The Authority #11 (March 2000)

Jenny shows off what I'm assuming to be the egg of her next incarnation: Jenny Climate Catastrophe.

Bryan Hitch must love drawing The Engineer because most comic book artists hate drawing clothing. They usually draw naked people devoid of genitals and the colorist just paints the naked person the appropriate colors to make them not actually naked. I guess this was way too apparent at the beginning of this series which is why Hitch was instructed to stop drawing Angie's nipples. I know I discuss Angie's nipples a lot but to be fair, I also talk a lot about how Booster Gold has no cock. He must not because his costume is so skin tight that you can see the outline of every single muscle ever invented by '90s Image artists but you never see a hint of the head of his cock. Also, here's the reason I was thinking about this:

See? I'm not obsessing! I'm commenting!

Angie's sudden lack of nipples has me thinking about the rise of digital manipulation of media. Some people think it was a blessing but for those of us who loved nipples showing through shirts, it's been fucking hell. An apocalypse of suddenly nippleless women in pseudo-porn rags like Maxim and FHM. I don't even know if those exist anymore but they were heavily edited. And the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue was suddenly barely worth buying! Not that I ever bought it. I wouldn't dream of reading pseudo-porn when porn was right there on the top shelf of the rack behind the greasy clerk at the corner gas station. But then I also thought about all the digital manipulation they've been doing to television series by changing aspect ratios and adding or upgrading effects. Do you think they'll ever get around to removing Chrissy's nipples from Three's Company?! Christ. What a terrible time to be alive.

Okay, you know what? Now I'm obsessing. I thought the hole in Jack's shirt was a nipple.

The object Angie's watching still hasn't reached Earth orbit. It's larger than the moon and it's organic. It must be Space Daddy, the owner of the cosmic jizz. I'm guessing Space Mommy lives in the center of the moon. The Authority is in big trouble if they were almost just beaten by the spermatozoa and eggs of these creatures. I guess the Doctors were right when they referred to them as Gods.

Jenny needs a cigarette and a moment to consider what's happening.

More turd talk! These are definitely my people.

Apollo continues to be in space so I guess he's like a plant getting all he needs from the sun and maybe a glass of water or two per day. He's waiting for Angie to join him after she figures out how to turn her body into a spacesuit with nipples. They're going to go investigate Space Daddy. Their confidence seems out of bounds for a couple people going on a mission where Midnighter can't save their asses when they get in trouble. I suppose they could Door Midnighter into space for a few minutes and he can kick ass before he pops. He'd do that for Apollo. And Jack Hawksmoor would probably do that for Angie but he'd pop immediately being that their aren't any cities in space. Although the organic structure is so big and probably teeming with jizz, it acts as a city with a large population. Jack would probably be fine on it.

The world is in serious trouble so Angie takes some time to play on the moon with Apollo. At least during this time, we learn that Apollo can exist in space because he doesn't breathe. Not that he never breathes. He's just able to not breathe for as long as he wants, I guess.

The Doctor explains the last three issues in way less horny imagery than I've been using.

Oh sure. Sanitize it for the queasy who don't want to imagine what fighting cosmic space jizz smells like.

The Authority must fight and kill a God whose home humans have colonized. It's a confusing issue because Space Daddy was gone for so long that humans didn't exist when Space Daddy left and humans certainly must have obtained squatters' rights by now! But to murder the creature that built the home humans are now squatting in? Maybe The Authority chooses violence too quickly. Couldn't they have The Doctor make Space Daddy think Earth has disappeared? Can't The Doctor dose it with hallucinogens? Can't somebody have a chat with it and point out that Venus is quite lovely this time of year, if you love unlivable balls of acidic gases?

Well, Jenny Sparks has a plan. It's probably her final plan because she only has one year left to live. I mean one day! I keep forgetting Jenny Sparks' calendar goes by ignoramus rules.

The team convince The Carrier to leave Earth orbit through a bunch of calm petting, hocus pocus, and Swift pretending to be useful. They guide it straight toward Space Daddy for the final confrontation.

Look at Jenny's mischievous grin and sign language. You know what orifice she's looking for.

And that's Jenny's big plan to be executed next issue: fly up its massive dickhole and destroy it from the inside. I suppose it's going to work because this series goes for 29 issues.

The Authority #11 Rating: A-. Did Warren Ellis want to end the series after this issue because how do you escalate any further? Global terrorist. Alternate dimension invasion. God returning to Earth. I guess any worse battles than this have to be fought on the inside. Also Jenny's supposed to die in less than 24 hours. That seems to demand a change in writers. But did the change of writers have to be from Ellis to Millar?!

MILLAR'S SCRIPT FOR AUTHORITY #12

Jack Hawskmoor as he kicks the head off an alien: "Uhh!"
Midnighter as he decapitates three changelings in the guise of sweet little girls: "Unh!"
Apollo as he lasers fifteen giant lizard creatures through the abdomen, spilling their guts all across Nebraska: "Arp!"
Jenny Sparks: "Hey guys! I'm not dead! What do you know?! But I've got this tiny me to take care of now: Jenny Terrorism!"