Batman #6

Best Batman cover so far.

Last issue left Batman lost, drugged, and stabbed beneath the streets of Gotham. The Talon has finally made himself known after Batman has spent days wandering the labyrinth drinking drugged water.

I don't remember if I noticed the pictures showed the people aging as they remained trapped in the labyrinth and continually wandered down there for years.

Batman spends the majority of this issue being beaten by the Talon. Then Batman spends the minority of the issue beating the shit out of the Talon. Then the Batman uses the old "slip the potassium chlorate out of the camera that has been taking his picture again and again, ignite it over the soft white marble at the base of the owl fountain, and slip through the hole created into the river below" plan. After Batman slips away and is dragged off in the river (hopefully to be rescued by Alfred next issue!), the Court of Owls come out of hiding and deal with their failed Talon.

The woman in the wheelchair kicks the Talon into the river with Batman.

Throwing one Talon out doesn't matter when you've got a whole mausoleum full of them!

I guess the open casket was where the Talon that was just discarded came from. Lincoln March seems to be off the hook. Especially after the spoiler from Nightwing #7 that the Talon that Batman just defeated was Nightwing's great grandfather kept alive by some mysterious means.

Batman Issue #6 Rating: No change. It wouldn't have garnered a +1 even if there were room to move up the rankings. This issue was mostly just Batman and the Talon beating the shit out of each other. Slight revelations and Batman's escape were all that happened here. I hope the next issue has more meat.

Nightwing #7

I highly doubt it.

The spectators at the circus are fleeing the fire from the explosion caused by Saiko. The fire is chemical based and the sprinklers are only making it worse. The doors are locked. Everybody is going to die unless Dick Grayson can come up with a plan.

Maybe his plan was to convince Raya that he really loves all of his circus freak friends! That way, she'll go against Saiko and help everyone escape. Too bad Batman is still trapped in the underground owl labyrinth. And Batwoman is currently bouncing across time and fighting Falchion. And Batgirl is busy with Gretel and Batman. Wait, Batman is busy saving Robin from Nobody! Unless he's busy fighting Scarecrow! Or in Penguin's casino. Or helping Batwing stop Massacre. Or lying to Justice League International and telling them they're capable of doing a good job.

Batman sure is busy! No wonder he doesn't have time to help Nightwing!

Oh oh! Here it comes! Confession and Motive Time!

It sounds like Old Man Haly was an asshole. And climbing Barbed Wire naked can make you into a super villain? I bet he could have defeated Nightwing if Haly had made him climb Razor Wire!

Saiko brags that the fire is a magnesium fire. And of course Batman taught young Robin the best way to put out a magnesium fire was to smother it in sand. And Robin learned early on that most of Gotham was built on Catacombs built in layers of sand. So now Nightwing figures that dropping the gigantic Gotham Convention Center Scoreboard will send it crashing right through the floor, taking the fire with it and smothering the fire at ground level as a cloud of sand blows up from the blast!
That's a good plan as long as Batman isn't currently trapped just underneath the Gotham City Circus Convention Center! Or is the Convention Center sponsored by Waynetech? So it's probably Waynetech Arena.

Hopefully the sand blasting everywhere doesn't smother all the people trapped inside the Arena as well. I'm sure they'll all survive. Or anybody that dies isn't important to the DC universe anyway. It's just I don't like to see a story arc where lots of innocent people die but it's okay in the end because the hero survived and he was able to save the people that matter. I've probably read too much Kurt Vonnegut to not care about what happens to everyone in a story. I can't just blind myself to the main characters.

Anyway, Nightwing and Saiko fall to the ground with Nightwing about to fall into the hole caused by the scoreboard and Saiko ready to push him in.

See this, Nathan Edmondson? Kyle Higgins is taking into account cause and effect within the story. The whole sand catacombs scoreboard thing might be a bit over the top and ludicrous but at least he deals with the repercussions of Nightwing's act.

 

Haly's son, the one that felt betrayed that Dick Grayson inherited the circus realizes that Raya and Raymond have lied to him. He did know that they were going to kill Dick but he didn't realize they were going to go this far and kill everyone at the show! Raya may not have known it would be this bad either. But Dick has already gotten to her and she's probably about to open the doors and save everyone from strangling on sand and lack of oxygen.

Raymond must be really messed up to think Raya would follow him this far.

The fight ends with Raymond choosing to plummet to his death into the catacombs (or at least plummet to his disappearance and reemergence 15 issues later) (the police actually find Raymond's body in the catacombs. So maybe he really will stay dead. Maybe). The reason Raymond blamed Dick for the whole mess was because Dick's name was in the book. Dick was meant to be the successor. Which meant Dick was the one they really wanted to torture and train. But Dick left when his parents died and so Haly came for Raymond instead.

