Convergence: Plastic Man and the Freedom Fighters #2

The Ray is the greatest Escher Girl of them all.

I stared at this for at least thirty seconds wondering where Black Condor was. My brain simply assumed the central figure was Uncle Sam and it wouldn't budge from its assumption. Part of the problem was that my eyes couldn't be bothered to scan the entire cover when it had Phantom Lady's boobs and crotch to stare at. I wonder if the Human Bomb wears anything under his outfit? Probably but I bet it's just a condom.

Last issue promised that this issue would feature a huge three-way. So get ready to see some hot Freedom Fighter on Brother Eye Cyborg on Nazi action!

There it is! It's all downhill from here!

That splash page takes places about two minutes before the cover. They're practically the same picture of Phantom Lady's boobs and crotch! Not that I'm complaining!

I was wrong about the "two minutes" part of my statement. When I turned the page, the very next panel has the Freedom Fighters standing around victorious. Unless "two minutes" is the average time between panels in large scale super hero battles.

The Silver Ghost shows up to discuss the prospects of The Freedom Fighters getting into bed with him. He says he has some compelling evidence as to why they should and that evidence is not his massive cock.

Nazi, Plastic Man. The perfect Nazi! That definition doesn't describe American Soldiers because that definition wasn't "Hero. Absolute hero. Shut up, you communist asstard! I said 'hero' and I mean 'hero' and you can't be ambiguous about it by bringing reality into the conversation because all American soldiers are heroes and that's the end of it!"

The Freedom Fighters join forces with Silver Ghost and the Nazis because I guess the Freedom Fighters don't fight for freedom as much as they'd like people to think they do. You never team up with the Nazis! Ever! Even if the fate of everything relies on holding hands with Hitler and skipping down to the pond to feed some ducks, you don't do it! Although if the only choices to save the world were to either team up with Hitler or to burn an American flag, obviously you team up with Hitler. According to a huge percentage of Americans, there is nothing worse than burning the American flag. How dare somebody disrespect the symbol of all those American soldiers that we just love to ship off overseas to die so we can engage in ill-fated hero worship and not feel guilty about living a life of materialism and narcissism.

Plastic Man and The Silver Ghost and Cyborg Superman's head march off to find Brother Eye so they can destroy him. The rest of the Freedom Fighters remain behind to reenact Starship Troopers. Brother Eye turns out to be a great big factory slash womb in the heart of Futures End New York City.

See?! Never team up with a Nazi! Freedom hating Schweinehunde!

I feel like calling a Nazi a "Schweinehund" would be a major insult since they seemed to be so concerned with racial purity and what's less pure than a pig that is also a dog! That's so American!

While Plastic Man realizes he's on his own against the Future End Cyborgs (and worse, probably! Silver Ghost probably wants to team up with them so that Brother Eye could become "The German Word for 'Brother'" Auge!), The Ray notices some strange attacking ships on the horizon: Cyborg Warwheels! Oh no! How can they compete against Cyborg Warwheels?! If only the Nazis had a Warwheel of their own!

Apparently Earth-Nazi doesn't have a Warwheel of its own because it won the war. The Nazi Warwheel only came to prominence when the post-World War II Nazis were desperate to regain their national prominence. But a Nazi Warwheel wasn't needed anyway because Plastic Man accidentally blows up the Factory Slash Womb Slash Queen Ant Slash Cyborg Leader thing. Then the earthquake hits and the cyborg city blows up for some reason. Probably because it doesn't matter how these stories end so why not just get rid of all that fucking Futures End bullshit in one fell swoop. But Plastic Man lives, of course! As do Black Condor and Dollman and Phantom Lady's superb costume! Uncle Sam never makes an appearance because he was probably shaving and getting a haircut during the battle. He sure was a mess after a year under the dome without an infusion of Patriotism.

Convergence: Plastic Man and the Freedom Fighters #2 Rating: 6.5 Hippies out of 10. I really liked McCrea's artwork! It reminds me that I'm reading a comic book! Sometimes when I'm reading about a guy that can change shape as he battles a Nazi regime that won World War II, I forget that I'm not reading a Time Life book about the history of the world.

