Batman #8

Didn't this happen at the end of Beauty and the Beast?

I saved reading Batman #8 until I read Nightwing #8 because Nightwing's cover says "Night of the Owls Prelude" and Batman's cover says "Night of the Owls Begins." But Nightwing's comic begins at 7:40 PM on the Night of the Owls and Batman's begins at 7:01 PM on the Night of the Owls! So once again, I failed to figure out the proper order in which to read these stupid comics. I believe I have a 100% failure rate for figuring out which comic comes first. But I think only one time was it not my fault and that's when I didn't read the Next Month in Superboy blurb very carefully. The rest of the time, DC has made it seem exactly opposite the way the comics should be read. Perhaps if I was reading the To Build Worlds bullshit at the end of each comic, it would become clearer. But that thing is full of spoilers so fuck that. DC, you need to start numbering your cross-overs on the cover the way Suicide Squad did way back when they crossed over with Checkmate.

So Batman begins at 7:01. I suppose by 7:40, the Talon Willam Cobb will come back to life, head on over to Nightwing #8, and mortally wound Dick Grayson. But there's still 39 minutes before that happens. Let's see what takes place!

Bruce Wayne is still feeling insecure after his ambush by the Court of Owls. It's as if a lover he thought he knew intimately had been married to another all along and Bruce just found out that he was Gotham's other woman. Batman was the whore on Gotham's arm all this time. The Court of Owls have been Gotham's partner for at least a century before Batman even existed. And now he's pouting and upset.

I've never seen Batman so thrown by something before. But this is the perfect story line to show Batman confused and bewildered and emotional. One of the great things about this story arc is how Snyder began the entire run of the comic by making a Gotham a distinct character in the play. And now it's as if Gotham has betrayed him and he doesn't know where to turn. Dick Grayson tried to talk some sense into him last issue and Dick was absolutely right. Gotham is not Batman and Batman is not Gotham. Bruce needs to extricate himself from that bond if he's going to be able to pull himself out of this.

Alfred comes in to help Bruce. Bruce thinks Alfred is trying to help metaphorically and emotionally but Alfred knows his role better than the lot of them and he really is just trying to make sure that medically and physically, Bruce gets better. That's not to say Alfred isn't good at all the emotional and psychological stuff too!

Now give him an adult backrub, Alfred!

Alfred and Bruce hear a thump on the roof as they speak. Bruce sends Alfred down to the Batcave to monitor the system's surveillance and report to Bruce via his Info-Lens and Earpiece. Unbeknownst to Alfred, a Talon follows him down into the Batcave as Bruce confronts the owl in the attic.

Batman takes out the first Talon. At least for a moment. But his troubles are only mounting.

Why so many Talons to take out one man? Do they need information from Wayne to find the other people that Alfred warns Nightwing they're going to assassinate? Is Wayne Manor just the starting point for some reason? They knew Nightwing was Dick Grayson so perhaps they know Batman is Bruce Wayne?

Bruce leads the Talons to the roof of Wayne Manor (just like the cover depicts! Surprise!)! That's because he had a special escape chute installed in the chimney that pops open when a button is pressed (probably keyed to his fingerprint). It closes and locks behind him as he drops down, leaving the Talons up on the roof.

Okay, they didn't know about Batman. Until now. Does Batman mind killing people that actually died a long time ago and are only being kept alive by some weird alchemical mysticism?

Now Batman only has to deal with the single Talon that followed Alfred into the Batcave. Oh, and William Cobb Talon which still needs to come back to life to go get Nightwing. That guy is down here as well. Hopefully Alfred brought his shotgun so he can be of some use. Although what they really need is a Mr. Freeze Gun. Does Batman have a souvenir one of those?

See the giant penny? Alfred topples it on to the Talon, pinning it. Bruce removes the creature's claw which looks like it houses a Pip-Boy. And then Bruce and Alfred are on the run again as the rest of the talons flood into the cave. And, well, it looks like they did know the Bruce Wayne/Batman secret! And if they know, then a whole shitload of secret society Court of Owls people know! Man, why even bother with the secret identity anymore!

