If this isn't the final issue, I'll be headed to Excalibur later.
I watched Furiosa last night and it left me with a burning question in the pit of my manhood: when did motherfucking stupid motherfucking male motherfuckers begin having problems with movies with women leads? Who was the king of the dipshits who was all, "Hey, fellas, it's gay to enjoy stories with women." I and the Non-Certified Spouse just finished re-watching the second season of The Mandalorian and she asked me, "Did all the nerd guys get upset about all the women protagonists in this?" And I was all, "If not for these online cucks who think they're alphas (who, also, are the only people who get upset if they're called cucks which is why they're the only people I call cucks (aside from Shakespearean characters, of course)), I wouldn't even notice." I didn't even think about it until the Non-Certified Spouse asked that question (although I was a bit disgusted by how many Twi'leks were in the series. Gross!)! My favorite book series in elementary school was The Wizard of Oz books followed by Beverly Cleary's Ramona books. I never once fucking thought, nor did anybody ever suggest, that I, a boy, shouldn't have been reading these books. I never thought, "Man, I can't identify with Dorothy or Ramona or Beezus. If only they had penises!" Fucking hell! I think my biggest anarchist anti-hero was Laura Ingalls! That bitch was a fucking hellion who was only kept in check by the power of Pa's grace and goodness! Who are these squareheaded dildos who have decided to cut themselves off from so much entertainment and storytelling because of some superficial fucking nonsense?! Read some books, motherfuckers. Any of them! No, wait. Not any of them. If they take me up on the offer, they'll just go get one of those books with "Alpha" or "Sigma" or "Business" in the title. Read a fiction book, man! And look! I'm not even suggesting you read some modern multicultural or feminist book! Just fucking read a book, man. How about Catch-22? That one has swears and prostitutes and death and loads and loads of male characters and jokes! It'll be right up your alley and you might fucking expand your narrow-minded view of the world a little bit.
Oh fuck. Who am I kidding?! I already know why they don't read. Because most literature offends and triggers them. The heroes never think the way they do. The antagonists are always shown as being despicable due to beliefs and actions that they identify with. And that's when they call it woke and virtue signaling. It's sad, really. The idea that somebody would have such shitty beliefs that they couldn't read a single work by Kurt Vonnegut without being absolutely triggered into a spray of blood and brains. Why would the people who claim to want free speech the most handicap their interests so drastically that they might as well be thrown in an oubliette with a tape recorder and one tape that simply repeats their small, narrow, simple set of beliefs? They're the type of people who have no joy but believe they're the ones who experience joy because they still laugh when somebody gets called retarded or a bully pushes some kid in a mud puddle. Their sense of humor is so shallow as to be non-existent. Most people contain multitudes, both good and bad. These chundernuts contain cotton candy and jelly fish. You can rip through them and barely even notice. They might as well be angry ghosts haunting an empty house.
What I was trying to say was this: "I hope this issue has as many ass shots of Rosi as the second issue!" This comic book has me so wildly horned up! Now I know how satyrs feel!
Oh fuck. Who am I kidding?! I already know why they don't read. Because most literature offends and triggers them. The heroes never think the way they do. The antagonists are always shown as being despicable due to beliefs and actions that they identify with. And that's when they call it woke and virtue signaling. It's sad, really. The idea that somebody would have such shitty beliefs that they couldn't read a single work by Kurt Vonnegut without being absolutely triggered into a spray of blood and brains. Why would the people who claim to want free speech the most handicap their interests so drastically that they might as well be thrown in an oubliette with a tape recorder and one tape that simply repeats their small, narrow, simple set of beliefs? They're the type of people who have no joy but believe they're the ones who experience joy because they still laugh when somebody gets called retarded or a bully pushes some kid in a mud puddle. Their sense of humor is so shallow as to be non-existent. Most people contain multitudes, both good and bad. These chundernuts contain cotton candy and jelly fish. You can rip through them and barely even notice. They might as well be angry ghosts haunting an empty house.
