Justice League #6

It's about time I'm back to reading Justice League!

It's hard to believe the last time I read an issue of Justice League was in January! I really need to catch up so I can read these comics real time as they come out. So, when I last visited these jerks, Green Lantern had a broken arm, Superman had been kidnapped against his will and Batman kidnapped on purpose. Cyborg was the information specialist. And Flash, Aquaman, and Wonder Woman were just lollygagging until it was time to pull their weight. Let's hope that's now!

On the first page, Geoff Johns pulls one of Vonnegut's cardinal sins while seeming to try to take a Vonnegutian view of the Darkseid encounter. He focuses on a family of normal people in the middle of the alien invasion. The father has lost hope and believes his family is about to die. But then he sees the super heroes fighting back and hope is restored!

The story should have started from the view of that other family!

I guess some people need to die to show that the danger that destroyed the city was real and that the super heroes are really needed. I was just being a cynical douchebag.

Last issue, Batman told Green Lantern to pull everyone together and act like a leader. He told him to talk smart so they'd listen to him. They do end up pulling together and attacking Darkseid. But Green Lantern can't seem to sound smart.

Didn't Wonder Woman say something last issue about stabbing Darkseid in the eyes?

Wonder Woman throws her lasso around Darkseid and commands him to tell them why he's here. He says, "For her," and then punches Wonder Woman in the face which causes a giant white ball of lightning for some reason. I'm sure those two events don't have anything to do with each other. But the panels don't help me understand what just happened so that's my guess.

Here are the panels of everything I just described! Why did I even bother?! But see what I mean? Big white flash after punching Wonder Woman in the jaw!

Meanwhile on Apokolips, Desaad and Steppenwolf are busy torturing Superman while trying to turn him into a new Super-Parademon Soldier. Again, here's the panel of what I just described:

The only reason I know Steppenwolf is because of the DC Super Friends' action figure of him when I was younger. I liked that he had an axe attached by a cord so he could get hung up on bushes and things when playing Hot Lava with them. Don't embarrass me by figuring out when these figures were available and how old I must have been when playing with them.

Batman is nearby hiding in the shadows waiting for his moment to save Superman. Also, the "HER" Darkseid was referring to is his daughter. Does that mean Barda? Or someone else? My Apokolips lore is a bit rusty and stale. Both of them at the same time!

Wonder Woman steps up and takes the lead in the battle! She can actually deflect Darkseid's Omega Beams with her bracelets. And then she leaps up and stabs him in his left eye! And then Aquaman jabs his trident in Darkseid's other eye. I think Darkseid's retinas are also practically stone so he just kind of bleeds some Omega Energy and staggers around a bit. It'll take more than a couple of archaic weapons to bring down the cosmic bastard.

The other part of the plan is to open a Boom Tube with the Mother Boxes (Yeah, the Boom Cubes. I can't believe I forgot that was what they were called) and send Darkseid home. Luckily the portals open right next to Superman and Batman so that they can return home! It's like a foreign exchange program. A really violent and bloody exchange program. With a major dick as your student.

The exchange is successful after a lot of drama and "you can do its" and "our last chances!" Darkseid is BOOMED back home leaving Superman and Batman back on Earth where they belong. Well, where Batman belongs. Damn Kryptonian foreigner! Go back where you came from! Taking all of our news reporter jobs!

Afterward, all the normal people cheer and are happy and content and love the Super Heroes forever more! They even had a ceremony at the White House with the Serial Killer Kid.

I appreciate the various ways Johns has been dealing with poor Aquaman. Forcing the orange color on him and not making it his choice works well. Although why would Atlantean Scale Mail be orange? Isn't that kind of a Redcoats thing? Does bright orange help camouflage you in the deep sea?

That guy from the beginning whose family survived while others were decimated ends up writing a book and calling it "Justice League: Gods Among Men." The populace think they're a team now. And Batman likes the idea of everyone thinking that so that he and Green Lantern and probably The Flash will finally be left alone by the authorities. This ceremony gives them the backing of the highest authority in the land. I think saying "highest authority" is a pun because Bush was probably sucking cocaine before the speech. Someone asks if they have a name and Barry tells them what it is.

I don't know. It made me laugh.

And during the ceremony, another super crisis crops up! The president declares the Super Seven are needed once again! And thus, I guess, these dorks are stuck with one another.

There's also a back-up story in this issue about someone named Pandora that takes place in the present (not five years in the past!). It looks like THE Pandora. She seems to be cursed to watch the world in the same way The Phantom Stranger is. But she is no longer observing. She's changing reality and the world. I suppose this is the Woman in Red that made a cameo in all of the first issues. Unless she was really the woman in purple! But that woman helped change reality with The Flash in Flashpoint.

Pandora is protecting her box (hee hee) but Phantom Stranger thinks she isn't responsible enough to have it any more. She doesn't care and shoots him in the head. So Pandora wields guns now. Phantom Stranger decides he doesn't like being shot and lets her go for now. She heads off to find "The Strange"? with the help of the Justice League. To be continued!

Justice League Issue #6 Rating: +1 Ranking. I like the interaction between these heroes. And now they're kind of being peer pressured into working together. Batman sees the value in it which means they'll all see the value in it soon. This first story was a lot of fighting and getting to know each other and it was still a decent read. Let's hope things get more interesting as they get more involved.