They want you to think Catwoman is in this casket. But I bet Stargirl is!
I wonder when the White Rabbit will return? She was such an important part of that first Dark Knight story! Not as important, of course, as Deathstroke loaded up on Venom dropping out of the sky and onto the Batplane to punch Batman in the face for a bit before disappearing from the comic book forever. Jeez, that story was awful.
These humans need to stop being so disrespectful to B'dg. I can't wait until the humans meet a race of aliens whose shit looks exactly like homo-sapiens so that the aliens will keep referring to them as feces.
I just stole that last paragraph from my Catwoman #21 commentary and changed it slightly. Exactly how I did reports in Junior High and exactly how Scott Lobdell plagiarizes his own scripts!
Over in the most opposite place in the world than ARGUS Headquarters, people are riding Space Mountain. But that has nothing to do with what's going on in THE MANOR which is the super secret headquarters of the super secret society of super secret super villains. Their pale purple leader wants Signalman and Copperhead to prepare Catwoman's corpse for delivery to Batman's Batcave. But Signalman is getting cold feet and, being Signalman, he knows that's a signal for being afraid to continue on the current path he's on. To be fair, most people get cold feet when they think of playing a prank on Batman and this prank is pretty messed up. But Copperhead tells him to HISSSS HISSSS HISSS HISSS. But before they can do as Copperhead suggests, Catwoman's blood begins roiling back into her head and her eyes glow red and she says, "I have heard enough."
What the hell? Is Catwoman really Metamorpho?!
Oh no. It's the shapechanger without a sense of humor.
You know, I never promised I'd always make tasteful jokes! Besides, that joke passes muster because the butt of the joke are people who wouldn't have a problem sexualizing a woman being shot in the head but would completely freak out when they found out that the woman wasn't born with female genitalia! It's okay to make those people the butt of a joke on Tumblr, right? Can't we point out the stupidity of even that 0.00004% of the population? Or was I engaging in Fetish Shaming? Maybe I should just keep reading the story instead of pointing out that I'd fuck J'onn J'onzz no matter what shape he was currently in. Mostly because he'd have Oreos. I'll do anything for Oreos.
When and how Martian Manhunter and Catwoman made the switcheroo will be described in this month's back-up story, so don't think I'm just passing up the explanation for it.
And before I continue with the Justice League of America's assault on THE MANOR, I have to wonder why The Secret Society of Super Villains wants to destroy the Justice League? I guess they figure if the Justice League is out of the way, they'll be able to bully the world into doing whatever they want to do. But don't they realize that the Justice League is only composed of nine of Earth's heroes (maybe more or less if my calculator is broken)? They'd still have all the others to contend with? The Pale Purple Man believes that they'll get dozens of recruits based on their destruction of the Justice League, so maybe that's how they figure they'll deal with the other heroes. It just seems kind of stupid. Signalman was right to be worried about "kicking the hornet's nest." If I were a Super Villain, I'd just try to find a nice out of the way city in Canada and rob a bank or two and then go into hiding. I may have even already done that.
Is this The Joker's Daughter mentioned in that stupid Channel 52 that I really shouldn't be reading because it's full of spoilers? Also, I probably shouldn't put any of my thoughts or speculations into the form of a question because invariably some reader thinks I really want to know the answer before I learn the answer by reading the fucking comic book the way you're meant to learn the fucking Goddamn fucking answer. There's a reason I don't read solicits or Comic Book News Blogs or even follow any Tumblr Blogs that are heavily about comic books. Here's a good hint to posting in Disqus: If you want to speculate on things based on the comics that are out, please! Go ahead! If you want to tell me who the character is at the end of Batman Loves Superman #1 because you saw it on DC's website or read it in a solicit, hold your tongue. You're not allowed to speculate once you know through other means.
Oh yeah, back to that panel up there! Who's moving THE MANOR? I have no idea. The best I can come up with, and believe me, it isn't any good, is Bolt! Because he teleports! I'm sure it's a magical guy though. Like Doctor Magic. Or Mister Spells. Or Madame Zeroni.
The Shaggy Man is still having trouble with Hawkman but you know Hawkman is about to lose when he asks the stupidest question that is always asked by the current loser of a fight.
"That's the worst you can dish out?"
Is it arrogance that makes them ask that? Because the answer is almost always, "Nope. Got some more here for you." In this case, The Shaggy Man gets some back-up from Ivo's Aquaman, Flash, Cyborg, and Green Lantern robots. But then Stargirl finally shows her soon-to-be-dead face and disables the robots with one swing of her Cosmic Staff. Although for some reason, Hawkman doesn't ask her to disable The Shaggy Man as well. He wants to just keep fighting it, I guess.
The New 52 Shaggy Man must not be as powerful as the Preboot Shaggy Man.
Fighting in the other room, Catwoman knocks the hat off of the Pale Purple Leader and he's developed male pattern baldness, so it might not be The Joker's Daughter. But he uses an electric joy buzzer to shock the hell out of Catwoman so maybe it is because that's kind of a joke! Although it might also be The Puzzler because his name is a secret and my Who's Who lists The Puzzler's alias as Unknown! J'onn tries to read him as Green Arrow finds out how THE MANOR shifts locales and Stargirl tries to bring down The Shaggy Man. See it all for yourself!
It's a White Martian! Or someone from another Earth, maybe.
Also, as THE MANOR phases away, The Pale Purple Leader says, "It was good to see you again, J'onn." So yeah. He's maybe a White Martian or he has ties to Stormwatch which I doubt because Stormwatch is all Magentafied right now.
The JLA rescue Chronos who was apparently an agent of ARGUS trying to locate Booster Gold. And they capture Professor Ivo. But Amanda Waller still wants to disband the team. I bet she wants her team filled with heroes whose comic books sell well!
Oh yeah! I forgot Puzzler was an ARGUS Agent! Whoops!
The issue ends with nobody dying. But Doctor Light is all, "Help me! Oh my God! What happened to my penis?!"
The back-up issue is about Martian Manhunter heading to Earth to get revenge on the creature that killed the Martians with his infected thoughts. It's name is Thoth. Martian Manhunter kills it and it's spirit wanders off to find another body to infect. I guess it found a Pale Purple Man who is obsessed with proving himself to The Joker.
Justice League of America #5 Rating: No change. The cover shows a coffin and nobody dies. Was it supposed to be symbolic of the death of the Justice League of America which Amanda pretended to want to end? Or is it foreshadowing Stargirl's death in Trinity of Sin: Pandora #1? I don't even think Stargirl is going to die! I think it's going to be Steve Trevor.