Captain Atom #8

The word "de-evolved" gets this song stuck in my head. Also, awesome video.

Future Captain Atom drags Present Captain Atom (or Past Captain Atom?!) outside of time so they can talk. Or fight.

Or maybe he's dragged into time! Mind blown!

And then I turn the page....

If I were schizophrenic, I would believe the comic book and I were having a discussion.

Captain Atom has been pulled into the time stream to see how events ripple across time. He sees how small events with small waves can eventually lead to big events that cause massive waves which affect many things throughout the time stream. Future Captain Atom knows that the event that led to the destruction of Earth happened sometime around Present Captain Atom's current time. But he's not sure what the event was because the giant wave of Earth's destruction blocks out the smaller waves preceding it.

That's the moment, the tiny wave, where J.T. Krul's analogy falls apart. Because now he's saying that events in the time stream can't be viewed from any direction? They can't watch a small wave gather up and turn into a big wave? Dumb. But even dumber, the Time Stream is chock full of Captain Atoms!

But still just one Captain Atom! Mind blown?

The Future Captain Atom's want to stop Earth from being destroyed. But they can't change the past because it would destroy themselves in the process. But they've contacted Present Captain Atom because he can stop Earth from being destroyed!

Same thing, dillhole.

See? This is what I was talking about last issue. The problem with people viewing time in two distinct ways. Believing that a person can change the future. That's an illusion because the future is just tomorrow's past. Once it's come to fruition, that's it. Forget about changing it. Unless you want to deal with multiple time lines as in the movie Primer. But if that's the case, then it doesn't matter what Captain Atom does anyway. Because, in theory, a timeline exists for every action and choice that Captain Atom makes. So the Earth will always be destroyed in some timelines and it will never be destroyed in others.

But these Captain Atoms make a point of telling Present Captain Atom that they are all from one universe, one timeline. No parallel dimensions here. Which means they're changing their past by telling a Past Captain Atom to change his future.

Like I said. This can only end in stupidity.

The Future Captain Atom's send Past Captain Atom to the day before the end of the world so that he can stop the world from ending. Is that going to work? Are the Future Captain Atom's saying that the big wave that caused Earth's destruction began the day before? No. Captain Atom probably isn't here to stop the destruction of the Earth the day before it happens. He's probably here to learn how the Earth is destroyed so that it will give him a clue as to the moment in his time that set the Earth on this path. So he checks on the people from his past to see how they're doing.

Nope, Scott Scott Alexander Scott isn't causing trouble.

General Eiling seems to have calmed down twenty years in the future as well. So Captain Atom doesn't believe he's a problem. Next he visits the Continuum and Dr. Megala.

Well, he's become a Super Villain but he's not going to end the world.

Captain Atom asks Dr. Megala where Ranita is. And while Captain Atom doesn't find her in this issue, the reader gets to see what's become of her.

Uh oh. I think we've found the problem!

I guess that means Captain Atom is going to have to return to the present and take Ranita's hand back. That might not go over so well with the whole trying to make her fall in love with him plan.

Captain Atom Issue #8 Rating: No change in the ranks. Again, the comic was told much better than many of the initial comics. But I will never allow a comic to move up the rankings for telling stupid out of time future possibility stories. Any plot based on the character deriving his motivation from a future event and acting on that knowledge to deal with the present is bullshit. It's crib sheets for writing a story. Much easier to come up with a story if you have a problem at hand (pun!) and you can make the protagonist react to that problem. But it's just dumb when you choose to make the conflict a problem from the future.

Captain Atom #7

Did J.T. Krul not get the memo about time travel not working anymore?

Just looking at the cover of this issue, I'm already annoyed. Last issue ended with the Earth being destroyed in 20 years. And now this cover shows a futuristic Captain Atom killing the current Captain Atom. Please people, stop with the time travel stories. Nobody ever does it well. The television show Lost did the "whatever happens happened" version of time travel really well. The movie Primer did an superb job dealing with multiple timelines resulting from time travel. But most movies, Back to the Future included (although it was still a terrific trilogy), get it wrong and fuck it up. Perhaps this will be the one area where J.T. Krul is proficient.

