Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Futures End: Supergirl #1

Five years ago, the world as we know it ceased to be. Luckily, the world as we know it from The Road Warrior came into being. Many people were prepared for this turn of events. Too bad those people were geeks and nerds without any real survival skills. Tragically, they were all rape-murdered by corporate CEOs who, it turned out, were the biggest sociopaths on the planet. Some nerds and geeks survived longer than others due to their proficiency at oral sex. But even these desperate, shameless nerds could not last for long. Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea gave and gave and gave but eventually, as he knew deep down would happen, he used a little too much teeth. He was thrown into Lightning Dome, a more terrifying version of Thunder Dome, where twenty combatants entered and nineteen left. Mostly because the nineteen were working together to fightfuck the lone other. Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea lasted thirteen minutes, a good showing but not good enough to be remembered for more than the long weekend.

As it turned out, some of the most depraved and richest CEOs were the biggest fans of Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea. When the updates stopped (for, you see, DC Comics continued to publish during these post-apocalyptic times although their market share was now worse than Dynamite. In their defense, Gail Simone was being forced to write all of the titles deep within Dynamite headquarters, and all of the titles featured naked lesbians as every character), the CEOs grew desperate for the only written entertainment they could stomach. A new Tess was needed. And who better to take over the job than the monster that delivered the death thrust to Tess, Goggles McDeathhurt.

And now, five years later, Goggles McDeathhurt and Xanadux Rat Wine (Mit Jellied Pinkies) Present: HOLY FUCK! Don't Put That There Chai Tea! But other radio broadcasts continue to pierce the dust. One of these is "Deep Thought," The Deep Stacks continuous cataloging of any text they can find. The broadcasts are archived in block of various length, depending on how much each Archivist is willing to read before ending his or her block to let the next Archivist on air.

Welcome to Deep Thought, Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Three. I am Archivist Wharton. For reference purposes, my last Block was Eleven Thousand, Three Hundred, Seventy-Eight. Text read and commented on within that block was Polaroids from the Dead (partial) by Douglas Coupland. The entire text spanned Blocks Eleven Thousand, Three Hundred, Sixty-Five to Eleven Thousand, Three Hundred, Eighty-Two.

Today is the Fourteenth of Queequeg. The time is Five Sixteen PM. The first text is DC Comics' "Futures End: Supergirl #1" by writer Tony Bedard, penciller Emanuela Lupacchino, inker Ray McCarthy, colorist Hi-Fi, letterer Rob Leigh, editor Ricky Purdin, and group editor Eddie Berganza. The three dimensional cover with two images, each seen only at specific angles (one image of a human Supergirl, the other image of a cyborg Supergirl with a cyborg Superman) was done by Giuseppe Camuncoli, Cam Smith, and Dan Brown. The story is called "The Perfect is the Enemy of the Good" (cross reference Voltaire's La B├ęgueule, Block Five Hundred, Thirteen).

The story takes place five years after the previous issue of Supergirl (cross reference Supergirl #34, Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Two). Supergirl has become part machine and now calls herself Herald Two. She has teamed up with Cyborg Superman who she refers to as Herald One. They have returned to Earth seeking a neo sapien which they can use to recreate a Kryptonian. Cyborg Superman explains that he was almost destroyed the last time he was on Earth (cross reference Doomed #2, Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Two).

Supergirl has never felt she fit in on Earth, having known only heartache, sorrow, and rejection. Presumably Cyborg Superman has provided her with love and friendship, or at least the robot equivalent of them. If only Supergirl had known previously that Cyborg Superman was her father, Zor-el, perhaps she would have fought to save him from the grip of Brainiac rather than giving in to Brainiac's control herself. Although love is all Supergirl has desperately been seeking after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her father just before Krypton exploded, so learning that Cyborg Superman was her father could also have sent her into a childish tantrum but backed with her incredible strength and new powers gifted from the yellow sun.

Supergirl's search for a neo sapien leads her to Captain Comet (cross reference DC Comics Presents #22 and DC Comics Presents #91, Block Five Thousand, Eight Hundred, Nine).

Sad, lost, unloved Kara Zor-el seems to have found people who loved her in The Wanderers (cross reference Adventure Comics #375 for the first appearance of their first incarnation, Block One Thousand, Six).

