Blue Beetle #1

So everyone gets to come back to life except Ted Kord?

Blue Beetle opens with the Origin Story of the Scarab which transforms the holder into Blue Beetle. I don't think Ted Kord ever made use of the scarab though. His predecessor, Dan Garrett, found and use it though. So, this Scarab is from some race or organization of intergalactic beings called The Reach. They subdue planets by sending out Space Scarabs to land on planets with intelligent life. The Scarabs then possess the person finding it, turning them into a super soldier that destroys the world they are on and leaves it to be "cocooned" for use by the Hivemasters.

One of these Scarabs is on its way to Earth when it's blasted by a Green Lantern. The Scarab escapes into subspace but reappears near Earth and crashes to the ground, crippled and short-circuiting. I imagine the damage to the Scarab is the reason that Blue Beetle will be able to utilize its powers while not being possessed by its malevolent influence.

Moving far, far, far forward in time, the scene changes to a high school in El Paso. Some jocks are acting like male chauvinist assholes. A drop out cholo threatens to kick their asses because they're being disgusting about a girl named Brenda del Vecchio who is having her Quinceañera soon. The cholo's name is Paco and he's there to pick up an invitation from Brenda to her party. Jaime is also there hanging out in the background and acting meek. Um, Jaime will be Blue Beetle or is already Blue Beetle or whatever, just so anyone with no idea about DC Comics will understand. He seems to be good friends with Brenda.

So the scene is set for Jaime and Paco and Brenda and Joey the Jerky Jock to have a great time at the party! But then Jaime's parents become total sticks in the mud! Like, sheesh!

That asterisk means this was translated from the Spanish. Which means Lo siento, mijo, pero and la casa de Amparo Cardenas have no English translation.

Jaime's parents refuse to let him go. But I bet he finds a way to go anyway! It's only, like, going to be, like, the total most amazing rager ever in the history of high school girls turning fifteen! If he misses it, he'll be an even bigger dork than he already is!

Jaime's parents won't explain why they won't let him set foot in Brenda's aunt's house but in the next few pages, the reader learns they were probably right not to let him go. Brenda's aunt is on the phone with some criminals trying to recover something for her. Probably the Scarab. But they've called her to let her know that someone else had gotten there first. That someone else: The Brotherhood of Evil! Now there's a trip down nostalgia boulevard.

Although these are the only two members not actually present.

The three criminals sent to retrieve the Scarab by Brenda's aunt attack the Brotherhood. I don't recognize any of them. They've probably all been created to be Blue Beetle's enemies in this series. As the fight rages on over the Scarab, they take it into the street where Warp is about to get away through a portal to Paris when he's hit by Paco's car. Jaime, having snuck out of the house, is there with him. The backpack containing the Scarab falls into the car and Jaime grabs it and runs off, taunting the villains. Oh, he does this so they don't kill Paco. Unless they already did kill Paco when the Day of the Dead (called 'Rompe Huesos' by his buddy) guy smashed his head into the steering wheel.

During the chase, this happens. Whoops!

And then Jaime is completely transformed into the new Blue Beetle!

Hawk and Dove #1

Notice how Liefeld didn't draw the feet of those birds?! That's a Rob Liefeld Hater In-Joke.

Let's see if I can judge this comic at all without spiraling into an all-consuming hate-rant vortex because of Liefeld's art. Although what fun is that? I just can't wait until Liefeld writes and draws a DC comic!

But seriously! Just look at that cover! Rob Liefeld is a contemporary of Jim Lee. They did the whole Image thing together. They were both drawing in the same gritty over-the-top style. But Jim Lee's artwork has gotten better over time. Rob Liefeld's has stagnated and remained exactly the same. That could be the reason why Jim Lee is helping run DC Comics now and Liefeld is barely hanging on to one or two titles. Not that I'm suggesting that working for DC is some grand measurement of success. Far from it. But I am suggesting that it appears Lee has worked to move ahead in his career, like bettering his art, while Liefeld has just been content to remain where he was in 1992. Damn! I still sound like I'm judging slackers! I'm not! I am one! But if your passion is your art, don't you think you'd want to improve your art?