The mystery of Captain Atom's clock is revealed at the beginning of this issue. The clock started the moment man's first stone calendar was invented.

This one, of course, was accurate to the second.

The 'it' of "it all changed" was man's concept of eternity. They lost the sense of the cyclical returning and renewing seasons, year upon year, and began to see time as a line stretching out to some endpoint. I think this is a good summation of how many people have chosen to see time from some point in our history. It's why every generation has a new group of end-timers. But mankind's view of time did not change once he erected some sort of stone calendar to keep track of specific times in the year! Those were erected when the year was everything. I would say the concept of eternity as a straight line would have begun once modern dating began. That's when time becomes a timeline. The people who made this ancient calendar were obviously just concerned with the sun's movements and how it related to them and their crops.

Of course, J.T. Krul could simply be stating that this is the moment of inevitability when mankind was put on a course to see time as a road with a destination. After the panel with the beginning follows a panel with the ending.

The Earth has already been dead a full day. This is the moment Future Captain Atom probably goes back in time, Flashpoint be damned.

My concept of time is that free will both exists and doesn't exist. We perceive time differently depending on if we're looking forward into the future or backward into the past. When he look to the future, we see possibilities. We are free to do anything we choose. The past contains inevitability. What happened happened and we can't change it. In essence, we have two different versions of time. But what the future holds is simply illusion. What we will do, we will do. Everything else is theoretical. Once we act, it cannot be changed. Thus the present changes possibility into inevitability and we see our options truly weren't options at all. Free will is an illusion.

Yet nobody knows what the future holds. And thus every action we make, even if it is the only action we were ever destined to take, is our own and our choice. It is our free will. Just because something is an illusion it doesn't mean it can't be the most important illusion there is.

Back to Captain Atom of the present, he spends some time Narration Boxing about how great a super hero he is to be able to save one person's life by getting rid of his brain cancer.

Yeah, yeah, you're awesome.

A-ha! Let me take a guess at where this is going even though a lot of my suppositions late have been for crap. In Issue #3, Captain Atom was wondering if he was working for or against a master plan. Once he helped this kid Mikey, he began to believe he was helping some kind of master plan. Or he couldn't perceive how this kind of help could be bad. But twenty years in the future, the world is going to explode. Is this going to be because Captain Atom fiddled with too many things? Perhaps he made things unstable with his powers. Is Mikey's head going to explode?! And because of his interference, Future Captain Atom needs to come back in time to bitch slap some sense into Captain Atom and tell him to tone it the fuck down before you ruin everything.

Or he'll just come back in time to try to kill his past self.

Back in the Continuum, Captain Atom asks Dr. Megala if he wants to be helped. Seeing that Dr. Megala is just a comic book version of Stephen Hawking, that means Captain Atom wants to know if he Doctor wants his body fixed up. But he declines.

He's talking about masturbation!

Captain Atom leaves Dr. Megala to his dreams to help Ranita with the particle accelerator. While observing the atoms smashing together, he is overwhelmed with memories. This part is told much better than most of this comic mainly because J.T. Krul cuts way back on the Narration Boxing. He flips between memories with just a minor Box to sort of book end the memory and place it within a point in time. Flying free from his father. Coming back to his father. His first contact with his first love. His last contact with her before leaving everything forever. But then once he's back together in the present, it's back to all Narration Boxes all the time.

Captain Atom stalks Ranita while she's out on a dinner date with Scott Alexander Alexander Scott. And while staring at them eating, he's confronted by Future Captain Atom!

No you don't. Go back to your stupid future. This can only end in stupidity.

Captain Atom Issue #7 Rating: No change. This may have been the best issue of Captain Atom so far. Sure, the cover, once again, was out of sync with the comic. This cover probably should be for Issue #8 since that last panel I scanned was the last page of the comic and the first meeting of the two Captains. So, you know, no murder. While the comic was still very heavy on the Narration Boxing (which is why it doesn't gain a rank), it had a few well done moments where Krul held back on the Narration Box Explication. These moments work far better than the rest of the book. More of this, Krul. The Boxes make the comic like reading a text book. These are the things you need to know about my story. But I don't want to read a text book! So, you know, stop it, Krul.

Captain Atom #6

Now the Luck Dragon has become a fuzzy Cyclops!

