Birds of Prey #1

Why do the Birds of Prey call themselves the Birds of Prey? Are they using the British slang for Birds? So they're chicks who prey on evildoers? You know, since Black Canary is the only actual bird in the group. Unless that girl with guns has a bird name.

I hope this comic book is good because it has Katana in it. I hope Katana's sword still has the soul of her husband still trapped inside it and whoever is writing the comic doesn't forget that that's an important part of who she is partway through the series and we never hear about her husband again ever.

The title of the comic is 'Let us Prey'. Ugh. Now I know the feeling anyone reading this would have had if I'd made a pray/prey pun! Thanks goodness I had the self-control to not say how much I really want a Birds of Pray comic book. With a bunch of hot nuns in corsets running around Gotham whenever there is danger! The Gotham PD Chaplain would put a big Cross spotlight into the sky when they're needed and they'd hustle out in their skimpy habits to the scene of the crime and kneel down and pray! And sometimes the crime will be stopped by Batman and they'll praise God that their praying worked and sometimes the crime won't be stopped by anyone and they'll praise God because he works in mysterious ways!

Someone draw that comic immediately! The hot blonde leader could be named Holy Water. And the sexy redhead could be called Vestibule. And the Asian sex kitten can be called Confession. And the hot-tempered brunette will be Hallelujah!

But that comic is too big an idea for DC's New 52! So instead, Birds of Prey begins in a church with a journalist named Mr. Keen who is on the tail of some hot girl covert ops team. That sounds sexy! Actually, he's not on their tail at all. He's about to give up due to lack of evidence. Fuck! When was the last time that stopped a journalist? They're so desperate to not have their hard copy paper newspapers go under, they'll take any story that will sell a few issues. And I think hot chicks doing crime will sell!

As Mr. Keen is praying (or quitting), a car crashes through the wall and the Bird of Prey I don't recognize steps out! I'm guessing she's from the Wildstorm universe because she has guns.

Whenever I hear the words, 'Let us pray,' all I hear is 'Let us Bray' from The Boomer Bible.

I don't think I've mentioned this yet and I'm about halfway caught up to the new issues of 52 coming out. The narration boxes I've mentioned that are used in such a strange way at times are color coded and have a symbol in the first one so that you know which hero is speaking. Most of them have a symbol that the speaker is identified with: a bat, the Green Lantern ring, a lightning bolt, an S. So, guess what symbol Black Canary gets? Yep! Fishnets! I bet when they get to Power Girl, it'll be boobs.

The journalist is about to be killed by a whole bunch of invisible sniper assassins who apparently can't do their job quickly enough. Losers! Also, I just learned that the new girl's name is Starling. Like Jodie Foster!

The comic then takes the typical 'Two Weeks Ago' approach to get the story in. Most comic book writers have heard that you start in the middle of the story but they really don't know how to execute it. So they begin with one or two pages showing some action and then immediately revert to the beginning of the story and start the tale from there.

Barbara Gordon must bring a boob spotlight with her wherever she goes. Gotta highlight those princesses!

Black Canary is organizing a covert team of superwomen to fight criminals in Gotham. So the covert team isn't even formed yet and Mr. Keen is already staking out Dinah Lance for his story about a covert team of hotties. He has some secret source that led him to begin following Dinah Lance. But since Black Canary is currently only teamed up with Starling, it seems the source knows as much about Canary's plans as Canary does.

Black Canary meets up with Batgirl/Oracle/Babs for some information on possible members for the crew since she only has Starling. Batgirl suggests Katana (yay!) who fits right in with the Birds of Prey theme. Oh, the theme seems to be hot girls who are wanted by the law but are actually heroes working for good. That's a pretty decent theme for a Super Group!

With some kicking and shooting and screaming (the ear drum rupturing kind), the Birds of Prey escape with the journalist. They take Mr. Keen to the airport to get him out of Gotham. But instead of leaving safely, he answers his phone, bleeds from his eyes, and blows up.

Whoops!

Nightwing #4

I don't know why this cover has me in the mood for jokes but here it goes. I've got two of them for you and they're themed. You've probably heard the first one but I have to tell it to set up the second one.

Joke #1: A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We've got a drink named after you!" So the grasshopper says, "You've got a drink called a Tom Collins?"

Joke #2: Batman walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We've got a drink named after you!" So Batman says, "You've got a drink called a Bruce Wayne? OH FUCK!"