If I owned any old Liefeld comics (I don't), I could probably find a panel from 1993 that looks exactly like this picture.

Okay, forget that panel! I was going to start ranting about Liefeld already but first I need to hit the writer, Sterling Archer Gates, with a stick. Wow! What a genius summation of the American Political system! What a scathing attack on the two party system! The panel I couldn't scan said, "The balance is gone!" Yeah, because it was all balanced so well in the 20s when nobody was stopping the unchecked raging bullshit on Wall Street that led to everyone being rich by selling stocks they didn't actually own! And it was so balanced during the Red Scare of the fifties. And it was so fucking balanced in the 1860s that our country exploded into war. I get why he's making a talking point about balance. This is Hawk and Dove, after all. Chaos and Order. Violence and Peace. But this terrorist's manifesto may as well have been written by a third grader (especially the part about monsters fixing everything!). But who is this going to scare?

OH HAI CAPTAIN STUBING!

It'll scare everyone in the computer lab, that's who! Or the coffee shop? Is this a coffee shop? Because if it's a coffee shop, these people wouldn't be watching the news. They'd have their Word Documents opened to their unfinished novel they started junior year of high school. Unless this terrorist somehow forced his feed across every laptop in existence! He is a 'Science Terrorist', after all!

And just look at their faces! Are they shocked or giving oral sex to invisible beings? My favorite part is drawing the perfect profile on the one guy because any angle other than 1/2 is too fucking hard, goddammit!

I'm just rereading the first page and I need to go back to the terrorist's rant. He says, "The balance has shifted too far." Too far where? In which direction? That's a pretty important point here. Is he upset the balance is too far to the right? To the left? Is he referring to the checks and balances from earlier and thus suggesting the balance has shifted too far into the Supreme Court's hands? The President's? Congressesses's? Or is he just trying to say the government is out of control? Because, you know, just say that! Except that wouldn't fit with the theme of balance inherent in Hawk and Dove. So to fit the theme, just spout nonsense! I get it!

After these frightening news reports, the scene shifts to Hawk and Dove beating up the terrorist's allies on the cargo plane he reportedly stole.

This invisible alien has a fairly large cock.

The reader is introduced to Hawk and Dove by a little text blurb next to each of them.

HAWK
A.K.A Hank Hall
Avatar of War
Powers: Enhanced vision, agility, strength, body density and healing factor.

DOVE
A.K.A. Dawn Granger
Avatar of Peace
Powers: Enhanced intelligence, compassion, enhanced strength, flight, and danger sense.

As you can see, Dove prefers the Oxford Comma while Hawk probably just thinks it's FUCKING USELESS GARBAGE YOU STUPID TWAT! Was that a good imitation of the Avatar of War? Also, you'll note that 'Compassion' is a super power. I can buy that! How come Hawk doesn't also have the capability of flight? He's named after a bird for pigeon's sake! Oh, but he does get the enhanced vision. That's cool.

Dove is trying to land the plane safely while Hawk beats the crap out of everything that moves and yells at Dove for not landing the plane fast enough. The Avatar of War is a dick! But Dove's concern is that unless she gets the plane down safely, they'll "hit the Washington Monument." Seriously? The only way to not hit the skinny ass Washington Monument is to get the plane down safely? I'm pretty sure you can just turn right or left and crash into something else. There are other options! No wonder Hank is yelling at you, you dumb bird.

As Hawk beats up the normal guys, the zombie monsters being flown into Washington, DC, to solve all of our problems wake up and attack Hawk and Dove. And Hawk teaches the zombies "an important lesson."

Really, Hawk? I don't think everyone else in popular culture has gotten the message yet!

You heard it straight from the Hawk's mouth! Zombies are OVER! I hope not! Where's my Young Teen Romantic Zombie Fiction? And I don't mean just sticking zombies into Pride and Prejudice.

Hawk and Dove take care of the zombies and then need to fly the plane over the Washington Monument. But Dove has to fly outside and give the plane some control by flying under one of its wings. Meanwhile, the guy with enhanced strength is a big pussy.

Make your body more dense!