And J.T. Krul is no Grant Morrison! Hell, he's not even a Keith Giffen!

That's how Captain Atom #6 begins. Captain Atom telling nobody that he's no Superman. Narration Boxing [the weird modern day amalgam of Thought Bubbles and Omniscient Narration] fucks up comic books. Not just because it's a weird way to narrate a story, having the main character speak outside of the moment as if he's addressing an audience. But because it allows the writer to write a comic as a first person narrative. It dumbs the comic down in a way that even the over use of thought bubbles couldn't do. One thing is certain: the more Narration Boxing a comic book character does, the worse the writer tends to be. I'm sure there's a mathematical formula to prove this somewhere.
Captain Atom has just encountered the Diner Monster/Luck Dragon/Fuzzy Cyclops which is what got him on the topic of his not being Superman. But not only that, he's "getting something straight" which implies he's explaining to someone other than himself. Perhaps he is. He's some kind of weird quantum creature now. Perhaps he's sitting somewhere telling the story at the exact same moment he's encountering this beast for the first time!

He goes through a list of all the major characters and where they stand with him so that the readers can all catch up. And then he finally gets back on topic which is that he, Captain Atom, more closely resembles this monster than Superman. And that's why Narration Boxing is for lazy writers. Because this story could be a powerful story revolving around that premise. Tell the story and let the reader make that aha realization. But instead, on page one, J.T. Krul tells us the idea for his story. Either he's so proud of his story idea he thought he'd explain it immediately or else he thinks comic book readers are so dumb that they'd never get it.
 
Even Rob Liefeld was able to tell a story about how Hawk and Dove have a lot to learn as partners when they encountered Batman and Robin without blurting the point out in a Narration Box. Rob Liefeld! Come on, J.T. Krul! You're the worst!

As you can see, if a writer writes a bad comic for a substantial number of issues, he shall be declared a horrible writer until he can prove me wrong. And he shall also be declared an idiot and a moron and a jerk-face. So there.

Page two and three are more of the same.

Captain Atom has a good memory for rat faces. He must because he wasn't Captain Atom when he first met the rat so I'm not going to believe he remembers it on some kind of molecular level.

And here Captain Atom begins to recount the history of the rat the way an omniscient narrator would except Captain Atom isn't omniscient and shouldn't know anything about the little rat's history.

Sorry for the blurry scan. It's, um, arty!

Do I sense Captain Atom's version of Krypto originating here?! That would be awesome. So J.T. Krul won't do it.

They created Electryo the Quantum Rat!

In a heartbeat, dumb dumb! They're military!

With all of this Narration Boxing going on, I probably won't have to scan any actual artwork! Who needs art to tell this story? Someone should invent a medium for telling stories that doesn't need an artist!

"Yeah, sir! I can't tell if it's a military installation or an orphanage! But I know I can damn well hit it!"

The way J.T. Krul has dealt with the military, I can only imagine that G.I. Combat is going to be full of cliché stories and ham-fisted morality tales. I'm so glad I spent $3.99 on it! SO EXCITED!

One last attack on J.T. Krul then I'll just get on with the story: here we see Krul use Nimrod in the popular sense brought on by Bugs Bunny's sarcastic use of the Biblical Nimrod while Grant Morrison actually used Nimrod in its original sense, as that of a great hunter. Just, you know, saying. I bet Krul doesn't even know it's origins as an insult.

Captain Atom tries to get the military to stop blasting away at Electryo (TM me!) because it's just absorbing the energy and becoming more powerful. This panics the pilots because he's speaking Pacifist at them. They bail out of their jet in confusion and the other pilot's jet gets eaten by Electryo.
I wonder if this whole town smells like Quantum Rat Piss. That's a heavy duty smell! I had a rat named Randy in high school. Boy could he work up a stink! But damn was he cute.

Only two comics have used the term 'mad-on': Birds of Prey and this one. Look how low they are in the Rankings.

General Eiling gives Captain Atom five minutes to stop the creature on his own after Atom saves the pilots. After that, Eiling is going to level the county with his payload!

Yes. If Electryo had been a Rabbit, the military would have been, "Awww! He's soooo adorwable! Let's keep him even though he keeps devouring everyone and growing new body parts and destroying the countryside! SO CYUTE!"

