Birds of Prey #8

Why is Black Canary beating up that nerd robot?

I was pretty hard on Duane Swierczynski the last few issues. But he's a professional author! I keep thinking maybe I'm wrong about Duane. Maybe he is trying to develop the characters. He does have them talk. Like how Ev and Black Canary super trust each other but then Ev says, jokingly?, that Black Canary is the murderer! Is that really a joke amongst the best of friends when you're accused of killing your husband? (And I guess her husband is that Lance guy mentioned in Teen Titans? So he's not dead? He's just part of another covert group?) And remember that time Katana and Black Canary giggled about Poison Ivy not really being a friend? Maybe I need to change my attitude!

Okay! New attitude towards Birds of Prey! New story line and new chance for Duane! Let's see how many pages in he fucks it up! I mean, I'm super excited to read this great story!

The first two pages aren't bile risingly bad. They're awkward, sure. Like a pony taking its first steps or a fourteen year old girl giving her first hand job. Some guy named Gangemi investigates a crime scene where a man was murdered by what he believes was Black Canary and her sonic scream. The man belongs to whatever covert ops group Gangemi belongs to. Just another one for the list. I imagine any place in the DC Universe worth investigating is probably composed of 75% people infiltrating from different Black Ops teams.

The third page makes me wonder if I'm wrong giving Duane and Jesus and Javier and June another chance.

Black Canary looking stoic as usual. Katana in an action pose. And why the fuck is Batgirl swinging from her Batrope in a hotel room?

I think the guy in the Hologram is named Infiltrator. And his crew of super villains is called Infiltrators? The fire in the hotel room that Katana and Black Canary are standing in and on in every single panel without any problem has been created by Napalm. Napalm is a bit sad that Poison Ivy isn't there. I guess he's a rival of hers. Perhaps the conservative corporate shill to her liberal eco-terrorist feminazi agenda. And the naked guy attacking Tatsu...

Where do I fucking start with this? Flesh?! Seriously. And now Duane has just created a substance in the DC Universe that you just smear on your body so that you have invincibility? Or can this guy still die from a long fall? I bet if Tatsu sticks the Katana in his mouth he won't be protected.

So this stupid group of Super Villains have caught Black Canary in a trap that doesn't entirely make sense. Black Canary Narration Boxes, "We'd come to the hotel on a tip...a man claimed to have information about a murder that would interest me greatly." So that sounds like maybe Black Canary doesn't know about the murder? And then Infiltrator says, "Dinah Lance...did you really think you could shatter a man's skull and get away with it?" And then Black Canary Narration Boxes, "No, I didn't think I could get away with it. But I also didn't think it would end like this..."

Wait. What? So you did murder this guy, Dinah? And then you came back because someone had a tip about it and they gave the tip to you and you didn't think twice that the person knew you had done it? Are you an idiot? Or is Duane the idiot?!

Just asking! Just asking! I'm giving him a fair shake! Let's see how Batgirl is doing out on the balcony. I'm not sure why she went out there. Possibly to get away from the flames. Or maybe to fuel the flames with more oxygen? Who can tell? Batgirl is acting loopy, swinging around a hotel room on a rope! So, out on the Balcony, she meets the Infiltrator that was meant just for her.

And this guy's name is Head and his super power is that he can't be knocked out. But I bet those chemicals can be ripped from his head!

Now, the Birds of Prey haven't been active for very long. But a super villain (or government Black Ops group) has already studied them and developed a team to counteract their fighting techniques. That's the oldest and stupidest super villain trick in the book! Because now Katana, Poison Ivy, and Batgirl can all just rotate to the left and switch partners. Batgirl will knock out Napalm, Katana will chop the chemical implant off of Head's head, and Poison Ivy will explode Flesh from the inside by growing some fungal spores or something. And Black Canary will probably just turn off the stupid hologram.

Or they'll all just take out the person fighting them anyway since these villains are all so stupid!

South Dakota? So this must be Checkmate.

