Justice League Dark #1

Madame Xanadu begins the tale jabbering about the future and some such nonsense. She's throwing her Tarot Cards around the room and blabbing on and on about wickedness and innocence. Whatever! Stop looking into the future and just deal with the present! It's practically the same thing! Madame Xanadu is basically a police woman standing in the middle of a prairie with a police baton and watching fifteen murderers slowly make their way to her. She can't do anything but watch them. Not until they're right next to her, anyway. So stop looking at your dumb cards, Missus Xanadu and get into the action!

Moving on, we see June Moone walking down the street and being attacked by a giant demon. I recognize the name, June Moone. The Enchantress? I'd recognize her and her alias from Suicide Squad. I think. If it is her, she has no idea what's going on and soon has even less idea what's going on when she sees a news report of a multitude of hers being run over on the highway.

And then, Shade the Changing Man. I couldn't be happier about this. Shade back and Milligan writing him. This is going to cause me to reread the entire Shade the Changing Man series and I don't have the time for that!

Shade is in a hotel room with Kathy George. She's pleading with him to stay while his Meta-Vest is calling him away. But he can't. He can never stay when the Vest calls. And then Kathy melts away as he's about to leave. And she's aware of what's happening to her. She suddenly realizes she is just a construct created by Shade because he's lonely. And now the question is, is there a real Kathy George out there? Or has Kathy George always been figment of Shade's imagination? And what about Lenny? It wouldn't be too far-fetched.

Here is a picture of Lenny and Kathy. So cute.

The Enchantress has locked herself away in an envelope in a barn in a barren field. In her madness, she is casting strange spells which are warping reality. Perhaps this isn't June Moone, then. I'm sure I know the name from some character from Suicide Squad though!

Except Zatanna is consulting with the Justice League and they all come to the conclusion that the Enchantress is to blame for the wacky stuff since 34 simulacra of June Moone have appeared. So maybe it is her! Whoever it is, the Justice League realize they need to stop this madness. I bet they fail but Shade helps out somehow!

As the Justice League approach, they're surrounded by filthy flying teeth. Ugh. I can just imagine the smell. When I managed a warehouse at Netscape way back in the early mid-nineties, one of the installers, a short guy named Jason, had rotten teeth. The smell when he spoke to you was horrendous. But what was even worse was the time he gave me a ride to a job site. Climbing into his car was like climbing into a mouth filled with shit and rotting bodies. It was awful. I could barely breathe. And he didn't notice a fucking thing. His whole life, he was driving around in this car that smelled like the inside of a coffin. I didn't say a word to him. I'm sure nobody ever said a word to him. Did he go on dates in that car? So I know how the Justice League feels. Superman says, "My God. The smell. It's insane." Yes, yes it is.

Cyborg, Wonder Woman and Superman find themselves quickly overwhelmed by the rotting teeth. Too bad Batman wasn't there to save their asses! He'll probably save them by making a call to the DC Magick Club.

Zatanna and Batman decide it's time for them to go in so they can capture Enchantress and stick her in Belle Reve (See! Suicide Squad reference!). But Zatanna has different plans. She does her backwards speaking spell trick and ties up Batman so she can go off on her own and take out the Enchantress. But Batman thinks she can't do it alone. My guess is he'll find a way to contact the other Tricksters that were on the cover of this issue and they'll get out there to help Zatanna.

John Constantine soon gets the call by seeing Zatanna in a vision. So he's probably on his way. And then June Moone makes her way to, um, some place looking for Boston Brand, the Deadman. Remember him from the DC Universe Presents comic!

The story returns to Madame Xanadu where Shade has arrived. Madame Xanadu has called Shade to her and told him he must put together a group of half-crazy and dangerous men and women to put a stop to the Enchantress since the Justice League failed. Of course Shade is reluctant. But I suppose he'll get on with it next issue!

So far, I'm really liking this comic. I'm not surprised I am but it's the comics I'm really looking forward to that have the greatest ability to disappoint. I also like that the narration boxes for the most part are Madame Xanadu. Since she can see into the future and keep an eye on everyone's present, it makes sense for her to speak as an omniscient narrator. And it gives her something to do besides just sitting around warning people about the rough beasts that might be slouching toward Metropolis.

I hate that Heroes used that poem. Fucking Heroes. What a messed up piece of shit that television show turned out to be! Too much of a reliance on seeing the future to keep the plot moving. So, you know, Justice League Dark, don't fall into that fucking trap!