Action Comics #18

I predict this issue ends with Superman wedged between a train and a wall.

Last issue, Mr. Mxyzptlk finally woke up. But since he's a fifth dimensional creature, doesn't that mean he's now awake across all moments? So it's like he was never in a coma at all! I'm so confused. Leave it to Grant Morrison to not only tell a multi-Earth tale but to add multiple dimensions and time travel to his story as well! What a show off.

Oh yeah! And Lex Luthor saved Superman's life.

I didn't say he did it with the best of intentions.

Luthor only gets the one chance to divert Doomsday Brand X Superman's attention away from killing Superman because Lex isn't really in the battle armor. He's controlling it remotely from his super secure prison facility vacation home. Once Doomsday Brand X Superman destroys it, Luthor's out of options. But his distraction may have helped save Krypto's life. Although I don't know what kind of a life a dog can have without a soul. Oh wait! Yes I do! A normal one!

If you guys are going to insist on constantly making me sad, I'm going to stop reading your stupid comic book!

Superman doesn't have time to save Krypto because he has a schedule to keep. First on the schedule, punch Doomsday Brand X Superman in the bony face. Second on his schedule, get loaded on Red Kryptonite.

At this point in Superman's life, he's never even met Mr. Mxyzptlk! Poor Supes! Being punished for something he'll never get to do!

Lion-headed Superman soon becomes Ant-headed Superman as Vyndktvx reminds Superman that the Silver Age was a super fun time to be alive. But those days it was Mxyzptlk doing the pranking! It was silly and whimsical. Vyndktvx is a modern day fifth dimensional bastard and he knows some really mean tricks. At this point, I don't even think he wants to kill Supes. He just wants to torture him and make the whole world hate his guts.

Meanwhile in Mr. Mxyzptlk's hospital room, Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane and Cosmic Man and Saturn Woman and Lightning Man all try to make sense of what is happening. Ferlin Nyxly arrives to add to the chaos. He brings the Superman shirt with his mother's blood on it. He does this because he's supposed to do this. It's one of the reasons he was created. It's all a fifth dimensional plan that three dimensional people can't even begin to see.

So even the stories about Superman buying his shirts were important to the plan!

Apparently Ferlin Nyxly is the key to defeating Vyndktvx. Ferlin was Mxyzptlk's greatest trick not because he created a son that he always wanted but he created a way to defeat Vyndktvx. Ferlin is a Music Therapist and he's also somehow linked to Vyndktvx. So either Ferlin has to sing Vyndktvx into submission or maybe Ferlin simply has to say Vyndktvx's name backwards. Or most probably, Ferlin is roommates with Ambush Bug and he needs to give Irwin a ring to come and save Supes life!

The fight between Superman and Doomsday Brand X Superman is happening in the third dimension but Supes is also battling Vyndktvx in the fourth dimension although Superman sees this battle as the Red Kryptonite hallucinations. Vyndktvx is beginning to get confused trying to comport himself to the rules and boundaries of the third dimension as he controls Doomsday Brand X Superman. Thankfully for Superman, the original Superman, Captain Comet, shows up with his 31st Century team, The Wanderers.

It would have been so much better if he had shown up with Atari Force.

Atari Force defeats the Anti-Superman Army and save Krypto (he'll regrow his soul!) and convince Erik Drekken to evolve into one of them and join Atari Force. Now they're providing psychic cover to help Superman. And then Morrison hits on an interesting aspect of a fifth dimensional attack on a third dimensional person.

For Vyndktvx, this is a spontaneous attack. He hasn't been planning to torture Superman across his whole life. He just threw a tantrum and all of this happened. It's so easy for Vyndktvx that his plan came together in mere moments (if you can call whatever he experiences as time "moments") while Superman has been dealing with it seemingly his entire life. Technically Vyndktvx has as many chances as he wants to defeat Superman. He can just keep coming back again and again and again. But he doesn't. It's just this single time. Which means he must be defeated.

Well, duh! Of course he's going to be defeated! But I like the logic inherent in the situation that implies he absolutely must be beaten here.

And to do so, instead of getting Vyndktvx to say his name backwards, Superman gets everyone on earth to say their names backwards at the same time. He can do this because Vyndktvx has linked everyone's minds so that Superman could feel the pain and anguish and death of mankind. But when everyone says their names backwards, Ferlin says his backwards too. And it's not the one he thought was his.

And so Vyndktvx says his name backwards as well, disappearing into the fifth dimension.

Back in the Fifth Dimension, it's the moment after Vyndktvx killed the king and he's arrested and dragged away. Mxyzptlk's plan came through. Although it wasn't a plan to save Superman at all. It was simply a plan to become King and win the Princess's love. What a little bastard.

Unless it all happened differently. Who can fucking tell?

Action Comics #18 Rating: -1 Ranking. I'm a bit disappointed with this ending. Although it could be my feeble mind that just hasn't put it all together, it was pretty much a super cheesy ending getting everyone to help support Superman with the name trick. But I also think there's a lot I didn't quite follow. I know I should reread the entire Mxyzptlk run but I think I'll leave it as it is for now. Vyndktvx killed a king and threw a tantrum to punish Superman. In the end, Superman's life ends up altered and screwed up from what it could have been, but Superman does not let Ms. Nyxly wish it back to normal because he needs the wish so that Noah Random and his family on Mars don't have their faces melted off. I'm not clear on why or how Ferlin was a part of Vyndktvx except that he was "Mxy's greatest trick." I'm not sure that Legion really did anything to help unless they did slam their time bubble in Vynnie's face to confuse him. And I'm not sure at what point in time the final Day took place, but I guess that isn't really important. It just happens to be a fight that Superman had to wage across his whole life. Luckily it just happens the one time. Umm, as far as Superman knows!

