Teen Titans #18

Normally I would be annoyed by a cover that depicts heroes battling each other. But have the Teen Titans really been acting like heroes?

Rating: No change. This may not technically be the worst DC Comic but it hasn't been very good. It's getting a little better with Greg Pak even though I mostly don't like Greg Pak's writing. At least he's telling a story that was long overdue. But he still has to use all of the unlikeable characters in this team! They're all selfish criminals! Why would I care what happens to any of them?! This is what happens when you allow lousy writers to wing it month after month without any thought to how the stories they're telling will affect how readers see the characters. I also have an aversion to super hero groups that don't have any reason to be a super hero group. The Teen Titans are really just a gang of hoodlums doing whatever they want, constantly fighting among themselves, falling in and out of love with each other without any indication of intimacy or closeness, and causing lots and lots of property damage while they're simply dealing with their own problems. What I'm saying is that the Teen Titans haven't changed a bit in decades!

• Recently, the Teen Titans have helped a super murderer (created to be a living weapon) escape from justice, broken into a prison, and escaped custody rather than answering for their crimes. They've also justified their behavior because they're selfish pricks. I probably didn't need to say that since it's right in the title: "Teen"!

• To be fair, Tim Drake did create the Teen Titans to protect meta-human teenagers all over the world. He never said any of them would be heroes! They would just be a gang of assholes protecting each other from the fucking adults who don't know everything! They have no idea what it's like to be a teenager! I mean, they did but that was a totally different time when things weren't nearly as difficult as now! Aside from a less safe world with selective service and way more expectations of behavior. But they didn't have like our problems, you know?!

• The Titans were busy looking for Cassie's father whom they found on Wonder Woman's mantel in London. I mean, they found his head. So that seems suspicious.

• Wonder Woman has caught them destroying and raiding her apartment. But she's compassionate and understanding so that makes her a total doormat. I mean, it makes her willing to understand what other people are going through and empathize with them.

• Wonder Woman calls Tim "Robin" and he doesn't correct her and say, "Actually, it's Red Robin, you stupid adult. Gosh! Leave me alone!" He probably doesn't say that because he doesn't have a room at hand which he can dramatically flounce into and slam the door behind him.

• Oops. I spoke too early. Take that, adult! You don't know everything!

• Red Robin does not tell Wonder Woman that he and the rest of the gang are escaped felons on the run. It's none of her business anyway!

• The rest of the Teen Titans have been taken by Cassandra. Cassandra can predict the future but nobody listens to her predictions so then she just gets really frustrated. That's probably why she's kind of a bad guy.

• Boo fucking hoo. Someone needs to do a whole lot more than yell at you, you fucking thief.

• Gar points out that Cassandra must be the villain of this story because she's not one of them and she's against them and an adult and a jerk too.

• Gar is wrong. Obviously the Teen Titans are the villains of this entire comic book series.

• Power Girl tells Cassie that she's her friend. They barely know each other! How off in your head do you have to be to consider somebody a friend so quickly and freely?! I should ask my friend Doom Bunny! He thinks everybody he meets is a friend!

• Doom Bunny isn't answering immediately. I'll get back to him!

Right. And what you do is constantly break the law for your own selfish purposes.

• Cassandra begins winning Cassie over by saying things that teenagers like to hear like "You have a right to be angry and lost. Nobody could have gone through what you've been through and remain as strong! Your father actually loves you even though he abandoned you. I'm your representation and you totally identify with me so you totally can even."

• The Titans battle some giant snakes as they hunt for the Rod of Asclepius beneath Apollo's temple in Delphi. They sort of find it but first Wonder Woman has to tie up Cassandra and ask her some questions like "What is your real motive behind bringing Lennox back to life?" and "Who do you think you're fooling?" and "Are you manipulating everybody for your own selfish ends because that's par for the course in a Teen Titans comic book?" Actually, Wonder Woman doesn't ask any important questions that would get to the bottom of Cassandra's plot while her lasso is around Cassandra. Instead she just says, "Tell her, Cassandra, why did you come to her?" And Cassandra says to bring Cassie's father back. Which isn't a lie but, come on! You know it's only a small part of her overall plan! This is what happens when Batman isn't around to ask the questions!

• Nobody gets beaten up by Wonder Woman like the cover fooled everybody into thinking would happen. Not that comic book fans are used to covers telling any kind of truth at all. Even though I hate how variant covers break up a collection because I don't have the "real" covers of each issue, I sort of like them better because at least they don't try to manipulate me!