
Fat Batman's belt got its own interior lighting.
Come on, Joe Quesada and Kevin Nowlan. What the fuck were you thinking while doing this cover? Were you guys selling your own line of '90s Superhero Utility Belts? Is this a fucking advert? Because I can't see any other reason to have Fat Batman (Biis in Batman's costume, FYI) entirely surrounded by flames which aren't lighting him at all, standing in silhouette so all you see are eyes, teeth, and the Bat emblem (which is a standard editorial note to make Batman seem ominous and cool), and you fucking choose to draw the belt as if it's some object not subject to the physics of the rest of the silhouette? Why is it the focal point of this entire cover?! You'd think Azrael or his sword or Batman's emblem would be where they wanted the viewer's eye to be drawn but fuck no, man! Look at the fucking cool belt! Only $29.95 plus shipping and handling! Look like a real life Image character!
Fuckin' hell. For Halloween, I really want to go as Fat Batman in silhouette with a bright brown (how is it BRIGHT BROWN?!) belt! People will ask, "What are you? Devil Batman?" And I'll be all, "No, I'm a terrible comic book cover." Maybe I'll get a friend to go as Liefeld's Fat Big-Breasted Captain America.
This, the final issue, is called "No One is Innocent" which must include Batman and Alfred too. I wonder what the fuck Alfred did? I bet he was a sleep creeper in his early twenties.
Azrael, Alfred, and Nomoz have arrived at the estate of the member of the Order of St. Dumas who Biis is about to kill (or has just killed). Taking advice from Biis (before he knew he was Biis and just thought he was the Order's bookkeeper, LeHah), Harcourt hired some men to patrol the edge of the estate so nobody would interrupt his meeting with Biis. They try to keep Azrael out but Azrael is all, "You might just be hired hands of the man we're here to save and thus not really out enemies but, um, did you read the title of this story?! No one is innocent!"
Fuckin' hell. For Halloween, I really want to go as Fat Batman in silhouette with a bright brown (how is it BRIGHT BROWN?!) belt! People will ask, "What are you? Devil Batman?" And I'll be all, "No, I'm a terrible comic book cover." Maybe I'll get a friend to go as Liefeld's Fat Big-Breasted Captain America.
This, the final issue, is called "No One is Innocent" which must include Batman and Alfred too. I wonder what the fuck Alfred did? I bet he was a sleep creeper in his early twenties.
Azrael, Alfred, and Nomoz have arrived at the estate of the member of the Order of St. Dumas who Biis is about to kill (or has just killed). Taking advice from Biis (before he knew he was Biis and just thought he was the Order's bookkeeper, LeHah), Harcourt hired some men to patrol the edge of the estate so nobody would interrupt his meeting with Biis. They try to keep Azrael out but Azrael is all, "You might just be hired hands of the man we're here to save and thus not really out enemies but, um, did you read the title of this story?! No one is innocent!"

Not even dogs, I guess!
So Alfred just witnessed this college kid commit murder but since he's trying to find Bruce Wayne, I suppose he'll let it slide. On the positive side of this wanton murder of man and dog, I may have discovered why I fucking hate this kid. Oh, he's a weapon of vengeance, you say? I'm supposed to find that cool, am I? And he just killed a dog and the hired hand of a man they're trying to protect? Yeah, um, get the fuck right out of here. This kid's a fucking creep. He's a piece of shit and I'm not about to praise him for his ability to kill indiscriminately!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. No one is innocent. Suppose this massacre is okay then.
Look, even Jesus basically believed that no one is innocent. But his take wasn't that they should all then be killed! His take was that they should understand that everybody deserves a chance to find redemption. It's the whole point behind the "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I know most people love to read that and go, "Yeah? I'm without sin! Let me kill somebody with my huge ass stone!" But the point was that if you had been killed for a previous sin you've committed, you wouldn't still be around to throw a stone at somebody else who has sinned. He's saying, "You were given the chance to redeem your sin. Why then do you think you should take another person's chance at redemption away?"
In other words, fuck this Cousin Oliver Azrael piece of shit! Boo! You suck! Eat dog turds!
After murdering all of the hired help, two dogs, a parking attendant, and four maids, Azrael crashes into the greenhouse to discover Fat Batman finishing off Harcourt. Alfred realizes immediately that it isn't Bruce Wayne because Bruce has never weighed more than 210 pounds. Is that a good weight for his height and musculature? I have no fucking idea. I've never worked at a carnival.
Fat Batman somehow escapes in a car so that Azrael could pull off this maneuver.
In other words, fuck this Cousin Oliver Azrael piece of shit! Boo! You suck! Eat dog turds!
After murdering all of the hired help, two dogs, a parking attendant, and four maids, Azrael crashes into the greenhouse to discover Fat Batman finishing off Harcourt. Alfred realizes immediately that it isn't Bruce Wayne because Bruce has never weighed more than 210 pounds. Is that a good weight for his height and musculature? I have no fucking idea. I've never worked at a carnival.
Fat Batman somehow escapes in a car so that Azrael could pull off this maneuver.