Hawk and Dove end up clipping the Washington Monument and shrugging their shoulders. "Enh. We did our best!" They land and Hawk berates Dove some more. It's like an episode of The Amazing Race!

"Stupid woman! Falls off the motorcycle! Friggin' scatterbrain!"

I can't believe Rob Liefeld is getting off so easy! I guess DC figured if they teamed him with a crappy writer and Rob does at least a decent art job, he'd be successful! One thing Rob suffers from much like Jim Lee and David Finch is the way he distinguishes gender. No, not the boobs. Every man's face is filled with cross-hatching and lines. The women all have smooth faces with no black ink on them at all. Men are obviously weathered from working out in the sun with their hands and doing man things! And women are soft and creamy from beauty treatments and eating bon bons while watching daytime television. Or maybe there's another less sexist explanation! But who looks for the less sexist explanation when one is discussing comic books? Amirite?

So Hawk and Dove meet up with Washi Watanabe, an agent of the DCPD Special Crimes Unit. This guy wears glasses which highlights another shortcut Liefeld loves. If you don't have to draw their eyes, it's much easier to make a symmetrical face! So Hawk and Dove have nice masks covering their eyes (which is why I think he got this job). And now Washi has sunglasses and just a few lines on his face. He's nearly androgynous!

Except not one single line would find its way onto a woman's face. Unless she was meant to be an old woman. Then she can have lines.

This guy gives them his card which is just a piece of paper that says "Watan" on it. Seriously. His thumb is hiding the rest of the name but there isn't enough room on the card to fit more than one more letter on it. And that letter would be up against the border. What a dumb business card! I'm going to make business cards for my company that say "YOUR FLO". After this encounter, Hawk and Dove fly off home.

A woman's work is never done.

Hank "Hawk" Hall goes off to whine to his dad about the new Dove being a total loser and why did his brother Don have to die in some Crisis or something and everything is unfair and why did I even get turned into the Avatar of War! Boo hoo. I liked it better when they were the Avatars of Chaos and Order.

Dawn "Dove" Granger goes to hang out with her dead boyfriend, Boston Brand, and mentions that she can never tell Hawk the truth about her origin! Mystery! And then, on the final page, Kestrel shows up.

Hey! He was created by Liefeld (and Barbara & Karl Kesel) in 1988! This is from the Who's Who 1990 Edition.

Oh man! OH MAN! I take it back! Rob Liefeld has improved! Look at that stance Kestrel is in at the bottom of the page! His ankle is broken on his extra long leg! And look at the pointy feet people love to make fun of! Oh! OH MAN! But that's not all! No sir bob's your uncle!

Hee hee! Remember way back at the beginning where I said if I had a Liefeld comic I could find a guy who looks exactly like the terrorist? Well?! WELL! And I only had three panels to look through! And notice how their eyes are all squinty and closed? Next best thing to sunglasses! Fuck, Liefeld. How is it so easy to peg you?

I love you, Rob Liefeld!

Static Shock #1

I know nothing at all about this Super Hero.

Well, I like that on the very last page, he gets his arm cut off! I'm sure he has some sort of Static Electricity power that will reattach it. Like rubbing his arm on a cat and sticking it back on his shoulder. Other than that, I don't know about this book. Static (or Static Shock? He seems to call himself Static but the title page says, "Static Shock in...", so, um, I don't know!) is just another really smart kid who knows all sorts of physics stuff to help him take care of super villain problems. He sounds a bit like Mister Terrific in that he's spouting scientific hoodoo to explanaterize all of his crime fighterationing brainothoughts. He starts off simple with a little like charge repels like charge stuff to get everyone on the same page. "Oh, yeah! I know that works!" And then he goes on to making plasma chains out of ionized air particles and trying to disrupt electromagnetic fields with ball lightning. And he can see in the all the way into the ultraviolet spectrum! That's cool, right?!

If you were expecting pictures, you're not getting anymore for this entry. So if you hate reading and just want to see Static Shock, you should just Google Image Search 'Static Shock'.

