Is Venus going to die on her first quest?!
My cousin recently sent me a picture of what I wrote in their guestbook when I stopped by their house on my roadtrip in the Summer of '97. I have to say: 25 year old me was pretentious and I'm loving it so much.
People were that young guy's friends!
I had just picked up a hitchhiker earlier that day and I think I was still buzzing from not having been murdered! Let's see if the lyric chosen for this final issue of The Crusades can top my word sculpture!
Bah! A quote from the actual Crusades?! Boring! Not worth discussing!
Venus has gathered a bunch of Bud Stafford's old SCA buddies to join him in some Order of the Garter ritual in the sewers. It's like at the end of Mazes and Monsters where they play one last game with Robbie/Pardeu! Man, I loved that movie as a kid! You couldn't get me with anti-Dungeons-and-Dragons propaganda because I just took it at face value and was all, "Yes! A movie about my favorite thing ever!"
Bud's old friends want to help Bud realize he's not a 900 year old knight named Godfrey but Venus tell them they'd better let him come to it in his own time or else he might not let her run around the city slaying people. His buddies are all, "Oh, yeah. That sounds smart. You've got nice tits. Hurr hurr hurr." Also, Venus has told them they're on a special quest and they need Godfrey and not Bud. They need to raid the new casino, save Father Trinidad, and murder The Pope. Or probably not murder him; maybe tie him up and leave him for the cops or something.
Bud's old friends want to help Bud realize he's not a 900 year old knight named Godfrey but Venus tell them they'd better let him come to it in his own time or else he might not let her run around the city slaying people. His buddies are all, "Oh, yeah. That sounds smart. You've got nice tits. Hurr hurr hurr." Also, Venus has told them they're on a special quest and they need Godfrey and not Bud. They need to raid the new casino, save Father Trinidad, and murder The Pope. Or probably not murder him; maybe tie him up and leave him for the cops or something.
Things are really moving along quickly now. Seagle was definitely told to wrap it all up by #20.
On her way home, Venus accepts two marriage proposals just to get some men quickly out of her way. Has she thought this through? Or does she expect to die on her quest? Does she plan on disappearing into the sewers herself, become a legend, a dark knight that prowls the alleys striking fear in the hearts of criminals?
Also, who the fuck is Cela? Can we get some closure on the kid before this is over?
Also, who the fuck is Cela? Can we get some closure on the kid before this is over?
Venus is now engaged to both Addas and Anton.
Maybe Venus's plan is to meet them both in the same hotel room on the same night, tell them to get naked and slip into bed in the dark. Do you think they'd actually wind up fucking each other? Do you think they'd get the hint?!
Venus closes her bank account and quits her job at the paper. The only person who knows what she's about to do (other than the SCA nerds) is her old work friend Sara. Venus wasn't supposed to tell anybody! Isn't that what brotherhood is about? She's just going to shit all over chivalry like that? She's already failed in her quest and she hasn't even donned her armor.
The SCA crew, along with Godfrey, raid the casino on horseback, killing a bunch of The Pope's henchmen (but not Philip! He's still alive minus loads of body parts). Duane takes a bullet in the shoulder but Venus won't leave him behind. She throws him up on her horse to get him out of the chaos. Is she engaged to him too?
Eventually, Godfrey chases down The Pope and the most secret of all the secrets are finally revealed!
Venus closes her bank account and quits her job at the paper. The only person who knows what she's about to do (other than the SCA nerds) is her old work friend Sara. Venus wasn't supposed to tell anybody! Isn't that what brotherhood is about? She's just going to shit all over chivalry like that? She's already failed in her quest and she hasn't even donned her armor.
The SCA crew, along with Godfrey, raid the casino on horseback, killing a bunch of The Pope's henchmen (but not Philip! He's still alive minus loads of body parts). Duane takes a bullet in the shoulder but Venus won't leave him behind. She throws him up on her horse to get him out of the chaos. Is she engaged to him too?
Eventually, Godfrey chases down The Pope and the most secret of all the secrets are finally revealed!
The horrible scars and maggot-infested wounds on Godfrey's face really cleared up nicely after that sexy bath he took.
So The Pope was more critical to the story than I would have thought. I mean, I thought he was super critical to the story because this comic is called The Crusades and he's The Pope. But then he sort of disappeared during the Third Crusade and I figured that was that. But he was the creator of the knight! It was The Pope's decree that these Crusades began!
And blah blah blah the day is save, the casino closes, the knight has his revenge on The Pope, and Venus lives happily ever after in the sewers with Bud and Cela. Gross.
The Crusades #20 Rating: B-. Hey, they rushed the ending so I can too! Steven T. Seagle was given a free page at the end for a little write-up about how the book's audience wasn't growing so they needed to end it and they wanted it to have a real ending instead of a comic book ending where a book just stops being published in the middle of everything. He makes it sound like this ending was planned but, come on! It was definitely rushed. But it answered all the questions so I should be satisfied, I guess. Plus Venus found her place in the world: living in a filthy domain fucking her father figure and taking care of the blind orphan he kidnapped. Endings don't get much happier than that, do they?
And blah blah blah the day is save, the casino closes, the knight has his revenge on The Pope, and Venus lives happily ever after in the sewers with Bud and Cela. Gross.
The Crusades #20 Rating: B-. Hey, they rushed the ending so I can too! Steven T. Seagle was given a free page at the end for a little write-up about how the book's audience wasn't growing so they needed to end it and they wanted it to have a real ending instead of a comic book ending where a book just stops being published in the middle of everything. He makes it sound like this ending was planned but, come on! It was definitely rushed. But it answered all the questions so I should be satisfied, I guess. Plus Venus found her place in the world: living in a filthy domain fucking her father figure and taking care of the blind orphan he kidnapped. Endings don't get much happier than that, do they?
the return of the lowercase commenter:
ReplyDeletei've been staring at these wiesenfeld covers for days, in some sort of mystic fugue, and i come bearing absolutely nothing of value but conjecture & blarney. i *suspect* he was only asked to produce four covers, and when he sent some 'roughs' (such as the fully-painted, penultimate issue's cover) he was gifted a lovely bonus cheque along with a note that said "we'll take the lot"
i don't have any proof of this, beyond my own anecdotal experiences with obsessive-compulsive disorder & artistic temperment. but it seems very, very likely berger & co didn't want to fuckaround with begging anybody else to fill in the final two covers. it was a doomed book and they were lucky to have kelley jones to begin with, so weisenfeld being on tap at vertigo (cranking out work-for-hire covers on shit like fables) was a boon from the comix gods
thanks for bringing these pieces to my attention. lovely, fascinating shit
The entire fourth crusade felt like a bungled rush job. Hell, that penultimate painted cover might have been a Fables cast off! Plus the first pages with the quotes just took a really weird turn in style, nothing at all like the previous crusades. This last crusade was definitely Seagle throwing out the ongoing story so the comic book could have a definitive end once word of the cancellation came about.
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