Alfred and Bruce take refuge in the armory. Batman pulls a microdrive out of the Talon's Pip-Boy and Alfred gets to work pulling information out of it. You know, that information that he gives Nightwing in the Night of the Owls PRELUDE! Stupid DC. Oh yeah, when the Talon's invaded the cave, they cut the freezing solution wired into William Cobb. So that's how he escaped!

Batman comes up with a plan!

And that plan mostly consists of kicking asses.

That's the end of Part One of Night of the Owls. I'm not sure if many of the other issues tell any kind of linear plot or if it will just be a bunch of random heroes fighting Talons in their own individual comics. I'll probably find out soon since I've got Detective Comics #9 Night of the Owls by master storyteller Tony Daniel sitting here as well as Batwing #9 Night of Owls by master of reality television and friend of Pedro Judd Winick (whose Massacre story line ended really nicely so I'm going to put making fun of Judd on hiatus for a bit!).

But before digging into those comics, Batman has become a $3.99 comic this month! It now has a back-up story! I don't know if this will be permanent. If so, DC seems to have decided to stop "Holding the Line at $2.99!" Because only one of the six cancelled titles was a $3.99 comic and at least two of the new six are $3.99 (Earth-2 and G.I. Combat). Which means my comic book costs just went up $3! I mean, $2.25 because of my comic book store discount! Anyway, on to the back-up story.

Oh! The back-up story continues the main story but with a different artist.

Still not caught up to the Prelude in Nightwing #8!

This story just focuses on Alfred discovering the list of people who the Talon are planning on assassinating. Alfred puts out the call to all of the Bat-Allies in Gotham and sends them a list of the people who need protection.

Who is going to have to protect The Penguin?!

That's pretty much that! And now I have to guess which Night of the Owls Comic to read next? It probably doesn't matter.

Batman Issue #8 Rating: No change. It's #1! What more do you want?

Nightwing #8

After seeing the lame treading water stories that came out of The Culling Preludes, I'm not exactly expecting a lot here.

Now that Nightwing has learned he was supposed to be a Talon and now that he's lost a tooth thanks to fucking Batman and his amazing fisticuffs dentistry, let's see what Nightwing plans to do with himself.

Except this issue isn't about Nightwing! It's about the Talon that is planning on killing Nightwing during the Night of the Owls! He was born in 1901 and here he is at 9 years old:

This is not an accurate portrayal of juggling three balls.

I learned to juggle one Thanksgiving when I was ten or so. I think I had three pairs of balled up socks and I was trying to juggle them like you would see on a cartoon: throwing all three around in the same direction. My older cousin who didn't actually know how to juggle but knew a lot more about it than I did told me that wasn't how it was done. He made kind of a motion how the balls were supposed to travel and I picked it up from that. By the end of the meal, I was juggling. Not really well. But I was doing it correctly and somewhat competently. The kid in the panel above just looks like he's throwing three balls in the air and smiling like a mental patient. "WHHHEEEE!"

Here he is doing wrong again! And smiling like a moron about it!

The boy's father had died while building a bridge and the boy was left on his own while his mother worked at a textiles factory. And she probably worked 12-16 hour shifts!

Are you kidding? You're nine years old in 1910! I'm surprised you don't have a family and a 60 hour a week job!

He was not supposed to be begging but what else could he do? He couldn't juggle very well!

Goddamnit! Now he's juggling four balls and he's doing an even worse job than three!

And now five! And it's a total fucking mess!

One day when the boy was throwing the balls into the air haphazardly, a man in the crowd had his wallet picked. The boy fired a ball at the thief's head, knocking him unconscious. The man whose wallet was saved offered the boy a new job. But then the scene moves to present day Gotham with Nightwing so I don't know if he offered the boy a job as a Talon or not.