Meanwhile, Starling is breaking into "Undisclosed Location #8374" in South Dakota. Is that supposed to be a joke? The place looks like a house but it's really some kind of high tech bunker. Starling gets caught by some guy. So maybe it's not Checkmate. Maybe it's some other Black Ops group that works out of South Dakota. But instead of Mount Rushmore, their Headquarters is in Undisclosed Location #8374.

The fight continues among the non-lethal and non-even-hurting flames. Perhaps they're only an illusion! Or maybe Napalm can control who they hurt since Poison Ivy is the only one he's allowed to burn. Or something. It's all very confusing. Like where this hole in the floor came from:

I think it's the hole in the floor that Flesh burst out of when he first attacked. The scene was not drawn well so I couldn't tell if he was busting through a wall or door or ceiling. So I guess it was the floor. So does that mean Flesh has super strength as well as invulnerability? Or is it just assumed in the DC Universe that any normal person can break through any wall, floor, or ceiling?

Black Canary had fallen through the floor earlier but I didn't mention it because it's all just a big mess. Plus remember when Batgirl was swinging from a rope in the hotel room? That was funny.

Ev and the guy who catches her talk a little bit, Spy to Spy. Ev is investigating Black Canary's supposed murder charge and this Spy wants to give her some information. Which means he's just trying to manipulate her, duh!

They did not make any headlines in Birds of Prey #7! Unless everything they do is known by everybody! Because the people Mind Controlled don't remember anything that happened while they were mind controlled! Or else Ev would not be surprised by the following information.

Because Ev found this out last issue from Choke. So why does she need to investigate? Oh yeah! Because the mind control victims forget everything! So how did the Birds of Prey make headlines especially when they're supposed to be a "covert ops team run by a bunch of supercriminal hotties." That was a quote from Birds of Prey #1.

And then the fight ends with a lot of luck although it was all part of Katana's plan. She drops Napalm down an elevator shaft and he explodes like 18 tons of C4. The entire building is demolished so hopefully the Luxury Apartment Building where a guy was killed three days ago was suddenly completely empty. And Flesh gets trapped beneath rubble with his invincibility. And Head gets his chemical's smashed but who the fuck cares since the rest of him is crushed under the rubble anyway. And the Birds all get out easily.

And I suppose that Black Canary wasn't admitting to having killed the guy three days ago. That was a murder that definitely was meant to look like Canary did it and might involve a future story line. Or it might just go the way of Choke and his ridiculous story arc. Black Canary was admitting to having killed her husband because she knew that's why these particular guys (especially Hologram Man) were after her.

Nearly the same look she always has except with a tear.

But as we've seen previously in Teen Titans, Kurt Lance has recently been spotted with Amanda Waller in New York. So no need for all this drama! Everything will turn out fine!

Birds of Prey Issue #8 Rating: -1 Ranking. This issue might have just garnered a mediocre, no change ranking review except for the part where Katana ends the fight by demolishing the Cornwell Hotel. Just three days prior, there were guests who reported the alleged Sonic Scream and brought the police in to investigate the murder. And the hotel wouldn't close down the entire place for one murder! Maybe a floor or two. So Katana just killed an entire hotel full of innocent guests and staff. Nice job!

Birds of Prey #7

Why even have the written copy? It adds nothing and is trite and meaningless.

Last issue ended with Black Canary declaring that Choke just showed himself even though he hadn't. This issue begins with Choke nowhere in sight. The Birds are fighting an office full of boring, mind-controlled office workers.

If Rule Number One is don't kill people, perhaps Rule Number Two should be don't choose psychopathic killers for your team.

Black Canary and Poison Ivy continue to fight when Brendon Hill suddenly gets reactivated! Gasp! But how?! Oh, look! The Birds know!

They must have suspected all along and come up with this plan to smoke Choke out.

OMG! It was the guy who knew all about brains and drugs for brains! It's only a huge surprise because the character was so boring and the story so awful that I never attempted to make a guess as to who Choke was! So I guess that makes it a successful twist. Kind of.

Choke mind control's Ev and forces her to shoot Batgirl in the face. No, no! It doesn't happen. Because Ev can't shoot, remember? Plus, Batgirl can handle herself. Although Ev does shoot Batgirl in the shoulder which, I believe, makes Batgirl the first person Ev has actually shot! Congratulations, Batgirl!

