This issue has a hidden naughty word on it!
It would be easier to find the hidden word if this issue were called "Duck Hunt" but it's not. Here's a hint: the naughty word is a synonym of "barn owl."
Imagine if, in 1989, The Huntress had shot Batman in the face with a crossbow bolt. That shit would have sold more issues than when Superman couldn't even win a fist fight. I would have purchased multiple copies and wallpapered my room with that disastrous panel (except the one section of wall where my Poison poster hung).
I wonder why The Huntress was about to shoot Batman in the face in this scene. What was Batman doing to Blue Beetle passed out in trash? Do you think Batman is a sleep creeper? The correct answer to that question is "Obviously." You don't live in the same mansion as Dick Grayson and not caress that sweet butt at least once while pretending to tuck him in.
For the youngsters out there, that weird gray rectangle near Batman's foot is something called an "audio cassette." It was the MP3 of the late 70s and the early 80s. Maybe even later because CDs could never be trusted if you needed music while walking or running or biking.
This issue is called "Slice and Dice! or 'There's something very wrong with Blue Beetle!'" I don't know where the convention of naming a story like this comes from. Like at the end of The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, the narrator would be all, "Be here next week for Slice and Dice! or 'There's Something Very Wrong With The Blue Beetle!'" Except, in that case, both titles would be some dumb pun about how the current episode ended. I'd come up with some examples but I'm terrible at puns.
Currently, Guy Gardner is reading porn and yelling at the phone. No wonder Ice is going to fall hard for him. What a man!
Blue Beetle winds up picking up the phone because Guy Gardner was too manly to answer it. When he does, he winds up in some kind of post-hypnotic trance, leading him to stab Oberon and trying to kill Max Lord. Hmm, no wonder Max Lord eventually shoots him in the face.
Imagine if, in 1989, The Huntress had shot Batman in the face with a crossbow bolt. That shit would have sold more issues than when Superman couldn't even win a fist fight. I would have purchased multiple copies and wallpapered my room with that disastrous panel (except the one section of wall where my Poison poster hung).
I wonder why The Huntress was about to shoot Batman in the face in this scene. What was Batman doing to Blue Beetle passed out in trash? Do you think Batman is a sleep creeper? The correct answer to that question is "Obviously." You don't live in the same mansion as Dick Grayson and not caress that sweet butt at least once while pretending to tuck him in.
For the youngsters out there, that weird gray rectangle near Batman's foot is something called an "audio cassette." It was the MP3 of the late 70s and the early 80s. Maybe even later because CDs could never be trusted if you needed music while walking or running or biking.
This issue is called "Slice and Dice! or 'There's something very wrong with Blue Beetle!'" I don't know where the convention of naming a story like this comes from. Like at the end of The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, the narrator would be all, "Be here next week for Slice and Dice! or 'There's Something Very Wrong With The Blue Beetle!'" Except, in that case, both titles would be some dumb pun about how the current episode ended. I'd come up with some examples but I'm terrible at puns.
Currently, Guy Gardner is reading porn and yelling at the phone. No wonder Ice is going to fall hard for him. What a man!
Blue Beetle winds up picking up the phone because Guy Gardner was too manly to answer it. When he does, he winds up in some kind of post-hypnotic trance, leading him to stab Oberon and trying to kill Max Lord. Hmm, no wonder Max Lord eventually shoots him in the face.
See? This is why I like Guy! Instead of constantly harassing the women in the League the way Beetle and The Flash do, he simply compliments them on their attractive bums. Like a gentleman!
Before Guy Gardner can chase after Blue Beetle to figure out why he stabbed Oberon and what he may have done to Max, Fire explodes into green flames. It's not shown on panel but I know what's going on! My memory might be terrible but you don't forget when a superhero goes from wearing practically nothing to wearing absolutely nothing.
Turns out, Beetle stabbed Max as well. But Max went running out into the public because nobody would ever do anything crazy in public, right? There are witnesses in public! Witnesses who will witness your shame. It's the main reason I don't go out in public and I'm not even violent. I'm just very ashamed.
Turns out, Beetle stabbed Max as well. But Max went running out into the public because nobody would ever do anything crazy in public, right? There are witnesses in public! Witnesses who will witness your shame. It's the main reason I don't go out in public and I'm not even violent. I'm just very ashamed.
I bet Blue Beetle's final thought before he died was, "Hunh. This must be irony."
I've discussed this before but I bet mind control being an actual (and fairly common) thing in the DC Universe was just a boon to defense attorneys. "Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury. Have you ever heard of . . . MIND CONTROL!" Acquitted!
The Huntress arrives because she's on the cover. She decides to try to save Max for some reason. I guess that's what makes her a hero. She'll risk her life to save people she doesn't even know whereas I'll risk my life to save maybe 30% of the people I know.
