This issue: Catwoman steals an
Anyway, all that is to say, for those not interested at all in my Futures End stuff, fuck you. I mean, don't worry! I meant to say "don't worry" and not "fuck you!" That was one of those slips that don't actually mean anything because nobody believes anything Freud said anyway anymore, right? So, um, "Don't worry!" You'll still be getting my stupid voice commentaries with the weekly Futures End, the weekly Batman Eternal, and any other DC Comics that were mistakenly scheduled during Super Fabulous Futures End Extravaganza Month! Like Superman Unchained #Isn't-This-Over-Yet? That wasn't a stupid fucking hashtag, by the way. That was a number sign. As in "Number Isn't-This-Over-Yet?" God, I hate having to explain myself! And yet it seems that's all I fucking ever do! Hey world? Smarten the fuck up!
I think I might be in a bitter ranty mood today! That's good news for readers! That's bad news for Tim Seeley who scripted this issue! Oh, Timmy my man! Grit your teeth and spread them fuckin' cheeks cause I'm going in raw!
Wait a second. I'm assuming Catwoman means his pirate skin since he's the pirate that loves wearing endangered animals as clothing. But how can he make the dead pirate skin jacket if he's the dead pirate? I think Selina needs to work on her one-liners.
See? It was okay to make a buttsecks joke about me and Tim Seeley because Tim Seeley makes them himself. I mean, I only made the buttsecks joke because Tim Seeley makes them and I thought he deserved some of his own suppositories. See how I said suppositories instead of medicine because suppositories are butt medicine! Dammit! I'm explaining again! Why am I writing to the idiots?! I'm going to simply pretend everybody understands every single thing I say even though I know that isn't true since I often don't understand what the fuck I was saying when I reread my own crap.
Jesus Christ, DC Comics. The Ten-Eyed Man? Who's responsible for that creation? Come on, just tell me! Let's see...Frank Robbins? He's the same guy that created Jason Bard! Is that why he made an appearance? A little shout out to psychotronic freakout maestro Frank Robbins? I don't know if any of those adjective actually fit him but he does look like he's on acid in his Wikipedia picture and he did create The Ten-Eyed Man. So they probably fit him.
Jade takes Selina through the sewer system and into Blackgate prison where she gets to speak directly with Rex Calabrese. Who? you're probably asking even though you've been following along with Batman Eternal the whole time and have been saying "Who?" every time his name appears. He was a big crime boss that ran the city for years and, apparently, raised Selina Kyle from the age of nine until the age of whenever the fuck it was he abandoned her. Now he wants to mentor her as the new crime boss of Gotham City.
The Architect's Tesla Resonation Device sets off some serious seismic activity in Gotham. Are we going to have to go through the Reboot No Man's Land now? Fuck.
Selina refuses Rex's offer but, as we've seen in the sneak episode that interrupted Batman's Zero Year, Selina will eventually change her mind. Until then, Jason Bard's next move in his long con is to get Mayor Hady to declare martial law. I think maybe it's just finally time to hang an "Out of Order" sign on Gotham City and leave it to the rats.
Batman Eternal #23 Rating: No change. A lot hast been happening in this comic book and I think it's all being handled nicely. This is the first weekly comic book I've ever read (I was on the Long Hiatus during 52, and I was rarely reading Batman and Superman back in the days when they might have a huge crossover where a chapter of the story came out each week but in a different title) and I appreciate how much more can be done in a series like this where you don't have to wait a full month between chapters. On a monthly book, you can only concentrate on one main story with a few subplots that will eventually take over as the main story. Too much and you'll lose the reader's focus. But on a weekly, you can build up a fucking shit-ton of "main plots" and, with a steady and consistent pacing and rotation, you get a really full story that is just coming off the hinges. Outstanding work by the entire creative team working on this series so far. I'm really enjoying it.