Black Canary stops the entire fight by shrieking just like on the cover! And Batgirl kicks Ev into a wall and knocks her out. So Batgirl wins a fight against Ev! I can add Batgirl to the Super Hero Pecking Order List! Batgirl takes off after Choke.

See? Black Canary suspected Trevor! The whole thing was a set up! And it worked perfectly! Who isn't surprised?

Black Canary and Batgirl catch Trevor. They take him back an abandoned something or other to question him. Except for Batgirl. Black Canary says something that pisses her off and she leaves. She has her own book to play around in anyway!

While questioning Trevor, he continues to spout rhymes and make the Birds do stupid shit. He makes Poison Ivy believe that The Red and The Green can't co-exist inside her and tells her she'll be The Rot within an hour. Well, I said it that way. He just says a stupid pun and tells her she's dying. He also tells Ev to shoot Katana in the stomach.

Oh, Trevor. We all know Ev can't hit anything but walls! And the occasional Batgirl.

Choke just has too much control over the Birds. Black Canary is desperate to know what he was up to but he won't answer any of her questions. He just simply turns one of them on the others. And so Katana decides to take care of it once and for all. Good for her!

It looks like Katana didn't get the note about Rule #1.

Now Choke's soul is in Katana's katana so Katana tells Black Canary that her husband will figure out what Choke did to them and they'll fix their heads and be okay. But Black Canary wonders if Katana might indeed be delusional and Katana walks off. And Poison Ivy says she's quitting the team and takes off. And Ev doesn't remember a fucking thing and takes off. Black Canary decides to investigate Choke's apartment to look for some answers.

Dinah doesn't really find anything but then she really just seems to be there to break things. Batgirl arrives and they hug and make out up. And then Tatsu calls.

So, um, nothing has been resolved then?

Let me try to get this straight. The series begins with a reporter following the Birds around. This reporter is following them because of a tip from a source. I'll assume the source was Choke. This reporter's head blows up at the airport from a planted suggestion. So Choke and his Stealth Cleaners were planting bombs in people's heads and setting them off with nursery rhymes. Black Canary ends up with a bomb in her head as well. But then they learn that the bomb thing is just a side job and people are actually being mind controlled to be human microphones so that someone can learn everything they hear and say. But then they discover this guy Choke is using this mind control power to make people into sleeper agents to do tasks for him. And once they learn this, Choke uses his powers to make them forget a whole bunch of stuff and the Birds end up with missing time that they don't think about afterward. I guess cause the memories are gone and you can't think about missing memories.

Following? Black Canary suspects the guy, Trevor, that knows about the drugs as being behind it. They set him up by rescuing some of his sleeper agents. They catch him in the act of activating sleeper agents. He's able to control Ev and Poison Ivy so Katana kills him. But then Trevor, the man Katana killed, isn't actually Choke.

Anybody want to bet that Duane Swierczynski has no idea what he's doing? I'm willing to bet next issue has nothing to do with Choke. And then issue #9 will be a Night of the Owl comic. And then Duane will never revisit Choke again because this comic will be cancelled before he gets the chance.

Birds of Prey Issue #7 Rating: -1 Rank. This comic is meandering garbage. It's a tale told by an idiot whose parents were also idiots.

I just took a moment to look up Duane Swierczynski on Google because I feel you can't call a man an idiot without finding a little bit about him. I found his blog and he wrote this about Birds of Prey #6: "Birds of Prey #6, the penultimate issue of my first full arc, will be available at finer comic shops (and e-readers) everywhere tomorrow! Usually, the sixth installment of a seven-part story isn't the place to jump on board, but I think you'd do fine in this case. Of course, why skip the joyful mayhem of issues one through five?"

Yeah, you know why you'd be fine if you jumped on board? Because the story doesn't make any sense anyway. Nothing follows anything else and everything in the plot just keeps changing. The characters are flat and boring and the art fucking sucks. This comic is a train wreck and I'm actually very, very sad and sorry to say that. I want a Birds of Prey comic book with some strong female characters and some serious complex relationships with members of a team with such a wide range of ethical and moral outlooks.