Nightwing is busy breaking into the Gotham Police Evidence Locker to examine his baton found at the scene of that double murder a few issues ago when Alfred sends a message to the Bat-Gang.

How did Alfred get this list of victims?

Nightwing heads off to protect Mayor Hady. But isn't Mayor Hady an asshole? Let him die!
Nightwing arrives a bit too late to save a number of security guards and one of the councilmen. But stupid Mayor Hady is still alive. Isn't Mayor Hady the guy working with the Dollmaker over in Detective Comics?

Back to 1910, the young Talon has been offered a job to join Haly's circus.

They can bill him as The Boy Who Can Throw Six Balls Chaotically Into The Air!

The boy who couldn't juggle was given knives to throw at a human target! I don't know if his technique at knife throwing was any good though since I have no experience throwing knives. Except maybe a few small souvenir knives at the sides of redwoods. The boy became a local celebrity and soon feel in love with Amelia Crowne, the daughter of one of Gotham's elite families. This family was on the level of the Waynes or the Cobblepots or the Arkhams!

Back to the present, Nightwing continues to maim the Talon and the Talon continues to heal and keep coming. Doesn't Dick remember what Bruce said: the Talon's healing power can be nullified by the cold! Get the fucking ice cubes out, bitch!

Nightwing kills the one that was sent to assassinate Mayor Hady. But what about the one sent to kill Dick Grayson that can't fucking juggle to save his life?

See? I tried to fucking warn you, you idiot!

I don't know how William Cobb regenerated and got his ass out of the Batcave. Maybe that will take place in Batman #8. Even though this is a prelude! Batman should be more careful with his regenerating corpses.

Nightwing Issue #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. Consistently looks good. Consistently tells a solid story. I can overlook the poor juggling representation this time.

Batman #7

This already happened!

Batman nearly drowns and is only saved from the brink of death by a young woman named Harper that I don't recognize.

Scott from Polite Dissent says you should never shock a flatline!

Batman storms out of Harper's van telling her that he meant it when he told her to leave him alone. So she's a Bat-Groupie from the Old DCU is my guess.

While Batman is making his way back to his Batlair to be healed by Alfred's super awesome tea, The Court of Owls is busy resurrecting Talons. If they resurrect more than one at at time, how is Batman supposed to defeat them all? Is this why the Night of the Owls is about to happen? Lots and lots of Talons who must be beat back by all of the Bat-Heroes?

Alfred's work is never, never, never, never ever done.

Back at the Batcave, Bruce, as usual, doesn't want Alfred to tend to him while other work is to be done. So even though Bruce is probably starving and half-drugged and exhausted and dehydrated and bruised and beaten and bleeding internally, he still wants to examine the corpse of the Talon first.
While Batman examines the corpse, Nightwing enters the Batcave and we see the scene from the end of Nightwing #7. But this one has a lot more added dialogue so I'm not going to demand my 15 cents back for each repeated page! Batman explains how the corpses were reanimated.

Here's a little story about Electrum.

What's great about Nightwing #7 that I didn't bitch about although I've bitched about it every other time was that Batman punched Nightwing and I didn't realize why. It bothered me that, once again, a hero was beating on another hero. After Batman punched Nightwing, he showed him a tooth with an owl on it and I didn't realize the tooth had come from Nightwing. I thought Batman was just exhausted and tired and it was his version of slapping some sense into Dick when Dick was becoming hysterical. It was much clearer in this comic that he was punching the Electrum Tooth out of Dick. And anyway, of course Bruce had a perfectly logical reason for socking the fuck out of his first Robin.

I just figured anyone not reading this comic would like to see Nightwing being smacked around by Batman's pimp hand.

And then before Batman can have his proper tea and time to heal, the Night of Owls begins!

What building are they coming out of? It's covered in Owls! Don't you think Batman would have checked it out?

