You all owe me eighteen cents.
Brown People Need HelpWhite people make things better! We have the best skills of all nations.
Brown people are like, "Duh?! What is cities? Gorp! Der!"
Rule Britannia! Rule Britannia! We have the best civilizations!
Brown people can't rule because they are full of torpor!
Read my children's books, impressionable youngsters! Kipling out...of opium! Yoink!
Shit. I didn't even get to the second page before I complained! It's just a full page image of a dripping horseshoe! If I'd known I was going to be ripped off two full pages, I would have been angrier! Although being angry enough to write a parody Rudyard Kipling poem which might be misunderstood or taken out of context was already pretty angry. I should be more careful about what I write because some unintelligent readers who think they know enough about everything to deconstruct anything might Youthsplain some things to me.
So last issue, Darkseid was killed by the Anti-monitor using The Black Racer as a weapon. Also the Black Racer is now The Flash.
Or is it Steve Urkel?
On Apokolips, Superman is still an asshole. He's full of Apokolips energy which totally makes sense because Geoff Johns came up with it so it must make sense. Although is Superman really any different than he's been since The New 52 began? He really has been a grumpy puss lately. But now he's a weird polarized version of himself. He and The Flash are going to look great together. Superman destroys Lex Luthor's armor and strands him on Apokolips before heading back to Earth. That's probably going to be a mistake. I give Lex five hours before he's the next ruler of Apokolips.
Batman decides that he and the Batchair are going to go back to Gotham City and save it because that seems like a reasonable use of a chair that gives you all the knowledge of everything forever. Use it to make one city safe from maniacs. Classic Batman!
Apparently the Parademons are mostly moth.
Back on Earth, Barry begins to argue with himself and then runs away, just like always. I guess I'll see you in your special One Shot, Barry! Bye! The next person to flee to their One Shot is Shazam when he becomes the God of All of the Gods. I think that means he just committed blasphemy in every single religion in the universe.
Darkseid is dead and the Anti-Monitor has disappeared with his forces. The parademons have rushed off to fly erratically around the Green Power Battery on Oa (or Mogo (or wherever it is in Geoff Johns' version of the DC You). But Kalibak, Lashina, Steppenwolf, and probably some other jerks are still hanging around thinking they can beat the Justice League. But seriously, who takes Kalibak seriously now? Everybody heard about that time Alfred Pennyworth the Cat devised a plan which relied on Kalibak slipping on cow manure and which totally defeated him.
Meanwhile the Omega Effect returns to Apokolips and chooses a new leader.
Yep. I'd say that was about five hours.