Do cover artists often think, "I really don't care if this cover idea has been used hundreds of times before! I've got the definitive version!"
• Deadshot just found out that his dad has died of natural causes so he shot his mom in the face. Probably the face. I may be projecting on that fact.
• If my mom ever reads my commentaries, she'll probably think, "But he often ends our phone calls with 'I love you'?!" Right before she changes the will to leave everything to her stuffed Garfield collection.
• Everybody should change their Tumblr reply settings to "Everyone can reply" because I have got a lot of shit to say to you all.
• Deadshot is angry with Waller because Waller wasn't their for his daughter. Now who's projecting!
• Waller wants the Suicide Squad to battle Deadshot because teammates fighting is usually a cornucopia full of ratings and dollars. It's also an easier story to tell than having to think up a villain's motivation and how the protagonists find out about the villain and why they want to stop the villain and all the other fiddly plot points you have to come up with. It's much easier to have Batman go, "You stepped on my toe, Superman! Apologize!" And Superman would go, "I'm sorry!" And Batman would go, "Not good enough!" Then they fight for twenty pages and all of the nearly illiterate, drooling fangenders eat it up.
• The team arrives at Lawton's parents' estate by helicopter so of course it lands to let them out to do their job. Ha ha! Kidding! Captain Boomerang jumps out of the helicopter and doesn't get extremely killed or hurt at all even. Cheetah also jumps out but that's comic book plausible! How does Boomerang break his fall? Throw a boomerang at the ground?
• Deadshot shoots Cheetah in the face with an elephant gun because he doesn't know his animals. The elephant goes, "RROWRR!"
But you did!
But doesn't Floyd really, really want to be a Lenny? Specifically the Lenny that winds up being Amanda's dog.
• Now it's time for the Halo story. I mean the Katana story!
• One of these characters is not like the others! One of these characters doesn't belong! Can you tell me which one of these characters will be dead before I'm done singing this song?
Oh my god! Shut up, Deadshot! You're ruining the whole reason for having a Task Force X!
• Sometimes I feel like the Captain Boomerang of comic book critics. Katana here represents [name a writer or artist for DC].
• Prince Markov calls the Suicide Squad and Katana "outsiders." Hee hee hee! HEE HEE HEE! GET IT?! See, he doesn't realize only one of them is! And he's going to be one of them when the experimental geothermic plant blows up in his face! And Halo's host body is out in the woods nearby doing heroin. And, well, I don't know where Metamorpho and Black Lightning are. I guess they'll turn up later.
• Kobra has discovered that the Suicide Squad have bombs in their neck. He's also experimented on Violet. Probably by blasting her with rainbows, right?
• The "Outsiders" invade Kobra's volcanic base where one of them is sure to die. I'm not naming any names but her name is the same as her weapon! Not Katana, you idiot!
• Nobody dies this issue but the Squad and Katana are captured by Kobra. That makes two Suicide Squad stories in one issue where nobody died! At least not anybody of any consequence. Aside from that cat! I mean, I'm sure it's not dead. What kind of horrible monstrous writer would kill a poor innocent cat? Oh, I remember one who did that! Cullen Bunn! Fucking dick. I'm glad editorial told him he couldn't kill Dex-Starr and he had to come up with a tacked-on one page ending which completely made the story he just told meaningless.