But Raymond wasn't good enough and was left in a forest to die. That's why Raymond became Saiko instead of the Court of Owl's next Talon. Yep. That's the secret of the book of names Dick found. It's also a huge Spoiler about Batman #6 and #7 which I haven't read yet!

I guess I'd better read Batman #6 and #7 before Nightwing #8 which is a Prelude to The Night of Owls!

Nightwing Issue #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. Consistently good. The end.

Nightwing #6

They should have Ultimate Fighting matches where one trained fighter goes up against 20 untrained people.

Nightwing and the circus continue to cross the United States. They're currently in Austin, Texas, and Nightwing is out beating the crap out of hired killers trying to track down someone who knows something about Saiko. He eventually crosses the path of a man that has an old, dead phone number. This man also tells Dick that Saiko hasn't been around for awhile because he's on "personal business." The phone number and the message give Dick a little more trail to follow.

Raya (the redhead and Dick's first love) and Raymond (Saiko) have convinced Bryan Haly, the old Circus Owner's son, to put on a tribute show. That's all they've said about the show but I imagine it'll be a tribute show to Dick's parents and the others who died in the circus "accident" so many years ago. I'm making this assumption because that show is where Raymond wants to kill Dick. Raymond somehow thinks Dick is somehow at fault. And Bryan Haly just wants his circus back from Dick, so he'll do anything toward that end. I don't think Haly knows Dick is going to be murdered but I believe he knows something is up about the tribute show that will help him get his circus back.

A lot of that was speculation and I should probably turn the page and get some answers.

He wouldn't be Batman's student if this didn't set off a bunch of alarms and red flags!

The first thing Dick asks Raya is, "How many people know about this?" He can see the set-up on the wall and his detective brain kicks in to start putting together suspects. Of course everybody in the circus knows about it. But at least Dick knows when the attempt is going to be made on his life. And just like Batman, he'll go stumbling right up to the edge of the cliff to catch the bad guy. My guess is he'll go on with the performance and take a bullet just to catch this Saiko. Maybe he'll get Batgirl or Batman to help him out since he'll be out of costume and up on a trapeze.

Apparently I was wrong! Dick tries to shut the show right the fuck down!

Dick tries to stop the show but nobody agrees. The show will go on in Gotham. Speaking of Gotham, a one page scene a bit later shows some Gotham City Po-po investigating the murder of two gang bangers. They find a baton with Nightwing's little red bat symbol on it at the scene. Oh noes!

On the night of the show, Alfred shows up with some words of encouragement for Dick. A lot of words! I'll just scan them in and you can read them if you've got good eyesight.

Alfred is my favorite character in DC. After Ambush Bug. Unless Alfred is Ambush Bug and Ambush Bug is just pretending to be someone named Irwin Schwab.

Before the performance, Dick is shoved out to center ring by his friends and coworkers to give a speech. As he's thanking everyone, the motion sensors he set up in the rafters detect movement. Saiko is in position and watching from above. Dick changes into Nightwing and swings up into the tent to confront Saiko. Although before he goes, Raya seems to realize that Dick really does care for everyone in the circus and considers them all his family. Even though he couldn't stay around after his parents were killed. Who could?

And then lots of explosions happen down on the floor of the circus while Nighwing hangs above it all.

I don't know what Raymond is talking about. I have no idea what happened to him after the tragedy or why he's blaming Dick. I'm pretty sure he's jealous of Raya's feelings for Dick. And maybe he believes that if Dick had been around, whatever happened to him wouldn't have happened. Maybe it will all be explained next issue.

Nightwing Issue #6 Rating: +1 Ranking. I considered not moving it at all but this comic is just a steady workhorse. It's just grinding out a good story and it reminds me of reading comics in the late eighties and early nineties. Good stuff even with a character I normally don't care too much about. I really like him in this series though.

Wonder Woman #8

Wonder Woman's been playing Call of Duty too.

Wonder Woman begins this issue getting together her outfit for her trip to Hell.

Wonder Woman decides to go into Hell alone. I think that's the only way you're allowed to go through Hell. Before Hermes sends her on her way, Hephaestus gives her Cupid's Love Guns. That's not really much of a surprise if you'd read the cover. And you should have since it was a really easy read with practically no words on it!

Currenly, Hell looks like an abandoned London in the middle of a barren world underneath a blood red sky. I feel like I should write a refrain and a melody now. Wonder Woman wonders where all the people have gone as she wanders the empty streets.

