Wonder Woman #42

Who is the red-headed girl with the chicken arm?

This issue begins with Diana hanging out at a dance club with some friend I don't recognize. It must be Hessia or Zola since those are her only friends. You would think I'd be able to tell Hessia and Zola apart since they're two totally different shades of human and they have different facial features and hairstyles and eye colors. But without a good shot of the character's ass, I just can't tell who it is. The nearly shaved head leads me to believe it's Delirium Strife but since she mentions not having the dance moves of a god, it can't be her. Plus Strife hates Wonder Woman. Plus I'm certain it's Hessia. I really just wanted to point out how Wonder Woman only has two friends. Which is twice as many as I have, so she's doing really well.

Since Wonder Woman is in a dance club, she'll probably wind up beating the crap out of a guy for being too forward. She is a feminist icon, you know! And the best way to show that a character is a feminist is to have her physically overpower a man after she's been victimized by him.

Hooray! Diana is the greatest feminist since...since...hmm, I can't seem to name any feminists.

Now that the Finches have gotten the Diana beating the groping man scene out of the way and proved that they're totally against sexist pigs, they can move on to the double splash page of Wonder Woman getting out of the shower.

No wait! The scene needs an exclamation point so the audience understands this is a lesson to be learned!

Seriously? What's next? Having to ask my lamp permission if I can turn it on?!

Diana walks off with Hessia saying, "I'd like to say he was harmless...but that kind of thing always hurts someone." What?! Harmless groping and sexy lecherous come-ons while trying to shove your tongue in a lady's unwilling ear hurts someone? I'm trying my hardest here but I can't figure out who's the victim in a situation like that!

You know, maybe I'd find the previous scene a little more sincere if Meredith Finch hadn't been writing Wonder Woman like a stereotypical working woman trying to find balance between her working life and social life the way no male character ever has to.

On their way home, Diana stops to help a homeless vet and to nearly be assassinated.

They have homeless vets in England too?! But what about their socialisms?! Aren't they too polite to not give a shit about actual veterans while constantly posting status updates on Facebook about how everybody in the military is a hero?

Just look at the Finches tackling social problems right and left here! Groping women is wrong? Awareness raised! Hungry and homeless vets need help? Awareness raised! People who suck at shooting bows even when they're outfitted with targeting scopes? Awareness raised! I'm so full of awareness right now that I must be a good person!

Wonder Woman abandons the homeless veteran before she can tie him up with her lasso and find out if he's really a vet before giving him any money. She has to catch the would-be assassin! She leaves Hessia to help the Vet although what is Hessia going to do? She doesn't have any British currency on her and she doesn't know the way to any shelters. She's only a previously immortal physician from an island that never learned how the biology of a man differs from that of a woman. I think it has to do with peeing and the position of the body while evacuating fluids.

Wonder Woman catches the killer and discovers it's the boy from the bridge who she failed to stop last issue. This issue will be different though! Diana says, "You're not going to get away so easily this time!" at the bottom of one page. Then in the next panel at the top of the next page, she thinks, "Damn it, where did he go?!" Oh, Diana! You're such a failure.

The man mounts up on Pegasus just a few feet away from Diana which totally means he's already escaped and Diana should just watch him fly away and through a magic portal. It's also possible Diana was just trying not to cry seeing as how she put Pegasus out of his misery in the pages of Batwoman because he was so horribly wounded that he would be in constant pain for centuries.

After the guy escapes, the story flashes back months earlier so the readers can learn the history of the kid.

I noticed she just glossed over the whole incest thing.

If the whole point of the story was to prove to Aegeus that he has the blood of the gods in him, then I would have left out Aegeus's role in fucking his daughter. Maybe just point out how Theseus was born of Aethra and Poseidon and just leave it at that? Although I guess she needed to throw the King of Athens' name in there since she named her son Aegeus. Seems like a strange choice though. I would have just gone with Theseus.

How can you not believe her? She's so adorably tiny!

Aegeus's mom gives him a token by which he can summon Poseidon. But Poseidon is dead or horribly wounded and laid up or something, so he doesn't answer. But some other creepy voice answers and decides to use this kid for its own nefarious purposes. You all know who that voice belongs to. Strife's been trying to embarrass Wonder Woman since The New 52 began. And ever since Wonder Woman killed Strife's boss, Strife has had too much free time. Also her name is Strife so she kind of has to be the antagonist of this comic book.

Diana heads to Olympus to ask Hera if she knows of anybody who rides Pegasus and shoots golden arrows. Hippolyta says she knows of nobody like that. I'm not entirely sure about the golden arrows part but maybe check with Bellerophon? See if he has an alibi for the other night? I'm more concerned that Wonder Woman says "a pegasus" as if it's just another mythological species and not a single creature which sprang from the blood of Medusa and which Diana killed back in the pages of Batwoman. I guess we're playing Dungeons and Dragons now?

While on Olympus, Diana stops by the prison to make sure Donna Troy still feels really badly for killing the sons of the Amazons. Diana is all, "You have to forgive yourself for the horrendous consequences of your stupid actions, you self-indulgent non-monster!" But Donna believes she's a monster and that she must be punished. Really? I didn't know golems could feel remorse.

Strife appears to convince Donna that suicide is her best option. But Donna can't kill herself while she's trapped in prison on Olympus. So Strife tells Donna that she can ask the three sisters of Fate to cut her thread and kill her. But to get to the Sisters, Donna must be free to go to London. So Strife sets Donna free. So now Donna doesn't need to visit the Fates, right? She can just find a cutlery shop and a bathtub.

Wonder Woman #42 Rating: -1 Ranking. Just another superhero story where the hero isn't saving the world (or even one homeless vet due to having to punch somebody in the face) but protecting themselves from a threat that only exists because the antagonist is pissed at the hero. So many fucking sarcastic yays. Can I get a superhero that's actually doing heroic things and saving people instead of one who is simply defending themselves from assassins and groping pigs?