Legion of Super-heroes #6

Am I still reading this comic?

I don't expect much out of me while reading Legion of Super-heroes! Even though I kind of enjoyed the last issue, this team still doesn't interest me at all. Here we go!

Element Lad, Sun Boy and the Chemical Kid have journeyed to Earth. Earth in the 31st century (at least the China part) looks like a roiling ocean of lava. A few cities sit on islands amid the chaos covered in protective bubbles. Why am I describing this? See for yourself!

I wonder if the Legion ever teams up members who use the same noun in their name? Do two Boys or three Lasses ever go on the same mission? I bet not!

They're on a really boring mission that I don't care about. Once they're finished with their mission, Chemical Kid wants to take off and find Dragonwing who is currently on vacation in this mess. Element Lad is probably going to let him go since the cover shows Dragonwing fighting and she'll probably need some help. Although she might not need help from a guy who can catalyze chemical reactions. Big fucking whoop.

After a couple of meaningless pages with Dream Girl and Star Boy, Dragonwing enters her sister's apartment in China to find her missing. She also finds some kind of futuristic message from Red Dragon.

And a pretty carefully rendered dog ass.

Brainiac 5 and Mon-el are busy cleaning up the mess they made while stopping the Dominators and the rebel Daxamite. Mon-el is worried that the Dominators will return. Of course they'll return! It's just a matter of time until Paul Levitz can't think of any more plots that don't involve them.

Are those squat guys teenaged Dominators?

The Dominator who failed the mission is eaten by the really fat Dominator. The Dominators seem to live by a set of rules and Rule #4 is that everyone is food. Also, the discs on their head grow bigger with their accomplishments. Also also apparently the gravity on the Dominators homeworld is all fucked up because they all look so flat in that panel.

Back on Earth, it turns out Dragonwing's sister isn't missing. She has joined the Red Dragon Clan! Um, yeah. Does that mean she's bad? She looks bad. And she tries to kill her dog! I think that might be bad.

I guess China will never get over its reputation for having warring clans with animal names.

The dog turns out to be Chameleon Boy. So that really accurate ass you were looking at earlier was actually Chameleon Boy's sphincter. And this isn't even a Teen Plus comic!

Dragonwing's sister and her new Red Dragon gang attack her because that, apparently, is what you do. You don't just tell them that part of your life is over and never try to find me again. You just set your rival gang on your sister and finish her off. I'm going to go out on a limb and suppose that there is some Old DCU back story here that I'm missing out on.

Then this old guy appears.

And that's the end. So some shit happened and then some shit somewhere else happened and then some other alien shit happened on an alien planet and then the rest of the shit happened and the comic book ended.

Legion of Super-heroes Issue #6 Rating: No change. I really don't know how to judge a comic book filled with a bunch of characters I don't give one fig about. Not one! And I don't even like figs!