They're the street that you're walking on! The buildings you're passing by! The air that you're breathing!

Turns out the dead are also the statues! They shed their stone skin so that they look like something out of the Body Worlds Exhibit by Gunther von Frankenstein. I had to look up that guy's name and it isn't actually Frankenstein. The Body Worlds exhibit was at OMSI in Portland recently and my father-in-common-law and his wife gave me tickets for Christmas. That's the last thing I want to go see. Going from exhibit to exhibit with each one screaming in my head: "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" One thing I do not find fascinating are the mysteries of the human body exposed for me to gawk out.

Hades and Wonder Woman have a philosophical chat about mortality as Wonder Woman hacks up the undead muscle statues.

Says the immortal guy with a death fetish. Life is also desperate and frantic and sweaty and painful and joyous and random.

I've never been convinced by the "Life is meaningful because it ends" argument. Why is life so full of long, boring stretches? Perhaps it's not short enough!

Diana and Hermes defeat the zombie ghouls and leave London proper for the surrounding countryside.

I just scanned this panel for my girlfriend who has a fear of moths.

Deep within the forest, they find a shadow version of Zola's farm. Zola greets them at the door with a shadow shotgun. It appears she's been in Hell just a little longer than the two or three days it took Diana and Hermes to arrive.

Hopefully gestating in Hell doesn't have any side-effects.

Once they've found Zola, they attempt to leave but are stopped by Hades. He wants Diana to make good on her promise. But Diana knows there is no way Hera is going to agree to be Queen to Hades' King. Hades also knows this but he demands a Queen. Or Cupid's pistols. He says he'll forgive Diana's lie if she hands over the pistols.

Oh, come on, Diana! He wants a Queen and he's willing to forget about it for pistols that make people fall in love! Can't you see you're being set up! Don't do it! Also, was Hephaestus in on this plan since it was his idea for Diana to take the guns?

I actually thought Diana was being naive when she handed over the pistols but it actually appears she was overconfident in her bullet deflecting bracelets!

How cute! It emits a little heart with the bullet!

Diana forces Hermes to take Zola away as she lies dying in love in Hell. As Hermes departs, Hades tells him to bring a message to the rest of the family: "Inform our family. There will be a wedding."

Wonder Woman Issue #8 Rating: No change. Wonder Woman, Action Comics, and Batman are far and away the top three comic books in the New 52. They might as well all be #1 while all of J.T. Krul, Tony Daniel, and Nathan Edmondson's comics can be #52!

Wonder Woman #7

Wonder Woman has currently pissed off Hera, Strife, and Hades. Hermes and some guy named Lennox have been helping her out. Poseidon's neutral as long as everyone stays out of his ocean, probably. And Apollo hasn't really revealed what he's up to yet. Let's see who Wonder Woman can piss off this issue while protecting Zola and Zeus's unborn baby (which is probably Zeus!).

It looks like Cupid fires Love Bullets now.

The story begins in Italy with a man chasing after a guy with two guns holstered under his arms. He's complaining that some guy won't stop following him and he wants the other man to do something about it. The other man is most likely Cupid, especially since he has the guns strapped to his chest. A little modern update.

Last issue didn't feel like the previous four issues. It didn't have the same tone or flow or give me the feeling I was reading something well put together. But just this first page of Wonder Woman #7 has me back in the story, completely. This page alone is a simple, well told love story in six panels. I'm sure it continues on the next page with Cupid angry and irate about being touched and having to listen to a mortal demand things of him. But turning this one page into a short story through two characters in the middle of a discussion is how you tell a story. Not Narration Boxes telling me, "I thought I wanted love. He was all I could think about. But then when that mysterious man made my dream come true, I realized I couldn't handle it. I didn't love this man. I loved the idea of loving this man! And love is like begging. Beggars can beg. But do beggars have love? What beggars want is change. And change is what I need right now!" Fuck you, Nathan Edmondson!

Cupid must have played a lot of Call of Duty to unlock the Gold Akimbo Pistols.

Wonder Woman and her group appear (see the top of her head in the bottom of that panel?). Hermes needs a favor from Cupid. I bet it's a matter of love! And for once, a couple of relatives are happy to see each other. I was beginning to think none of them could play well together.

I think the title translates to "Gang Bang."

The favour Hermes asks of Cupid is a meeting with Hephaestus. Wonder Woman's team is looking for weapons to use as either bargaining chips to use against Hades or as, um, you know, weapons to use against Hades. Wonder Woman brags to Hephaestus about her lasso but he's less than impressed. He's unpressed.