Birds of Prey #6

Black Canary came up with a plan last issue to track down Choke. It wasn't a new plan but how was she supposed to remember that when they all had their minds wiped by Choke after they executed the plan? So they got information about the lair from a henchman. They went to the lair. They confronted Choke. Choke made them forget everything. Black Canary comes up with a plan to get information about the lair from a henchman! I wonder how many times Duane Swierczynski can run this plot loop before readers figure it out and stop reading!

Birds of Prey begins with Duane writing a really lame novel. But you know, he might as well since Javier Pina (the artist) and June Cheng (the colorist) aren't really trying. I'm not sure what is going on with this comic but it looks absolutely boring. I don't have the artistic sensibility to explain what is wrong with the art. I just know when I look at it, I lose interest in looking at it. But Duane's writing doesn't help. It's like he's still writing assignments for Creative Writing in Junior High.

Perhaps this sentence could work if what followed worked as well. Perhaps. I'm sure I've written more than my share of bullshit short stories that began somewhat like this.

Look at that art! Are you captivated? Did the hook in that first line pull you in? Are you full of dramatic tension, wondering what's going to happen to poor Brendan Bowman on the best day and worst day of his life?!

Yeah, play it cool. He's only been staring directly at her in both of the last two panels! Which probably means the whole time!

See? His phone is missing and he can't play it cool now! Why is his phone missing? Well you see the back of Ev standing next to him? She stole his phone! Right out of his inside breast pocket! That is a fucking amazing talent. But that's not the most amazing part! The amazing part is after she stole it, she knew he would be just about to pull it out! You know why she knew this? Because that blonde is Black Canary and OBVIOUSLY it's what guys do when they're being flirted with! They pull out their phone and act casual! Just another great comic book plan that works perfectly simply because a writer is behind it all.

Is this still part of his good day?

Now, as a loyal reader of Birds of Prey, you should be asking yourself one simple question and it isn't, "What do they want with this guy?" The question should be, "Why the fuck is Ev acting like nothing happened when last issue ended with her believing Black Canary set her up to nearly be shot to death by a bunch of Men in Black and she only barely escaped by diving into a river?" Perhaps it's just another one of those things that happens to these girls that they just brush off and never think about again.

Black Canary and Ev try to remain calm so they don't scare Brendan. Really calm. So fucking calm. Like stone. No, no. Calmer! Like that proverbial moment before the storm! Made of stone!

See? Like Vulcans!

Black Canary and Ev let him run away. He goes back to his office without his phone and updates his Facebook about the mugging. Then someone he doesn't know sends him a message: "A diller, a dollar, a ten o'clock scholar." And then he wakes up 40 minutes later naked and being choked by Katana.

Hey, I wouldn't mind waking up to that!

It's all part of the plan!

Brendan knocks the syringe out of Katana's hand. The guy starts repeating his nursery rhyme and not making any sense. But once they inject him with the modified epilepsy drug, he's back to normal and the Birds begin calling him Brendan Hill instead of Brendan Bowman. Their entire plan was to get his handlers to deploy him with the nursery rhyme. To do that, they had to steal his phone because they knew he would update his Social Network which would alert his handlers that the Birds are after him and they'd deploy him. Another fucking convoluted plan that just happens to work out! Nobody thinks of plans like this that rely so much on the free will of a non-participant. Oh well. That's why Birds of Prey is at the bottom of the rankings. Because it pulls Grifter shit like this!

The Birds have done this to five other mind-control victims. And Ev explains what happened at the end of last issue. Sort of. At least someone is somewhat dealing with something! A little bit!

See? She figured out what was going on in-between issues!

The Birds decide to send Brendan back into work and see if they can infiltrate Choke with a non-programmed henchman or at least get him to make another move since the Birds are at a dead end. Brendan goes back to work and all of his co-workers start spouting rhymes and coming after him with guns. I imagine Choke knew he was compromised when he was activated and never completed his mission.

Then the co-workers start chanting and asking a question, one word per person. "Black Canary, how much do you trust your team?"

Did you? What? Where? Did I miss something?

