Monday, February 27, 2012

Red Hood and the Outlaws #4

The question, "What does Crux want?" is finally answered!

The snow globe the Outlaws found last issue bring them to Middleton, Colorado. Why? Because the snow globe said Colorado on it! And Colorado only has the one city. They check for leads in a bar where we see the residents of Middleton are either big, giant oafish men...

Or tight-assed, perfectly-breasted women.

I guess that would make Middleton, Colorado, just another average place on Comic Book Earth.
Jason and Roy make the rounds looking for clues while Starfire remains floating in the air watching over them. Why?

Well? Put some Goddamn clothes on!

Coming to Middleton, Colorado was a pretty good idea because Jason and Roy immediately find one of these Untitled creatures. Yes, it isn't one person. According to Jason Todd, they are "a very ancient and evil mystical race--maybe a dozen left on the planet--who have been hiding among humans for centuries." And they apparently eat people's organs by phasing their hands into the victim's body. Why? To eat the organ and gain the memories of the victim!

This creature thinks the All-Caste broke the truce. So maybe the Untitled were looking for answers in the Chamber of All. And maybe they didn't leave the clue at all but the Chamber of All left the clue because it knows everything and answers the questions of those who traverse its depths wisely. Or something.

Jason is saved by Speedy with a little help from the Untitled.

Your puny weapons can't hurt me! Only a bucket of water can---I'M MELTING!

Luckily for this Untitled, Jason Todd has already informed Roy of this. I mean, unluckily since Roy kills her. But luckily because she didn't just blab the secret of killing her which would have been totally embarrassing in the Untitled Afterlife.

Dead Untitled #1: "Geez! Once I survived to the modern era, I thought I was so safe! I mean, seriously, nobody makes copper weapons anymore!"
Dead Untitled #2: "Tell me about it! Know how I died? Guy dropped a penny off the Empire State Building! Bam! Right through my head!"
Dead Untitled #1: "Oh man! Suck! Know how I ate it? Electrocuted by Copper wiring! Yeah, seriously! Technicality, I guess. What about you, new chick?"
Dead Untitled #3: "I was taunting some guy. And, well, um, I, uh, sort of mentioned that, well, only copper could harm me."
Dead Untitled #1 and #2: "...."

The Untitled doesn't die from Arsenal's copper hook to the head. It reforms its head and attacks Red Hood. But that fight won't be until next issue. Meanwhile, Arsenal has run off to help Starfire because they saw Starfire's 'energy signature' (hee hee) from a distance.

Oh yeah. Starfire. And that guy on the cover. Crux. Ugh. It's less brawl than exposition. Crux distracts Starfire with his endless blabbing about how his parents were killed by a Tamaranean War Cruiser that landed on Earth (specifically, on his parents' car). The Tamaranean walked away without giving out its insurance information and on that day, Crux was born!

It's partly done tongue-in-cheek because it's obvious how stupid the whole thing is. Crux gives Starfire his whole backstory and reason for finding her and beating the crap out of her. He studied all alien technology and tracked all the aliens that came to earth and used their DNA to splice into his so he could use their powers against them and dissected corpses and used every resource available to him (and he even used some resources that weren't available to him. Hunh?) to "find and eliminate" Starfire's kind.

So what does he do? He takes away her powers and leaves.

Perhaps he doesn't know what eliminate means. My friend from high school that I mentioned before, Soy Rakelson, thought that decadent meant delicious. And one of my cousins thought that nubile meant limber. So, you know, maybe Crux thinks 'eliminate' means 'to take away a person's Starbolt power'. Crux takes away her power by using a Tamaranean Transubstantiator which he found in the cellar of a Mayan Temple underneath some old copies of Ritual Killings magazine. And there was no way Starfire could have avoided this thing since it's about the size of a twenty story building and shoots green fire and is just sitting out in the open expanse of snowy waste.

Transubstantiator? So he turned Starfire into Jesus?

While lying on the ice, Starfire moans for Richard. So taking away her power must also have meant taking away her proud amnesia and now she remembers how much she loves Nightwing.

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