Captain Atom decides that this rat doesn't deserve this. He got the short end just like Captain Atom. The military used him and threw him away, the poor thing! Captain Atom reasons with the rat and tells him that absorbing energy will only get it killed and that it's hurting people and that the military is going to destroy the country side if it doesn't stop eating.

Yeah, it's a rat, you dumb son of a bitch! The experiments gave it quantum powers not rational thought!

Captain Atom ends up absorbing the rat. Or dissipating it. Or changing it into oxygen. Who knows? He disappears it and saves the day. He heads back to the Continuum (his laboratory headquarters) and he and his wheelchair bound mentor put Ranita's hand back together using Cap's powers and his Megala's knowledge. Everything is better except for the part where Ranita could never love him because he's a freak that ruins everything he touches. But Captain Atom is content with his place in the world. He finally feels he fits in.

And then Krul ends with the Earth blowing up twenty years from now on April 1st.

April Fools!

No, seriously, am I supposed to care about this for some reason? The Earth being destroyed in twenty years? Is this supposed to set up Captain Atom's next story line where he needs to prevent this? I hate when current plots are motivated by visions of the future, so this is dumb. Television show Heroes dumb.

Captain Atom Issue #6 Rating: No change. Captain Atom still has two more issues to regain the bottom spot in the New 52, so no hurry to displace Grifter just yet!

Blue Beetle #8

I expect Blue Beetle to be a double amputee at the end of this issue.

Ten months ago, the sexist bastard scientist now known as Stopwatch was working in the Mojave Desert in a particle accelerator.

Oh, give it up. Flashpoint!

But something went wrong as somethings always do! Especially with the Flashpoint barrier making sure that Stopwatch's work can never be successful. Except if you have Legion Technology and then just the one time so that you can get a bunch of Legionnaires into the past. Also all of those times Time Travel was used before Flashpoint happened. Which doesn't make any sense because Flashpoint always happened since it happened. Or something. Stopwatch's assistant, a woman he loved even though "she was never going to win any beauty contests" (which is why he's a sexist prick), was killed in the explosion. Nobody knew how Stopwatch survived.

If he's a frozen bubble of time, shouldn't he be immobile and indestructible and immovable?

Stopwatch is using kids from a runaway shelter. The Scarab traces the tachyon readings to this shelter called Prodigal House. It's a pretty good place to lead Jaime since he's a runaway and hasn't eaten for days. Or probably hasn't eaten for days since he'd have to steal to eat and then he'd have to yell at himself to put it back and then he wouldn't have anything to eat because he just put it back. So now he can officially get a legitimate meal and poop in an actual toilet and sleep in a bed instead of on a ledge fifty floors up in the air.

Fun fact about the word Prodigal. Everybody uses it as an adjective that describes somebody who has been away for a long time and has returned. That's why Prodigal House. It's a house of runaways who, hopefully, will one day return to the people they love. And because of the story I'm about to tell, that's a correct usage and the most favoured. But the word itself doesn't have anything to do with being away. The actual definition of prodigal is "spending money or resources freely and recklessly; wastefully extravagant." Oh ho! And why is this? Because the story in The Bible is about two sons. One son is wasteful and irresponsible and the other is responsible and thrifty. I believe the father gives his inheritance to the sons (or some large sum of money or something) and one leaves to spend the money and lose it all and enjoy it. That's why he's the prodigal son. The other son stays and helps his father and saves the money (or something equally boring). But when the prodigal (wasteful, recklessly extravagant) son returns, his father does not lecture him or shame him. He accepts him back happily and with no reservations. I'm sure I've flubbed the story somewhat since I just recalled all that from memory. And me with a The Holy Bible within arm's reach! And yes I meant to put both articles in that sentence! Because it's called The Holy Bible and it's just one of many copies! So there!

Jaime meets a bunch of kids in Prodigal House that may or may not be a gang of super villains! I'm guessing not but I'm sure one of them will be chosen as the next Short Timer!

Caught stealing from your mom's purse so you ran away? Stealing from your mom's purse is vanilla! Every kid in America has done it! Pussy!