Batman Issue #7 Rating: +1 Rating! If only! No, no, it can't actually move up. But this issue is one of the reasons why Action Comics can't take the #1 spot until this comic stops being so fucking awesome. Just the scene with Bruce and Dick and their dialogue makes for a great read. That's how a comic is built! Not with Narration Boxes saying wanna be profound shit! But real characters talking and building a history and a relationship and acting consistent for their character!

Batman #6

Best Batman cover so far.

Last issue left Batman lost, drugged, and stabbed beneath the streets of Gotham. The Talon has finally made himself known after Batman has spent days wandering the labyrinth drinking drugged water.

I don't remember if I noticed the pictures showed the people aging as they remained trapped in the labyrinth and continually wandered down there for years.

Batman spends the majority of this issue being beaten by the Talon. Then Batman spends the minority of the issue beating the shit out of the Talon. Then the Batman uses the old "slip the potassium chlorate out of the camera that has been taking his picture again and again, ignite it over the soft white marble at the base of the owl fountain, and slip through the hole created into the river below" plan. After Batman slips away and is dragged off in the river (hopefully to be rescued by Alfred next issue!), the Court of Owls come out of hiding and deal with their failed Talon.

The woman in the wheelchair kicks the Talon into the river with Batman.

Throwing one Talon out doesn't matter when you've got a whole mausoleum full of them!

I guess the open casket was where the Talon that was just discarded came from. Lincoln March seems to be off the hook. Especially after the spoiler from Nightwing #7 that the Talon that Batman just defeated was Nightwing's great grandfather kept alive by some mysterious means.

Batman Issue #6 Rating: No change. It wouldn't have garnered a +1 even if there were room to move up the rankings. This issue was mostly just Batman and the Talon beating the shit out of each other. Slight revelations and Batman's escape were all that happened here. I hope the next issue has more meat.

Nightwing #7

I highly doubt it.

The spectators at the circus are fleeing the fire from the explosion caused by Saiko. The fire is chemical based and the sprinklers are only making it worse. The doors are locked. Everybody is going to die unless Dick Grayson can come up with a plan.

Maybe his plan was to convince Raya that he really loves all of his circus freak friends! That way, she'll go against Saiko and help everyone escape. Too bad Batman is still trapped in the underground owl labyrinth. And Batwoman is currently bouncing across time and fighting Falchion. And Batgirl is busy with Gretel and Batman. Wait, Batman is busy saving Robin from Nobody! Unless he's busy fighting Scarecrow! Or in Penguin's casino. Or helping Batwing stop Massacre. Or lying to Justice League International and telling them they're capable of doing a good job.

Batman sure is busy! No wonder he doesn't have time to help Nightwing!

Oh oh! Here it comes! Confession and Motive Time!

It sounds like Old Man Haly was an asshole. And climbing Barbed Wire naked can make you into a super villain? I bet he could have defeated Nightwing if Haly had made him climb Razor Wire!

Saiko brags that the fire is a magnesium fire. And of course Batman taught young Robin the best way to put out a magnesium fire was to smother it in sand. And Robin learned early on that most of Gotham was built on Catacombs built in layers of sand. So now Nightwing figures that dropping the gigantic Gotham Convention Center Scoreboard will send it crashing right through the floor, taking the fire with it and smothering the fire at ground level as a cloud of sand blows up from the blast!
That's a good plan as long as Batman isn't currently trapped just underneath the Gotham City Circus Convention Center! Or is the Convention Center sponsored by Waynetech? So it's probably Waynetech Arena.

Hopefully the sand blasting everywhere doesn't smother all the people trapped inside the Arena as well. I'm sure they'll all survive. Or anybody that dies isn't important to the DC universe anyway. It's just I don't like to see a story arc where lots of innocent people die but it's okay in the end because the hero survived and he was able to save the people that matter. I've probably read too much Kurt Vonnegut to not care about what happens to everyone in a story. I can't just blind myself to the main characters.

Anyway, Nightwing and Saiko fall to the ground with Nightwing about to fall into the hole caused by the scoreboard and Saiko ready to push him in.

