Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wonder Woman #18

Who would be destroyed by the Gods?

Get your Amazonian Wonder Bracelets ready, kids! It's time for The Bullet Point Review! That's where I get to relax and read Wonder Woman and just list the essential plot points for my future self next month! See? I told you to get your bracelets ready so you could deflect the bullet points I'm going to throw at you!

There may also be pictures.

  • Wonder Woman and War travel to Demeter's Realm hoping to find Zola's stupid baby that's causing all of this trouble. Why doesn't she just get a kitten?
  • Hermes ambushed them while saying, "Go, I say, go away War. Ya bother me."

"That's a joke son! See? He's got, I say, he's got rooster feet!"

  • Wonder Woman battles Hermes and isn't instantly killed. That's impressive, right? He's supposed to be pretty fast! Wonder Woman must get a lot of practice blocking quick hands since she's currently dating Superman.
  • The First Born battles Poseidon. I don't know the statistics of either of these characters. My guess is The First Born will defeat Poseidon or else the whole First Born story arc will end with a gigantic whimper.
  • Hermes wants to keep the baby because the baby was put under his protection. The whole maternal bond doesn't seem to be a decent argument as to why the baby doesn't belong to him.

This attack by Hermes seems like a bad idea. Aren't Amazons trained to destroy male genitalia on sight? And he's just offering his up on a figurative silver platter here! Man, I'd like to see him offer them up on a literal silver platter. I wonder if Hermes has a rooster penis?

  • Using DNA from Diana's ass to locate her in Demeter's Realm, Orion Boom Tubes in and rescues Hermes' genitals by yanking Wonder Woman out of the battle.
  • Hermes calls Orion a dog.
  • Orion wants to kill Hermes but Wonder Woman pulls on his leash and keeps him on track.
  • Wonder Woman and Orion run from Hermes while looking for Zola's Baby, Little Zeus.

Technically Orion doesn't know absolutely that he's supposed to kill Zola's child.

  • Hermes is crippled yet again when Wonder Woman cuts off one of his foot wings.
  • War makes his way to Demeter, rips open her wooden belly, and pulls out Zola's baby.
  • Should I be calling War "Ares"?
  • The last night of my work week, I sometimes repeat this over and over: "I am Jack's Grecian Urn."
  • My work weeks generally only run three days. And about five hours a day.
  • Now that I own my own business, I have this desperate feeling that I can't continue to keep it going. Mostly because I despise having to do things for money. I just want to be "UNLEASHED!" from it all!
  • Those bullet points were the part of the commentary where I wedge in something about my personal life.
  • This is the part where I go back to talking about the comic book. Maybe ease back into it by beginning with a picture.

Poseidon makes the classic big monster mistake: he swallows somebody with invulnerability and super strength. Chew thoroughly before you swallow, Sir!

  • Wonder Woman comes upon the wounded Demeter and shows compassion. What kind of a warrior is she?! She keeps winning all of her battles with hugs and warm fuzzies!
  • Wonder Woman kicks herself for trusting War. Orion points out she didn't trust him; she took a calculated risk.
  • Wonder Woman feels consoled. Orion feels her up. Well, not exactly. I imagine he would be a neuter right now if he'd tried. But he does flirt with her! Diana walks away disgusted.
  • Diana returns to the apartment to find everybody in a good mood because War brought the baby back to Zola! Surprise! War is a big softie! Except he probably just did it so that some people would be in his debt.
  • This last page I'm about to scan in made me laugh out loud.

What a great family shot. Thanks Cliff Chiang for being the awesomest.

Wonder Woman #18 Rating: +1 Ranking. I love reading this comic book and I hate writing commentary on it. It's a book I should be really talking about and pulling apart and dissecting. But I just want to enjoy reading it. I can't believe how much I'm enjoying the Big Three and a Half Heroes (Aquaman is the 1/2, if anybody was wondering).

No comments:

Post a Comment