Virgil Ovid Hawkins (that's his name!) is interning at Star Labs because he's so super smart. He also has one of those tech people who talk to him on a communicator and provide him with lots of cool gadgets. I don't know why. This guy must have discovered Static Shock and decided to use him for his own purposes while keeping him happy with gadgets and a secret hideout in the back of the Home Depot. The guy acts all nicety nice so he's probably really just a bad guy waiting to spring some manipulative evil world-conquering scheme on everyone. And Static will accidentally help out.

One thing I like about the comic is that Static Shock already has a cadre of super bad enemies after him. And one is a human piranha! And his code name is Piranha! Then one group seems to be some futuristic scooter crew with a big bad robot mascot named Virule. He's the one that shoots some Compact Discs at Static Shock which cut off one of his arms. The other people in the group just seem like corrupt city officials. They all want Static dead because Static ruined one of their capers where they were stealing technology from Star Labs. And then Static spoke with the thief before the Evil Cadre killed him so he wouldn't expose them. But they think they've been exposed already because he spoke to Static!

Also, something seems to be wrong with one of his sisters. But the comic didn't go into that much. It's just another reason he's interning at Star Labs. He's hoping they can find out more about whatever it is that's wrong with her.

That's really about all there is. There were some hints that he's not quite fitting in at school and he wants a driver's license but his dad won't let him get one. Hopefully they'll fit in a bunch of High School drama before the whole series ends on Issue #8. Yeah, this is another cancelled title. In fact, the last three Issue #1s I just read have all been cancelled!

Men of War #1

Why am I reading this when I can be experiencing it?! I mean on Call of Duty on the Xbox.

The beginning seems to be Rock's ending. Corporal Rock lies bloody and bruised with a broken arm at the bottom of a crater. He's going in and out of consciousness. He believes he's going to die. And then it cuts over to a military scene with Rock being interviewed by a Sergeant and a General.

But going back to the part where Rock feels like he's going to die. Death is coming for all of us. That's no surprise to anybody ever at any time. But we fill our lives with distractions to keep from going mad with the reality of it. The great thing about death is that it takes most people unawares. You can be blissfully ignorant planning your future and wham! You're dead. You probably won't even have time to figure out why or how or that it's coming. Just bam and done. It's probably one of the reasons people fear flying so much. It's not just being completely out of control. It's also knowing that if something goes wrong, you get to sit terrified for minutes knowing that your life is over. And that's what I imagine being in war must be like. Death constantly mocking you and hanging over your shoulder, whispering in your ear that the next bang you'll never hear because the bullet will be for you.

I forget what news show it was or what military incident it was describing, but a young soldier was talking about trying to take a mountain in Afghanistan, I believe to get to a downed helicopter with comrades. They were on the side of a hill exposed to mortar fire. Explosions everywhere. And this young kid described it absolutely perfectly. It wasn't about praying or crying or pushing on or being brave. He said he just kept thinking that it was just going to stop. He described it as if his life were a movie playing on a screen. And suddenly the images were just going to stop. The screen gone black. Done. That's it. It's a terrifying thought. And imagine living that day in and day out.

And speaking of the screen going black! I have never seen the Sopranos. But I heard about the ending because it upset so many people. But when I heard about the ending, I thought it was genius! Just perfect! If the show was about Gandolfini's character, then when his character gets whacked, that's it! Over! And just like I described earlier, you most likely will not know when your time comes. It'll just be over. Like The Sopranos. I may be entirely wrong about that and the ending since I never watched the show. But if the case is he was killed in the middle of just doing something normal and the show just went black without the viewer even getting to experience the kill, that's brilliant. Just fucking brilliant.

Back to Men of War! I like that the beginning has Corporal Rock being told he could have made Sergeant many times over by now if he didn't have so many counts of insubordination against him. You know, because he's best known as Sgt. Rock. But his insubordination has always led his group (Easy Company!) getting the task done. Maybe not easily as their name suggests. But Rock leads as his team needs and not as the higher ups demand.

The Sergeant trying to motivate Rock mentions he knew his Granddad, Frank Rock. So I guess we get the new generation of soldier in the Reboot. Since Rock was known as a World War II soldier, DC needed a new generation of Rock to tell stories of the current retarded war the United States has gotten itself into.

