Monday, February 27, 2012

Birds of Prey #1


Why do the Birds of Prey call themselves the Birds of Prey? Are they using the British slang for Birds? So they're chicks who prey on evildoers? You know, since Black Canary is the only actual bird in the group. Unless that girl with guns has a bird name.

I hope this comic book is good because it has Katana in it. I hope Katana's sword still has the soul of her husband still trapped inside it and whoever is writing the comic doesn't forget that that's an important part of who she is partway through the series and we never hear about her husband again ever.

The title of the comic is 'Let us Prey'. Ugh. Now I know the feeling anyone reading this would have had if I'd made a pray/prey pun! Thanks goodness I had the self-control to not say how much I really want a Birds of Pray comic book. With a bunch of hot nuns in corsets running around Gotham whenever there is danger! The Gotham PD Chaplain would put a big Cross spotlight into the sky when they're needed and they'd hustle out in their skimpy habits to the scene of the crime and kneel down and pray! And sometimes the crime will be stopped by Batman and they'll praise God that their praying worked and sometimes the crime won't be stopped by anyone and they'll praise God because he works in mysterious ways!

Someone draw that comic immediately! The hot blonde leader could be named Holy Water. And the sexy redhead could be called Vestibule. And the Asian sex kitten can be called Confession. And the hot-tempered brunette will be Hallelujah!

But that comic is too big an idea for DC's New 52! So instead, Birds of Prey begins in a church with a journalist named Mr. Keen who is on the tail of some hot girl covert ops team. That sounds sexy! Actually, he's not on their tail at all. He's about to give up due to lack of evidence. Fuck! When was the last time that stopped a journalist? They're so desperate to not have their hard copy paper newspapers go under, they'll take any story that will sell a few issues. And I think hot chicks doing crime will sell!

As Mr. Keen is praying (or quitting), a car crashes through the wall and the Bird of Prey I don't recognize steps out! I'm guessing she's from the Wildstorm universe because she has guns.



Whenever I hear the words, 'Let us pray,' all I hear is 'Let us Bray' from The Boomer Bible.

I don't think I've mentioned this yet and I'm about halfway caught up to the new issues of 52 coming out. The narration boxes I've mentioned that are used in such a strange way at times are color coded and have a symbol in the first one so that you know which hero is speaking. Most of them have a symbol that the speaker is identified with: a bat, the Green Lantern ring, a lightning bolt, an S. So, guess what symbol Black Canary gets? Yep! Fishnets! I bet when they get to Power Girl, it'll be boobs.

The journalist is about to be killed by a whole bunch of invisible sniper assassins who apparently can't do their job quickly enough. Losers! Also, I just learned that the new girl's name is Starling. Like Jodie Foster!

The comic then takes the typical 'Two Weeks Ago' approach to get the story in. Most comic book writers have heard that you start in the middle of the story but they really don't know how to execute it. So they begin with one or two pages showing some action and then immediately revert to the beginning of the story and start the tale from there.



Barbara Gordon must bring a boob spotlight with her wherever she goes. Gotta highlight those princesses!

Black Canary is organizing a covert team of superwomen to fight criminals in Gotham. So the covert team isn't even formed yet and Mr. Keen is already staking out Dinah Lance for his story about a covert team of hotties. He has some secret source that led him to begin following Dinah Lance. But since Black Canary is currently only teamed up with Starling, it seems the source knows as much about Canary's plans as Canary does.

Black Canary meets up with Batgirl/Oracle/Babs for some information on possible members for the crew since she only has Starling. Batgirl suggests Katana (yay!) who fits right in with the Birds of Prey theme. Oh, the theme seems to be hot girls who are wanted by the law but are actually heroes working for good. That's a pretty decent theme for a Super Group!

With some kicking and shooting and screaming (the ear drum rupturing kind), the Birds of Prey escape with the journalist. They take Mr. Keen to the airport to get him out of Gotham. But instead of leaving safely, he answers his phone, bleeds from his eyes, and blows up.



Whoops!

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