Prodigal House checks for reports made by the parents of the missing kids at the shelter and responds by letting the authorities know the kids are safe. Since they're actually runaways, is there nothing the authorities or parents can do at that point? Does the place grant teenagers asylum? However it works, it'll probably take care of the problem that Jaime is missing. And he doesn't really have to worry about his parents worrying about him. At least Tony Bedard didn't just expect the reader to forget Jaime is a runaway and his parents are going out of their mind wondering where he is. This at least allows the comic to put that drama on hold for awhile.

The headmaster of Prodigal House works with Stopwatch to collect these kids. And Stopwatch has become particularly interested in Jaime because his sensors pick up an anomaly located on his torso. Or fused to his spine, actually. Stopwatch arranges a meeting with Jaime and, of course, the Scarab overreacts and causes Stormwatch to meet Blue Beetle instead of Jaime.

That's what I've been saying, Magic Scarab! Fucking Flashpoint!

Stopwatch thinks he's going to build his time machine and go back in the past to stop the accident that turned him into Stopwatch. This will make it so that none of the Short Timers ever died while helping him and everybody will be happy touchy feely again. But Blue Beetle destroys the non-working time machine and Stopwatch flips out. Stopwatch also gets away while Blue Beetle is worrying about being hit by the super aging tachyon ray. It's okay though. No part of him ages like the cover would have you believe.

But the fight causes Prodigal House to go up in flames and the kids see Blue Beetle leaving. They're excited because he's an internet Superfail star! But Jaime is worried he'll get blamed for this as well! So he tells the Scarab to hunt down that enemy the Scarab sensed earlier. You know? The one I figured was Guy Gardner. Blue Beetle thinks the Scarab means an actual bad guy and Blue Beetle wants to beat up a super villain in public to help his reputation. But the problem with Jaime is he keeps forgetting the Scarab is a bad guy. So the Scarab takes him to the so-called Bad Guy for a big public throw-down!

Duh! Tony Bedard is also writing New Guardians. Kyle Raynor should have been my first guess!

Oh, and the guy that eats cats? He's in New York to beat up Kyle Raynor. And I think he was hired by the Guardians of Oa! Drama!

Blue Beetle Issue #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. All I can say about this comic is it's a solid title. Good job, Mr. Bedard. Also, let me add that I really like that Stopwatch was an actual super villain. He had a motive. He had an origin. He was robbing for a purpose. He was delusional! And none of it was tied to Blue Beetle. Out of The New 52, there can't be more than a small handful of villains created like this. They're either tied to the Super Hero which makes them worthless as a reason for the hero to exist (Who needs Super Heroes when they're just protecting themselves?) or they have no apparent motivation.

Blue Beetle #7

Remember the good old days when comic book covers posed situations like "What is the mystery behind Pink Kryptonite?" or "The Day Robin Became Batboy!" Yeah, I don't remember those days either. That was a long time ago!

Jaime has arrived in New York City where I'm pretty sure you exit the airplane right into Times Square. Except he probably flew via his Blue Beetle wings. I'm not sure where you land as a Super Hero without attracting undue attention and then change into your normal clothing with nobody suspecting. Probably Times Square.

Jamie stops to listen to an entire show about another Glorious Godfrey type guy trying to turn everyone against super heroes. He sees that there is somehow footage of him fighting with Paco and threatening Brenda and it's made its way onto the internet. He learns he's now been labeled a Super Villain as well. I don't know how he learns all of this since I'm fairly certain they don't actually blare the sound on these giant televisions in public squares. Maybe he's tuned into the sound via Magic Scarab Technology.

While in New York, Jamie realizes he needs funds. He didn't even bring the obligatory runaway backpack! He's got nothing but the clothes on his back and the Scarab embedded in his spine. But that seems to be enough. The Scarab convinces Jaime to rob an ATM and Jaime pretends to believe that he'll pay the bank back sometime in his successful future. But the Scarab is a complete ignoramus as to how people rob things on Earth. Instead of having the ATM eject the money for Jaime, the Scarab makes all ATMs everywhere eject money! Or at least the ones in the vicinity.

Fifties? What is this? Vegas?