I made up that second one. I heard the first one somewhere else. I like that version of the grasshopper joke better than the one where the grasshopper has a name that isn't also a drink. I should probably read the comic book now.

Oh wait! Let's all make a guess! How is Batgirl going to tell which one is the real Nightwing? I don't know which is why I'm asking everyone else! I also just noticed there is a new artist for this issue. I hope he's better than the last guy! The last guy was right about in the middle. So it's like that old game show Card Sharks and the model turns over an 8. It could go either way!

The comic opens with Batgirl in a car chase. She recklessly causes lots of traffic accidents and then fails to catch the shapeshifter that was driving it. Good job, Babs!

We then return to Nightwing who has just had more sex. I think he's doing as well as Batman has been doing and Nightwing only has one comic book!

I might be Nightwing! I haven't seen The Godfather either!

Dick's been traveling with the circus and banging Raya. So he's probably not in too much of a hurry to solve the Great Circus Caper. It appears they've been on the road for a few weeks since the end of the last issue. While down in Miami, Batgirl comes looking for him. What the hell does she want? Oh yeah! The shapeshifter!

All we need now is a little Starfire in the mix!

Speaking of Batgirl, I've got this story about a friend and his Batgirl doll growing up and how he...no, no. I just can't tell this story here! What if he does a web search for the terms "Babs" and "soldering iron" and "Batgirl" and "anatomically correct"? I probably shouldn't have even brought it up! I should probably just delete this whole paragraph! Just pretend you didn't read it, okay?

Now with Barbara Gordon and Raya in the same Circus Train, the drama is bound to turn way up! Although it doesn't, really. Barbara doesn't give it enough time and then she has to have nice words with Raya before she leaves and tells Raya Dick cares for her. Which, I think, scares Raya off! Wow! Good tactic, Batgirl!

People changing costumes on panel. Main character having sex. It's a lot like Batwoman but still no Teen Plus rating! More proof that DC (and most of conservative America) is afraid of sexual women.

Ding ding ding! Do we have a winner? Did anybody guess she could tell the real Nightwing because he was the uglier one? I sure didn't. Nightwing ends up turning Spinebender into glass with a large electric shock. He's not dead or anything. And they just leave him in the hopes that S.T.A.R. labs can fix him up.

The fight scene was well done but what was really well done was the dialogue and the relationship between Batgirl and Nightwing. I'm impressed with this book. It's a solid comic book that isn't trying too hard to be the next Sandman or trying to be gritty or shocking or trying to push new boundaries. It's just a really well done mainstream comic. And since I was bored with the first issue, I'm really happy about these last three issues. Nice job, Kyle Higgins. And I did like Trevor McCarthy's art better than Eddy Barrows. This call is really subjective and I can see people making a claim for the other way around. I just like Trevor's style a lot more than Eddy's.

Nightwing #3

Clownton Abbey!

The Joker Clown behind the truck on the cover had a big meltdown in the first issue about having to wear a green wig! And he should have! I'm not sure clowns can be funny in Gotham. Even without the green wig, as soon as he ran into the ring, not only the children but the grown-ups as well would run screaming from the tent.

Here we see a flashback to five years ago. Dick Grayson is still in the circus. So his parents are still alive and he has yet to become Robin. This means within five years, Batman has to train Dick, Jason, and Tim before ending up with Damian. That means Batman was busy with a new Robin roughly every year and a half. No, wait. Only four years to train those three Robins because Dick Grayson already mentioned how Batman was gone for one year. I guess Dick could have been with Batman for a year and a half. Then Dick could have moved on to form the Teen Titans (although I'm still not sure that that version exists in the New 52) and spend a year and a half with them. Then a year alone as Nightwing and a year as Batman. But this means that Batman would have had to deal with Jason Todd and Tim Drake in two and a half years before he disappeared for a year. I guess if Jason Todd was killed quickly, that's possible!

The fat lady is also the bearded lady! Twofer!

So many other titles take place in Gotham, it would be refreshing to have Nighting join a traveling circus! Yes, I am not planning on shutting up about this! Well, maybe I will.

Dick heads to Chicago to look up an old circus buddy who has turned into a contract killer. He thinks this guy Zane either has something to do with this or could lead him in the direction of the person who did. But Nightwing gets a bit cocky and Zane ends up using some sort of super power on Nightwing. Zane says he used to be called Feedback. Dick gets lost in hallucinations and, once again, should have been killed.

