Aquaman #20

For the 2% of readers that thought this book had too much Aquaman, here's an issue about The Others!

Last issue, Aquaman had to deal with a submarine that had found its way stranded on the shoreline.

The Scavenger is just looking for Twinkies?

Okay, so that might actually be an image from a 1979 advert for Hostess Twinkies. But as you can see, Geoff Johns ripped off the plot for Aquaman #19 from this advertisement! Leave it to Geoff Johns to make a Hostess Twinkies advert into actual continuity. I wonder if he ever made the Fruit Pie loving Triklops into a character in his ten year Green Lantern run?

The first thing I notice is that this issue is called Skinwalker. I just recently made some comments in All-Star Western #19 about how I thought The Lone Ranger was actually about a cowboy and a Native American hunting Skinwalkers every episode which is why he needed a silver bullet. The next thing I notice is that this issue wasn't written by Geoff Johns nor drawn by Paul Pelletier and Sean Parsons. Which means I have to change my tags! DC, you guys are jerks! I am so inconvenienced right now! Instead it was written by John Ostrander! Yay! It's drawn by Manuel Garcia! I have no opinion of this because I'm horrible at remembering what many artists have done so far in The New 52. It's inked by Sandra Hope (did she already drop the "Archer"?), Rob Hunter, Ray McCarthy, and Wayne Faucher. That's a lot of ink! I don't normally list the creative team in the commentary but that's because it's usually correct on the cover which I scan! Stupid DC! Stop being stupid or I'll threaten to stop buying your comic books while never actually intending to stop buying them.

After the Skinwalker confronts some nobody under a moon that can't decide how big to be and a field of fireflies (they aren't stars because they keep changing positions!), the scene moves to The Living Room. That's the name of The Operative's plane and headquarters. I guess it remains in the air flying around the world pissing off governments as it ignores air space boundaries and messages from air traffic controllers.

These vigilantes are all the same! The laws don't apply to their shit that doesn't stink, bitches! Hasn't she heard of the Amber Alert system? "Be on the lookout for a full grown man last seen in flying living room with super hero wearing an "I" on his forehead."

Even though the Living Room is constantly changing positions while flying quickly across the sky, Ya'wara manages to teleport herself and Aquaman and Prisoner of War aboard. So she's better at doing calculations than Cyborg who refused to teleport everybody onto the falling Watchtower? That's what's wrong with computers! They can only do what you tell them to do and have no initiative of their own. I should blame Batman for not giving Cyborg the proper instructions.

This is the part where I scan in a picture of Ya'wara because she's nearly naked. People who are offended by awesome boobs and/or the fact that all the men are fully clothed should look away now.

Anybody want to try guessing whose gaze comics are drawn for?

Aquaman is merely making an appearance to give The Others their mission. They must head to the Arizona desert and retrieve an Atlantean Glove that can punch through "steel, stone, or flesh." That's some technology if it can punch through flesh! Someone call the technology police! "Hello, Technology Police? There's a weapon out there that can pierce human flesh! It's been...what? No, no. I'm not talking about toothpicks. See, it's this glove from...hunh? No, not tacks. Not nails. Or knives. Listen to me! It's this super high technology fist that can...stop laughing at me! I'm serious! You need to hunt it...oh, go fuck yourselves!"

That's pretty much how all of my telephone conversations end anyway. That's why I don't have a cell phone. I'm trying to hold on to the few friends I have left by not talking to them.

Back in Arizona, a girl named Sky lives on the Fort Apache Reservation with her brother the cop and her grandmother the medicine woman. Sky can communicate with the dead who tell her of future things and possibilities. She uses her latest bit of information to meet with The Others when they make an emergency landing in the desert. She boards the plane before any of them can get off and immediately tries to take Kahina's Seal of Clarity. She claims it is her gift and since Kahina was a seer, it looks like Sky is supposed to take her place. Sky also mentions that the new owner of Vostok X's helmet has not come forward yet because he's not ready and still underground. And then Sky is nearly eaten by Ya'wara's jaguars.

Well, according to Ya'wara, they aren't HER jaguars, per se. They're just some wild animals that are hanging out with her for some reason.

"Yeah, Sky. This is Kahina. Tell Ya'wara that I would have totally fucked her if I weren't Islamic and married. And could you also show her how to put on a shirt?"

Sky also tells them that she knows who has the Power Glove and why he has it and how to stop him. So they head off to deal with that and then do that! Yay! Success!

Since I summed up the final fight of the comic book so succinctly (and I think Succinctness is the cleanliness of wit or something), here's one more picture of Ya'Wara's boobs before I rate this comic book.

I bet instead of nipples, Ya'wara has little jaguar mouths on her breasts.

Aquaman #20 Rating: No change. This comic book had some well developed characters (pun!) but none of them were Aquaman. So I can't really rate it as an Aquaman comic book! Maybe next month I'll have more opportunities to make fun of Aquaman.