The panel before this, Katana pulls her blade and poses in an action shot. Did the rhyme set her off? Is she supposedly Choke? Or is she just getting ready to fight the mind-controlled office workers? Who the fuck can tell? This comic is awful.

Birds of Prey Issue #6 Rating: -2 Rankings. This comic was terrible and awful and poorly drawn and poorly written and confusing. The Birds still don't know what happened to their missing time and I believe they just don't care. I doubt when the story is over it will be discussed. I can't believe last issue ended with Ev diving into the river escaping people trying to kill her and then the conclusion of that is a two panel flashback in this issue where everything is okay and Ev will just be more careful later. It's too bad. These should be powerful women each with a great individual story to tell. The potential is just being wasted. No, the potential is being shat upon.

Batwing #9

Is Batwing done defending Africa?

Batwing begins with a flashback to a Court of Owls meeting in 1856. They're discussing retiring their current Talon, Alexander Staunton, because he's lost his subtlety in the killing. He's efficient but becoming a Public Relations nightmare. And since The Court of Owls is supposed to be secret, they have no public relations and don't want any anytime soon! So they decide to put him away in a box in the labyrinth until the day "a worthy adversary will be thrust before him." I'm guessing that day is a night and it's the Night of Owls and the adversary will be Batwing! I'm so smart!

Batwing is in town with his Hawaiian shirt wearing Alfred to check out some upgrades on his Batwing costume. Or else he's still in town after chasing Massacre to Gotham. Or maybe he's still in town after visiting Vixen in the hospital. But he's definitely not moving away from Africa since one of the upgrades they're looking for are aquatic improvements to Batwing's armor so that he can fight Somali pirates.

It just so happens that on the Night of the Owls, Batman, Inc, is having some sort of event where many representatives of the franchise will be in attendance. Batwing decides to attend (as David, of course) and partake of a whole mess of free Batfood. And Big Batman Parties always bring the young (terribly young) Batman groupies!

Somebody went to the David Finch School of Making Sexy Women Creepily Young!

Lucius Fox, Batman's weapons and armor guru (you know! The guy played by Morgan Freeman in that Batman Begins movie!), is also at the party. And he was a name on the Talon's list.

He's the guy in the glasses! Batwing is the guy not in the Batwing Suit and unprepared to fight off a Talon!

A fire breaks out as a distraction so that the Talon can get to Lucius Fox. At the same time, Batwing's Alfred whose name I keep forgetting (I can only remember that he was the guy wearing the shirt with the mislabeled dice print) gets the message from Batman's Alfred about the Talons and their list of victims. David runs off to figure out how he's going to stop whatever is happening as Batwing without his Batwing suit. I think they're in the Batman, Inc. building though, so maybe he'll dig around for something he can use. Or maybe he'll just suck it up like Bruce Wayne and defeat the Talon in his party clothes.

Oh! His name is Matu! I didn't just remember that! I just read it a few pages on. And it appears Batwing did bring his armor and left it in coat check. Or a duffel bag in a toilet tank in the bathroom. He did message something about his voice code so maybe he just gained access to an armory in the back room where they were upgrading his shit.

Matu warns Batwing about Talon's regenerative properties. Batwing tests them out a bit and assesses the situation.

I appreciate the moves like Nightwing bit.

Batwing takes the fight outside to the street where it just so happens all of the people in the party have gathered to escape the flames! Talon takes the Prime Minister of somewhere in Africa not mentioned in this comic hostage and threatens to kill him unless Fox is presented. I think the Talon should just kill everyone! What does it care? But it doesn't. And Batwing doesn't care about the Prime Minister because he was once a warlord who caused thousands of deaths. But Lucius Fox is about to give himself up and Batwing sees on last chance and takes it.

Unless the Talon's regenerative ability has a super speed starfish capability, this would seem the best way to deal with them! Blow off their limbs! And heads! Why not kill them? They're really just reanimated corpses!

Batwing takes the unconscious Talon to dump in a tank of Liquid Nitrogen in the Batman, Inc. Armory. And that's probably all Batwing has to do with the Night of the Owls.