While Jaime is trying to find his way as a homeless youth with a horrible secret (you know, just another Lifetime Movie), the Scarab informs him that THE ENEMY is also located within New York. Now who could the Scarab see as the enemy? Guy Gardner, probably. And he is currently in New York getting his ass beat by OMAC!

The scene changes to some weird gray guy acting all weird and being weird to some normal New Yorker who isn't weird at all.

People actually let their cats roam outside in New York City? I don't buy this. And I don't buy the sound being audible on the giant Times Square monitor! Now I've never been to New York though, so I could be wrong. I guess cats roam every neighborhood everywhere because they are awesome.

This non-weird guy is looking for his 20 pound cat. That's a fucking huge cat. My cat is 18 pounds and he's a monster. Not a big fat Garfield type monster. He's shaped more like a raccoon.

The monster, Judas, is the big one. Pelafina is the other half of the abusive relationship. I'm pretty sure less than a minute after this picture was taken, Judas grabbed Pel and tried to rape her.

I bet that weird guy is behind the cats disappearing, right?

Or at least knows who is behind it!

That guy sitting in the dark in his apartment eating neighborhood cats? That's the way people who don't live in New York picture every other person who does live in New York! I'm not sure why this reminds me of Downtown, one of my favorite cartoons ever, but then I probably never know why anything reminds me of any other thing! Except for the New York part. And probably the weird stories about New York. So it makes sense!

Blue Beetle continues to search New York for another super hero. When he finally does find one, it turns out to be yet another villain that can phase through walls and is using the power to steal things. Although this is New York so maybe it's the same one that Static let go! It doesn't seem to be the french guy that Mister Terrific left to die in Iceland. But then it probably isn't either of them since the Scarab declared it's possibly a female.

Once Blue Beetle realizes that this Super Hero is robbing a jewelry store, he decides he has to act! I guess there's a big difference between robbing an ATM because you're hungry and robbing a jewelry store for unknown reasons. What a hypocrite!

What about vandalizing the store window? Is that okay?

The enemy isn't a female. It's a kid about the same age as Jaime. The kid is named Short Timer (like the cover!) and he fires Tachyon Bursts that cause things to age thousands of years in mere seconds. He's also intangible like previously noted. But the Scarab blasts him with something to take away the intangibility. And once the kid is hit, he aborts the mission and runs off scared.

Blue Beetle hangs around the jewelry store to protect the goods because he's a naive jerk from El Paso trying to make his way in New York City! And even though he saw that broadcast that showed the entire world he was a super villain (although, still, where the hell did they get that footage? And how did it become famous so fast when so many other catastrophes are happening! Like the United Nations bombing that killed Rocket Red and disabled a bunch of Justice Leaguers!). So when people arrive, they assume he was robbing the place and they drive him away. I bet that robbery makes the news as well now!

Meanwhile, the Short Timer heads back to the headquarters of his partner, Stopwatch.

Short Timer! Ah ha ha ha! He got you, super old kid!

Blue Beetle Issue #7 Rating: +1 Rating. I almost gave this comic a no change rating but it's so low on the charts that any issue that is better than decent should grant it a rise in the ranks. I also like that he's dealing with a Super Villain that is actually a criminal and not just someone trying to attack Blue Beetle. But I don't like the turning normal people against him thing. That's a bit over played in comics.

Blue Beetle #6

What font did they use for the word 'foe'? Turd?

Last issue of Blue Beetle ended in a pretty chaotic mess. Paco transformed into the Red Beetle which wants to kill Blue Beetle. And Red Beetle's Emergency Medical Scarab doesn't seem to be brain damaged like Blue Beetle's scarab is. So Paco escaped the hospital and is seeking Blue Beetle to terminate him. Meanwhile, Brenda's aunt tried to fuck kill Jaime because she knows he has the Scarab. But that went all kablooie and Brenda's aunt and her entire mansion disappeared in a mystical vortex. Jamie must have shit himself because when this issue begins, he's at home changing his clothes.

Have I mentioned how much I like the art in this comic? The style matches the mood of Bedard's writing.

