Monday, February 27, 2012

Birds of Prey #4

Ha ha ha! I knew David Finch was dying to get his hands on these Birds!

Is this a Birds of Prey story about them in their teenage years? I think David Finch draws men twenty years older than they truly are and women fifteen years younger. I wonder if he walks around and sees the world this way as well. I bet if he's ever accused of statutory rape, he can use his art as a defense.

Finch: "But Your Honor! Every thirty year old looks twelve to me! And fifteen year olds don't look zero! They just look fifteen! I just have to take my chances!"
Judge: "Maybe you should ask them who Paul McCartney is before you fuck them! GUILTY!"

Last issue, we left Black Canary flipping out and calling off the mission because she has a bomb implanted in her brain by a terrorist's kiss. That sounds like the lyrics to a The Cure song (stupid bands and super heroes that have THE as part of their name!). Some voice is speaking the nursery rhyme trigger directly into her head so she plans on throwing herself off the train and killing herself so she doesn't explode and kill a lot of people. What a selfless bitch! Oh, wait. I think I used bitch wrong there. But Starling has a better idea! Remember the knock the people out so they can't hear the trigger plan?

I still don't believe this will work. Black Canary gets a +1 in her Should Be Dead box.

The Birds of Prey premise is that if the subject isn't conscious, the trigger can't fire. But people still hear and process sounds while they're sleeping. And, okay, Black Canary isn't actually sleeping. But the voice is going directly into her brain. And I doubt the medicine needs the patient's conscious effort to work. Also, I don't believe Black Canary would be knocked out by one punch. But since she is, she's dropping to the bottom of the Super Hero Pecking Order with Starling above her since Starling just took her out. Oh! And since Poison Ivy took out Katana and Starling, Poison Ivy is above Black Canary! But Starling is above Katana because Starling was willing to blow everyone up to win. It's a toss up between Katana and Black Canary still.

Back to the comic book!

Black Canary wakes up in Dr. Trevor Cahill's office with her brain back to its normal unexplodable state. And Starling tells the tale of what happened while Black Canary was unconscious.

Well, that explains that. But I think her head would still explode!

While telling the story, she mentions how Katana says, "My husband wishes to meet with you." Then Starling narrates, "Of course, Katana being Katana and believing that the soul of her dead husband is living inside her big shiny sword [Um, her katana?], that's just code for, 'I'm a-gonna chop y'all up into lunchmeat.'"

Oh, of course! Except Starling doesn't know Katana thinks her husband's soul is living inside the katana! That's a secret that Black Canary expressly keeps from her in Issue #2! So that's a problem with making the character's the narrator yet still wanting to use the narration to explain things to the reader. The editing over at DC is abysmal.

But the main part of the story is the part that should have followed, "To make a long story short...." Here's what Poison Ivy found out with her Secret Plant Control Mind Reading Truth Serum Power:

Taking bets on which Bird calls the leader "Joke" during the final battle. I take Starling!

That's their big enemy. Choke and the Cleaners. I'm surprised Poison Ivy got so much information out of this Cleaner without him blowing himself up. I guess she learned her lesson and used her Secret Plant Control Mind Paralyzing Powers on him before using her SPCMRTS Power!

Of course they also got an address. Or half of an address because the plot wouldn't go anywhere if they didn't. I guess they could go around like Batman and beat up lowlife Gotham criminals with names like Jimmy the Pipe and Rodney 'Squeakers' McGillum, until one of them gave up Choke's location. But that's not how girls do things! Instead, the Birds call Batgirl! Girl Power!

Practically the same group! Except replace Scary with an Asian and put a red wig on Posh.

Batgirl seems a little more eager to help a couple of issues later. Even though the team has just gotten worse with Poison Ivy on it! The address leads them to a building where Choke and the Cleaners are headquartered in the spaces in-between floors. I guess they share offices with the Court of Owls and that company with the tiny door that leads into John Malkovich's head.

This is a good example of just how boring this comic's art is.

That room is actually full of invisible Cleaners. But before any fight happens, the mystery voice explains that none of the Birds will remember this and next thing you know, they're all standing out on the street. Except for Batgirl.

I'm pretty disappointed with this comic. I think they should lose all of the bit players and change the title to Katana! Then they should make it a psychological comedy about a mentally ill widowed ninja assassin who is in love with her sword. Maybe I'll write that comic as well as Birds of Pray and send the ideas to DC! No, those sound more like Dark Horse ideas!

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