Finally some good old knight-on-knight violence.
Even though women shouldn't be put in the position of fighting and hating each other because some guy chose to fuck them both, I still wouldn't mind some Venus-on-Christine violence. It's not right to want that but the libido wants what the libido wants. Until then, I'll happily settle on a battle between the two knights even though one of those knights can't actually fight with medieval weapons and may already be mortally wounded from three point blank gunshots to the breastplate. Did that description of a mortal attack sound too sexy? What if I described it as "rapid penetration causing weeping gashes"? Better?
Oh yeah! The starter lyric! I always forget about it until I open up the comic book.
Oh yeah! The starter lyric! I always forget about it until I open up the comic book.
There's so much "DUH!" in this statement that I can't even imagine the context in which George Arnold felt he needed to write it.
The line comes from the only reason anybody might still mention American poet George Arnold: his poem "The Jolly Old Pedagogue". I can't say what actual pedagogues might think of the poem but it says, to me, "Live life with abandon and without fear of punishment from the next life! Religion is for the dead! Life is for the living!" Maybe that's because I'm an atheist who believes life is a meaningless accident and I don't mind if there's no greater meaning than the one given to all life: be fruitful, and multiply (in the scientific sense of DNA replication and not the Word of God sense! Sheesh!). I just realized I'm an absolute nihilist! If, say, one believes that life was merely an accident, and the only reason life continues is our DNA's built-in requirement to replicate itself (which seems, fundamentally, an inarguable statement, even if some boring twat needs to back it up a step further to apply an overarching creator of that DNA), and that person has chosen to deny their DNA's prime directive, does that not make that person a nihilist? I understand, scientifically, the base reason for life: to create more life. Sure, it's a strange tautology but the reason life exists on Earth is also a tautology: life appeared on Earth because Earth is in a place where life can appear. So if I refuse to listen to my DNA, does that make me a nihilist? Or does that mean I just read John Barth's "Night-Sea Journey" in college and took it too much to heart? Or maybe I just didn't want to be responsible for kids after seeing exactly how responsible my father was having left when I was two years old?
On a related note, I just watched Skinamarink last night and I'm thinking of giving the DVD of it to my father as a Christmas gift with a Post-it note attached reading, "This is what you did to me."
Anyway, the Faux Knight just spent the night in the sewers hiding from the cops. He seems relatively unharmed. Which is more than I can say for poor Philip, the Apostle getting the Garth Ennis villain treatment.
On a related note, I just watched Skinamarink last night and I'm thinking of giving the DVD of it to my father as a Christmas gift with a Post-it note attached reading, "This is what you did to me."
Anyway, the Faux Knight just spent the night in the sewers hiding from the cops. He seems relatively unharmed. Which is more than I can say for poor Philip, the Apostle getting the Garth Ennis villain treatment.
For Philip's next injury, I'm putting my money on rectal prolapse.
I suppose a thug already got a lance up the out orifice so that's probably a bad bet. But then I never was a smart gambler, just a really enthusiastic one.
Detective Petronas must leave as head detective on the knight case because he's yet to catch the knight and not because he keeps sexually harassing Venus. That was a socially acceptable way to act in 2001. I don't mean to say it was a decent way to act or people didn't often say things like, "That Detective Petronas is a fucking creep whose balls need a meet-cute with a steel-toed boot." People did say shit like that. But society, being mostly composed of shit ideas and shit traditions by shit people, was all, "Boys will be boys! Including men in the definition of boys because...". They'd end the sentence there because the shrug emoji had yet to be invented and also people weren't texting each other yet. At least most people weren't! Some of us in the '90s and early '00s did all of our socializing through MUSHes, forums, and email. And even we weren't using the shrug emoticon because who had easy access to Japanese katakana? I'm speaking from an American perspective! I don't know when the Japanese invented the shrug kaomoji but probably pretty quickly seeing as they had a much more useful template of characters with which to express things. Japanese written language was the Commodore-64 Commodore-shifted graphic keys of alphabets while English was just a boring old QWERTY keyboard.
Guys have gotten pretty upset that people began calling them out on their casual sexual harassment of others which is why they've thrown such huge tantrums that usually ruin their own lives, even if they think they're somehow winning in their lives. They can't see that they're just miserable jerks who can find no happiness in anything, afraid to do anything fun that might make them seem gay or effeminate. Being sexist doesn't even make them happy! They just get angrier and angrier until they decide to do a mass shooting. Also why Trump. I propose we just call President Trump, "President ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
Anyway, Venus has accepted a quest to break a blind girl out of a cage.