Sgt. Torisi and his men, including Rock, are parachuting into enemy territory to rescue a senator who had been trying to negotiate a cease fire. As they're parachuting down, a super powered person comes streaking down from the sky and slamming into their landing site, catching the whole village on fire. The Company lands amidst the flames and begins to regroup.

Everything eventually turns to shit as the super powered being seems to begin to fight with itself. It is only shown as a profile, black and purple. But Rock describes describes it as one point as "his shadow itself turns against him." Reminds me a bit of Negative Man. Or Negative Woman. Or Rebis. But the being, whoever it is, starts flying erratically and smashing through buildings. The company tries to take cover but the being explodes through the building they're in, leaving them mangled, hurt, and possibly all dead. Save Rock and Sgt. Torisi. The timeline has now caught up to how the book started with Rock injured and barely conscious. Sgt. Torisi, dying, hands Rock his dog tags and tells him he's a Sergeant now. Oh, and Rock's first name is Joseph!

I really like the first issue. Adding the super being to the story was a perfect bit of military SNAFU since the being is apparently on their side. It's just a weapon out of control. At one point the men see him just hanging in front of the moon and one of the men says, "What kind of man...." Sergeant Torisi answers him with, "That ain't a man. Man's what you are. That there's an accident of nature." Just a nice moment to highlight the difference between the real grit and grime of the normal world versus the fancy world of super heroes. And then to have the company become casualties of the destruction that always follows on the wake of the super beings in a fight is also a nice perspective. Not nice that they all died! But nice to see that side of the tale told.

There's a back-up war story in the first issue about Navy Seals. It's pretty much just military bullshit. Nothing exciting happening here yet.

Blackhawks #1

This looks like a cross between GI Joe, Robotech, Star Blazers, and G-Force.

Blackhawks would probably have been on the bottom of my list of comics to pick up in the New 52 if I hadn't decided to read them all. I'm not a big fan of team comics when nobody in the team has any super powers. The team then consists of the jokey fat guy and the leader guy and the muscley guy and the strong woman and the nerdy technician or the incomprehensible kid. Yeah, yeah. I watched too many cartoons in the eighties.

Blackhaws begins by showing their logo, which I like, and a list of their field operators. There's Lady Blackhawk (strong woman), the Irishman (jokey fat guy?), Kunoichi (incomprehensible kid?), Attila (muscley guy?) and Support member Wildman (nerdy technician?). Hey! There's no leader type! Maybe Lady Blackhawk is also the leader type which is what would make her a strong woman as well!

Okay, I was pretty much wrong about everybody! So let's just clean the slate and I'll stop being so judgmental about my normal human team comics! Kunoichi is the crazy one! You can tell because she has maroon hair and she's throwing a hostage out of a jet and into a moving baggage cart without harming him! And the hostage has a bomb strapped to him to boot! Wildman might be one of those ironic nicknames. He's support and he's not on site and he looks pretty cool and calm and collected and crap. Attila might be the muscleman although he looks normal sized. But even with cracked ribs and a fractured arm, he still beats the crap out of some terrorists! He even headbutts one and the terrorist is wearing a metal helmet! Man, that guy is tough! That exclamation point didn't mean I was really amazed at how tough he is. That exclamation point is there to show how ridiculous it was.

The operation to save the hostages seems to go successfully. On the first page, the narration box states, "The operation was to remain covert." So it sounds like something happens that makes it not covert. Maybe like how over the top they all acted to rescue everyone. But even then, nobody has to know who did all the rescuing. But then the Blackhawks send in their evac helicopter with a big old Blackhawks logo on the side! And one of the panels shows a guy in the crowd taking a picture of the logo. Fucking idiots! They're as bad as Deadshot and Harley Quinn over in the Suicide Squad!

Later I learn that the UN initiated the Blackhawks program. So that will explain the diversity of the Blackhawks. And, of course, you have to call the white guy with red hair "Irishman" or else you'd never know him from any other Caucasian and everyone would think the whole team was made up of Americans! You don't see them calling Kunoichi "Japanwoman". Then there is "Canada" back at the Blackhawks base.