Batwing Issue #9 Rating: No change. It's a shame that DC's editors sometimes feel the need to tie in as many books as possible to their big cross-over events. Batwing really didn't need to partake of this. It's just slowed down the momentum Winick had from the Massacre story. But I can't dock it for an editorial decision either. It was just an average comic.

Batman #8

Didn't this happen at the end of Beauty and the Beast?

I saved reading Batman #8 until I read Nightwing #8 because Nightwing's cover says "Night of the Owls Prelude" and Batman's cover says "Night of the Owls Begins." But Nightwing's comic begins at 7:40 PM on the Night of the Owls and Batman's begins at 7:01 PM on the Night of the Owls! So once again, I failed to figure out the proper order in which to read these stupid comics. I believe I have a 100% failure rate for figuring out which comic comes first. But I think only one time was it not my fault and that's when I didn't read the Next Month in Superboy blurb very carefully. The rest of the time, DC has made it seem exactly opposite the way the comics should be read. Perhaps if I was reading the To Build Worlds bullshit at the end of each comic, it would become clearer. But that thing is full of spoilers so fuck that. DC, you need to start numbering your cross-overs on the cover the way Suicide Squad did way back when they crossed over with Checkmate.

So Batman begins at 7:01. I suppose by 7:40, the Talon Willam Cobb will come back to life, head on over to Nightwing #8, and mortally wound Dick Grayson. But there's still 39 minutes before that happens. Let's see what takes place!

Bruce Wayne is still feeling insecure after his ambush by the Court of Owls. It's as if a lover he thought he knew intimately had been married to another all along and Bruce just found out that he was Gotham's other woman. Batman was the whore on Gotham's arm all this time. The Court of Owls have been Gotham's partner for at least a century before Batman even existed. And now he's pouting and upset.

I've never seen Batman so thrown by something before. But this is the perfect story line to show Batman confused and bewildered and emotional. One of the great things about this story arc is how Snyder began the entire run of the comic by making a Gotham a distinct character in the play. And now it's as if Gotham has betrayed him and he doesn't know where to turn. Dick Grayson tried to talk some sense into him last issue and Dick was absolutely right. Gotham is not Batman and Batman is not Gotham. Bruce needs to extricate himself from that bond if he's going to be able to pull himself out of this.

Alfred comes in to help Bruce. Bruce thinks Alfred is trying to help metaphorically and emotionally but Alfred knows his role better than the lot of them and he really is just trying to make sure that medically and physically, Bruce gets better. That's not to say Alfred isn't good at all the emotional and psychological stuff too!

Now give him an adult backrub, Alfred!

Alfred and Bruce hear a thump on the roof as they speak. Bruce sends Alfred down to the Batcave to monitor the system's surveillance and report to Bruce via his Info-Lens and Earpiece. Unbeknownst to Alfred, a Talon follows him down into the Batcave as Bruce confronts the owl in the attic.

Batman takes out the first Talon. At least for a moment. But his troubles are only mounting.

Why so many Talons to take out one man? Do they need information from Wayne to find the other people that Alfred warns Nightwing they're going to assassinate? Is Wayne Manor just the starting point for some reason? They knew Nightwing was Dick Grayson so perhaps they know Batman is Bruce Wayne?

Bruce leads the Talons to the roof of Wayne Manor (just like the cover depicts! Surprise!)! That's because he had a special escape chute installed in the chimney that pops open when a button is pressed (probably keyed to his fingerprint). It closes and locks behind him as he drops down, leaving the Talons up on the roof.

Okay, they didn't know about Batman. Until now. Does Batman mind killing people that actually died a long time ago and are only being kept alive by some weird alchemical mysticism?

Now Batman only has to deal with the single Talon that followed Alfred into the Batcave. Oh, and William Cobb Talon which still needs to come back to life to go get Nightwing. That guy is down here as well. Hopefully Alfred brought his shotgun so he can be of some use. Although what they really need is a Mr. Freeze Gun. Does Batman have a souvenir one of those?