Detective Petronas must leave as head detective on the knight case because he's yet to catch the knight and not because he keeps sexually harassing Venus. That was a socially acceptable way to act in 2001. I don't mean to say it was a decent way to act or people didn't often say things like, "That Detective Petronas is a fucking creep whose balls need a meet-cute with a steel-toed boot." People did say shit like that. But society, being mostly composed of shit ideas and shit traditions by shit people, was all, "Boys will be boys! Including men in the definition of boys because...". They'd end the sentence there because the shrug emoji had yet to be invented and also people weren't texting each other yet. At least most people weren't! Some of us in the '90s and early '00s did all of our socializing through MUSHes, forums, and email. And even we weren't using the shrug emoticon because who had easy access to Japanese katakana? I'm speaking from an American perspective! I don't know when the Japanese invented the shrug kaomoji but probably pretty quickly seeing as they had a much more useful template of characters with which to express things. Japanese written language was the Commodore-64 Commodore-shifted graphic keys of alphabets while English was just a boring old QWERTY keyboard.
Guys have gotten pretty upset that people began calling them out on their casual sexual harassment of others which is why they've thrown such huge tantrums that usually ruin their own lives, even if they think they're somehow winning in their lives. They can't see that they're just miserable jerks who can find no happiness in anything, afraid to do anything fun that might make them seem gay or effeminate. Being sexist doesn't even make them happy! They just get angrier and angrier until they decide to do a mass shooting. Also why Trump. I propose we just call President Trump, "President ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
Anyway, Venus has accepted a quest to break a blind girl out of a cage.
So Venus does have other clothes!
Some stuff happens to Anton Marx but none of it involves his crotch meeting a boot so it's not that fascinating. He seems upset that he fucked up with Venus but he did get a blow job so maybe call it even? Now some hot shot agent is pursuing him for a television gig as the next Morton Downey, Jr. He's rude, he smokes, and he's got a big mouth; I think that's all it takes to be Morton Downey, Jr.
The Pope heads back to Father Trinidad's church because he's still concerned about his immortal soul for some reason. Somehow he thinks God's forgiveness is all a game and a person can fool God with a bunch of loopholes if they just tick all the right boxes before or after committing a sin. But Father Trinidad has become a sneaky motherfucker himself! He's now working with the knight! Has he always been working with the knight? I suppose that makes sense. It's how the knight knew where to find The Pope's men during the First Crusade. Now the knight knows where and when The Pope will strike against the Russian crime lord, Bocc.
But forget all that boring shit! Look at what Venus is wearing now!
The Pope heads back to Father Trinidad's church because he's still concerned about his immortal soul for some reason. Somehow he thinks God's forgiveness is all a game and a person can fool God with a bunch of loopholes if they just tick all the right boxes before or after committing a sin. But Father Trinidad has become a sneaky motherfucker himself! He's now working with the knight! Has he always been working with the knight? I suppose that makes sense. It's how the knight knew where to find The Pope's men during the First Crusade. Now the knight knows where and when The Pope will strike against the Russian crime lord, Bocc.
But forget all that boring shit! Look at what Venus is wearing now!
Overalls with no shirt! My absolute favorite lady outfit!
Overalls are the most clothing Venus has worn at one time even though The City by the Bay always runs toward chilly. This must be her standard "I'm going to break a blind girl out of a cage in the sewers outfit by sawing through the padlock with the smallest hacksaw in the world" outfit. Venus spent more time coming up with her outfit than her plan to save the little girl, Cela, so cutting through the lock takes much longer than she expected. So much longer that Godfrey the Knight arrives while she's sawing, grabs the key off of a peg right next to Venus, unlocks the cage himself, and throws her in. Then he marches out to kill the Faux Knight.
I scanned this panel because it's critical to the plot.
The Faux Knight kills Bocc with a mace to the face and tells Bocc's men they can join with The Pope or die later. Then he casually exist Bocc's hideaway and runs face first into old Soit quit mal y pense himself.
The Crusades #11 Rating: B. And that's the bloody end of this issue! Stupid cover! Not a single panel of knights fighting! Everybody who worked on this comic book should count their blessings that Kelley Jones decided to dress Venus in those overalls. I can look past my disappointment with the lack of knights fighting being that Venus was dressed to satisfy my kinks. Um, also she did some really smart stuff too and had a great personality! Too bad she's locked in a cage without any thing else to change into next issue and maybe she might even need to make a tinkle? I'd assume they wouldn't show that on panel but this is a Vertigo comic book! You never know what they're going to put to paper as proof that this is Mature Reading. God bless them!
The Crusades #11 Rating: B. And that's the bloody end of this issue! Stupid cover! Not a single panel of knights fighting! Everybody who worked on this comic book should count their blessings that Kelley Jones decided to dress Venus in those overalls. I can look past my disappointment with the lack of knights fighting being that Venus was dressed to satisfy my kinks. Um, also she did some really smart stuff too and had a great personality! Too bad she's locked in a cage without any thing else to change into next issue and maybe she might even need to make a tinkle? I'd assume they wouldn't show that on panel but this is a Vertigo comic book! You never know what they're going to put to paper as proof that this is Mature Reading. God bless them!
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