See this, Nathan Edmondson? Kyle Higgins is taking into account cause and effect within the story. The whole sand catacombs scoreboard thing might be a bit over the top and ludicrous but at least he deals with the repercussions of Nightwing's act.

 

Haly's son, the one that felt betrayed that Dick Grayson inherited the circus realizes that Raya and Raymond have lied to him. He did know that they were going to kill Dick but he didn't realize they were going to go this far and kill everyone at the show! Raya may not have known it would be this bad either. But Dick has already gotten to her and she's probably about to open the doors and save everyone from strangling on sand and lack of oxygen.

Raymond must be really messed up to think Raya would follow him this far.

The fight ends with Raymond choosing to plummet to his death into the catacombs (or at least plummet to his disappearance and reemergence 15 issues later) (the police actually find Raymond's body in the catacombs. So maybe he really will stay dead. Maybe). The reason Raymond blamed Dick for the whole mess was because Dick's name was in the book. Dick was meant to be the successor. Which meant Dick was the one they really wanted to torture and train. But Dick left when his parents died and so Haly came for Raymond instead.

But Raymond wasn't good enough and was left in a forest to die. That's why Raymond became Saiko instead of the Court of Owl's next Talon. Yep. That's the secret of the book of names Dick found. It's also a huge Spoiler about Batman #6 and #7 which I haven't read yet!

I guess I'd better read Batman #6 and #7 before Nightwing #8 which is a Prelude to The Night of Owls!

Nightwing Issue #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. Consistently good. The end.

Nightwing #6

They should have Ultimate Fighting matches where one trained fighter goes up against 20 untrained people.

Nightwing and the circus continue to cross the United States. They're currently in Austin, Texas, and Nightwing is out beating the crap out of hired killers trying to track down someone who knows something about Saiko. He eventually crosses the path of a man that has an old, dead phone number. This man also tells Dick that Saiko hasn't been around for awhile because he's on "personal business." The phone number and the message give Dick a little more trail to follow.

Raya (the redhead and Dick's first love) and Raymond (Saiko) have convinced Bryan Haly, the old Circus Owner's son, to put on a tribute show. That's all they've said about the show but I imagine it'll be a tribute show to Dick's parents and the others who died in the circus "accident" so many years ago. I'm making this assumption because that show is where Raymond wants to kill Dick. Raymond somehow thinks Dick is somehow at fault. And Bryan Haly just wants his circus back from Dick, so he'll do anything toward that end. I don't think Haly knows Dick is going to be murdered but I believe he knows something is up about the tribute show that will help him get his circus back.

A lot of that was speculation and I should probably turn the page and get some answers.

He wouldn't be Batman's student if this didn't set off a bunch of alarms and red flags!

The first thing Dick asks Raya is, "How many people know about this?" He can see the set-up on the wall and his detective brain kicks in to start putting together suspects. Of course everybody in the circus knows about it. But at least Dick knows when the attempt is going to be made on his life. And just like Batman, he'll go stumbling right up to the edge of the cliff to catch the bad guy. My guess is he'll go on with the performance and take a bullet just to catch this Saiko. Maybe he'll get Batgirl or Batman to help him out since he'll be out of costume and up on a trapeze.

Apparently I was wrong! Dick tries to shut the show right the fuck down!

Dick tries to stop the show but nobody agrees. The show will go on in Gotham. Speaking of Gotham, a one page scene a bit later shows some Gotham City Po-po investigating the murder of two gang bangers. They find a baton with Nightwing's little red bat symbol on it at the scene. Oh noes!

On the night of the show, Alfred shows up with some words of encouragement for Dick. A lot of words! I'll just scan them in and you can read them if you've got good eyesight.

Alfred is my favorite character in DC. After Ambush Bug. Unless Alfred is Ambush Bug and Ambush Bug is just pretending to be someone named Irwin Schwab.

