Convergence: Justice League of America #1

Be careful, guys! Steel is a Manhunter and Vibe is a racist caricature!

Yay for the era when Zatanna used to wear a lobster on her head! And Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman all had better things to do, apparently. I think this was the era where they worked out of a cave somewhere as well but I could be remembering wrong. I seem to remember Manhunter Steel ripped apart inside of a cave headquarters. Plus the Doom Patrol took over their headquarters after they disbanded. I think? This was also the makeup of the Justice League of America when I was first got into comic books. That's probably redundant after all of the times I mentioned getting into comic books around the beginning of Crisis on Infinite Earths. And this week's Convergence books all deal with pre-Crisis characters.

Fabian Nicieza begins this comic book in a way that I would usually call "Lobdelling it" but I'll give it a pass this time because it's cute and clever and heart-breaking all at the same time.

Sue Dibny, you are missed.

Of course it's been a long time since Ralph has been able to kiss Sue since she was killed off in Identity Crisis. Fabian gives us the moment where they're reunited without either of them actually being conscious that this is a reunion. Ralph goes on to say it's been a long time since he was able to kiss her from the kitchen since he's stretching his neck into the bedroom to give her a peck. It seems this issue, unlike all of the others, is beginning the day after the dome fell. He might flash back to the moment it falls since he's probably mandated to explain the situation just in case readers of this book haven't read any of the others. I can't fault him for that although I wish the book could just continue from this moment and skip the whole Planet Brainiac announcement. Maybe one of the characters will just remember it over one page and we can be done with it.

Sue does the Narrating and she mentions the dome and the competition, so maybe that's enough! Chriscross also makes sure in the art that Sue's wedding ring is loud and proud which is a nice nod to a time when DC Comics actually allowed happily married couples. The Dibnys more than anybody else represented an ability to have a well-rounded, happy life as a superhero couple.

Elongated Man (who I can't wait to appear on CW's The Flash since Ralph Dibny was mentioned as one of the people who disappeared when STAR Labs blew up) meets up with the team at a local gym so they can prepare for their battle.

What?! No "ese" or "culo" or "maricón"?! Who is this Vibe?!

Elongated Man, Vibe, Steel, and Vixen get some quick training in as they wait to hear from Sue Dibny and Commissioner Gordon about any trouble. Ralph is also kind of hoping that they'll get some information from one of the team's big three. I guess he means Aquaman, Gypsy, and Martian Manhunter? Is Gypsy really one of the big three? Maybe he knows Wonder Woman is also in town and means her. Oh wait! He must mean Zatanna! Duh!

Sue explains that Martian Manhunter was in his human form when the dome fell so he was trapped as a human. I guess that also explains why Colossal Boy was stuck at twelve feet tall. And why Ralph Dibny's dick was as long as a firehose.

As Aquaman, J'onn, and Zatanna telepathically search for enemy minds, the building that Ralph and the others are in implodes. It was probably Vibe's fault.

When the Big Three Point One Four (that last bit is Gypsy!) arrive to investigate, they find a box with a button and a note that reads "Do not press the candy red button please." Zatanna, who three seconds ago said that something was interfering with her magicks, says a spell to protect her team and then presses the button. Idiot. When the button is pressed, the Big Three Point One Four wind up in a stasis field while their opponents appear from the Tangent Universe.

That's quite the crotch shot. I wonder if I email Chriscross, he'll send me his reference pic.

Sue Dibny jumps to quite the conclusion by realizing that this team must be from an alternate Earth. But she is Pre-Crisis, so they were probably facing alternate Earth threats all the fucking time. I guess it's a reasonable conclusion. Carry on.

The big guy on the team is Tangent Plastic Man. I bet in this Tangent Universe, he's actually funny! Ha! Burn!

The one with the flail tied to her head is Manhunter. The Ragman wannabe is The Spectre. The other characters aren't specifically named but one is a female Joker who acts an awful lot like Harley Quinn, one shoots atomic blasts, and the last one is a polite girl that can create illusions of herself.

Gypsy managed to stay out of Zatanna's stasis field so she's the last member active until Elongated Man, Steel, Vixen, and Vibe blast out of the rubble to challenge the Secret Six. It's at this point that Vibe acts like the caricature of a Hispanic gang member that he used to be when he mentions that he doesn't know what "tenacious" means and then calls the atomic guy "cafre." That's actually not so bad. At least Vibe can pronounce "tenacious" in this iteration of his character. Back in the early eighties, they probably would have had him say "tenaciouso!"

Convergence: Justice League of America #1 Rating: I must have completely missed this Tangent Universe bullshit although I wouldn't be surprised if going through my old comic books I find some issues from it. My favorite part about this Convergence issue was that it began everything post-Planet Brainiac's speech. I also think it did a good job introducing so many characters in one issue. It can't be easy to have this two issue Convergence assignment and be given a full team that has to battle another full team. Sue really was down on this version of the Justice League of America though. I know fans look at this team as a group of C-Listers but it seems wrong that Sue also thinks of them that way. I guess she's just being honest with herself. It's not like she was speaking the lines to their faces. Besides, any team that has J'onn and Zatanna on it is already a formidable group of heroes.

I sure hope Vibe doesn't die next issue! I was crossing my fingers when I typed that! It's hard to type like that.