Kara remembers her love for Captain Comet, for Adam. Love. What is it, really? How did it manifest within Supergirl's heart, within her mind? Was she truly in love with the man that was Captain Comet, or was she in love with feeling love and acceptance for the first time while on Earth? And what did this Adam find appealing in Supergirl? Was she the manifestation of the one woman Adam had ever met that could compare with his advanced evolutionary being? Was she simply a mirror of his own self, constantly feeding Adam's ego which he mistook for intimacy and caring companionship? Why has Adam searched so long for Supergirl after she was removed from his life? My guess is that their love remained unrequited, and it was this driving, thirsting need for that which he lost before he could ever have it that propelled him forward. That is my guess because what it hardly ever actually is, is love.

Who is the most likely to keep a woman from love, to make sure a woman keeps to her class, and her people? Who is the one that drastically tries to shape a girl to be what he, and the society he is true to, needs her to be? The answer is right in front of you, Kara. Who else could he be but your father?

Kara continues to ask the question, "Who are you?" If he finally relents and tells her, after all the troubles he took on to keep the secret safe, he will be making his final mistake. At this point, the last person she wants to still have any say about her life is the man that did not allow her to choose her final fate when her home was dying. He was the one that drove his child away. And once gone, the child he dreamed of, the one he hoped would make a big splash in society, the one that would sweep all the young, wealthy, important men off of their feet...that child was, is, lost to him, to herself, to everyone. All he will be met with is years of rage at the man who took everything from her even though he was merely trying to give her everything.

Cyborg Superman never reveals the truth although it would seem Supergirl can guess and is simply denying it from herself. Captain Comet's Wanderers arrive to defeat Cyborg Superman and drive him away. It is then that Supergirl finds what she believes she has been searching for.

She is correct that love is fleeting and fragile and may exist only in this one perfect moment. For love truly only exists when it is longed for, and desired, and kept hidden away. What ifs hold more promise and intrigue than what is.

That brings to an end the text of "Futures End: Supergirl #1." Next I have Chick Tract #13, "Caught," by Jack Chick (cross reference The Next Step for Growing Christians, Block Three Thousand, Three Hundred, Fifty-Four).

The story begins with a man and a hesitant, virginal woman rendezvousing at a seedy motel. The room in which they intend to fornicate is full of strange creatures, a large angel, and a possibly rabid dog.

The angel videotapes the sexual liaison while a small creature with spotted skin joins in. Later the three go out to dinner where they're greeted by a dimwitted man that cannot perceive what is right in front of him and cannot keep his big mouth shut.

The woman, Jessica, decides she needs to be forgiven for having sexual relations with a liar, so she calls Roger's wife to let her know that she had her husband's dick inside of her and to please tell her that she's okay with it.

Roger reacts appropriately to his wife's Dear John letter where she calls him a shameful snake with AIDS. The little spotted guy hopes he has a son forthcoming.

Roger begins to feel guilty so he calls his cousin who hates him. His cousin pretends to be busy and sends him to the most obnoxious, self-righteous member of his church.

Bob commits the sin of pride all over the place when he speaks for God by telling Roger how God feels about what Roger did.

Roger points out that everybody at church is committing adultery, so he thought they were going to have a good gossip but Bob ruined it by becoming preachy. But Bob decides preachy is Roger's best bet at God's forgiveness and begins to tell Roger all about King David.

When David was young, he was already showing disturbing, sociopathic behaviors like killing animals. But eventually, the Israelites would need a psychopath when they were confronted by a giant man that was tired of being called a monster.

Goliath makes a terrible, terrible wager not realizing that the true monster is a boy in the front row of the gathering throng.

David continues to show signs that he is a bloodthirsty psychopath.

David becomes king and sees his first naked woman. He thinks sex might be better with his horned, spotted friend if they included this woman in the act.

King David remembers to invite the angel to his orgy. Too bad God had not yet invented video cameras.

God, who is responsible for all births, apparently uses children to punish sinners.

King David shows Uriah what to do with his finger while he makes love to his wife. Uriah forgets to ask how King David knows that his wife likes that finger thing.

As long as Kind David was in, and in for good, he might as well go the whole hog (cross reference The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Block Eight Thousand, Nine Hundred, Seventy-Four).

An obnoxious, self-righteous ass of Kind David's time stops by to tell him a thinly veiled analogy.

Bob indirectly tells Roger that he can solve his problems with murder followed by repentance.

Bob points out that Jesus died for Roger's sins, so if Roger believes it, Roger will be okay. But apparently there is another way to repent without believing in Jesus since Kind David came before Jesus and he still managed it somehow.

Roger makes a good point about how awfully self-righteous and obnoxious every conversation in heaven is going to turn out.

Robert eventually dies just like everybody will eventually die. Take that, you sinner.

That ends Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Three of Deep Thought. Please stay tuned for Archivist Packard's Choose Your Own Adventure Hour.

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