Now all she needs is a Chakram!

Wonder Woman doesn't accept the whip. She later proves to Hephaestus that her lasso is all the weapon she needs when Hell sends a magma beast out of the forge to show his displeasure with Hephaestus for giving Wonder Woman and her company weapons to use against him. During the battle with this creature, a number of Hephaestus' men are killed. Wonder Woman thought they were automatons but Hephaestus tells her who they really are.

I hope Wonder Woman is getting college credit for all the learning she's doing.

Hephaestus follows up this revelation with a story about how the Amazons go about getting pregnant.

They do this every 33 years. Eh, there are worse ways to go.

When the Amazons give birth, Hephaestus trades weapons for the boys. Is this legal?! You would think they would set up some sort of trade agreement with China.

Wonder Woman does not take kindly to this history. She sees her brother Amazons as Hephaestus' slaves and decides to free them. Lennox sides with her and they capture Hephaestus and bind him in Diana's lasso. But when Wonder Woman calls for her brothers to rise up and be free, she finds she doesn't know as much as she thinks she knows.

This is like that episode of Degrassi Junior High where Caitlyn starts protests to stop animal testing but then finds out that the drugs she needs to control her epilepsy had to be tested on animals and then the episode ends like most of them did where it just raises more questions and doesn't give the audience any easy answers.

Hephaestus doesn't seem to have any hard feelings. He cares for these thrown away children and realizes that Wonder Woman did what she did because she cares as well. He allows her and her group to stay on and rest overnight before their journey to hell in the morning.

Wonder Woman Issue #7 Rating: +1 Rating. Very, very good. And clever. And nice to look at.

Wonder Woman #6

Wonder Woman is going to smell like sulfurous dog breath.

Last issue, Wonder Woman and Lennox were stirring up a bit of trouble between Hera and Poseidon and Hades. I'm not entirely sure what they're up to but I think Wonder Woman is just trying to distract Hera so that Hera doesn't cause Wonder Woman and Zola and problems for awhile.

While Wonder Woman is busy getting Poseidon's sea goat, the centaurs have somehow made their way from America's midwest to London, England! Can half-horse people fly first class?

Don't worry. Wonder Woman kills one of the centaurs and flees with Zola to the back of Poseidon. The centaurs weren't in the plan but after the plan is completed, the centaurs may have a bit of trouble finding Zola. The whole point of the plan was to accomplish this:

That's Hera's scrying pool on Olympus.

Lennox plan was to make it look like Wonder Woman and Lennox were brokering a deal between Poseidon and Hades to share rule over Heaven and to share Hera as their Queen. Lennox knew Hera would be watching everything they were doing in her pool. So when Poseidon and Hades were about to form a partnership against Hera, she materialized to scream at them.

Someone has anger issues.

But the whole plan was just a bit of legerdemain to distract these three Gods so that Wonder Woman could destroy Hera's Scrying Pool. Lennox grabs one of Hades candles (because Lennox was promised a light for brokering the deal) and tosses it to Wonder Woman. Hermes tosses his staff to Wonder Woman and sends her to Olympus to throw the candle in the pool. The only part I'm not clear on is why the candle disables the pool. Maybe it clouds it with its smoke.

That's the ghost of Zola's mother in the background.

Poseidon takes it all in stride and is bemused by the entire episode. He leaves telling Wonder Woman she'll fit right in with the family. Hades storms off upset. He isn't happy that he gave up the light but Lennox and Wonder Woman didn't live up to their end of the bargain. Hades wants his piece of Heaven and he sends Zola's mother's soul to take Zola hostage until Wonder Woman makes good on her end of the deal.

Wonder Woman has really become wrapped up in her family squabbles now.

Wonder Woman Issue #6 Rating: No change. This issue was a tad bit confusing and I'm not exactly sure why the Candle fucked up the Pool. Also, Tony Akins is still the artist. That's not really a negative except that Cliff Chiang isn't the artist if Tony is! But Cliff will be back next issue and that makes me happy!

Grifter #8

Was his brother really that interesting or important to Grifter's story that he had to come back from the dead?

This issue begins with Grifter's delusions of grandeur filling up his Narration Boxes.

Really? Midnighter represents all the super heroes. Batman wants you dead? Superman wants you dead? Sir, none of them even know who the fuck you are.