Divergence: Harley Quinn
"It's orientation day for Harley's new team of amazing assistants, the Gang of Harleys--and that means it's time to hand out code names! (Readers with severe pun allergies are advised to put this comic book down now, before it's too late.)"

Hey DC! Shouldn't you try to maintain continuity even in these weird Divergence introductions?! Because now you've set up a world where sometimes you have spaces before and after the em dash and sometimes you don't! Which is it going to be?! This is as confusing as Donna Troy's origin!

Remember when the word "piss" was one of those words people were supposed to pretend didn't exist? How did it become embraced by the more prudish masses while cunt and fuck and cocksucker and motherfucker remain outside the fence, gripping the chainlink with their stubby little fingers as tears of loneliness fall down their cheeks as they watch as piss and tits and asshole and even dirty old shit being embraced by conformity?

Harley gives stupid and probably racist names to all the members of her gang. She also explains all the boroughs of New York for those of us who live on the West Coast and don't give a pig-dog's ass about New York City.

The Multiversity: Mastermen #1

He's using Capitalism! He's running a capitalist democracy which gives corporations the ability to control the government, setting the rules to ensure certain corporations succeed while keeping all competition at bay! This is mostly done by screaming about the dangers of governmental regulation which might cost the company money while lobbying the government to enact regulation that cripples competitors. Freedom!

I think that caption is my ranting prelude for this commentary! Let's see what Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters are up to on Earth 10!

Actually, before I open this comic book, let me point out that I'm completely unfamiliar with Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters. I didn't read the mini-series that was released since The New 52 began because DC wasn't sticking "The New 52" label on all of their comics because not all of their comics were New 52 books. Although The Huntress miniseries wound up being prologue to Worlds' Finest, I think. I never read that one either. I think the only Freedom Fighter story I ever read was DC Comics Presents #62 where the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence were stolen. I also read the Black Condor series that began in 1992 and he flew around the Pine Barrens of New Jersey trying not to be a hero. And that's my entire knowledge of these characters!

How can you not like the way this issue begins?

The only problem with this first page is the lack of Narration Boxes. Who is this man? What's his name? What is his job or his motivations? Where is he from? Does he have any ambitions or flaws? As it is, he's just a cypher! But he's reading a Superman comic book so he can't be all bad, right?

While straining on the toilet bowl (because it's funny to put Hitler in a position of discomfort and embarrassment! Ha ha, Hitler! Ha ha! You are having a tough bowel movement! You deserve it, you jerk!), Hitler is informed by one of his men that they've uncovered a weapon from the stars.

Ooh! He already has one weapon from the stars! The Cosmic Grail from Earth #15!

Hitler's soldiers have recovered a rocket from another planet! I hope it's filled with candy! As an American, have you ever experienced walking up and down the candy aisle of another country? Even just going north to Canada, it's like a treasure trove of the most magical treats! But not south to Mexico unless you love your sweets to not be sweet at all and just be made of salt, sometimes with a hint of tamarind. Imagine finding a stash of candy from another planet! I'm so excited right now, I'm going to stick my dick in some Lik-m-aid.

Instead of finding candy inside the ship, they find only disappointment.

I know! A baby? I'd shoot it too!

Hitler raises this space baby to become Overman! Seventeen years later, Germany is marching on the capital of the United States of America. And even though Overman is the epitome of perfection (according to Hitler!), Jim Lee still draws scribbly lines all over his face. He really should be treating Overman's skin with the same care that David Finch treats the skin of every woman he draws.

Sixty years after Germany takes America, Overman begins having a recurring nightmare about Lord Broken of The Gentry and the cover of Crisis on Infinite Earths #7.

Judging by the looks of every member of The Gentry, I have a feeling the Doom Patrol needs to step in and defeat them.

Earth X's version of Jimmy Olsen narrates the story about the fall of Overman and the New Reichsmen. On the day of Overgirl's memorial, The Freedom Fighters begin their revolution. The Human Bomb drops on the ceremony and Uncle Sam says lots of stuff that Americans would pump their fists into the air over and howl like Goddamned monkeys when heard. Surprisingly, Overman reacts...with understanding?