While Brenda and Jaime are trying to figure out a course of action, the door bell rings. Jaime answers and surprise! It's Paco! He's doing pretty well for a guy who was just stabbed through the heart by his best friend! Pretty well if you ignore that the Red Scarab is doing all the talking for him. And it decides to transform Paco into Red Beetle because it thinks Jaime needs killing.

That Brenda is a cutey!

Blue Beetle takes the fight outside so that Brenda isn't harmed in the chaos. He then questions the Magic Scarab as to why this is happening. And the answer is fairly simple.

I have some other questions! Since everything the Magic Scarab creates stems from just the Magic Scarab (that's all that arrived on Earth), can it make multiple TAU healing roaches? Or is this the only one available to it and it was merely activated because it sensed the Magic Scarab was damaged? If the Magic Scarab can create a suit and guns and wings (see? Jaime's wing is fixed!), what more can it create? Is there a limit to how much stuff it can make?

Jaime and the Red Beetle have a little discussion as they beat the crap out of each other. The Red Beetle is winning because it has some magic goop that crystallizes and covers Blue Beetle's weaponry. It has these highly effective Blue Beetle Counter Measures to ensure that a defective Scarab is taken out of circulation. But it accidentally lets Jaime know that its organic host, Paco, thinks Jaime is pathetic. This doesn't go over so well.

Hey now, Jaime! Let's not be so judgmental about high school drop-outs! High school isn't for everybody and it's way over-rated anyway!

It's at this point when Jaime gets an idea. If he can convince the Red Beetle that he's submitted to the Magic Scarab, then everything will be okay and the Red Beetle will stop being such a dick. To convince the Red Beetle, Jaime himself needs to act like a total asshole.

He's just saying this so his mom will let go of Brenda and he can take Brenda away and beat her in front of the Red Beetle.

Once she's given the ultimatum, Jaime lets go of that whore's hand without thinking twice. Jaime tells the Magic Scarab to make him sound like he's possessed by the Magic Scarab. That means Jaime has to say things like "My Organic Host" and "Shut up you stupid latina bitch!" and "Destroying the Earth is fun!" He's a real downer when he's acting like the true Blue Beetle. You know, Ted Kord really got the Blue Beetle persona wrong! Seriously! He couldn't have been any wronger! What with all the joking with Booster Gold and the Bwa ha haing and the getting fat and out of shape. That's why he got himself shot in the head! The real Blue Beetle would have went along with Maxwell Lord's world domination plan! Stupid Theodore.

Blue Beetle beats and threatens Brenda in front of the Red Beetle to convince him that he's back to his old evil Magic Scarab self. The Red Beetle has enough of Paco in him to revert to Paco's form when Blue Beetle threatens to kill Brenda. But Jaime can't reveal who he is to Brenda. Especially after what he just did to her and his mom. He can't reveal who he is to anyone without them despising him and feeling hurt and betrayed by him. What the hell can a Blue Beetle do now?

New York City? Somebody get a rope!

Blue Beetle Issue #6 Rating: +1 Ranking. Nobody's more surprised than me how enjoyable this comic is. The art and the writing mesh well. And even though the Blue Beetle Scarab coming to Earth to destroy the world and taking over a teenager as its slave seems like it should be pretty heavy material, it's not. This comic has the exact tone I like in my comic books. It's jokey and fun but can be serious when it needs to be. More of the New 52 need the Blue Beetle attitude.

Justice League International #9

Will this take place before OMAC has Kevin Kho's mind within it?

The last couple of issues has seen Justice League International exploded, attacked by a conspiracy of super villains, and then handily beaten down by OMAC. It's a pretty sad turn of events for a super hero group that has yet to accomplish a mission. Oh, sure, Booster Gold might believe they were successful on their first mission. But since they had actually been sent out to recover some scientists and the scientists were never heard from again, I'd say they failed. And even if you consider Peraxxus as their main threat, they didn't defeat him either. He just got tired of swatting bugs and decides Earth wasn't worth the cost.

In summary, Justice League International sucks. Perhaps this issue they'll have some kind of success! Although if they have to rely on Godiva to defeat OMAC, I'm already a little worried.

The four panels previous to this she was doing some heavy duty Grifter-style Narration Boxing. [Narration Boxing is when the character narrates the story from some weird perspective instead of actually thinking in the moment].