Action Comics #17

Why is Vyndktvx so proud about defeating Superman? That's like me being proud that I crumpled up a picture of a stick figure.

When I began reading last issue, I though it was Grant Morrison's final issue of Action Comics. And then when I finished reading it, I thought this was the final issue of Action Comics written by Morrison. But since the one thing I'm unerringly wrong about is the final issue of things, I imagine Grant Morrison will be writing Action Comics for a really long time. That wouldn't be so bad.

Last issue ended with Super Brand X Superman from Earth 5 (I think) being escorted into Earth Prime by Lex Luthor. Lex wasn't actively trying to make that happen but one thing I've learned from the Young Earth Creationists is that scientists never actually know what they're doing and they only ever discover things on accident and most of the time they're lying anyway. I guess they also taught me that if you can think up a theory in your imagination without any research or evidence, it's just as valid as scientific theories that are in reality laws of the universe. My theory that ghosts are just brains picking up other people's brain waves like a radio signal is probably true because I thought of it and it makes sense if I tell it to you until you're sick of arguing with me.

The other grand event that happened at the end of last issue was the Legion Founders coming back in time to help Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen bring Mr. Mxyzptlk out of his coma so that he can save Superman's fourth dimensional ass.

This issue begins with a sentimental moment that interferes with getting straight into the action! So I skipped it to get to the good stuff! The comic book doesn't really begin until Superman is getting beaten to death by the Earth 5 Superman with the Superman statue commemorating Superman's first death.

I like the spit curl image on the back of Earth 5 Super Brand X Superman's back.

While Superman is waiting for somebody else to save the days, Lightning Man, Saturn Woman, and Cosmic Man are racing back in time in their Time Bubble to alter everything. These Legion of Super-hero members are from a future where Superman was killed. But their future sucks since Universo took control and hypnotized everyone into being assholes. So they figure, even if it means they'll never exist, they're going to change the past. Except then they won't have existed to change the past and thus Superman will still die and they'll exist to change the past and then...oh fuck it! I already went over this in my commentary on Superboy! But now that Morrison is writing this messed up Back to the Future version of time travel in a comic book I really like, I have to do the fanboy thing and defend it somehow! Perhaps when this kind of event takes place, two time lines become inextricably tied together for all time. Which would mean that the Legion members will continue to exist as if Superman died in the one time line braided to the other timeline where they save Superman's ass. So even if they're successful, they're shitty timeline will still exist. They really can't do anything except be caught in a weird ass time loop that never quite resolves or changes either time line.

So Legion goes back in time but they skip over to the "Superman Lives" timeline when they fix past events. The two timelines would be identical except for the moments changed by Legion and the repercussions of those moments. But in the end, who cares? Vyndktvx can change whatever he wants in either timeline and more without breaking a sweat. So ultimately, I think they still need Mxyzptlk.

Or events happened how they always happened. Or those other travelers on the other side of the overturned truck were Legion returning to make sure Ma and Pa Kent die before Legion can save Ma and Pa Kent because saving Ma and Pa Kent fucks everything up so that Superman dies. Or something. Fuck you, Time Travel!

While Legion does whatever the fuck Legion does while fucking up time and history, Vyndktvx talks to the reader (or maybe someone else that's outside the page that isn't the reader but another character) and describes how he planned the entire thing. He explains each issue and why he did what he did and how it helped to get Superman to his next death. Maybe he's talking to me since I accepted his deal to not help Superman last issue! I'm part of his gang now! Too bad all the losers on Earth didn't accept Vyndktvx's deal!

They're actually helping him! Bah! Why do people always help Superman?!

At some point during Legion's travels, they end up at the side of Mxyzptlk as seen at the end of last issue. Mxyzptlk awakens with his wife's name on his lips. Brand X Superman tears off his face plate and reveals he's an amalgamation of Doomsday and Superman. And Lex Luthor arrives to complicate things further.

Or help. It's hard to tell with that asshole.

I also forgot to mention that the last time The Anti-Superman Army were shown, they were trying to devour Krypto's soul with their Blue Kryptonite. But Superman spoke with Erik Drekken the Unevolved Man and told him he was still a good scientist and Superman believed in him. And how can someone fight that? So when Superman's brawl took him away from that scene, perhaps Erik saved Krypto's doggy soul. As if dogs have souls! I mean, if people don't, why would dogs?! Maybe dolphins have souls. But that's it!

The Sholly Fisch back-up story was a bunch of emotional pap that didn't make me feel anything! Although it might have made me sick because I suddenly need to blow my nose. Really, it wasn't worth reading at all! In fact, it spoils the end of this entire run because you find out that Superman survives! Oh look! Now I've spoiled issue #18 as well! It's just so hard to concentrate with tears splashing all over my keyboard and this erratic breathing.

Action Comics #17 Rating: No change because it's already tied with Batman at #1. Which means it's one of the best comic books of The New 52. Which is weird because I generally don't care much for Superman stories. But I do like alternate dimension and time travel stories! But I don't like stories that show future Superman getting to talk with Pa Kent one last time on the night Pa Kent dies! Sholly Fisch is a jerk that likes to make people sad!