Deathstroke #18

Slade's finally been reunited with his kids, What's-her-name and the other one!

The Review!
If you're a fan of bad writing and Rose's camel-toe, you'll love this issue! More things you might like about this issue: fake fatherly love, thin eye-patches, dresses that cling to every orifice, and stupid names! It's a cavalcade of things to make fun of!

The Commentary!
This issue begins with Slade Wilson hiding in plain sight because he says that's a good thing to do when you're being hunted. And he's a super smart mercenary with brain enhancements so why would I argue with him? I think the main conceit of his argument is that nobody would kill somebody when it isn't a challenge. Obviously he only thinks that way because he lives in a comic book where a villain who has a hero dead to rights would rather give the hero a fighting chance than to kill him. That way heroes can always survive! Villains are so stupid! Except for Deathstroke because he has brain enhancements, remember? Plus I don't think I'm supposed to think of him as a villain even though he raped a little girl. I guess he's a hero because the world isn't black and white? Sometimes a guy who rapes a young girl and then gets her killed is the good guy? I guess? I usually wouldn't think like that but a lot of Deathstroke fans have messaged me with things like "STOP CRITICIZING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND GO KILL YOURSLFE!" or "STOP USING THE DEATHSTROKE TAG INCORRECTLY! YOU SHOULD ONLY USE IT FOR SLASH RPG TAGS AND NOT AS AN IDENTIFIER OF A POST THAT DISCUSSES DEATHSTROKE. ALSO KILL YOURSELF!" or "U DUN NO ANYTHING ABOUT DEATHSTORK SO SHUT UP AND KILL UR SELF." Who am I to stand in the way of that kind of passion and iron clad arguments?!

While in plain sight, Deathstroke says rather loudly, "I am heading up to my room to get in the shower where I'll be showering in the shower naked without any weapons because I'm in the shower!"

These guys are so No Homo that they don't want to check the shower for a corpse because they might see naked cock.

I've never seen three assassins more proud to have shot up a shower door! Too bad they don't have those brain enhancements I was discussing earlier or else they would have reasoned like Deathstroke did! They would have thought, "Whoa! No homo, dude! I didn't look at no guy's balls never! Plus dose guys are, like, so overconfident dat I bet he tinks we's overconfident and he's gonna fink he's ambushin' us like when we tinks he be in da shower! So I'm gonna wait and kills him when he kills the ovver two guys who are totally homo cause dey gonna look at Slade's young balls in da shower! I also wonder what stupid accent I'm finking in! Am I from Jersey or Staten Island or is I a cockney lad?"

After killing the shower vandals, Douchéstork thinks about who sent them.

Deathstroke uses literally wrong. I have proof in the next scan from last issue!


See?!

Now, I'm not one of those nerds from the Actually Tribe, so I can admit when I might be wrong. Slade might not be talking about when Lawman literally stabbed him in the front. He might be talking about when Victor stabbed him in the back in Issue #16. But I don't want to think about how Deathstroke the Comic Book makes sense! I want to purposefully misinterpret it for my own amusement!

Slade continues with the Narration Boxing which I probably should have read before all of this "stabbed in the back" stuff because in those Narration Boxes he says it was Victor. Damn it! How dare you ruin my misrepresentation of you with facts, Comic Book! I will end you!

Victor just happens to call one of the now dead thugs to check in and see if the job is done. That's convenient because you would think it would work the other way and the assassin would call Victor to tell him the job was done! Victor could have blown the whole job by calling at the wrong moment! Luckily for the plot, it allows Slade to tell Victor that Victor's men are dead and totally homo and that Douchéstork is coming for Victor.

Deathstroke and his family are currently staying in Nanda Parbat with Ra's al Ghul. Why is Ra's al Ghul living in Nanda Parbat? This isn't the television show Arrow! This is the DC Comic Book Universe! Ra's doesn't belong in Nanda Parbat! Dammit! I forgot to begin one of these sentences with "actually!" See? I'm a horrible nerd of the Actually Tribe!

In Nanda Parbat, everybody continues to call Joseph Wilson "Jericho." I don't think he's been referred to as Joseph once in this comic book. I suppose I could let it go and assume that his name is simply Jericho Wilson in The New 52. But that would mean accepting something that would stop me from pointing out what a terrible father Slade is! He doesn't even know his own son's name!

Jericho uses his power to possess somebody's body by making eye contact with them to read Lawman's mind halfway across the globe. It's a comic book so it doesn't have to make sense! Plus this is Jericho Wilson and not Joseph Wilson so maybe his powers are different. Like how he made Lawman and his cronies believe Slade and Rose disappeared in Montana! So now Slade and his kids are going to hunt down Lawman and his NOVA buddies!

Mystasia is almost as dumb a name as Snakebite and Lawman. Also it might be racist.

Slade, Rose, and Jericho easily infiltrate Mystasia's hideout where they find her in her dress that has a belly button. I figure the belly button must be sewn into the dress because if the material is that clingy, it should show her nipples too. Maybe she doesn't have nipples? I wonder if clings so tight to her behind that you can see her butthole?

Surprisingly, Mystasia is Asian and she can turn into mist! No wait. I used surprisingly wrong.

The battle doesn't last long since Lawman again takes over Rose Wilson's mind. To break the connection, Jericho has to use his new totally made-up power that he's never had before ever! But he doesn't know what that power will do to Rose! So concentrate your attack on Lawman's brain, you dum-dum! Jericho doesn't do that and instead blows up Mystasia's headquarters with the power it takes to save Rose. But now she's going to die unless Slade lets Ra's al Ghul save her! I guess Ra's is the only one who knows the way to the hospital. But if Slade accepts Ra's's ride to the hospital, he'll be forever in Ra's al Ghul's debt! And that's exactly where he's been trying not to be! So I guess next issue will be Rose's funeral.