Now that Grifter received the influx of information from the crashed bit of the Eye of the Storm, he suddenly realizes that his lone gun bad-ass mentality isn't going to be enough to defeat an ancient alien invasion. But what's kept him alive this long other than the poor writing? Is the reader supposed to believe that he's an actual threat to the Daemonites because he's been infected by one? Or partially possessed by one. Whatever happened to him in Issue #1. I don't find this guy interesting at all and I especially don't find this character type appealing. He's just one of those guys who thinks he can beat anything up and he says stupid lines like "Don't Blink" when busting a flare in Midnighter's face or "Say cheese" when stealing a gun from a Daemonite. I think he also once said, "Is that all you've got," when he was out of ammo and surrounded by aliens. I really can't stand this guy. What's his appeal? What do readers like about this comic?

Cole is on a plane leaving Paris. I'm not sure if he's started his plan to become a huge super villain yet. But he's once again with Sofia as they take off. And then shit happens.

He really got that bomb and detonator on a plane?!

This is how Edmondson shows he doesn't care. He just wants the plane to blow up with no regard to how believable the scenario is. Is the reader just supposed to over look this? Am I supposed to believe, "Well, he's a Daemonite. He got it through by his special alien powers"? Or do I believe this happened because France has weak security? I don't believe this at all, Mr. Edmondson. Try again.

Grifter survives the explosion and the plane crash. Sofia does not. How does Grifter survive? Maybe he's extra tough because of the link he has with the Daemonites. Or he's just lucky. But if he's lucky then that kind of tarnishes his tough guy persona.

The next panel should be a bullet hole in the middle of your head, Mr. Tough Guy.

Two Daemonites in their alien form come out of the smoke along with MAX CASH! But Max is actually a Daemonite now having taken over the body of Cole's brother. Either the US Military has been infiltrated by the Daemonites or the general has no idea that Max is now a Daemonite. It doesn't really matter because I'm pretty sure Nathan Edmondson doesn't even know at this point. He's just winging this whole story!

Here's Cole's fight repartee:

I'm sure he practiced this line while just replacing 'human connection' with 'noun'. "You want to stretch the bands of decency? You're about to feel how hard they snap back!" "You want to stretch the bands of verbal communication? You're about to feel how hard they snap back!"

Cole fights a whole shitload of Daemonites and his brother the Daemonite as well. Since he's in France, the fight has to end up on the Eiffel Tower. He faces off against his brother who he can hear telepathically. A piece of Max survives but only a piece and not enough to bring back. So Max tells Cole he must kill him. And Cole does. Boo hoo! Now Cole has nothing to live for and he's willing to die if he must. But he's still going to fight back. He decides this while sliding down the side of the fucking Eiffel Tower shooting Daemonites.

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. But wait! That's not the big twist ending surprise! It turns out this was the whole plan in the first place! ALL OF THIS WAS PLANNED! And Cole fell right into Tsavo's trap! Ah ha ha ha!

This is not a twist ending. This is changing the story eight issues in. You can tell even the artist has had enough at this point.

Nathan Edmondson: "Where am I going with this story? What the hell am I going to do with Sofia? How did she know about the Daemonites again? They're supposed to be super secret? How do I explain that now?
Editor Brian Smith: "Just fucking kill her off! Kill everyone off and start over!"
Edmondson: "Even Grifter?"
Editor Smith: "No you stupid pork pie! Just start over with a new story. Maybe the Daemonites didn't really want him dead? Hey! Remember how in X-Files there were different factions of aliens and those muscle bound blind ones were rebelling against the other ones using the black oil to control people? Maybe you could have a group of Daemonite Rebels trying to overthrow the Black Curate!"
Edmondson: "Yeah! I'll just say that the first seven issues were all just a plan to break Cole so he wouldn't fear dying! Yeah! And then I won't have to worry about how Gretchen survived!"
Editor Smith: "Whoa whoa whoa! Don't just throw her out with the rest of the story! There's a super great love story in the making here! Remember how Red Dwarf was actually a love story across all time and space between Lister and Kochanski? You can do that here with Gretchen and Cole!"
Edmondson: "Hey! That's not a bad idea! I mean, it's not my idea or your idea but I can probably use it!"
Editor Smith: "If you need any more ideas for later, you can borrow my Men in Black and Independence Day DVDs."

Grifter Issue #8 Rating: -1 Ranking. I'd drop it by two if there were more room on the charts to fall! One thing I really can't stand is a writer who doesn't have control of his story. As a writer, you don't just throw away or make 180 degree changes in characters just for the sake of surprise. You use everything you've written previously. You DO NOT throw anything away. And this issue was Nathan Edmondson completely cleaning house. Poor form, sir! I can't wait until the next round of DC cancellations. I hope the comics at the bottom of my ranking all get shitcanned!