I recognize the look of a man about to stick his dick in a magic lantern.
I almost continued that caption with "surrounded by fit toddlers" but then remembered Gerard Jones wrote this book and I creeped myself out. Sorry for the self-censorship! I promise I'll never do it again.
Last issue ended with Evil Star's Starlings stealing Hal Jordan's power battery before he could charge his ring. See? This is the kind of fucking trouble you can get into when you don't store your Power Batteries on some hick planet, giving so much meaning to their lives that you basically commit genocide when you end the contract to store all the batteries there. Also maybe they began relying on the energy of the batteries too much. I don't remember. Not that anybody in the Corps gave a shit about the "pocket dimension" their batteries were stored in. They were just glad their batteries were safe from a band of roided-out nose-miners climbing through your hotel window to steal your superhero shit.
Hal Jordan's ring runs out of energy after he fends off the Starlings and he plummets into a river. I thought he was in Los Angeles but this river is lined with dirt and not concrete with drag racing happening along it. So I guess his motel is in Coast City. Anyway, he almost gets killed by a bunny rabbit now that he's got no power.
Last issue ended with Evil Star's Starlings stealing Hal Jordan's power battery before he could charge his ring. See? This is the kind of fucking trouble you can get into when you don't store your Power Batteries on some hick planet, giving so much meaning to their lives that you basically commit genocide when you end the contract to store all the batteries there. Also maybe they began relying on the energy of the batteries too much. I don't remember. Not that anybody in the Corps gave a shit about the "pocket dimension" their batteries were stored in. They were just glad their batteries were safe from a band of roided-out nose-miners climbing through your hotel window to steal your superhero shit.
Hal Jordan's ring runs out of energy after he fends off the Starlings and he plummets into a river. I thought he was in Los Angeles but this river is lined with dirt and not concrete with drag racing happening along it. So I guess his motel is in Coast City. Anyway, he almost gets killed by a bunny rabbit now that he's got no power.
Whew! That was a close one!
Hal Jordan is so fucked up from falling out of the sky when his power ran out that I think the bunny could have taken him. He manages to stagger in the direction that the Starlings took his power battery, having received one last trace of it from his ring before it died. He chose that over surviving a fall from fifty feet in the air. I guess it was a good choice because he survived anyway with only a lacerated liver and three punctured lungs. But being that his super power is actually willpower and not the ring, he'll probably hike all the way to Evil Star's cavern hideout before he dies.
The Starlings deliver the Power Battery to Evil Star who immediately shoves his dick into it. Moments later, Goldface walks in on him and catches him fucking it.
The Starlings deliver the Power Battery to Evil Star who immediately shoves his dick into it. Moments later, Goldface walks in on him and catches him fucking it.
Some of you might be thinking, "There's no way Evil Star is actually fucking it because the cover credits didn't say 'Gail Simone' on them." But come on. You have eyes. Probably.
Does anybody know what Goldface is wearing on his head? Do you think the Who's Who describes how he accidentally spray painted one of his mother's tchotchkes while huffing Metallic Gold spray-paint, passed out, and woke up after one of his friends had Superglued it to his head? Is this even something I should be curious about when Evil Star just stuck his motherfucking dick in Hal's motherfucking lantern?
Somehow Evil Star, without a ring or any connection to the Green Lantern Corps, manages to use the lantern as a weapon on its own. Is this the first time anybody has ever done that? Or has it already been established that the Power Battery can also be used to blast villains in their spray-painted faces?
Even though Evil Star made a yellow flying shark to attack Green Lantern earlier and purposefully imprisoned him in a yellow bell jar, he's still surprised when the blast from the power battery has no effect on Goldface. Perhaps Evil Star is like 75% of my readers: too literal. He knew Green Lantern's ring didn't work against yellow but Goldface isn't yellow! He's Metallic Gold! It's right there on the label of the dozens of discarded spray-paint cans lying around the cave!