Before the performance, Dick is shoved out to center ring by his friends and coworkers to give a speech. As he's thanking everyone, the motion sensors he set up in the rafters detect movement. Saiko is in position and watching from above. Dick changes into Nightwing and swings up into the tent to confront Saiko. Although before he goes, Raya seems to realize that Dick really does care for everyone in the circus and considers them all his family. Even though he couldn't stay around after his parents were killed. Who could?

And then lots of explosions happen down on the floor of the circus while Nighwing hangs above it all.

I don't know what Raymond is talking about. I have no idea what happened to him after the tragedy or why he's blaming Dick. I'm pretty sure he's jealous of Raya's feelings for Dick. And maybe he believes that if Dick had been around, whatever happened to him wouldn't have happened. Maybe it will all be explained next issue.

Nightwing Issue #6 Rating: +1 Ranking. I considered not moving it at all but this comic is just a steady workhorse. It's just grinding out a good story and it reminds me of reading comics in the late eighties and early nineties. Good stuff even with a character I normally don't care too much about. I really like him in this series though.

Wonder Woman #8

Wonder Woman's been playing Call of Duty too.

Wonder Woman begins this issue getting together her outfit for her trip to Hell.

Wonder Woman decides to go into Hell alone. I think that's the only way you're allowed to go through Hell. Before Hermes sends her on her way, Hephaestus gives her Cupid's Love Guns. That's not really much of a surprise if you'd read the cover. And you should have since it was a really easy read with practically no words on it!

Currenly, Hell looks like an abandoned London in the middle of a barren world underneath a blood red sky. I feel like I should write a refrain and a melody now. Wonder Woman wonders where all the people have gone as she wanders the empty streets.

They're the street that you're walking on! The buildings you're passing by! The air that you're breathing!

Turns out the dead are also the statues! They shed their stone skin so that they look like something out of the Body Worlds Exhibit by Gunther von Frankenstein. I had to look up that guy's name and it isn't actually Frankenstein. The Body Worlds exhibit was at OMSI in Portland recently and my father-in-common-law and his wife gave me tickets for Christmas. That's the last thing I want to go see. Going from exhibit to exhibit with each one screaming in my head: "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" One thing I do not find fascinating are the mysteries of the human body exposed for me to gawk out.

Hades and Wonder Woman have a philosophical chat about mortality as Wonder Woman hacks up the undead muscle statues.

Says the immortal guy with a death fetish. Life is also desperate and frantic and sweaty and painful and joyous and random.

I've never been convinced by the "Life is meaningful because it ends" argument. Why is life so full of long, boring stretches? Perhaps it's not short enough!

Diana and Hermes defeat the zombie ghouls and leave London proper for the surrounding countryside.

I just scanned this panel for my girlfriend who has a fear of moths.

Deep within the forest, they find a shadow version of Zola's farm. Zola greets them at the door with a shadow shotgun. It appears she's been in Hell just a little longer than the two or three days it took Diana and Hermes to arrive.

Hopefully gestating in Hell doesn't have any side-effects.

Once they've found Zola, they attempt to leave but are stopped by Hades. He wants Diana to make good on her promise. But Diana knows there is no way Hera is going to agree to be Queen to Hades' King. Hades also knows this but he demands a Queen. Or Cupid's pistols. He says he'll forgive Diana's lie if she hands over the pistols.

Oh, come on, Diana! He wants a Queen and he's willing to forget about it for pistols that make people fall in love! Can't you see you're being set up! Don't do it! Also, was Hephaestus in on this plan since it was his idea for Diana to take the guns?

I actually thought Diana was being naive when she handed over the pistols but it actually appears she was overconfident in her bullet deflecting bracelets!

How cute! It emits a little heart with the bullet!

Diana forces Hermes to take Zola away as she lies dying in love in Hell. As Hermes departs, Hades tells him to bring a message to the rest of the family: "Inform our family. There will be a wedding."