Denny was writing this script dreaming of a possible movie deal, right?
Cousin Oliver doesn't last long on the hood of the car because a tree branch knocks him the fuck out. Man, Batman would have known the location of every single low tree branch in the vicinity. Also he never would have let the guy get to his car unless he wanted him to get to his car for plot reasons.
After failing to catch Biis/LeHah/Fat Batman, Alfred, Cousin Oliver and Nomoz head back to a dark room to strategize. This time, instead of trying to guess which member he's going to kill next, they decide to head to the property he owns in Texas. What about his apartment in Gotham? Or was that just a hotel room? Why would they think he'd be heading to Texas when he still has so many more members to kill? Why am I asking questions that don't matter since I know that he'll be in Texas because this is the last issue and it's halfway over. They need to confront him immediately! It's time for their hunches to not just be close but to be spot on!
Meanwhile, in Texas, Biis has Bruce Wayne strapped to a pipe in one of LeHah's oil refineries. Good call, Alfred and the boys! Knowing that LeHah has a hostage with him, I would have found evidence of his private plane leaving Heathrow to see where it was headed next. That also would have worked because I'm assuming I'd have the same number-of-pages deadline that Alfred and Azrael have. Any hunch would have been correct at this point!
After failing to catch Biis/LeHah/Fat Batman, Alfred, Cousin Oliver and Nomoz head back to a dark room to strategize. This time, instead of trying to guess which member he's going to kill next, they decide to head to the property he owns in Texas. What about his apartment in Gotham? Or was that just a hotel room? Why would they think he'd be heading to Texas when he still has so many more members to kill? Why am I asking questions that don't matter since I know that he'll be in Texas because this is the last issue and it's halfway over. They need to confront him immediately! It's time for their hunches to not just be close but to be spot on!
Meanwhile, in Texas, Biis has Bruce Wayne strapped to a pipe in one of LeHah's oil refineries. Good call, Alfred and the boys! Knowing that LeHah has a hostage with him, I would have found evidence of his private plane leaving Heathrow to see where it was headed next. That also would have worked because I'm assuming I'd have the same number-of-pages deadline that Alfred and Azrael have. Any hunch would have been correct at this point!

Oh ho! Who's the master detective now?! Me! It's me!
Alfred finally gets around to asking Cousin Oliver his name and guess what? Cousin Oliver doesn't remember who he was! I guess that explains why I keep calling him Cousin Oliver! I'm sure if he's curious, he probably has some college blue books lying around his place back in Gotham with his name written in them. Although I bet Nomoz has already firebombed his apartment and erased his entire history.
For some reason that's almost certainly not sexual but it's hard to tell because Joe Quesada wasn't allowed to draw Biis's penis, Biis strips completely naked to murder Bruce Wayne.
For some reason that's almost certainly not sexual but it's hard to tell because Joe Quesada wasn't allowed to draw Biis's penis, Biis strips completely naked to murder Bruce Wayne.

I don't think Batman would call Biis gay (little pink bow) for no reason so I'm decided this is sexual and Batman's just commenting on Biis's rock hard penis.
Maybe my explanation doesn't make sense because why would Batman assume Biis is gay just because he's got a hard-on while trying to murder another man? It's more likely he just gets off on killing people and I don't think murderers are typically known for wearing little pink bows. I don't think gay guys are either but it's definitely some kind of "you're gay" comment a hetero man might make in the '80s and '90s.
Azrael, Nomoz, and Alfred all arrive just in time to stop Biis from shooting Bruce in the face. Instead of hitting Bruce, the bullets fire into various piping in the refinery, leaking oil all over the place. It quickly lights and the entire refinery goes up in seconds. Azrael, who normally doesn't save, only vengeances, saves Bruce when Alfred asks him to. Because Alfred used all those manipulation techniques earlier to get Azrael on his side instead of the rotten little gnome Nomoz's side. They all escape but Biis is left to burn, probably because he knows Batman's secret identity. When they finally reach safety, Nomoz screams at Azrael for doing some minor saving because that's not his fucking job. At all! It's at this point when he reveals he's begun to take some control of the Azrael persona so that maybe he won't just go around murdering dogs and servants.
Azrael, Nomoz, and Alfred all arrive just in time to stop Biis from shooting Bruce in the face. Instead of hitting Bruce, the bullets fire into various piping in the refinery, leaking oil all over the place. It quickly lights and the entire refinery goes up in seconds. Azrael, who normally doesn't save, only vengeances, saves Bruce when Alfred asks him to. Because Alfred used all those manipulation techniques earlier to get Azrael on his side instead of the rotten little gnome Nomoz's side. They all escape but Biis is left to burn, probably because he knows Batman's secret identity. When they finally reach safety, Nomoz screams at Azrael for doing some minor saving because that's not his fucking job. At all! It's at this point when he reveals he's begun to take some control of the Azrael persona so that maybe he won't just go around murdering dogs and servants.

Oh yeah! That was his stupid name! Another reason I hate him!
Batman: Sword of Azrael: Book Four #4 Rating: C+. And that's the story of Azrael, a character Gotham never fucking needed and nobody asked for. Because this piece of shit arrives on the scene, Dick Grayson's time as Replacement Batman gets delayed for like another decade or two! Although maybe that was a good thing, seeing that Grant Morrison was the one to write that stuff. I still need to read it because I finally fell in love with the character of Dick Grayson during The New 52 and people have assured me that that version of Dick was forged in Morrison's run with Dick as Batman and Damian as Robin. One of my favorite things in The New 52 (and there weren't really a whole lot of them. I loved the concept but DC mishandled it from the absolute beginning. They could have done anything and they tended to just stick to the old history of the characters but contracting their past into five fucking years! So badly done!) was how Batman clearly treated Dick Grayson as an equal and a peer. Batman! He never even treated Alfred that well! Or Superman! It was just really nice to fucking see that relationship finally get to that point. And was Dick Grayson the only character ever who seemed to have all his shit together? I mean mentally and, for the most part, personally? He was like a good egg doing the best he could without any weird fucking hang-ups or obsessions. Unless his lusting for redheads was a problem. Was that a problem or was that just sexy hot?!