Somehow Evil Star, without a ring or any connection to the Green Lantern Corps, manages to use the lantern as a weapon on its own. Is this the first time anybody has ever done that? Or has it already been established that the Power Battery can also be used to blast villains in their spray-painted faces?
Even though Evil Star made a yellow flying shark to attack Green Lantern earlier and purposefully imprisoned him in a yellow bell jar, he's still surprised when the blast from the power battery has no effect on Goldface. Perhaps Evil Star is like 75% of my readers: too literal. He knew Green Lantern's ring didn't work against yellow but Goldface isn't yellow! He's Metallic Gold! It's right there on the label of the dozens of discarded spray-paint cans lying around the cave!
Oh, okay. That explains it. Evil Star is an idiot.
While Evil Star and Goldface battle for the power battery, Hal Jordan steals a plane. He has no choice! He can't walk all the way to Evil Star's hideout while bleeding internally. Better to take a plane, bleed out in the sky, and crash down into a Malibu apartment complex. Usually I'd complain about a hero endangering others simply to get back the power they lost. But remember: Hal isn't a hero; he's a space cop! Collateral damage means nothing to him.
Hal manages to walk away from crash landing the plane, climb the mountain, and enter the cave where Goldface's intergalactic criminal enterprise has been hiding out.
Hal manages to walk away from crash landing the plane, climb the mountain, and enter the cave where Goldface's intergalactic criminal enterprise has been hiding out.
Good thing Hal found a dry cleaner on his way up the mountain to clean all the blood off of his shirt so they can't see how wounded he is.
Hal Jordan informs Goldface that he knows about Evil Star and the power battery and that he knows all about the Green Lantern Corps. Before Goldface's muddled huffer brain can piece together that this must be Hal Jordan, Evil Star and his Starlings rush in to learn how to use the battery from this obvious nobody. That gives a Hal a chance to charge his ring just enough to defeat Evil Star in just a few panels. As Evil Star and the Starlings fall unconscious, Hal collapses from his injuries and dies.
But then Hal wakes up because the ring healed him, I guess. He gathers up the hot toddlers and Evil Star and flies them off to Oa to be thrown into a Sciencell. Goldface and the other D-listers get away because they ran as soon as Hal Jordan turned into Green Lantern. Cowards.
Green Lantern #28 Rating: B-. The point of this story was to compare Hal Jordan, a man with loads of power and the will to control it, to Evil Star, a man with just as much power but not an ounce of will. The reader sees what could become of Hal Jordan if he ever lost his willpower, how dangerous he could become. Maybe even dangerous enough to murder the rest of the Green Lantern Corps? But we also learn that without willpower, real power means little. Evil Star has no control and no direction. His only motivation is more power. And what kind of life is that? But then remember how shitty Hal's life was with tons of willpower but no power ring? He was lost and unhappy and unable to fuck Carol Ferris. So maybe the point of this story is that you need both willpower and power or else you're going to be a lonely incel loser your entire life.
But then Hal wakes up because the ring healed him, I guess. He gathers up the hot toddlers and Evil Star and flies them off to Oa to be thrown into a Sciencell. Goldface and the other D-listers get away because they ran as soon as Hal Jordan turned into Green Lantern. Cowards.
Green Lantern #28 Rating: B-. The point of this story was to compare Hal Jordan, a man with loads of power and the will to control it, to Evil Star, a man with just as much power but not an ounce of will. The reader sees what could become of Hal Jordan if he ever lost his willpower, how dangerous he could become. Maybe even dangerous enough to murder the rest of the Green Lantern Corps? But we also learn that without willpower, real power means little. Evil Star has no control and no direction. His only motivation is more power. And what kind of life is that? But then remember how shitty Hal's life was with tons of willpower but no power ring? He was lost and unhappy and unable to fuck Carol Ferris. So maybe the point of this story is that you need both willpower and power or else you're going to be a lonely incel loser your entire life.
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