What I was trying to say was this: "I hope this issue has as many ass shots of Rosi as the second issue!" This comic book has me so wildly horned up! Now I know how satyrs feel!
This issue begins with the rape of a Mini Cooper.
If any car in the Animal Kingdom were asking for it, it's definitely the Mini Cooper with those "Come hither" headlights and that cheeky fender smile. So slutty! Hmm, have I seen any Mini Coopers in my neighborhood? Um, I mean, this is so gross even when it's happening to a car! I'm totally disgusted by this and not intrigued in the slightest. Although I am curious about one thing: is fucking a car in the tailpipe the anal sex of cars? If so, what is vaginal intercourse with a car? The place where you stick the gas nozzle? Is that the car's vagina? Are all cars female? Are electric cars male or just female cars with strap-ons? How does a car perform oral on you? Sticking your dick where the oil goes? When you've sexualized a car, what position is it when you climb inside and jerk off? Do they call that the "Buffalo Bill"?
You know what? Never mind. You should never fuck a car, kids! No matter how much it's asking for it. Stay in school!
That guy fucking the car is Reg of the Quarry Gang's kid who has been tasked with fucking Rosi and Tony to death. When people here that they'll die while having sex, most of them think, "Cool! What a way to go!" That's because most people don't immediately think they're going to get pounded into jelly by a five hundred pound car fucking birth defect. What they should say when they hear they're going to die during sex is, "With an attractive partner while I'm coming on their face, I hope? Pretty please? Oh God let it be that."
You know what? Never mind. You should never fuck a car, kids! No matter how much it's asking for it. Stay in school!
That guy fucking the car is Reg of the Quarry Gang's kid who has been tasked with fucking Rosi and Tony to death. When people here that they'll die while having sex, most of them think, "Cool! What a way to go!" That's because most people don't immediately think they're going to get pounded into jelly by a five hundred pound car fucking birth defect. What they should say when they hear they're going to die during sex is, "With an attractive partner while I'm coming on their face, I hope? Pretty please? Oh God let it be that."
Does this guy ejaculate nitroglycerin?
The panel before the above panel had another shot of Rosi's cute little caboose but I felt it was less interesting than a gigantic mutant monster demolitioning a Mini Cooper with its orgasm. This monster's handlers manage to shoot the tire on Rosi's scooter which enables them to capture the two miscreant protagonists. They're thrown in the back of a van with the car fucker. Luckily his libido is currently recovering so they're safe for the moment.
Oh cute! They're getting to know each other!
Instead of getting fucked to death, Rosi and Tony are dragged by to Reg's penthouse to get grilled about the location of Reg's massive musical penis. Tony's plan to escape is something like "let the water absorb them" or "eat the strawberry before the tiger eats you." I don't know, some Zen claptrap. I'm not familiar with being calm. I'm more of a Rage, Rage Against Not Just the Dying of the Light but Pretty Much Everything Else as Well Especially Ann Nocenti's Shit Writing. If I were in this situation, I'd probably trick Reg into saying, "Honk," and then he'd just get obliterated by Ron's explosive cum.
Reg gets tired of Rosi and Tony's flirtatious back and forth in the face of their final death fuck and gives the order for that final death fuck. Rosi realizes that Ron doesn't see people as people due to his gadgets and gizmos; he sees everybody as slutty cars asking for it. To save their lives and their exhaust pipes, Rosi hacks Ron the Carfucker.
Reg gets tired of Rosi and Tony's flirtatious back and forth in the face of their final death fuck and gives the order for that final death fuck. Rosi realizes that Ron doesn't see people as people due to his gadgets and gizmos; he sees everybody as slutty cars asking for it. To save their lives and their exhaust pipes, Rosi hacks Ron the Carfucker.
Aww! He thinks she's beautiful!
This whole CGI rig thing that makes things look like other things didn't come out of nowhere for this save. Rosi's been talking about using it since the first comic book because she's become so bored with reality. But she kept getting pulled into Tony's mischief before she could implement it. But now she found a good reason for it! She makes it so Ron sees her butthole and pussy instead of her tailpipe and gas cap! Gross! Who would want to fuck a butthole or a pussy?! Make mine Mini!