See the giant penny? Alfred topples it on to the Talon, pinning it. Bruce removes the creature's claw which looks like it houses a Pip-Boy. And then Bruce and Alfred are on the run again as the rest of the talons flood into the cave. And, well, it looks like they did know the Bruce Wayne/Batman secret! And if they know, then a whole shitload of secret society Court of Owls people know! Man, why even bother with the secret identity anymore!

Alfred and Bruce take refuge in the armory. Batman pulls a microdrive out of the Talon's Pip-Boy and Alfred gets to work pulling information out of it. You know, that information that he gives Nightwing in the Night of the Owls PRELUDE! Stupid DC. Oh yeah, when the Talon's invaded the cave, they cut the freezing solution wired into William Cobb. So that's how he escaped!

Batman comes up with a plan!

And that plan mostly consists of kicking asses.

That's the end of Part One of Night of the Owls. I'm not sure if many of the other issues tell any kind of linear plot or if it will just be a bunch of random heroes fighting Talons in their own individual comics. I'll probably find out soon since I've got Detective Comics #9 Night of the Owls by master storyteller Tony Daniel sitting here as well as Batwing #9 Night of Owls by master of reality television and friend of Pedro Judd Winick (whose Massacre story line ended really nicely so I'm going to put making fun of Judd on hiatus for a bit!).

But before digging into those comics, Batman has become a $3.99 comic this month! It now has a back-up story! I don't know if this will be permanent. If so, DC seems to have decided to stop "Holding the Line at $2.99!" Because only one of the six cancelled titles was a $3.99 comic and at least two of the new six are $3.99 (Earth-2 and G.I. Combat). Which means my comic book costs just went up $3! I mean, $2.25 because of my comic book store discount! Anyway, on to the back-up story.

Oh! The back-up story continues the main story but with a different artist.

Still not caught up to the Prelude in Nightwing #8!

This story just focuses on Alfred discovering the list of people who the Talon are planning on assassinating. Alfred puts out the call to all of the Bat-Allies in Gotham and sends them a list of the people who need protection.

Who is going to have to protect The Penguin?!

That's pretty much that! And now I have to guess which Night of the Owls Comic to read next? It probably doesn't matter.

Batman Issue #8 Rating: No change. It's #1! What more do you want?

Nightwing #8

After seeing the lame treading water stories that came out of The Culling Preludes, I'm not exactly expecting a lot here.

Now that Nightwing has learned he was supposed to be a Talon and now that he's lost a tooth thanks to fucking Batman and his amazing fisticuffs dentistry, let's see what Nightwing plans to do with himself.

Except this issue isn't about Nightwing! It's about the Talon that is planning on killing Nightwing during the Night of the Owls! He was born in 1901 and here he is at 9 years old:

This is not an accurate portrayal of juggling three balls.

I learned to juggle one Thanksgiving when I was ten or so. I think I had three pairs of balled up socks and I was trying to juggle them like you would see on a cartoon: throwing all three around in the same direction. My older cousin who didn't actually know how to juggle but knew a lot more about it than I did told me that wasn't how it was done. He made kind of a motion how the balls were supposed to travel and I picked it up from that. By the end of the meal, I was juggling. Not really well. But I was doing it correctly and somewhat competently. The kid in the panel above just looks like he's throwing three balls in the air and smiling like a mental patient. "WHHHEEEE!"

Here he is doing wrong again! And smiling like a moron about it!

The boy's father had died while building a bridge and the boy was left on his own while his mother worked at a textiles factory. And she probably worked 12-16 hour shifts!

Are you kidding? You're nine years old in 1910! I'm surprised you don't have a family and a 60 hour a week job!

He was not supposed to be begging but what else could he do? He couldn't juggle very well!

Goddamnit! Now he's juggling four balls and he's doing an even worse job than three!

And now five! And it's a total fucking mess!

One day when the boy was throwing the balls into the air haphazardly, a man in the crowd had his wallet picked. The boy fired a ball at the thief's head, knocking him unconscious. The man whose wallet was saved offered the boy a new job. But then the scene moves to present day Gotham with Nightwing so I don't know if he offered the boy a job as a Talon or not.

Nightwing is busy breaking into the Gotham Police Evidence Locker to examine his baton found at the scene of that double murder a few issues ago when Alfred sends a message to the Bat-Gang.

