Batman and Robin Eternal #24

Is this the issue where Azrael is not just killed but wiped out of DC Continuity completely and forever?!

Rating: No change. When Rebirth happens, I'm going to change my ratings system! I'm going to be like everybody else and say things like, "8 out of 10 erect phalluses! The writer used dozens of different words, the artist's characters were all easily differentiated from one another (you know. Like in the way Charlie Adlard or Steve Dillon's characters aren't!), and the colorist really used a lot of colors!"

• Bullet points are really fucking useful!

• If this were a business, I would be super succeeding based on my new ability to use bullet points!

• Since last time I used bullet points, I've realized that I'm not typing in German so the noun "bullet points" does not need to be capitalized.

• Is "bullet" part of the noun "bullet points" or just the adjective describing what kind of amazing business points I'm making? I assume they're called bullet points because they're fucking killer.

• Robin has hardly appeared at all in this story which seems weird for a comic book calling itself "Batman and Robin Eternal."

• • • Does using three bullet points indicate an extra important bullet point or is it a kind of bullet point ellipsis?

• This issue is called "All Out" so I'm assuming DC has finally decided to make all of their characters gay. They might lose a lot of older fans who will tell you to your face that they're not being homophobic but respecting traditional comic book storytelling while they'll gain a lot of younger fans who will torrent all of their shit because why the fuck not?

• I could actually tell you why the fuck not in this bullet point but nobody who torrents shit is reading this because it's both a wall of text and not something that they should have had to pay for and are now getting for free. If it's free to start with, why fucking bother?

• Oh! I bet I can answer that question too! But nobody wants to hear what another white heterosexual male thinks except for the white heterosexual male thinking the things. I know I'm super interested in the things I'm going to be thinking about Batman and Robin Eternal #24! I can't wait until I finally start thinking them!

You're beating on children all over the world! I think Mother has already won! Hell, "beating on" would be compassionate! Red Hood is fucking shooting them!

• Twelve cities around the world are being taken over by children. One of those cities, Tokyo, has fallen! I bet it's because the kids got their courage up by drinking beers out of vending machines on the street. Can you imagine if cities in America had beer in vending machines?! Those machines would be in the backs of teenagers' pick-up trucks all over the country!

This is a fitting image because there's a graveyard just across the street from Tokyo Tower. I climbed the wall to get pictures! Japanese people pretended they didn't see because seeing somebody break the rules is practically breaking the rules yourself.

This is it! I think! Maybe I should have labeled my pics from Asia.

• The Bat-family members are finally shutting down the Icthys receivers because the series is almost over.

• It's kind of a big joke that Midnighter isn't getting to beat up on little kids because he has to man the communication center. But for a kid who was abused and experimented on, I'm fairly certain he doesn't want to beat up a bunch of innocent kids being manipulated by Mother.

• I probably should have been more cynical with my last bullet point. I don't want to get a reputation for taking comic books seriously.

• My downstairs neighbor seems to be learning to play the ukulele. I suppose it's better than practicing being a DJ. Barely.

• To prepare the world to be strong enough to survive a massacre, Mother massacres the world so they'll be strong enough to survive a massacre. I don't think Mother has truly thought her plan through.

• Mother tries to convince Harper to cut her ties and become the weapon she was meant to be. Does Mother know about Harper's brother Cullen? If so, she wouldn't trust that she's turning Harper to her side. I think Harper might be kicking Mother's ass soon.

• How satisfying is the phrase "kicking Mother's ass" to you? No? Just me?

• Azrael arrives and commands Dick to join his side. Dick should join Azrael's side because they both want the same thing but I won't blame Dick if he chooses not to join Azrael. I wouldn't join Azrael if he offered me one million blow jobs. I mean dollars. I'd probably join for the blow jobs.

• I'd rather get a hand job than a blow job because I like to imagine my own hands beating me off. Oh wait. That's just masturbating. That's what I like.

• Dick wants Mother in a courtroom. Azrael wants mother in a coffin. So I guess they don't want the same thing.

• Mother sends out a super ninja orphan to fight each member of the Bat-family. Midnighter sends Spoiler to Tokyo because she's the most like Sailor Moon. Except in purple. So Sailor Saturn, I guess.

When I was in high school, I dreamed about this kind of armpit to vagina contact with females!

• Mother offers Cassandra up to Harper to kill. How much of a genius can Mother truly be if she thinks Harper is going to murder a helpless Cassandra instead of turning the blade on Mother? I suppose this is where that whole pride comes before a fall nonsense comes in.

• A lot of people have serious doubts about Batman Loves Superman: Dawn of Just Us because--let's face it--it looks ridiculous. But you know the moment in the preview when I rolled my eyes and made the wanking off gesture? When Lex Luthor does the voice over about power corrupting. Aren't writers tired of using the same old fucking cliches in everything they write? Here's a twist: sometimes power doesn't corrupt! You know why it usually seems to corrupt? Because, generally, only corrupt assholes seek power! People who aren't corrupt? Couldn't give a fuck about being powerful.

Okay, I want you to admit it if you're the one person who actually finds this moment tense! We all know what's going to fucking happen here! Harper is going to free Cassandra and they're going to go in the corner and fingerbang.