Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Batman: The Dark Knight #4



Apparently Batman contacted all of the Justice League to help him corral all of the escaped Arkhamians. But Flash is the only one who responded. And then he pricked his thumb on one of Poison Ivy's plants last issue and Batman told him to outrun the poison.

No, no. Really. He said that Flash had to outrun the poison! By running really fast, The Flash's heart rate will speed up enough so that he never metabolizes the toxin. Is that how that works? He doesn't just metabolize it faster? Where's my fact checker, Anonymous? I need him to explain this one to me!

The other Justice League Members can't help corral the escaped Arkhamians because, well, they're off corralling all of the escaped Arkhamians!


I do not know what Wonder Woman is looking at while she relays this message to Batman.

Wonder Woman is looking particularly young and shiny here. While Batman still looks ravaged and grim in his mask. I wonder if David Finch just spent all of his time in art school drawing naked women (with models!) and ignoring drawing men (because of naked models!)? I think he just gets bored drawing the men so he doesn't care. He just sloppily gets them out of the way and then spends all day drawing the naked women. I wonder why he didn't get the Birds of Prey job?

I just glanced through the credits of the other 52 comics to see if David Finch was doing anything else and he wasn't. But Paul Jenkins, the co-plotter of this book, wrote the Deadman comic which was terrific. So I wonder if Jenkins has just been saving all of his good ideas for that comic and then just making some easy money agreeing to all of Finch's ideas for this book while he browses the web and plays Facebook games.

Next, we see Gordon leaving a message on Bruce Wayne's phone.



Why does everyone connect Batman and Bruce Wayne? Isn't that counter intuitive to having a secret identity? The whole point is so that people can't mess with Bruce Wayne or people close to him just to get some kind of control over Batman. But everyone already thinks they have some kind of link, it's just going to cause trouble! How did everyone make this connection? Because Batman is running around throwing Batarangs with the Wayne Tech label on them?

It just seems way too careless of Batman for this set-up to happen. I guess he just has to learn in the new universe!


I did not photoshop this. I wish I did. But I didn't.

The best thing about this comic is Alfred. I think maybe Paul Jenkins is writing all of the Alfred stuff. Because of Deadman, for now, I'll pretend Paul Jenkins is a good writer who is letting David Finch carry the weight of this comic. But until he writes a third comic (or his Challengers of the Unknown run of DC Universe Presents sucks (if he writes that story too)), I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

The comic begins (yes, I'm revisiting the beginning!) with this batch of Batman Narration Boxes:



In the first few issues, Batman went on and on about not feeling fear. Then he made a comment about possibly fearing living. Stupid. But now he's making a comment that he suffers from the fear that the ones he loved will get hurt and it will be his fault. And yet he's somehow allowed for everyone in Gotham to tie Batman with Bruce Wayne? Bah! Pshaw!

Stop writing each issue as if they have no relation to the other issues! That's my job! Writing stream of consciousness bullshit as I read the comics. But I'm not getting paid! Fucking plan your book a little better than this, Mr. Finch. Go read Snyder's Batman and learn a little something about story telling.

I'm just going to assume that Batman got some sort of fear toxin in his blood breathing the stupid toxin filled air of stupid Poison Ivy's stupid lab. If that doesn't end up being the case, then you can believe that that's what Finch meant to do as well.

And then, well, fuck. Here. You look.



Deathstroke on the drug. And Batman somehow knew Deathstork (hee hee) would show up. Really? Again. REALLY? Batman, you fucking genius! You're better than Sherlock Holmes, you intuitive mother fucker!

And where did Deathstroke come from? Well, Batman was flying at 4000 feet in the Batplane. And the Batplane took off out of the BatHanger which is in the Batcave which Deathstroke probably doesn't know about. And Deathstroke can't fly (at least not last time I read his comic. I haven't read the new 52 version yet). And Deathstroke would not have been in Arkham Asylum. Deathstroke beats up Batman and throws him from the plane. Deathstroke also falls from the plane. Batman saves himself by gliding into the top of a tree and then using his Batgrapple to stop his plummet. Deathstroke just isn't seen again.

So what the fuck is going on here? I will not accept that Deathstroke took part in this. And Batman is acting all scared when he claimed he was never scared. So is Batman on some sort of hallucinatory fear drug? Did The White Rabbit manage to do something to him? Just before Deathstroke attacks, he finds a bottle of something in the Batplane's cockpit wrapped up in a present. Perhaps this caused Batman's hallucination (because there is no way Deathstroke took part in this. The comic does have editors even though I'm not sure they know what they're doing). Plus, as Batman flew by, The White Rabbit who was hiding in some bushes somewhere in Gotham did this to him:



I don't know what she did. Maybe teleported the box with the drink in it into the Batplane. Or caused Batman to hallucinate Deathstroke and bail out of the plane on his own. Who knows?

But the comic does end the way every other issue ended (except the Poison Ivy one but it was playing on the way the others ended so it kind of counts):



And you can still score some more points by finding the plagiarized lines! Sure, some might call it 'quoting' here. But after all the other places where plot and lines were lifted straight out of other sources, I'm going to stick with plagiarizing.

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