New Guardians #6

The last issue of New Guardians didn't remove my doubts that Tony Bedard doesn't have a good handle on this story. For a second I thought maybe it was going to end up being a cosmic threat that brought all of the colored Guardians of the Universe together. But suddenly it's turned into a not so cosmic threat that's actually just angry at Larfleeze for some reason and the New Guardians are being manipulated by Larfleeze to fight his battle for him.

Well, I guess that plot works as well. Whatever!

The Great Alarm of Invictus rings throughout the Orrery to warn everybody that he's coming to kick the New Guardians in their collective faces. Kyle Raynor contacts the others with his ring by tapping into the emotional spectrum of the others. What this means is unless he's afraid, his ring can't communicate with Arkillo the Yellow Lantern. And unless he's hoping for something, he can't speak with Saint Walker. Which means he must be in love with one of his fellow Guardians or else his ring wouldn't have been able to contact Fatality! Hmm. I wonder which New Guardian he's in love with?

I guess lust is probably just as effective.

Before the New Guardians have a chance to regroup, Invictus appears before Fatality and Munk. He immediately begins invective at them. Maybe that should have been his name: Invectus! He's a real holier-than-thou asshole. Sinner this and darkness in your heart that. But he's also a Grade A Super Villain so he accidentally says too much.

Maybe that isn't too much. But Batman would now know how to defeat him based on this information.

With one blast, Invictus nearly kills Munk and Fatality. Munk teleports them to Saint Walker so that he can heal them. But Invictus easily follows since his statues seem to be some kind of portal that allow him to travel from world to world. And, of course, all of the New Guardians on each separate world happen to be hanging out around the statues. These New Guardians are pretty decent investigators to be able to search whole worlds and find these statues. Perhaps there are statues littering the surfaces of all of these planets.

And what are these planets anyway? They're obviously just copies of the real planets. Or are they the same planets from an alternate dimension? And Invictus has conquered the universe, placing planets inside his ships to use as energy? He is billions of years old. But would that mean that Larfleeze is the God of the New DCU? Or is he the fallen angel of Invictus's universe who was banished to the New DCU? I bet that's it!

No, no. Close! But I bet Larfleeze actually escaped imprisonment and punishment in the other universe which is why Invictus has entered this universe to chase him down. And that's why Larfleeze set up the New Guardians. He needed them to get together because they were the only people in he universe that he felt could defeat Invictus.

Invictus arrives and tussles with Arkillo. There always has to be a tussle, doesn't there? I enjoy comic books where there doesn't always have to be a fight. Maybe I shouldn't be reading DC Comics then, amirite?! Anyways, do I say anyways too much? And meanwhile? It's just I run out of shit to say sometimes. I can't always think up a new way to introduce a new scene or find a new way to steer my ramblings back on track. So, you know, Arkillo nearly gets his ass killed by Invictus because Arkillo "fears nothin---AAAARRRRRGHGHHH!" That was Arkillo not me falling off of my office chair.

But then Green Lantern shows up to save the day with a stupid light construct!

What? No king of the world jokes?

A really good Green Lantern would have had a little green light construct band playing on the deck.
That titanic distraction only keeps Invictus off-balance long enough for Green Lantern to say, "We're here!" Invictus then goes after Glomulus since he's a direct creation of Larfleeze. But Saint Walker stands up to Invictus and tries to heal him. But there is nothing at all wrong with Invictus. He seems to know what he's talking about when he says he's the light and good and the ring-bearers are evil stupid jerks.

But just when everything looks bleak and all of the Lanterns are dazed and confused, a hero arrives!

Oh wait. Never mind. It's just Bleez.

New Guardians #6 Rating: No change. Just a little bit too much concentration on battle this month. I hope they reveal that Larfleeze is basically a God from Invictus's universe. Maybe that's why he can infuse his Orange Creations with a life of their own.