You can see why they call him Canada.

But of course this is all just to turn the whole nickname concept on its head and probably point out how racist GI Joe was or something. Because it turns out The Irishman was actually born in the Ukraine and Canada is from Atlanta. Which probably means Wildman isn't wild at all and is most likely tame! And Lady Blackhawk is a dude!

Kunoichi and Wildman are having some kind of intimate relationship. I mean, you know, they're at least fucking. And Kunoichi gained some kind of super strength in their last mission when she dove out of the plane and into industrial waste! I guess even the writer, Mike Costa, knew how boring it was to have no super heroes in the group!

The rest of the comic book makes sure the reader knows about Nanocites. Because Kunoichi seems to be infected with them from the bite she got from the pilot of the jet she somehow ended up in at the beginning of the comic. Yeah, I don't know how she got inside the jet's cockpit. They probably don't want readers asking that question. But she got in there and was bitten while wrestling the controls from the pilot. And then she landed in that industrial waste. At one point, she left a hand imprint on a metal or concrete wall. So she's definitely becoming super powered. But the Nanocites are something entirely different. They're probably weaponized and at the end, she's smoldering and hot. Perhaps she's turning into a bomb? Or is she just becoming Super Kunoichi? I'll have to wait until Issue #2 to find out.

All Star Western #1

Jonah Hex in Gotham? Does that make this another Batman title?

As All-Star Western began, my first thought was, "Cool! An actual omniscient narrator that isn't a character in the story! And then on the third page, my hopes and dreams come crashing down around me!

The main character is the Narration Box talking about Jonah Hex.

Although when the next page introduces us to Amadeus Arkham, I assume he's the narrator and everything is instantly forgiven! He's been called in to a crime scene to help in the investigation. Not quite Gotham CSI. I think he's more a Criminal Minds type of guy. Officer Cromwell, the lead on the case, disapproves and makes it very well known with lots of shouting and denigrating Dr. Arkham. Just like police chiefs from the 20th Century! Oh, those silly guys never change! Officer Cromwell gets even more irate when Jonah Hex walks in the door! He's also been brought aboard to try to catch the guy who created the crime scene. They currently call him the Gotham Butcher and he leaves the word 'METUS' on the wall in the victim's blood. That's latin for 'fear'. My internet is currently out so I didn't even have to look that up!

Hey! Stop giving away my secrets!

Since Office Cromwell is absolutely bugfuck bothered by Doctor Arkham and Jonah Hex horning in on police territory, the Doctor suggests that he and Jonah conduct a private investigation. Jonah doesn't seem to be too happy about it but once his theory that the murderer is a working man conflicts with Arkham's theory that the man is affluent and educated, he seems to grudgingly accept the Doctor as his partner if only to prove him wrong.

The Gotham Butcher only kills whores and he's killed five so far. Sounds vaguely familiar. Jonah and the Doctor begin investigating saloons. Jonah inquires as to what kind of a doctor Arkham is and Arkham begins describing a character from Criminal Minds, like I, you know, mentioned earlier. Jonah quickly interrupts him and says, "Forget ah asked."

All the whores in 1880's Gotham are hot with big tits.

As Hex handily beats the crap out of everyone in the saloon, the Doctor sits back and psychoanalyzes him. I've read a few Jonah Hex stories and like him because he's a mystery to me. Perhaps if I'd read more, he'd be less of a mystery and I wouldn't like him as much. But I'm enjoying this 80's buddy movie take on Hex especially since they've paired him with an Arkham. I also don't know which Arkham first opened the Asylum and my internet is still down so I won't be learning that any time soon. But seeing as how I have a Who's Who here, I check that and find an entry on Arkham Asylum. It was Amadeus Arkham who created the instute, turning the family mansion into the asylum in 1921. The same entry says he died in 1963 as an inmate of the asylum. That would make him right around 100 years old when he dies now that we're seeing him in the 1880s. That's also assuming he's in his early to mid-twenties in this story. But since it's a reboot, none of that has to be anywhere near accurate. Especially since he seems to be at least in his forties and possibly fifties in this issue.

