Monday, February 27, 2012

Red Lanterns #4

Living on the planet Ysmault is a bit like living in the Big Brother house. When you think you're in control, that's when you become the most paranoid.

Except instead of a pool, you have a blood ocean. And instead of a hammock, you've got the corpse of the Mad Guardian Krona. And instead of voting each other out of the house, you just tear each others' throats out. Okay, in that regard, it's almost identical to the Big Brother house.

Atrocitus can't get any sensible answers out of Skallox (Get it? He looks like an Ox's Skull so his name is Skallox!), so he bites him in the neck. He can read his mind by eating his blood.

I guess that makes Red Lanterns Phlebotovoyant?

The message he receives is unclear since Skallox has one of those febrile minds. But the messages he receives can be interpreted ambiguously, of course. Is Bleez plotting against him? Or is she just trying to explain the whole vengeance mission to the Red Lantern Moron Corps?

Because of Atrocitus's paranoia, he throws three more Red Lanterns into the Blood Ocean! Pretty soon his whole Corps is going to be coherent! This whole thing reminds me of that episode of The Twilight Zone where Peter Falk plays a South American rebel leader who ends up killing all of his closest allies and then himself due to his paranoid thoughts. Oh, and a magic mirror! But Atrocitus doesn't have a mirror. He's only got the Blood Ocean.

The Blood Ocean might give these other three Corps members their intelligence back. Or, Bleez warns, it could drive them permanently mad. I'm not sure what the difference will be if they're crazy or bloodlusty. Seems about the same.

One of the Red Lanterns thrown into the pool is a big internet nerd named Ratchet.

What is a philosophical crime? I think about murder, therefore I'm a murderer? Didn't Jesus say that?

He lives his whole life secluded from others on some kind of alien internet. He's had sex two times and one of those times was with a camp counselor on Stavromula Beta. You wouldn't know her. Actually, I'm pretty sure both times were by DNA Modem. He's finally decided he wants to leave his cellarpod and meet some new people. So he puts on his space pants and heads out the door. Which is illegal on his homeworld.

Ratchet and his new buddies are interrupted in the middle of their meet-up.

Next time I'm at a party, I'm going to yell, "Quick! Put your casings back on! It's the isolation police!"

Atrocitus continues to be mired in paranoia while the three Red Lanterns remember their pasts at the bottom of the Blood Ocean. Atrocitus decides to clear his head with a little vengeance and flies off to destroy a cult that blinds their society's females when they reach puberty. He then flies off to Earth to kill a governor and a wife beater. When he returns to Ysmault, he finds his Dead Sidekick missing!

People are already coming back from the dead in the Rebooted DCU?! Come on!

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