It's not often you can see a character's cock through their leotards.
Olivia Reynolds is one of Hal Jordan's exes. I know this because when he was trying to fuck Carol Ferris, he was all, "I once fucked a toymaker. Does that get you hot?" That's probably why Hal has a chubby. When he turns into Green Lantern, his Corps uniform just covers up whatever he's normally wearing. Then when he drops the Green Lantern persona, he just returns to what he was wearing. Olivia was probably warming his cock just before the toys attacked.
This issue begins with Olivia Reynolds at a toy convention to show off your next huge toy idea: talking Green Lantern action figures.
This issue begins with Olivia Reynolds at a toy convention to show off your next huge toy idea: talking Green Lantern action figures.
This guy should sue DC for making his Hawk figures worthless because Monarch was supposed to be Captain Atom!
I'm just kidding! The case would get thrown out of court! The judge would be all, "Okay, if Hawk hadn't turned out to be Monarch, how many of these figures did you think you were going to sell without Dove?! Who would kids have Hawk fuck?!" Also, why is the guy suddenly despairing at this toy convention? Did the reveal that Monarch was Hawk take place the very weekend that this story takes place?!
Some greasy guy at the con says the kids are going nuts for Green Lantern now that Hal Jordan is back on Earth. Apparently everybody bet on The Ray and Black Condor and, I don't know, The Jaguar and The Fly? They didn't realize Green Lantern was going to be the hot toy on the market so nobody made any figures. I mean except for Olivia but nobody knows that until this next panel.
Some greasy guy at the con says the kids are going nuts for Green Lantern now that Hal Jordan is back on Earth. Apparently everybody bet on The Ray and Black Condor and, I don't know, The Jaguar and The Fly? They didn't realize Green Lantern was going to be the hot toy on the market so nobody made any figures. I mean except for Olivia but nobody knows that until this next panel.
Do the people of Earth know about the Guardians of the Universe?
Sure, Rose and the other hicks of Hope Springs know about the Guardians. And I suppose Olivia could know about them since she used to mount Hal's face on the regular and I'm sure he told her all about them. After she got off his face, of course. But wouldn't the greasy toy salesman just ask, "Who's the fucking smurf with the gigantic head?"
The Sinestro prototype screams about bringing order to the universe. The Hal prototype screams about sending Sinestro back to the anti-matter universe. The Guy Gardner prototype curses and says, "Bwa ha ha!" I don't know what G'nort says because the gross as hell toy salesman refuses to listen to it.
The Sinestro prototype screams about bringing order to the universe. The Hal prototype screams about sending Sinestro back to the anti-matter universe. The Guy Gardner prototype curses and says, "Bwa ha ha!" I don't know what G'nort says because the gross as hell toy salesman refuses to listen to it.
What parents are going to complain? "Where's the Green Lantern that got billions and billions of aliens killed due to his hubris?"
Since last issue, Hal Jordan has appeared in a story in Green Lantern Corps Quarterly #2 where he dropped Evil Star off in some kind of star power detox program. And he appeared in Mosaic #5 to brawl John for the hand of Rose. I guess he lost that one because now he thinks Arisia might be his last chance to get laid. Luckily he doesn't know where she is because she's like fourteen. I guess that's why he's going to get involved with Olivia Reynolds this issue. This guy is super fucking horny.
Hal learns from Sue Dibny that Olivia Reynolds is looking for him and that she said, "Time is of the essence." So Hal pops that particular kind of boner one pops when they hear from an ex with whom they had great sexual chemistry. Man, that's always a really good boner. It's like one of those videos where somebody raised a lion in Africa and they go back to Africa 20 years later and the lion races across the savannah to hug and lick them. The lion is the boner in that analogy.
Hal learns from Sue Dibny that Olivia Reynolds is looking for him and that she said, "Time is of the essence." So Hal pops that particular kind of boner one pops when they hear from an ex with whom they had great sexual chemistry. Man, that's always a really good boner. It's like one of those videos where somebody raised a lion in Africa and they go back to Africa 20 years later and the lion races across the savannah to hug and lick them. The lion is the boner in that analogy.
Now that Hal's heard from Olivia, time is of the essence before his balls turn blue and explode.
Some aliens are headed to Earth to beat the shit out of Green Lantern. I guess they've got an old grudge against him. They just seem like generic aliens though so they probably aren't much of a threat. Especially since Hal Jordan has a big crossover with Flash beginning next issue where they battle Grodd. That means these aliens only have about two-thirds of this issue to cause trouble.
Apparently Hal isn't rushing off to rekindle a relationship with Olivia Reynolds. He thinks as he flies to New York to meet her, "I'm assuming something's happening with her 'U-mind.' That odd force in her unconscious that sustains the lives of the Lenglyns." Umm, whut? The editor has a note to "See Flash #191. Way back in 1969." Okay, but how the fuck am I supposed to see Flash #191 if it was from 1969? I wasn't even born yet! At least explain it a little more rather than expect a reader in 1992 to have access to this story from 1969. Especially when the story is full of fucking weird-ass gobbledygook that doesn't make any fucking sense. According to Hal, even Olivia doesn't know about the "U-mind" or the "Lenglyns." I guess it's possible this is some kind of Babadook situation where the Lenglyns are actually her grief from the terrible break-up I'm sure Hal put her through.
