behind, she has one last thing for Trevor.

I think this completes the circuit so that Superman basically kissed Batman. Superman--Wonder Woman--Steve Trevor--Catwoman--Batman.

Steve Trevor is manhandled by a legendary thief and he doesn't check to make sure he still has his wallet after this. Because he doesn't. As I said earlier, the leadership of this team sucks. Does he know what any of the members of the team are capable of? I don't think he actually read all of the files!

Inside the wallet, Catwoman finds a picture of Wonder Woman with Steve Trevor and she grows melancholy because she understands never getting to have sex again with a member of the Justice League. Fucking teases.

At the press conference, Stargirl gives a speech written for her by Waller's goons. The speech talks about Johnny Appleseed and how he was a selfless hero and humanitarian that helped shape our country with his selfless apple planting. I think the speech writer needs to read a fucking biography on Johnny Appleseed and stop spreading ignorant lies! Or it's an apt analogy because the Justice League of America also wants to be seen as heroes even though they have ulterior motives and selfish interests.

Meanwhile, Steve Trevor brings Martian Manhunter in to read Green Arrow's mind. Okay, so maybe the leadership isn't as horrible as I thought. And maybe Steve Trevor allowed Catwoman to steal his wallet so she'd find the picture so she'd feel a connection to him. Perhaps Steve Trevor is a super genius! Martian Manhunter discovers that Green Arrow fought against a robotic Batman. Although he may not have made the connection that this Batman was a robot since he simply tells Steve Trevor that Batman was there. I don't know who's playing whom in this drama!

Once Steve Trevor gets the information, he tells Green Arrow, "You suck!", and tells him he can't be on the team. According to the cover, I'm pretty sure that will change. But for now, the Justice League of America is off on their first mission! I wonder how many of them will die?

By the end of the story, none of them have been killed but several of them have disappeared, Martian Manhunter can't use his telepathy (of course!), and Steve Trevor's neck ends up in Robot Wonder Woman's noose. I guess I'll have to wait until Issue Three to see who dies.

The back-up story is an analogy about the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001. Starring some unnamed assassin as the terrorists, Martian Manhunter as the government, and President Obama as the American Public!

Justice League of America #2 Rating: +1 Ranking. The worst part about this comic is that every time Catwoman is on the page, I picture David Finch's boner as he was drawing her. I feel dirty!


  1. Your banner is intense. Where is it from?

    It looks like the Legion of Doom story arc is going to play out in both Justice League books? I hope things pick up a little faster because Justice League is getting boring.

    1. The banner is Jenny Sparks, the Spirit of the Nineteenth Century. It's from All Star Western the month they promoted 19th Century Stormwatch coming up.

      Justice League has been really hit and miss on the pacing and stories. Even though it's supposed to be DC's exemplary title, it's really just middle of the road comic book stuff. I guess that exemplifies The New 52!

    2. I obviously meant Jenny Freedom. Whoops.

  2. I'm calling it now; the mysterious man with the hat and cane looks like the Riddler circa Alex Ross/Jim Krueger's JUSTICE maxi a few years back. it just has to be, especially considering the growing roster's already starting to look like the classic Legion of Doom.