I don't want to read about any of these Doctor Fates. Unless he's breaking up with Shaya in the lower right panel.
I'm quite aware of this need that modern comic book writers have to call attention to aspects of comic books that the audience used to just accept. Why would a normal kid with a scientific mind accept a magic helmet at face value? Why would he just suddenly wear it and think, "Cool! I can do neat stuff!" That doesn't make sense, right? So how about four boring as fuck issues of the character failing to cope with his new circumstances? Maybe it's more believable but so is a medical student trusting his observations instead of constantly wondering how he got on so many drugs and who might have clandestinely slipped them into his Yoo-hoo. Plus Doctor Fate's archenemy is a stray dog. Yippee. I'm trembling with excitement! Unless that's syphilis. Does syphilis make you tremble?
And the very worst part? He doesn't fucking care that his cat is dead.
Doctor Fate is still not entirely sure he has the magic figured out so he decides to start his new career slow and boring. He catches some guys looting a television. So now his enemies include not only a stray dog but some looters as well. It's just as boring as it sounds. Although imagine if this scene were written by Tarantino! Heads would be exploding! Time wouldn't flow in chronological order! N-words would be raining down all over the place! Teenaged white male readers would be jerking each other off over that comic book!
This is usually where I'd say some interesting and possibly funny stuff but why bother? Paul Levitz isn't really trying, so why should I? I'm nothing if not petulant!
Oh, by the way, here's where the sex scene would go if this comic book were interesting.
And this scene where nothing happens ends just before she puts her hand down the front of her pants.
Luckily before Khalid goes to sleep and dooms the world, the helmet tells Khalid where Anubis is so that a confrontation can take place. Finally! Currently Anubis is threatening Khalid's father. But it's time for the big fight! It's going to be so exciting! Here it comes! The moment this comic book has been building super slowly to! The magic battle of the century!
I get it, Paul! I fucking get it! He's fucking reluctant and this is too crazy to believe!
Doctor Fate #5 Rating: -2 Ranking. So that was the big confrontation with Anubis? Khalid runs, gives up, and then trades away the helmet and his eyesight. You keep saying you're not a hero, Khalid? Well congratulations! You're not! You're a boring piece of shit who really should be fucking his neighbor right now. I suppose if your life is so boring that reading about a boring person's life would actually keep you entertained, maybe you'd like this comic book. But anybody who has Bagel Bites or Tater Tots in the freezer already has more entertainment value ready to go. Just pop those suckers in the oven and stare through the window to watch them cook for forty minutes. Fun! To increase enjoyment, masturbate while watching.