Lois and Clark #6

Oh no! Lois and Jon have been miniaturized and trapped in a scope! In other news, Dan Jurgens' foreshortening still just looks like a person with tiny legs.

Rating: I like to give Dan Jurgens a hard time because he's a robot and robots can't be insulted. Unless you translate the insult directly into machine code. That goes the same for compliments so even though I'm about to compliment Dan Jurgens for this comic book series, unfortunately he'll never get any Warm Fuzzies from it since I don't know machine code. Even though I dislike children, especially children raised by Lois Lane, I don't let it ruin this book for me. This might be the best Superman title currently on the shelves. I just put in the "might" to leave me an out when somebody tells me I'm a fucking prick for my opinion. Although I shouldn't worry. This book is about Preboot Superman whom everybody loves! Nobody would ever pick New 52 Superman over Preboot Superman! Although I'm still partial to Golden Age Superman (who should exist again since the Crisis on Infinite Earths was successfully averted!).

• Superman's mother's name was Martha. I'm reminding everybody of that fact now just in case it becomes important later in the story. I don't think it will. But you never know!

• Now I'm picturing a Citizen Wayne where Bruce Wayne croaks out "Martha" on his deathbed and Clark Kent must investigate the importance of the name. I'm assuming Clark Kent is a shitty journalist who is really only good at writing op-ed pieces on Superman otherwise the movie will be over in five minutes. I don't know what Bruce could drop while croaking "Martha". I considered Citizen Kal-el where Superman could be dropping the Bottled City of Kandor while croaking "Martha" and the World's Greatest Detective could investigate the mystery but I think it works better the other way, both for the parody name and Clark being a journalist. Also Bruce Wayne practically is Charles Foster Kane.

• Cora Benning, Lois's publisher, use The Hollies' "Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)" as her ringtone for calls from Lois. I suppose that makes sense since Dan Jurgens only knows music up until about 1986. That's the year he was built without any ability to upgrade his memory.

• I had to ask Lord Google about the lyrics presented in the comic book (which are just the title of the song which I wouldn't have recognized by name anyway). After hearing it on YouTube, I absolutely recognized it. I think it was used in Dog Food commercials.

• Intergang discovers that Lois White is Author X. That's probably why they shrink her and her son down and trap them in a sniper's scope.

• A reality show called Bad Ass Nation about supervillains screws up and puts people's lives in danger. That looks like a job for Superman!

• If 1986 had a reality television show, it would be called Bad Ass Nation.

• Another job for Superman? Saving Lois and Jon from Intergang! But that one is less important than the one where cars are falling off of a bridge because Lois can take care of herself.

• One of the reasons Superman loves Lois is because she doesn't need him. Batman is the guy who falls in love with people who need him. Or at least need his dick. Like Catwoman.

• Lois and Jon are about to die in a fire set by Intergang and Jon throws a tantrum. Fucking little prick. I knew I hated him.

• Superman is still too busy to save his family because he's dealing with Bad Ass Nation's mess.

• Why does the cover show a sniper trying to kill Lois and Jon when Intergang decided to burn them alive instead?

• Jon goes through puberty during his tantrum and gains his super powers that we all knew he'd eventually have. He probably only has half of Superman's powers though. So he shoots heat vision out of one eye and can only fly in circles.

• Meanwhile this happens to Hank Henshaw.