Thursday, February 9, 2012

Batman and Robin #4

That's a lot of bats!

Batman and Robin are enjoying their night out at the drive-in. They're drugged and snuggled up in the front seat. Instead of seeing the movie I was hoping they were going to see (about Robin's origin!), they're forced to sit through an Arkham Asylum Educational Film.

Maybe if it was a dark hole that they didn't escape from every other issue!

1922 Educational Films -- "WELCOME TO ARKHAM!"

Dr. Arkham: "Because here at Arkham Asylum we don't believe in 'guards' or 'cells' or 'incarceration' or 'reform'. These are words that make our guests feel like inmates!"
Dr. Arkham: "Our trained staff works here out of the goodness of their hearts! You see, if we paid them, they would feel like they're just doing their job. But those who want to be here to help the helpless and insane need no cash rewards! True, occasionally, perhaps every few issues, a volunteer custodian falls to temptation and accepts a bribe to allow the incarcerates a little extra-curricular recreation outside their units."
Dr. Arkham: "But they learn never to do it again! Mostly because they and everyone else inside Arkham has been killed by our guests at that point. But don't judge them too harshly! They're just the lunatic fringe, not very different from you or me! Just a little outside convention, a little off-kilter from the norm."
Dr. Arkham: "Here at Arkham, we do our very best to provide Gotham with identity! When's the last time you noticed a madman in Metropolis? Nope, just evil geniuses and giant gorillas there! So when you come to Gotham, be sure to stop in at Arkham Asylum. I say Bye! The Riddler says Bye? And Killer Croc says, "ARRRRHGGGHGLGLGLGLGLEEGGLGLGLGLE!"


Actually, Batman, it's 'another think coming.'

Batman and Robin escape because Batman has a secret locator in his boot and Alfred flies a remote control Batplane shooting rubber bullets out to free them. So they get out. Robin acts like a spoiled assassin. Alfred tries to teach Batman how to be a father. Nobody tries to recruit Robin. And the dog's name becomes Titus because 10 year old Robin not only knows grandmaster chess and can kill 10,000 different ways and use hundreds of different weapons and dodge bullets, he also knows the complete works of Shakespeare.

Just six more issues until Robin kills a major DC character*!

*This might not actually happen.