Before this panel, Dick is incapacitated by Feedback's power and Feedback shoots at him. But Dick is able to dodge the bullet and escape. But then he's once again overpowered by the hallucinations. But this time, Feedback decides to hit him with the gun instead of shooting him. Even though Feedback has no reason to let him live, is a killer himself, and has already tried to shoot him. Maybe his gun only holds three bullets!

"Damn! I'm out! Again!"

But Dick turns the tables on Feedback by feedbacking Feedback. Dick learns that Feedback knows nothing and then returns to Raya and the circus and utters the words I was hoping to hear:

And finally, we see that Haly's son Bryan seems to have put the hit out on Dick Grayson. Why? Why not! Or Because! Or Chicken Thigh!

Nightwing #2

Last issue, Nightwing said this guy was quicker than he was. So I expect this cover to end with Nightwing minus one leg.

We left Nightwing lying at the base of a busted water tower with a bunch of broken ribs and a maniac about to kill him! I have a secret wish that this comic only has one panel in it! STAB!

Does that normally happen on Friday?

By the way, Saikou in Japanese means 'the highest' or 'the best' or 'supreme' and all that. But it's easier to read 'Saiko' as psycho, so the killer must have decided to drop the 'u'.

But Saiko means 'the oldest'. So maybe this guy is just the oldest killer! Saiko is also the Japanicized version of the English psycho. But I don't think that's what he was going for.

Nightwing survives this encounter by blasting Saiko with a huge electric shock. Well, that's not exactly true. Nightwing survives the encounter because Saiko shoots an explosive at a carload of innocent people to distract Nightwing so Saiko can escape. Though I don't know why Saiko wanted to escape when he was winning.

They wouldn't be thanking him so quick if they knew he was to blame! And where do they run off to afterwards? I think those guys were criminals! It is Gotham!

After Nightwing helps out the people he almost got killed and they run into the night to let their car burn instead of filing some sort of police report because that's just the kind of thing that happens in Gotham and the car was probably stolen anyway, Nightwing heads back to his apartment. The redhead, Raya, from the circus comes by and they're suddenly off to Atlantic City! Not for romance but because she's in trouble! Oh, those pesky dames!

Either this artist, Eddy Barrows, doesn't know that women are supposed to be shiny and not cross hatchy or else she is a transvestite.

Raya tells Nightwing she's a big liar on the private jet to Atlantic City (I think a jet ride from Gotham to Atlantic City takes four minutes). She isn't in trouble at all! The owner of the circus where Nightwing grew up wants to speak to him in person. And he can't use the phone because he's dying! Hmm, that doesn't make as much sense as it did when I glossed over it reading the comic. Anyway, Nightwing is now in Atlantic City! No, no. The outskirts of Atlantic City! Which is much nicer!

Don't worry! It wasn't an ambush like it really seemed it would be! Instead, Nightwing is given the deed to the circus! Now that would be a nice twist to the New 52! A comic about Circus Life that doesn't have any super villains in it at all. Just mysteries and clown drama and one-night stands with circus groupies.

Hmm. I think I'm going to write that comic. Dibs!

Oh! Sex! This title must be rated Teen Plus. No, wait, that's just a random woman having sex with the title character and not the female title character having sex. Just rate this Teen.

Nightwing and Raya have sex on the four minute flight between Atlantic City and Gotham. And Nightwing still has time for a phone call from Saiko. And Saiko has had enough time to kidnap and torture a ton of secrets from the old, tumor-filled man. I'm beginning to believe Gotham really is in Minnesota like Justice League would have you believe (according to Green Lantern's flight plans).

The old man is on his last legs from cancer and filled with tumors. I'm assuming he's also filled with morphine for the pain. If not, he's used to pain! Either way, I doubt pain or death is much of a motivator for this guy. Especially if he cares about Dick. Which, I guess, he doesn't! I thought Circus People were supposed to be loyal!

Nightwing turns the jet around and dukes it out with Saiko in Haly's old circus warehouse. Nightwing brings the whole warehouse down and exits with the dying old man.

If this Saiko is as good as Nightwing says, he must have purposefully not killed Nightwing here. Thus, Nightwing gets a +1 in his Number of Times He Should Have Been Killed By a Stupid Villain box.

Old Mr. Haly dies in Nightwing's arms but not before telling him the Circus holds a secret in its heart. Oh boy! Next issue, Clownton Abbey!