How did Alfred get this list of victims?

Nightwing heads off to protect Mayor Hady. But isn't Mayor Hady an asshole? Let him die!
Nightwing arrives a bit too late to save a number of security guards and one of the councilmen. But stupid Mayor Hady is still alive. Isn't Mayor Hady the guy working with the Dollmaker over in Detective Comics?

Back to 1910, the young Talon has been offered a job to join Haly's circus.

They can bill him as The Boy Who Can Throw Six Balls Chaotically Into The Air!

The boy who couldn't juggle was given knives to throw at a human target! I don't know if his technique at knife throwing was any good though since I have no experience throwing knives. Except maybe a few small souvenir knives at the sides of redwoods. The boy became a local celebrity and soon feel in love with Amelia Crowne, the daughter of one of Gotham's elite families. This family was on the level of the Waynes or the Cobblepots or the Arkhams!

Back to the present, Nightwing continues to maim the Talon and the Talon continues to heal and keep coming. Doesn't Dick remember what Bruce said: the Talon's healing power can be nullified by the cold! Get the fucking ice cubes out, bitch!

Nightwing kills the one that was sent to assassinate Mayor Hady. But what about the one sent to kill Dick Grayson that can't fucking juggle to save his life?

See? I tried to fucking warn you, you idiot!

I don't know how William Cobb regenerated and got his ass out of the Batcave. Maybe that will take place in Batman #8. Even though this is a prelude! Batman should be more careful with his regenerating corpses.

Nightwing Issue #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. Consistently looks good. Consistently tells a solid story. I can overlook the poor juggling representation this time.

Batman #7

This already happened!

Batman nearly drowns and is only saved from the brink of death by a young woman named Harper that I don't recognize.

Scott from Polite Dissent says you should never shock a flatline!

Batman storms out of Harper's van telling her that he meant it when he told her to leave him alone. So she's a Bat-Groupie from the Old DCU is my guess.

While Batman is making his way back to his Batlair to be healed by Alfred's super awesome tea, The Court of Owls is busy resurrecting Talons. If they resurrect more than one at at time, how is Batman supposed to defeat them all? Is this why the Night of the Owls is about to happen? Lots and lots of Talons who must be beat back by all of the Bat-Heroes?

Alfred's work is never, never, never, never ever done.

Back at the Batcave, Bruce, as usual, doesn't want Alfred to tend to him while other work is to be done. So even though Bruce is probably starving and half-drugged and exhausted and dehydrated and bruised and beaten and bleeding internally, he still wants to examine the corpse of the Talon first.
While Batman examines the corpse, Nightwing enters the Batcave and we see the scene from the end of Nightwing #7. But this one has a lot more added dialogue so I'm not going to demand my 15 cents back for each repeated page! Batman explains how the corpses were reanimated.

Here's a little story about Electrum.

What's great about Nightwing #7 that I didn't bitch about although I've bitched about it every other time was that Batman punched Nightwing and I didn't realize why. It bothered me that, once again, a hero was beating on another hero. After Batman punched Nightwing, he showed him a tooth with an owl on it and I didn't realize the tooth had come from Nightwing. I thought Batman was just exhausted and tired and it was his version of slapping some sense into Dick when Dick was becoming hysterical. It was much clearer in this comic that he was punching the Electrum Tooth out of Dick. And anyway, of course Bruce had a perfectly logical reason for socking the fuck out of his first Robin.

I just figured anyone not reading this comic would like to see Nightwing being smacked around by Batman's pimp hand.

And then before Batman can have his proper tea and time to heal, the Night of Owls begins!

What building are they coming out of? It's covered in Owls! Don't you think Batman would have checked it out?

Batman Issue #7 Rating: +1 Rating! If only! No, no, it can't actually move up. But this issue is one of the reasons why Action Comics can't take the #1 spot until this comic stops being so fucking awesome. Just the scene with Bruce and Dick and their dialogue makes for a great read. That's how a comic is built! Not with Narration Boxes saying wanna be profound shit! But real characters talking and building a history and a relationship and acting consistent for their character!