Infinity Man and the Forever People #5

This comic book has been cancelled. Perhaps it's time for DiDio to realize that nobody likes his writing. Or is interested in reboots of Jack Kirby's creations? Except The Demon! And DiDio had better keep his hands off of The Demon! Also Nocenti's hands! Keep her hands off of Etrigan too!

I've already done two commentaries, so don't expect me to actually try to be funny or perceptive while writing this one! You can probably still expect me to be rude and belligerent though. Those don't take much effort.

Last issue ended with Guy Gardner realizing some of those asshole New Gods were vacationing on his planet. Since he's recently learned that those guys are total dicks, he's decided to kick them off of Earth for good. And maybe cancel their comic while he's at it, even if it takes his with it! Which it will! Because Red Lanterns has been canceled too! Probably because DC knows they don't have a deep enough roster of good writers to take over for Charles Soule. I mean, they could stick Nocenti on it. I'd actually be intrigued by her version! I'm sure she could figure out how to arc weld some random philosophy that has nothing to do with the Red Lanterns' reason for existence onto the hood of their organization.

I don't know if the last sentence of that last paragraph was a mixed metaphor or just random nonsense.

The issue begins with a meeting of New Genesis's version of Scientology. Or any other religion you can think of in the place of Scientology. They're all the same. This one believes that Darkseid and Highfather are huge dicks that probably shouldn't have killed their father and all of the Old Gods in the first place. Things have just gone downhill from there. But some priest guy has declared that he's the reincarnation of Yuga Khan, Darkseid and Highfather's Higherfather. It's all the standard religious rhetoric that causes needy and desperate fools to join up and ignore their one chance at true happiness in life. Although I suppose everything about life and reality is illusion anyway, so who cares what anybody wants to believe? As long as they don't expect me to believe in it as well, good for them. Also, they should stop believing that my belief that their beliefs are stupid bullshit is something I can't be allowed to believe. Go fuck yourselves.

"They think they've come to Earth to teach us wisdom. But they'll be surprised at how much they have to learn! -- Movie Poster Ad Copy for the upcoming New Gods Teen Romp Flick.

Guy Gardner and the New Gods battle on the beach for a few pages. I suppose it's more entertaining than if they'd exchanged a bunch of dick pics. Maybe. Eventually Mark Moonrider steps up to knock out Guy Gardner in one punch. Or Moonblast. Whatever his stupid super power is.

But before the New Gods can throw Guy Gardner in a Miracle Prison, Guy's reinforcements arrive!

I didn't know an Xbox One could become a Green Lantern!

Infinity Man and the Forever People Rating: This comic book makes no sense. I guess it's the result of DC needing to fill 52 slots every month (at least as often as they can. Counting the weekly titles as four books per month (and sometimes five, the bastards!), I think the current count of titles is 55 or something. Math is hard). If they're going to publish comic books that nobody is interested in reading, they should just begin titles with names like "Dan Smith, Resident of the Multiverse" or "Pam Washington, Data Entry Specialist." You could remind everybody that these mundane characters are part of DC Continuity by occasionally having Superman seen flying by through a window, or a news report on television mentioning Batman. It could be just as entertaining as this hogwash! To be fair, that's how I feel about this comic book in general. I actually kind of enjoyed Guy's appearance here. I'm a sucker for Infinity Man and the Forever People's gratuitous guest appearances! Next month I'll probably enjoy it because of B'dg and the Xbox One Lantern!

Wonder Woman #15

The distortion of Wonder Woman's face in Orion's helmet makes her look like Shannen Doherty.

The beginning of Wonder Woman makes me a little happy and a little sad all at the same time.

Wesley? Did Azzarello actually write Wesley Willis into Wonder Woman?

This was the first page and the look is absolutely Wesley Wills. And then the rock on. And the eat fresh. It has to be, right?

And then I saw the headbutt when I turned the page and grinned like an idiot.

I had a chance to headbutt Wesley Willis in 1999 or 2000. I forget the year exactly. I saw him perform in a small bar in Portland but was too shy to go over and headbutt him. Also intimidated by the big brown bump on his head from years and years of headbutting people. When I read Grifter #1, I wrote a song about it. That was my tribute to the big guy. I also created a card game about schizophrenia that I lovingly refer to as "The Voices In My Head Made Me Say Suck My Dick In Front Of A Lot Of People." What I loved about Wesley Willis was his joy. Perhaps the pure joy that exuded from him when he sang and played could only come from the pure terror and hell he suffered from his schizophrenia. Are ups like that worth the terrifying downs? I sometimes wish I knew instead of suffering from the middling malaise of emotional detachment. But then who needs all that constant drama? I'm pretty sure I'd rather just sit here in my tiny office with my funny books while people rush all around "interacting" and "living life"!

Who do I contact to get the original artwork for this page!? Never mind. Found it!

While Orion searches for whoever Orion is searching for with the help of the non-title WW, Lennox and the title WW are searching for their brother Milan in an abandoned subway in New York. Milan turns out to be Wesley Willis which is a good thing because he'll be sticking around for awhile. At least as long as this New Gods plotline goes on since he seems to be the connecting rod between the New and the Old Gods.

Lennox and Milan don't get along very well due to Lennox killing one of their sisters seventeen years previously. This sister was a particular favorite of Milan's but Lennox seems to have had to kill her to save a lot of people. Milan doesn't want to help Lennox and he has Orion to back him up.

Do all the Gods in the Universe get together once a century for some kind of convention? Some sort of meet and greet? Does Darkseid clog all of the hotel's toilets?

When Lennox mentions he's found the last of the 20th Century demi-gods, Orion completely flips the fuck out and demands to know where "the last of the line" is. Back in Justice League #6 (as a reader of mine reminded me recently), Darkseid claimed he was attacking Earth "for her" when asked his purpose for invading while Wonder Woman's lasso was wrapped around him. Later in the comic, Desaad or Kalibak or someone off panel states that Darkseid is searching for his daughter. Orion has now come to save the source of all-knowledge which may be tied in to the daughter of Darkseid deal. Perhaps Wonder Woman's parentage isn't completely written in stone yet.

The comic ends with Orion and Wonder Woman about to go to blows while Milan tries to stop it by vomiting trash and flies all over everybody. And the First Born is busy getting his things together in Antarctica.

Wonder Woman #15 Rating: No change. It looks like Azzarello is going to somehow unite the family of the Greek Gods with the family of the New Gods. I don't know much about the New Gods but I do know Orion and Kalibak are Darkseid's sons. If Darkseid has a daughter, I don't know about it. I mean, I figure he must have a daughter since he's searching for her but I don't know if he had one in the Preboot. The only way I can think to tie them together so that Wonder Woman is the central figure of both families is make Hippolyta the daughter of Darkseid. But I don't think that explains why Orion is so interested in the last of the 20th Century Demi-Gods being discovered. I guess I have to wait a month to find out.