Nightwing #1

Worst cover of all time.

What exactly is the concept of this cover? Nightwing is falling from the roof of a building where he'd been spastically playing the drums? And the best way to break his fall is to squat like a frog and land on his crotch? And why all the bats? And Nightwing's name on top of the Bat Symbol? Is that so everyone will buy this title?

With a character like Nightwing, I'm mostly curious what his history is in the new 52. I know he was a former Robin again. But was he ever a Teen Titan? He made a comment in Batgirl about his thing for redheads which leads me to believe he has had a relationship with Starfire in the New 52. Unless he was just making a comment about having had a crush on Batwoman as well. Which hasn't been confirmed as part of the New 52 anyway.

Nightwing #1 begins with narrating how he'd been masquerading as Batman for a year while Batman was away. So is this New 52 a fucking reboot or isn't it? Batman was dead in the New 52 as well? Yet the Justice League began only five years ago and none of the Super Heroes really knew each other except maybe Flash and Green Lantern. Then four years later, Batman died and Nightwing took over for him? I'm beginning to believe that this new 52 is only understandable if you've been reading DC for the last 25 years anyway! Just like every time DC changes things up.

The circus where Nightwing's parents were killed has come to Gotham and it has Nightwing unnerved. It takes eight pages of retelling Nightwing's story to get to this. In the old DCU, Nightwing had a lot of character baggage. Looks like he's brought it all with him into the new DCU.

Next, some maniac in shades steps off a bus into Gotham and kills two thugs trying to steal his shades. Maybe someone who has been reading DC comics for the last few years can guess who he is but my only guess is Corey Hart.

Dick manages to head back to the circus. He seems pretty close to a trapeze artist named Raya with red hair. So maybe he hasn't had a relationship with Starfire in the new 52. But he probably has. I think I'll just believe everything is exactly the same as I remember it until something happens to show that it's different. Just seems easier. I'm not sure DC has any idea what they're doing.

And then Nightwing is attacked by a Wolverine Wanna-be.

I suppose this is the guy with the shades. I still don't recognize him.

Dick Grayson doesn't recognize the guy either, so that's good. I guess he's just another new villain in a long list of new villains developed for the first excting action-packed storylines of just about every new title. I think Justice League is the only comic without a new villain starting it off since they chose to use the biggest villain, Darkseid.

And then the new guy kicks Nightwing's ass and gets DC into legal trouble.

But his claws are different! He's more like, "Rock and roll!", instead of snikkety-snik!

Catwoman #4

The last time this title was used for a storyline, the Joker sold a Nuclear Bomb to terrorists, became the ambassador to the United Nations, and killed Robin. I don't think this 'Death in the Family' will be quite so outrageous.

This time, Catwoman attends a funeral, meets with an old friend, robs some drug dealers in an alleyway, and gets her ass kicked by some telekinetic metahuman named...REACH!

So, yeah. Not quite as crazy. Granted the last Death in the Family went for four issues and had 24 pages per issue (probably). But at least this one had a lot of Catwoman art while the other one just featured a whole lot of Robin.







And then it ends when Reach launchs Catwoman way up over Gotham with her magic blue Reach Around Lightning powers.


Whoops.

Catwoman #3

That's a strangely shaped room. Also, Bat Joke.

Catwoman escapes from the clutches of Boner's men and then hunts him down. She beats him up on the top of a building and then is about to push him to his death for killing her friend Lola when Batman arrives and convinces her not to.



She does it anyway even though she knows Bats will save him. And she takes off back to the apartment with her dead friend to dispose of any evidence that would tie her to the body. As she's doing this, the police bust in and the issue ends.

The comic isn't bad. It's a little bit more cheesecakey than I think it needs to be. Just because the title character is a woman doesn't mean she needs to be nearly naked ever few pages. None of the Batman titles treat Batman that way! What DC needs is to forget about having more female authors writing for female leads. They need to have more female writers at the helm of male lead character comics! Let's see someone do a sexy Deathstroke comic! Or sexy Green Lantern!

I also wish the Batman/Catwoman relationship would go in a new direction. I already suggested that Batman should be pining over her and stalking her while she moves on. That would be interesting. But this whole sexual tension and they can't get enough of each other thing was done. It's a reboot! Let's do it differently.

Three issues down and Catwoman has made out with Batman/Bruce Wayne in every one so far! I didn't know DC was into romance books.