Wonder Woman Issue #8 Rating: No change. Wonder Woman, Action Comics, and Batman are far and away the top three comic books in the New 52. They might as well all be #1 while all of J.T. Krul, Tony Daniel, and Nathan Edmondson's comics can be #52!

Wonder Woman #7

Wonder Woman has currently pissed off Hera, Strife, and Hades. Hermes and some guy named Lennox have been helping her out. Poseidon's neutral as long as everyone stays out of his ocean, probably. And Apollo hasn't really revealed what he's up to yet. Let's see who Wonder Woman can piss off this issue while protecting Zola and Zeus's unborn baby (which is probably Zeus!).

It looks like Cupid fires Love Bullets now.

The story begins in Italy with a man chasing after a guy with two guns holstered under his arms. He's complaining that some guy won't stop following him and he wants the other man to do something about it. The other man is most likely Cupid, especially since he has the guns strapped to his chest. A little modern update.

Last issue didn't feel like the previous four issues. It didn't have the same tone or flow or give me the feeling I was reading something well put together. But just this first page of Wonder Woman #7 has me back in the story, completely. This page alone is a simple, well told love story in six panels. I'm sure it continues on the next page with Cupid angry and irate about being touched and having to listen to a mortal demand things of him. But turning this one page into a short story through two characters in the middle of a discussion is how you tell a story. Not Narration Boxes telling me, "I thought I wanted love. He was all I could think about. But then when that mysterious man made my dream come true, I realized I couldn't handle it. I didn't love this man. I loved the idea of loving this man! And love is like begging. Beggars can beg. But do beggars have love? What beggars want is change. And change is what I need right now!" Fuck you, Nathan Edmondson!

Cupid must have played a lot of Call of Duty to unlock the Gold Akimbo Pistols.

Wonder Woman and her group appear (see the top of her head in the bottom of that panel?). Hermes needs a favor from Cupid. I bet it's a matter of love! And for once, a couple of relatives are happy to see each other. I was beginning to think none of them could play well together.

I think the title translates to "Gang Bang."

The favour Hermes asks of Cupid is a meeting with Hephaestus. Wonder Woman's team is looking for weapons to use as either bargaining chips to use against Hades or as, um, you know, weapons to use against Hades. Wonder Woman brags to Hephaestus about her lasso but he's less than impressed. He's unpressed.

Now all she needs is a Chakram!

Wonder Woman doesn't accept the whip. She later proves to Hephaestus that her lasso is all the weapon she needs when Hell sends a magma beast out of the forge to show his displeasure with Hephaestus for giving Wonder Woman and her company weapons to use against him. During the battle with this creature, a number of Hephaestus' men are killed. Wonder Woman thought they were automatons but Hephaestus tells her who they really are.

I hope Wonder Woman is getting college credit for all the learning she's doing.

Hephaestus follows up this revelation with a story about how the Amazons go about getting pregnant.

They do this every 33 years. Eh, there are worse ways to go.

When the Amazons give birth, Hephaestus trades weapons for the boys. Is this legal?! You would think they would set up some sort of trade agreement with China.

Wonder Woman does not take kindly to this history. She sees her brother Amazons as Hephaestus' slaves and decides to free them. Lennox sides with her and they capture Hephaestus and bind him in Diana's lasso. But when Wonder Woman calls for her brothers to rise up and be free, she finds she doesn't know as much as she thinks she knows.

This is like that episode of Degrassi Junior High where Caitlyn starts protests to stop animal testing but then finds out that the drugs she needs to control her epilepsy had to be tested on animals and then the episode ends like most of them did where it just raises more questions and doesn't give the audience any easy answers.

Hephaestus doesn't seem to have any hard feelings. He cares for these thrown away children and realizes that Wonder Woman did what she did because she cares as well. He allows her and her group to stay on and rest overnight before their journey to hell in the morning.

Wonder Woman Issue #7 Rating: +1 Rating. Very, very good. And clever. And nice to look at.