Leatherwing reacts like a typical billionaire whose family made the entirety of their money through systematic oppression and manipulation.

The Gentry probably like Earth 10 the way it is. So Lord Broken must be spying on Overman in his dreams to try to make sure he keeps the status quo of this world and doesn't muck it up with egalitarian ideals. Maybe it's a good idea to think about The Gentry for a short paragraph or two since they've been mostly in the background of the comic books stories presented since The Multiversity #1.

The title of the series is "The Multiversity" which is a combination of two words: multiverse and diversity. What The Gentry seem to be doing is destroying worlds to make way for worlds which they approve of, worlds which tend to be carbon copies of the usual comic book status quo. They're gentrifying the multiverse. This is probably why the first issue dealt with a majority of black super heroes from different worlds. But this isn't just about race; it's about diversity of worlds. The Gentry are much like the editors at DC Comics when they imagined Crisis on Infinite Earths. They wanted a universe scrubbed clean and polished up to look safe and secure and attractive to new customers. But by doing so, they scrubbed out personality and culture and dozens of different takes on super heroes which attracted a much wider range of readers.

Could it be The Multiversity is preparing the way for an expanded and more diverse (in many, many ways) DC Comics coming in June? It's possible. I think the bottom panel in the page I scanned above is telling. DC Comics needs to confront their wrongs even in the face of those that believe they have nothing to be ashamed of and that nothing should change. Granted, this is just Grant Morrison's take on things. And maybe I've got it completely wrong. But the first step to really understanding a piece of literature is to figure out why the author chose the names he chose. Making the title a portmanteau of multiverse and diversity, and then making the big enemies The Gentry, seems a pretty big clue as to what's going on.

Okay, back to the Nazis!

Underwaterman! Ah ha ha ha ha!

The New Reichsman now have to answer to the sins of their fathers (well, most of them. Lots of the sins were Overman's and he'll have to answer to his own). The Germans took over the United States and put millions of people in death camps. They took away the people's language and culture. Even if, sixty years later, the world seems to be at peace under German rule, it must now acknowledge the suffering that brought the world to this place.

Right about when The Human Bomb, one of the good guys and a Freedom Fighter, is called a "suicide bomber" so that the analogy really sets in is about the time my high school friend Soy Rakelson would have stopped reading the comic book. "How dare they criticize America!" he'd scoff. Then he'd basically repeat what Leatherwing said about how he's not responsible for slavery or the destruction of the indigenous American tribes and how those things have nothing to do with his better than average starting position at birth. Soy Rakelson was also the one who raved and raved about Enigma until he realized the main character was gay and then he stopped reading for, um, "other reasons."

Overman is the most sympathetic Nazi since...um...hmm. There must have been at least one, right? Schindler?

Meanwhile on Ellis Island, Uncle Sam meets a couple new members of his Freedom Fighters, Doll Man and Doll Girl. They're Jehovah's Witnesses, though, so they won't fight or have birthday parties. But they will still help people in need. I guess that's something since Ellis Island is a sanctuary from those escaping Germanica. He also meets Phantom Lady, Black Condor (whose probably just called "Condor" now since he's black and that isn't cool, man), and The Ray. These super heroes are all thanks to a mysterious Doctor Sivana! What's he up to?!

On an interview program, Jürgen Olsen asks Overman if he thinks the yearly performance of the Ring Cycle will be Uncle Sam's next target. Overman seems confident that nothing will happen and then invites Jürgen to the performance. According to Jürgen's narration box of "Revenge is sweet" that may have been a mistake.

One of the New Reichsmen is a traitor and has been feeding Uncle Sam information. It's possible it has been Overman trying to pay for what his people had done in the past. That might be why Jürgen Olsen keeps Narration Boxing about destroying Overman. Not because of what he did to help Hitler but because of what he later did to help Uncle Sam.

And what Uncle Sam did with Overman's information was terrible and mad in its own right.

It's tough being an Overman on a violent planet of powerless people.

What can I say? The world is a complicated place! And this issue of Multiversity gets too far into stuff that I'd rather just ignore! Write your own conclusions about it! I don't owe anybody anything! I'm going to go read a properly funny funny book now.