Fathers reunited with imaginary versions of their daughters! Daughters reconciled with homophobic fathers! Ugly ass babies being born! And now a boring fucking wedding?! What the fuck, Convergence?! Where are all the corpses?!
Last issue, Hawkman was all, "I'm going to bite your face off, Dick!" And Hawkwoman was all, "That's so gro...oh! I heard you wrong. Never mind." And Oracle was all, "Take cover, Hawkfucks! Your gooses are cooked!" And then she laughed at her own joke for five minutes.
The hair is going up! Shit is getting serious!
Writing a serious woman? Have her put her hair up!
Writing a sexy woman? Have her take her hair down!
Writing an innocent and naive woman? Give her bangs!
Writing a confident, well-rounded, intelligent woman with a few human flaws and frailties to really give her character depth? Just make her a man!
Nightwing has gone off to battle the Hawks while Oracle stays behind in Gotham pretending to be a coward. But really she's saving the day. And this day is really important because it's the day that all the heroes must fight to the death to save their cities. None of them seem to be obeying the rules though, at least not in the previous Issue Twos that I've read. They're just ignoring the fight and getting on with their lives. That seems reasonable since none of these heroes kill, so how can they participate in a murder contest?
Nightwing's opening gambit is to crash the Batwing on top of their heads.
Hawkwoman's opening move is better: call Nightwing an Earth Monkey! The truth of the statement has got to sting.
Oracle gets in a helicopter to go slap Hawkwoman into some clothing. Meanwhile she leaves a fully robed figure behind in her clocktower computer lair slash apartment slash rave-space. As she flies to the battle, Nightwing continues to surprise the Hawks with his skill and his good cheer and his optimism and his finely honed glutes. The eczema sticks he fights with aren't very interesting. Even if they were spelled correctly.
Is "peacock" a joke about Dick's name?
Some people would have typed "what an hilarious prank" but those people are pretentious jerkos!
Black Canary screams and the Hawks are all, "Eek! Ouch! No fair!"
Watch it, Hawkwoman! She means business! Notice her hair is up?
The name calling causes Oracle to get punched in the face really, really hard.
Of course she underestimates Babs! Her hair is down! Who wouldn't think they could easily defeat a sexy woman in a wheelchair?
Nope. No offer of salvation. They're all doomed to die! Except we all know, every DC reader in the world, that all of the cities will be saved! Even the bad ones full of bad people who are totally bad.
At the wedding, Dick mentions an earthquake. That was also mentioned in Convergence: Superman #2! It must be Skartaris collapsing on top of Telos and freeing everybody from Brainiac's control. What happens to all the cities on this planet after that? I guess that's DC Editorial's decision!
Convergence: Nightwing Loves Oracle #2 Rating: I see what's going on now! The writers on Convergence were told to write a story bringing back characters from past DC Timelines. But they weren't just supposed to bring them back as they were! They were supposed to make some kind of big change to them to make their returns more meaningful! So in The Titans, Roy Harper got Lian Harper back from the dead. In Superman, Clark and Lois had little Jonathan Samuel Kent. In The Question, Renee Montoya was to get back with Batwoman or have her father die or redeem Two-face or all of those. And in this one, Babs and Dick were married. So instead of all of these Convergence issues ending with some heroes and cities meeting their dooms, they're just making a huge change to these old characters. The actual Multiversal Thunderdome part of it kind of disappears in each Issue #2 as the main threat is taken care of behind the scenes in the Convergence Weekly book.
"Spinning out of Grayson comes a solo series starring the man who can predict your every move ... but no one will be able to predict what he'll do next!"
Why should anybody be able to predict what Midnighter will do next? Those two statements really have nothing to do with each other except that they both have the word "predict" in them. Get rid of the fucking "but!" Hee hee. Fucking butt.
The Sneak Peek begins with a surprise scene that nobody could have predicted!
Midnighter wears Batman underwear?! I mean, Midnighter and Apollo aren't together?! I couldn't figure out which was more shocking so I went with both but put them in "most shocking to me" order.
Midnighter rushes out of bed to go murder some Warrior-style gang members who have already killed four people.
I was just speaking of pantloads earlier when I lost interest in my sentence!
I'm sure Apollo will wind up being a frequent guest star, right? Right?!