Max Lord passes out in an alley from loss of blood. Then The Huntress knocks out Blue Beetle before he can finish murdering Max. That means it's time for another hero to wander on the scene and jump to some inaccurate conclusions.
The Huntress arrives because she's on the cover. She decides to try to save Max for some reason. I guess that's what makes her a hero. She'll risk her life to save people she doesn't even know whereas I'll risk my life to save maybe 30% of the people I know.
Max Lord passes out in an alley from loss of blood. Then The Huntress knocks out Blue Beetle before he can finish murdering Max. That means it's time for another hero to wander on the scene and jump to some inaccurate conclusions.
Oh good. It's Batman. He never jumps to inaccurate conclusions!
Do you like how I pretended to have forgotten about the cover? That's called acting!
Batman's outfit is way too high-waisted to be a man's outfit. I think he accidentally put on Batwoman's costume.
Batman begins wrestling with The Huntress because Catwoman isn't around. While they're engaged in frottage play, Blue Beetle regains consciousness and starts muttering about doing a murder for the Queen. So I guess he's been hypnotized by Queen Bee, current ruler of Bialya. I'm not sure how "hypnotizing a person over the phone" is a power a bee-themed villain would have. A bee has never convinced me to do anything except run around screaming.
Batman's outfit is way too high-waisted to be a man's outfit. I think he accidentally put on Batwoman's costume.
Batman begins wrestling with The Huntress because Catwoman isn't around. While they're engaged in frottage play, Blue Beetle regains consciousness and starts muttering about doing a murder for the Queen. So I guess he's been hypnotized by Queen Bee, current ruler of Bialya. I'm not sure how "hypnotizing a person over the phone" is a power a bee-themed villain would have. A bee has never convinced me to do anything except run around screaming.
This is Beetle's head and shoulder but, for a second, my penis thought it was The Huntress's butt.
Batman knocks out Blue Beetle (but softly so that he doesn't become a completely different person for thirteen issues) while Huntress pulls a Batman on Batman and disappears. Everybody winds up back at the Embassy (rather than the hospital where Batman might have to explain some things and Beetle might get in trouble with the law) to discover that Oberon is in the hospital and Fire has been calmed down. What happened to her, people who read this comic book back in 1989 were probably wondering like crazy. Although Guy Gardner paints a pretty sexy picture of what happened to her.
Oh yeah! Fire and Ice and a dump!
I wonder if I can commission Frank Cho to draw the image that's burned into my brain right now? Probably!
The letters this month were from Steven Robinson of Chicago, Illinois; Jim Kelly of Freeport, New York; Derek VanDeweighe of Ontonagon, Michigan; Robert Knuist of Mountain View, California; Eugene Hoyle of Middletown, New York; Jeffrey B. Sparkman of Tracy, California; Jody Hamby of Robbins, Tennessee; and Binky. Robert almost acknowledges Bob Lappan the Letterer when he lists everybody by name until he gets to Bob and just fizzles out with "the rest of the crew." Which, Robert, took longer to type than "Lappan" (as he was using only last names). What a jerk.
Justice League America #26 Rating: B-. Batman didn't recognize The Huntress so I suspect this was her first post-Crisis appearance (other than maybe her self-titled series). Is she going to become a member of the team?! Well, I mean, why else bring her into it? Oh yeah! To sell issues of her own series! Man, now I feel manipulated! I'm dropping the rating on this comic book! Or did I? You'll never know if I was too lazy to actually change the rating! I hope to see more of The Huntress, if only to get better shots of her butt and clear my head of the Beetle's head and shoulders "butt" that kind of turns me on every time I picture it.
The letters this month were from Steven Robinson of Chicago, Illinois; Jim Kelly of Freeport, New York; Derek VanDeweighe of Ontonagon, Michigan; Robert Knuist of Mountain View, California; Eugene Hoyle of Middletown, New York; Jeffrey B. Sparkman of Tracy, California; Jody Hamby of Robbins, Tennessee; and Binky. Robert almost acknowledges Bob Lappan the Letterer when he lists everybody by name until he gets to Bob and just fizzles out with "the rest of the crew." Which, Robert, took longer to type than "Lappan" (as he was using only last names). What a jerk.
Justice League America #26 Rating: B-. Batman didn't recognize The Huntress so I suspect this was her first post-Crisis appearance (other than maybe her self-titled series). Is she going to become a member of the team?! Well, I mean, why else bring her into it? Oh yeah! To sell issues of her own series! Man, now I feel manipulated! I'm dropping the rating on this comic book! Or did I? You'll never know if I was too lazy to actually change the rating! I hope to see more of The Huntress, if only to get better shots of her butt and clear my head of the Beetle's head and shoulders "butt" that kind of turns me on every time I picture it.
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