Rosi also makes Reg and his righthand man look like cars via Ron's CGI unit. So he strips down and attempts to fuck them to death instead while Rosi and Tony make a run for it. They wind up in Ron's bedroom where they find an unfucked scooter behind a pile of destroyed cars. They hop on and Tony directs them to one of the windows of the penthouse. Remember how he kept reading that book, Zen Flight? And how he apparently flew in the first issue although we never saw it happen on panel. He just stepped off of a roof and then he wasn't dead later? Well, the readers, along with Rosi, are about to find out if he actually did fly.
I also just checked Mile High Comics' website to find out if this was the last issue of the series. It was. So, you know, Tony and Rosi could die after crashing through the window on a scooter and falling 80 floors to the street below! It's possible! I hope that doesn't happen though because they haven't fucked yet and that just doesn't seem right.
They manage to survive because it's a rocket scooter with only a front tire and a rocket on the back. They must have realized that and didn't just expect to defy the laws of comic book physics by driving down the front of a skyscraper and living when they hit the bottom. Obviously you can drive up them like Nightwing did in his comic book in The New 52. Duh! That's easy! But going down? And not splatting? So hard to pull off! But they pull it off! Because of, you know, the rocket.
At the top of the building, everybody blows up because they use some kind of anti-aircraft gun to shoot Ron off of his dad. Blowing up from the outside is probably a better way to go than blowing up from inside your butthole, I suppose.
Rosi also makes Reg and his righthand man look like cars via Ron's CGI unit. So he strips down and attempts to fuck them to death instead while Rosi and Tony make a run for it. They wind up in Ron's bedroom where they find an unfucked scooter behind a pile of destroyed cars. They hop on and Tony directs them to one of the windows of the penthouse. Remember how he kept reading that book, Zen Flight? And how he apparently flew in the first issue although we never saw it happen on panel. He just stepped off of a roof and then he wasn't dead later? Well, the readers, along with Rosi, are about to find out if he actually did fly.
I also just checked Mile High Comics' website to find out if this was the last issue of the series. It was. So, you know, Tony and Rosi could die after crashing through the window on a scooter and falling 80 floors to the street below! It's possible! I hope that doesn't happen though because they haven't fucked yet and that just doesn't seem right.
They manage to survive because it's a rocket scooter with only a front tire and a rocket on the back. They must have realized that and didn't just expect to defy the laws of comic book physics by driving down the front of a skyscraper and living when they hit the bottom. Obviously you can drive up them like Nightwing did in his comic book in The New 52. Duh! That's easy! But going down? And not splatting? So hard to pull off! But they pull it off! Because of, you know, the rocket.
At the top of the building, everybody blows up because they use some kind of anti-aircraft gun to shoot Ron off of his dad. Blowing up from the outside is probably a better way to go than blowing up from inside your butthole, I suppose.
The end! You'll have to imagine the fucking. I'm going to picture it like Ron fucking the Mini Cooper but with these two characters instead.
Two-Step #3 Rating: A+. How did I forget about this comic book? What's wrong with my brain? Are human brains even meant to retain the amount of information that flows through them in the 21st century? How does any of it work? Aren't our brains supposed to be set up to simply observe our environment, looking out for danger, food, and water? And maybe the occasional car to bang? We were never meant to be exposed to this much fucking information! Why shouldn't I forget a comic book I read in three separate installments over a six month period twenty years ago?! It would be weird if I did remember it better than I did! If I were one of those people to do repeat readings or viewings of things I liked, maybe I'd have retained more of the story. Or if I'd had another nerd who'd also been reading this at the time, we would have discussed it and it would have solidified the memory better. But just reading it once and probably jerking off to Rosi's ass once each issue wasn't enough for retention, I guess! Maybe next time I find a comic book adorable and sexy, I should jerk off to it more often! Maybe that's why I remember so much Sailor Moon! No, no! Wait! I didn't say that! Forget you read that! CUT! CUUUUUUT!
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