Olivia doesn't know Hal Jordan was Green Lantern. She worked with Hal selling toys and only encountered Green Lantern when the Lenglyns were giving her seizures. I'm guessing that was post Hal Jordan breaking up with her and ruining her life. She just wants Green Lantern to give her and her new partner Mr. Greasy Voorhees exclusive rights to make Green Lantern Corps figures.
Apparently Hal isn't rushing off to rekindle a relationship with Olivia Reynolds. He thinks as he flies to New York to meet her, "I'm assuming something's happening with her 'U-mind.' That odd force in her unconscious that sustains the lives of the Lenglyns." Umm, whut? The editor has a note to "See Flash #191. Way back in 1969." Okay, but how the fuck am I supposed to see Flash #191 if it was from 1969? I wasn't even born yet! At least explain it a little more rather than expect a reader in 1992 to have access to this story from 1969. Especially when the story is full of fucking weird-ass gobbledygook that doesn't make any fucking sense. According to Hal, even Olivia doesn't know about the "U-mind" or the "Lenglyns." I guess it's possible this is some kind of Babadook situation where the Lenglyns are actually her grief from the terrible break-up I'm sure Hal put her through.
Olivia doesn't know Hal Jordan was Green Lantern. She worked with Hal selling toys and only encountered Green Lantern when the Lenglyns were giving her seizures. I'm guessing that was post Hal Jordan breaking up with her and ruining her life. She just wants Green Lantern to give her and her new partner Mr. Greasy Voorhees exclusive rights to make Green Lantern Corps figures.
Why even ask then? Just make some fucking knock-offs. It's not like she's attempting to ask Guy Gardner, Sinestro, or G'nort.
Green Lantern refuses to help Olivia even if she goes ahead with the toy line. He's honorable or something. But then he hears what the figure says and he's all, "That doesn't sound manly at all! What women will want to fuck me when they hear that bullshit coming out of my face?!" And Olivia is all, "Well, you could record some sexy lines for us if you played ball." But then those aliens flew down over the city demanding that Green Lantern come out to face them. Dammit. Olivia's fucking hot. I was hoping they'd close the deal with a little wah-wah, woo-woo, if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, I don't blame you. Don't despair, though! You'll get some wah-wah, woo-woo some time!
I wish a woman would look at my crotch the way Olivia looks at her Green Lantern figure and say, "What a market."
The aliens seem to want to speak with Green Lantern, not fight him. That makes sense because they arrive with only about six pages to spare. They're just checking to make sure the local space cop isn't a huge alien racist who will refuse to help them when they need help. Green Lantern assures them that once he's set up on Earth, he'll visit the other planets in Sector 2814. Or maybe he'll send the dog around. G'nort still works here too, right?
Hal winds up leaving Olivia with some fucked up dolls that have been corrupted by his ring. Now they only say whatever he wants them to say which could be a liability to the toy company, especially when they make the Arisia doll. Better to just dump the Green Lantern line and maybe mock up some prototypes of Deathstroke and Terra.
Green Lantern #29 Rating: B. This issue was about how Hal Jordan objectifies all the women in his life. This is mirrored in the way Olivia makes objectifies him and makes toys out of him. With Evil Star, we saw how power without control can ruin a person's life. Here, we see that objectifying the people you're attracted to is bad for business and never gets you what you want. Hal has mostly objectified Carol, seen by his repeated anger when she won't let him remove her underwear. But also in how he won't let her help him the way a person would let another person who is a friend help them. He doesn't see Carol as a partner or an equal or a powerful individual who can help him simply because he needs help. He also sees the waitress who serves him as a possible conquest. And he just returned from Oa where he learned Rose isn't interested in him anymore which makes him consider pursuing Arisia which screams objectification in that she's underage and the power dynamic there is fucked up beyond belief. And then Olivia re-enters his life so that he can see that objectification of another person is wrong. Especially when they're going to make millions of dollars off of it! Now if only somebody could pull that trick on Hal that he pulled on Olivia and her Green Lantern dolls, maybe he'd stop thinking of all the women in his life as simply cock warmers.
Hal winds up leaving Olivia with some fucked up dolls that have been corrupted by his ring. Now they only say whatever he wants them to say which could be a liability to the toy company, especially when they make the Arisia doll. Better to just dump the Green Lantern line and maybe mock up some prototypes of Deathstroke and Terra.
Green Lantern #29 Rating: B. This issue was about how Hal Jordan objectifies all the women in his life. This is mirrored in the way Olivia makes objectifies him and makes toys out of him. With Evil Star, we saw how power without control can ruin a person's life. Here, we see that objectifying the people you're attracted to is bad for business and never gets you what you want. Hal has mostly objectified Carol, seen by his repeated anger when she won't let him remove her underwear. But also in how he won't let her help him the way a person would let another person who is a friend help them. He doesn't see Carol as a partner or an equal or a powerful individual who can help him simply because he needs help. He also sees the waitress who serves him as a possible conquest. And he just returned from Oa where he learned Rose isn't interested in him anymore which makes him consider pursuing Arisia which screams objectification in that she's underage and the power dynamic there is fucked up beyond belief. And then Olivia re-enters his life so that he can see that objectification of another person is wrong. Especially when they're going to make millions of dollars off of it! Now if only somebody could pull that trick on Hal that he pulled on Olivia and her Green Lantern dolls, maybe he'd stop thinking of all the women in his life as simply cock warmers.
No comments:
Post a Comment