When I turn the page, I have one of those "Holy Shit Dan Jurgens You Didn't" moments. But he did. He fucking well did. Guess what? OMAC isn't against the Justice League International even though he just beat the fucking ovaries out of them. He's just looking for Batman!

If you take away fights between heroes started from poorly written miscommunication, Comic Book Writers would lose a third of their material.

OMAC appeared last issue falling from the sky and landing squarely on Guy Gardner's head. He then yelled, "No time to talk. Need doctor," and preceded to have plenty of time to get in a huge brawl. Now that a bunch of time has been wasted fighting with the JLI, he decides talking won't take that much time at all! But it's a bit late for the "Pardon me but can you lead me to the Batman?" speech when you've just spent the last few minutes pounding the shit out of August General in Iron lying helpless on the ground.

I should dig up my old Justice League International comics by Dan Jurgens and see if this is how he treated that team back then as well. I do remember a lot of unfortunate crap. I should see what else Dan Jurgens has written. Does he make ever protagonist go through hell?

OMAC then declares that the Justice League International is wasting his time since Batman isn't around and jumps over a building to get away. His leaping trajectory takes him right into the path of Booster Gold, Batwing, and Batman as they head back to gather the troops. Looks like the Eiffel Tower is under attack. No, not by Daemonites and an idiot with a red scarf on his face. Skeets has informed Booster that it looks similar to the recent attacks on the United Nations but not the Hall of Justice. Because the Hall of Justice was merely fire-bombed by rednecks.

OMAC finally finds Batman but then flips out again and tries to smash him. Am I supposed to assume that Kevin Kho can't totally control OMAC and that OMAC is filled with anger and rage like a certain Green Something From The Company That Shall Not Be Named? You know? Marvel! Because even though OMAC wants to find out if Batman can help him change back to normal old Kevin, he keeps fucking attacking everyone and destroying the streets of New York. No wonder people hate Super Heroes living in their city! This destruction has nothing to do with the safety of anyone and just OMAC trying to speak with Batman.

Batwing blows a hole in the street so that they drop in to the sewers. I don't know how that's supposed to be any better. The plan is to contain him but I figure if the fight continues, they're going to smash a lot of building's foundations down here. He does seem to calm down though and the rest of Justice League International joins them.

Actually, Wonder Woman just tried to hold a meeting with Hades and Poseidon just at the entrance to the London Sewers. If it's good enough for Greek Gods, right?!

Everyone in the sewers has a different agenda and Booster Gold looks to Batman for guidance. As long as Batman is around, Booster is never, ever going to step up and be leader of this team. But that's okay because Batman probably won't stick around for long. He'll probably become too embarrassed to associate with these losers. And then after pages of fighting, OMAC apologizes.

I just don't get it. Why the need to make OMAC appear hostile? Am I willfully being ignorant of the need for this? Was it just to have a surprise shock ending last issue? Because if that was the main reason, it just sucks because now we've wasted half of this issue dealing with a non-threat.

Oh yeah! That's why OMAC was hostile! I forgot about, hee hee, Intersek, hee hee hee. Intersek...well, I'll let Intersek, hee hee hee, explain.

Poor Kevin Kho gets Brother Eye out of the way but he still has to deal with every Super Villain that can force the monster to come to the surface.

This Anarchist Team of Super Villains (the ones with the destabilization plan I'm not totally against) teleport out of New York and into their Bunker, wherever that is. They'll probably be back terrorizing someone in an issue or two. But if it wasn't these guys terrorizing France, who was it? And why did Skeets feel it had similarities to the United Nations attack?

Oh. That's why! Breakdown's power was similar to a Firestorm's power.

Yay! Another cross-over! I wish DC would stop their "world-building" and just let the writers write stories without constantly forcing guest heroes and cross over story lines on them.

Justice League International Issue #9 Rating: -1 Ranking. So the OMAC thing was explained within the confines of the story. I'd forgotten about last issue when Intersek claimed they had "a wildcard ready to strike." But it still sucked. Guy Gardner even used the phrase, "Is that all you've got." That's very nearly an automatic fail on the review scale. I hope that they don't spend all of Firestorm Issue #9 fighting with the Firestorms only to finally realize that they're all on the same side.