Jonah Hex gets some information from a prostitute he knows. She tells him how one of the girls murdered was last seen picked up by a big black carriage. All that was seen of the John was one clawed hand with a skull ring on the finger. And then the next day, Jonah gets a message.

The Gotham Butcher squicked her to death.

Jonah Hex reminds me a lot of Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Jonah still wears his confederate uniform so he's a Browncoat of sorts. The frontier Western theme makes the comparison easy as well. He's distant and cold and throws himself into the business. I don't know how loyal he is to the people that get close to him. Or if anyone at all can get close to him. Perhaps he's more like Stephen King's Gunslinger and he uses all of his companions for his own ends. I guess I'm going to have to wait and see how his partnership with Dr. Arkham turns out.

At some point during the investigation, the Doctor and Hex seem to agree that they are dealing with two parties. "One being the Butcher, a man of wealth and intelligence. And the other being his helper. A man of limited mental capabilities but possessing great strength." Sounds a little bit like their partnership! By the way, the Who's Who stated that the first person incarcerated in Arkham Asylum was known as Mad Dog and he was a violent sexual predator. I don't know if this story is the Reboot's version of that story. But it might be!

Arkham is invited to an affluent party by Mayor Cobblepot. Hex comes along figuring the Butcher will be there and maybe a sight of Hex will make it clear that they're on his tail. Instead, they find nearly everyone there wearing skull rings and belonging to a secret society seeking the betterment of society. Arkham and Hex get the hell out and Jonah Hex declares he was wrong about the Butcher! Things are about to get wild!

OMAC #4

Last issue blew my mind. I hope this issue blows something else!

This issue is called "Offline Messaging, Annoying Circumstances." I'm not impressed! Page one is failing to entertain me! I've only had 3 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours so something better grab my attention quick!

Oh yeah! I'd already forgotten that he was Obsessive Compulsive. I hope that translates to the way OMAC fights pretty soon. So he'll have to tap his right hip five times before throwing a punch. And he can only punch opponents bigger than him with his left hand and opponents smaller than him with his right hand. You know, maybe that's why he always repeats one of the last things Brother Eye says. He's got a little Echolalia going on. That's compulsive, right?

Back at Checkmate, Maxwell Lord is throwing a tantrum and firing some people and blaming others and hoping Mokarri is doing more than making chicks with heads in their crotches. I don't think he should hold out much hope though.

I imagine this Build-a-Friend will have a very fuckable neck.

Kevin goes back to work after being gone a full week. Everyone seems to be pissed off at him and then his girlfriend, Jody?, breaks up with him. But probably not really! She's just hurt that he did some traveling without her and now won't tell her what he was up to. I think as adults, sometimes you have to just trust other adults. You don't always need to know everything about everyone. Especially not the person you're sleeping with!

On this day, Kevin makes a very fateful decision to use the Subway. Brother Eye is adamant that Kevin doesn't. But Kevin doesn't care. And once he's in the subway, he realizes he loses connection with Brother Eye! He decides to test out the connection to make sure.

Hey! That's what I tweeted to Captain Atom when I read that he can hear all tweets! I hope he got my message!

Mokarri's friend he built actually ends up looking like a normal woman. Too bad! She tracks OMAC's energy signature to the subway where she drops in some bio-gator seeds. Um. Bio-Gator? What is that? A biological Alligator? Because normally isn't an alligator technological? Or spiritual?

Kevin runs from the Bio-Gators and flops about the sewers and gets chased by the Bio-Gator's disembodied heads and finally realizes he needs to turn into OMAC. He makes his way to a place where he can finally gain contact with Brother Eye and Brother Eye forces Kevin to say the phrase that changes him. It's too embarrassing to type. I'll whisper it to you: "sssshshssssh". If you didn't hear that, I'm not repeating it!

So as OMAC, Kevin handily takes care of the Bio-Gators and Brother Eye returns him to his home. Kevin grudgingly accepts his fate as OMAC. He asks OMAC why he chose him but OMAC won't discuss that now.

Later, at Checkmate Headquarters...

Now I have to figure out which book to read first when I get to Issue #5.